Attachment-based parental alienation

[Bilderberg CEO]

Hi Everyone,

 

If you and your children are victims of parental alienation, I found something that explains the mechanics of this form of abuse that is based on existing psychological frameworks (unlike most of the parental alienation information out there).

 

After you understand the work of Dr. Craig Childress, you'll have a greater understanding of what is happening to your kids, and you'll probably also be more terrified.

 

 

Has anyone else had experience with this?

 

Is anyone else familiar with Dr. Craig Childress?

[Bilderberg CEO]

Here is my experience with parental alienation for anyone who is interested. Sorry if it's disjointed, but I have an energy deficit from the endless battle with my ex.  I could easily write a book about my experience with parental alienation, if I had the energy.  I'll try to hit the highlights here.

BACKGROUND

I'm an American male who has been living in Sweden for over 18 years.  I moved here when I was young, naive, had no self knowledge, long before the standard transformation from right -> libertarian -> anarchist that many of us go through. Unfortunately I made life's biggest choices in my ignorant state: marriage + children in a foreign country.

Just to give you a hint about the level of abuse I endured before divorcing her: She raped me to get our second child.

About seven years ago, we got a divorce.  Our kids--one boy, one girl-- were 6 and 4 at that time. I initiated the divorce. I was devastated and crying when I brought it up. She was overjoyed, and immediately started posting in her blog about it, receiving you-go-girl praise (literally) from all her fake internet friends. She also started video-chat dating before I moved out. She had been unemployed for about 2 years at the time, and she is still unemployed today. She is married to the state big time. While I've been busting my hump, living in tiny apartments, sleeping on the couch, so the kids can have their own rooms, she has been enjoying the largest town house that you can rent in our town, in one of the richest neighborhoods. She gets every kind of welfare you can imagine. She even gets 100% of both of the kids' child subsidies from the state.

We have had joint custody of the kids since day one. They spend every other week with me, when she's not interfering. I get off from work early the weeks they're with me, so I'm home when they come home from school.

Since the divorce, she has had 2 long-term, live-in boyfriends that I know of. I have had the same girlfriend for almost 6 years. We don't live together.

I've been seeing a therapist and a child psychologist (alone, without the kids) regularly for years now, trying to get help and tools to help my kids. The therapist said that if only half of the things I said are true, she is a borderline personality with Munchhausen by proxy. From my own amateur studies, I would add psychopath narcissus.

ALIENATION

In a nutshell, my ex has repeatedly gone through the checklist of everything an alienating parent does.
Here are some of the things she has done:

* Told the kids I would leave them and move to America.
* Told that kids that as soon as they're 11, they can decide where they want to live.
* Swears at me in front of the kids.
* Slaps me in front of the kids.
* Screams outside my door, "Are you going to hit me," in a blatant attempt to label me as a violent person.
* Sneaks over and takes the kids from me.
* Ever year for the last 5 years, I took the kids to America for summer vacation. This last year, she told them I would kidnap them and never come back. And she terrorized my daughter, saying the plane would crash.

* Convinces the kids to skip their time with me.

* Gets the kids to report EVERYTHING that goes on in my home. Once I even caught my daughter making videos of everything in the cupboards to make sure mamma approved of my food choices.
* Never informs me of school activities.
* Everything I do with the kids that is positive, she talks down into something lame and negative.

* She rewrites history about our relationship and convinces the kids her version is true.
* Withholds medical information from me. She even made my son call me up, balling his eyes out, saying that he didn't want me to be at the hospital when he had an unnecessary surgery which was also her fault due to her Munchhausen by proxy.
* She tells the kids to tell me that they don't want to be with me. I can always tell it's her words because they don't use age-appropriate language when they do it.
* She calls me by my first name, and gets them to call her boyfriend dad. She also said that they wanted to change their names, as if kids at that age even think about that.
* She teaches the kids to lie to me.
* She tells them to not have contact with my side of the family.
* She is in constant communication with the kids when they are at my place. Constantly pulling on their heart strings and feeding them garbage, so they can never relax at my place.
* She runs off with the kids without informing me when they are supposed to be at my place.
* I can't plan any activities. Everything has to appear to be a last minute decision because if the kids have a chance to report to her about our plans, they somehow magically get interrupted.
* She talks to the kids like they're her best adult friends- telling them about adult things.

* She's jealous of everything I do with the kids.

The list goes on forever. I keep a diary of everything.

On top of this, she's a pathological liar, and when I catch her lying, she doubles down on her lying, and often, her abuse is wrapped in multiple layers of deceit and hypocrisy. Above, for example, she takes the kids from me, but then she accuses me of kidnapping them. She's also so transparent that I almost always know what scam she is up to, but she lives in a delusion, thinking that she's fooling me, even when I catch her time and time again. For example, I have always paid the kids' insurance, but the bills used to come to her, so I would transfer the money to her. She would tell the kids, her parents and her boyfriend that I refused to pay, labeling me as a bad parent. Then she would get her boyfriend and her parents to give her money for the bill. So for every bill that we had in common, I was paying for it, and she was scamming other people for money too.  I called her out on this in an email discussion with her and her dad, and I simply stated that I will gladly (I actually used the word gladly) continue paying the insurance bills if they come directly to me- no more transferring money to her. She completely ignored what I wrote and accused me of not wanting to pay. Later, when it was time to get the kids mobile phone contracts, she tried to pull the same stunt- she thought she would get the bills to her, and I would send her money, completely forgetting her previous crimes.

Some of the things she does are blatant, like telling the kids I'm stupid. While other things are very subtle. For example, if I buy my daughter new clothes, and my daughter sends her a picture to see if the clothes are nice, the ex will ho and hum for 5 minutes, "oh I don't know....  Do girls really wear clothes like that nowadays....  hmmmm.... gee..."  But if it slips out that my daughter picked out the clothes herself, she suddenly changes her tune slightly to the positive. But not too positive, of course, because I bought them.

She also insinuates that I'm a bad caretaker in underhanded ways. For example, she'll say stuff like, "well, at least you get healthy meals with me every other week."

 

The alienation went into full force late summer 2014. If I "forced" my son to play outside, instead of sitting in front of the computer all day, he would run over to his mom's house and play on the computer over there. She took advantage of the situation and told him he could play whenever he wanted if he lived with her all the time. At Christmas, new years and other occasions, she would convince him to stay with her, canceling our plans together at the last minute. She threatened me with family court many times. In the end, I called her bluff and took her to family court. This went on for about 18 months. Every meeting at family court was the same. I would explain all the insane things she did, often I had proof of fraud, lies, you name it. The supervisors would listen, and then nothing concrete would happen.  I wanted to get a contract or agreement of some sort, but they wouldn't do it.

 

What really resonated with me, when I watched Childress' video, was the mechanism of victimization that she uses on the kids. When I watch the video, it's like he's speaking specifically to me. Over the years, the ex has made my kids victims out of nothing.  For example, she has acted as though the kids were victims of serious child abuse if I:
* "Force" them to go to the grocery store with me.
* Show them how to use a napkin at the table.
* Hand them the phone if grandma wants to talk to them.
As Childress states, this creates an environment where the child becomes a victim (where there is no actual abuse), and I become the abuser. And the child sees that it makes mom happy when she plays the roll of the victim, and it reinforces this behavior. This is where I'm at now with my daughter.  I can see that her mom has broken our bond. She no longer sees me as a father.  I'm just some dude. Also, like Childress says, she displays arrogance towards me, rather than the typical symptoms of a child who has been abused.

THE GOOD NEWS

I do have some good news.  My son just recently snapped out of the mind control. It really feels like I have him back.  In fact, just the other night, when the ex was interfering, destroying our time together, and tearing my little girl apart, my son hugged me and said he was sorry that he used to do what my daughter was doing now.  He doesn't understand that she is actually the victim, but I understood what he meant, and I never thought I would hear those words. So there is hope.
 

[Bilderberg CEO]

When I reread my post, I realized how tiring it is to describe this situation because almost every point is wrapped in multiple layers of deceit and hypocrisy, as I already mentioned. I can take any of the alienation points above, and break it down deeper and deeper. For example, when the ex insinuated that I don't make healthy meals "well, at least you get healthy meals with me every other week." The sick irony here is that she often only feeds them open sandwiches with a slice of bologna for dinner. I know this because I was talking to the parents of my son's classmate, and they told me my son was there one day, and he was shocked that they had "real" food dinner because he only gets sandwiches at his mom's. And here you can see it goes even deeper. Why was he shocked, when he gets real dinner at my place every other week? On top of this, the ex has terrified the kids of sugar, so my daughter is already on the way to an eating disorder. I've seen that she feels guilt and conflict for eating a cookie. The latest gimmick is that the kids aren't going to drink milk anymore; they should have oat drink instead.  Why?  Who knows? The kids won't tell me because they've been taught that I'm an idiot not to be trusted with matters of health and nutrition. And here we go with another layer of hypocrisy- the ex has been "sick" on disability for 10 years, whereas I'm as healthy as a horse.  I could continue deeper and deeper on just this one issue, but I think you get the point.

[Bilderberg CEO]

Yes, it truly is exhausting. I used to always have projects that I would work on late in to the night.  Now I go to bed at the same time as the kids.

[Matthew Ed Moran]

I am so sorry for both of you and about this entire subject. This has really touched a deep nerve with me. I don't want to even get started on how the state puts the worse parent, the abomination, in a position of power if she is a woman, and leaves anyone who wants to remedy the situation for the child helpless. It makes my blood absolutely boil for the state to dangle your children in front of you. It is the greatest magnitude of horrible that I can ever imagine.