ValueOfBrevity Posted May 4, 2016 Posted May 4, 2016 Have you ever been told "You've always got to be right!" by a significant other, friend, or coworker?I try to look at reason and evidence in all aspects of my life, and I get the feeling that people who are always wrong are simply not valuing truth. I suppose there is a chance I'm just stubborn and blind to it. How can I ensure I'm not being unfair to others? Should I pick my battles? Do I ignore people's constant mistakes? Or am I mistaken in paying heavy attention to detail? Can you provide some advice for communicating without setting off the defensive ego of others?
john cena Posted May 4, 2016 Posted May 4, 2016 Have you ever been told "You've always got to be right!" by a significant other, friend, or coworker? I try to look at reason and evidence in all aspects of my life, and I get the feeling that people who are always wrong are simply not valuing truth. I suppose there is a chance I'm just stubborn and blind to it. How can I ensure I'm not being unfair to others? Should I pick my battles? Do I ignore people's constant mistakes? Or am I mistaken in paying heavy attention to detail? Can you provide some advice for communicating without setting off the defensive ego of others? I have had the same thing told to me countless times. In fact every time by women. Would they rather us be wrong just to make themselves feel better? I have never once felt the need to tell someone they're always right just because they had knowledge that I am missing. Maybe that's why they are wrong a significant portion of the time.
dsayers Posted May 4, 2016 Posted May 4, 2016 Can you provide some advice for communicating without setting off the defensive ego of others? Anybody that suggests that falsehood is superior to truth is saying, "It is true that..." It's a performative contradiction. Why would you want to placate the irrational or be the instrument by which truth is suppressed to allow falsehoods/irrationality to flourish? THEY should be the ones consulting irrationality echo chambers asking how to spout irrationality in a way that won't attract the attention of people who have the courage and integrity to adhere to the truth.
NotDarkYet Posted May 4, 2016 Posted May 4, 2016 Imagine a debate between... 1. The you of 10 years ago 2. The you of now 3. The you of 10 years from now How do they treat each other? Does anybody feel bullied? Do they all need to get the last word?
EclecticIdealist Posted May 4, 2016 Posted May 4, 2016 Have you ever been told "You've always got to be right!" by a significant other, friend, or coworker? yes. How can I ensure I'm not being unfair to others? Empathy is seeing yourself in another person's situation, you may need to use your imagination to see things from their perspective. Once you're able to do that, you'll know if you're being fair. Should I pick my battles? Always. Some battles are not worth fighting, much less winning if it means unnecessarily alienating someone you otherwise love for greater virtues than the aesthetics and personal preferences you may be taking issue with. On the other hand, if the problem is actual vices, such as abuse, chronic deceit, betrayal, etc. these are battles to pick and reasons to reevaluate any relationship. Do I ignore people's constant mistakes? It depends on the nature, severity, and constancy of the mistakes. Are these things which they're attempting to correct? Perhaps they simply need more time or a better strategy, or perhaps even more encouragement to change something that is the result of an ingrained, habitual behavior. Or am I mistaken in paying heavy attention to detail? One is almost always mistaken in paying heavy attention to detail, especially if it is heavy attention to detail about another's perceived faults or shortcomings that are merely personal preferences on your part or essentially inconsequential aesthetics (as opposed to those aesthetics that are of greater importance to you). What is your attitude about this other person's failings? Do you view these as character deficiencies or do you view them as bad habits or behaviors they may need time and assistance in correcting, or perhaps merely inconsequential personality traits that can reasonably be overlooked which you're choosing not to. Remember that one aesthetic common to harmonious relationships is to overlook the inconsequential and only work on correcting that which is truly consequential. Can you provide some advice for communicating without setting off the defensive ego of others? Yes. Look-up "Reflective Listening" and practice a few exercises on trivial matters of opinion. Once you both fully understand the methodology involved,use it any time you have a discussion or argument that is likely to become heated. One last thing to remember. The best relationships involve cooperation, not compromise. If you find you must compromise on your ideals, values, or long-term goals, you are NOT with the right partner. The right partner will cooperate with you to mutual benefit (Win-Win), the wrong partner will either compromise on their side and become resentful, or require you to compromise, leading you to become resentful. Never compromise on anything that is truly important, but don't get hung up on inconsequential stuff either. It's all about learning to tell the difference and having the courage to maintain your integrity while requiring they do the same on what is important. 2
kathryn Posted May 7, 2016 Posted May 7, 2016 "You always have to be right!" is textbook projection. They are stating a conclusion that you are doing something wrong, when in fact they were wrong about something. I think the best communication method for situations like this is RTR. How does this statement make you feel? If someone close to me said that, I would feel hurt and confused. If after stating my feelings, the person doubles down I would probably feel angry, tell them so, and the conversation would probably end quickly. On the other hand, if after stating my hurt, the person softens and becomes curious, there is potential for real connection. Why are they lashing out? What does being right mean to them? How were they treated as a child when they were wrong or made a mistake? It's possible for even the best of us to get triggered, but after awareness of the trigger is established kindness, curiosity, and apologies should follow. If more contempt follows, then it's abusive. 2
Pod Posted May 10, 2016 Posted May 10, 2016 That was really confusing. But yea I've been told that I always have to be right. It's just a trap claiming your motives are dominance rather than truth, and that you don't accept empirical evidence. Just a character assassination. I only see three possibilities: They believe you reject reality, you also believe you reject reality, so they're arguing with a crazy person. They believe you reject reality, you believe you accept reality, so you're proving their point by disagreeing with them (and they're still arguing with a nut). They believe you accept reality, and you also believe you accept reality, so they're trying to put you in a trap (again, if you agree/disagree, you're nuts). I have had the same thing told to me countless times. In fact every time by women. Would they rather us be wrong just to make themselves feel better? I have never once felt the need to tell someone they're always right just because they had knowledge that I am missing. Maybe that's why they are wrong a significant portion of the time. John Cena is that really you? Can you be my dad please?
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