a question about women!

[dsayers]

In terms of inter-gender relations, how much would you say that women operate based on pre-disposition? Imagine a male and a female and the male engages in a particular behavior or says something specific to the female. It's been my experience that if she has already decided that the male is mate-worthy, the behavior/words will be received as "sweet." Whereas if she has already rejected him as not mate-worthy, the EXACT SAME behavior/words will be received as "creepy." What gives?

[Natalia]

That is true to a degree. Laughing at all the jokes of a man we’re interested in is a core part of the courtship process, as is reacting overtly positively to most of what he does. It’s to express interest. There are limits, however, as when rationality overcomes feelings. And a “mate worthy” man can be considered creepy and a “mate-unworthy” man can indeed be sweet.

 

I also believe it works the other way around. Being physically attractive makes everybody act better towards you. In general, attractive people of both sexes get more positive feedback with whatever they do, and I believe that’s especially true for attractive women. That’s not always something positive, since it can deprive them of willingness to improve.

[MrVitaminP]

I'm not sure that I can contribute much to the "what gives" question. But, I would echo that I have certainly observed similar behavior in women.

 

Speaking for myself, I'd say, as a man, that I'm probably pre-disposed in a similar manner. At first sight I am certainly using visual clues to help me indicate whether a woman is mate-worthy. But, it doesn't stop there as that would just be the start. And, as a man, I'm not very keen on describing a woman as either sweet or creepy. But, I am still going into an encounter with a certain bias based on those visual clues.

[shirgall]

Doesn't this relate to the fact that public displays of courtship from high sexual market value contestants raises the perceived sexual market value of the recipient, but similar displays from low[er] sexual market value contestants could lower the perceived value of the female? Gals don't like it when they are obviously out of the league of a suitor, but the suitor tries anyway, therefore the suitor doesn't think she is "out of his league" and therefore she is not as high-valued as she thought.

[Thus_Spake_the_Nightspirit]

Usually these things come across as "creepy" because whatever it is the person is saying is crossing some kind of boundary. I don't think it has anything to do with mate-worthiness as such. I'm not comfortable with men I don't know making comments about my physical appearance, for example, but if my partner or a close male friend or my brother said the same thing, it wouldn't be creepy because they know me well and have earned a certain level of intimacy with me that permits them to speak more freely and I don't have to worry about their motives. And any stranger who makes creepy comments from the get-go will never be "mate worthy" in my book.

[Lee Cruz]

I believe this is a two way street:

 

Let's suppose a woman who is roughly 5'7 and obese with pale bad skin, unkempt hair and that oh so classy light pink wal-mart plus size tank top. Accompanying the slattern are 3 pups, presumably hers, running around the store showing the same degree of neglect in their appearance. You're standing in the check out line and as she digs out her EBT card she gives you a look up and down. Then she smiles and she starts with a little bit of small talk but as you answer politely she rather bluntly hits on you....

 

Compare that to:

 

A woman who is roughly 5'7 with styled hair, a pretty face who is by your own standards well dressed and smells amazing. She has no wedding ring and as she digs into her purse to get her American Express she gives you a look up and down. Then she smiles and she starts with a little bit of talk but as you answer politely she rather bluntly hits on you.... 

[Mister Mister]

I believe this is a two way street:

 

Let's suppose a woman who is roughly 5'7 and obese with pale bad skin, unkempt hair and that oh so classy light pink wal-mart plus size tank top. Accompanying the slattern are 3 pups, presumably hers, running around the store showing the same degree of neglect in their appearance. You're standing in the check out line and as she digs out her EBT card she gives you a look up and down. Then she smiles and she starts with a little bit of small talk but as you answer politely she rather bluntly hits on you....

 

Compare that to:

 

A woman who is roughly 5'7 with styled hair, a pretty face who is by your own standards well dressed and smells amazing. She has no wedding ring and as she digs into her purse to get her American Express she gives you a look up and down. Then she smiles and she starts with a little bit of talk but as you answer politely she rather bluntly hits on you.... 

Obviously we would prefer the latter, but in general, as a man, a come on from a woman you think is beneath your value, is more of a flattery and less of an insult I think.  Such a woman would usually not be called "creepy" but instead would be thought of as desperate or pathetic maybe.

[Matthew Ed Moran]

I don't think creepy is a word used by males as much as females. 

 

I think the word basically means:

 

"undesirable"

 

"ugly"

 

The thing is, ugly/creepy/undesirable women will be defended like heck if a man dare says such a thing. The ugly woman will get empathy, and the man will be called uncaring and insensitive. But switch the genders, and as if you just jumped into the matrix headfirst, calling males creepy is completely unsuspecting and normal, and the man will probably be derided for being creepy, and told to stop being creepy point blank.

 

And maybe he should be derided, just like maybe women who are obnoxiously displeasing should be, but it seems there is another feminist double standard here (number 1.8 million and counting) in what gender is allowed to make what judgments. 

[Natalia]

I don't think creepy is a word used by males as much as females. 

 

I think the word basically means:

 

"undesirable"

 

"ugly"

 

The thing is, ugly/creepy/undesirable women will be defended like heck if a man dare says such a thing. The ugly woman will get empathy, and the man will be called uncaring and insensitive. But switch the genders, and as if you just jumped into the matrix headfirst, calling males creepy is completely unsuspecting and normal, and the man will probably be derided for being creepy, and told to stop being creepy point blank.

 

And maybe he should be derided, just like maybe women who are obnoxiously displeasing should be, but it seems there is another feminist double standard here (number 1.8 million and counting) in what gender is allowed to make what judgments. 

It's not as if women can't be creepy. For example, I myself have rightfully been called creepy and a harasser for keeping sending messages to my ex when he didn't want to talk to me in the past. Both he and a female mutual friend of ours independently used those epithets.

 

I think it's more about the "creepiness" of women being different than the "creepiness" of men. To quote from this very interesting article,

 

While other researcher have argued that women are more “social” than men – more helpful and less aggressive towards others — Dr. Baumeister argued that women can be plenty aggressive in the relationships that matter most to them, which are intimate relationships. Men are more aggressive when it comes to dealing with strangers, because they’re more interested than women are in a wider network of shallow relationships.

 

This Reddit thread also shows many situations in which women have done "creepy" things, most of them with romantic partners.

 

And there's this video, that rendered a meme a few years ago. Wouldn't you consider her creepy?

[Frosty]

I think the difference is that men can be labeled creepy for simply showing interest in a woman who doesn't have any interest or desire for the man, where as the same action by a desirable man would be seen as cute/funny/quirky.

 

However for a woman to be creepy in the eyes of a man she needs to be behaving in a very specific way, such as in a threatening or overbearing way.

 

Maybe the feeling of being creeped out is some evolved response to predators/threats and given mens greater ability to both dominate and defend themselves the threat needs to be more credible to trigger this feeling.