pasijm Posted May 11, 2016 Share Posted May 11, 2016 Hi everyone. I'm looking for ideas to help my son overcome his major "writer's block" issues. This is a problem that we have been dealing with for a couple of years now and I'm totally at loss, as is the public school he's attending to. But now it occurred to me that people on this forum might have good ideas... So, a little background. He's 9 years old, soon to be ten, and he's quite a good student at school. He writes well, he's very good in math, he's very good for his age in a second language (English) and used to know a third language (Mandarin) when he was younger. And as objectively as I can as a father, I would estimate that his IQ is well above the average. Like I said, he writes well, and reads too. He's always in a bit of a hurry though, so he doesn't pay attention to minute details such as pausing at a period when reading aloud. But whenever he needs to think of something to write about, he grinds to a complete standstill. Usually this is homework from school, such as writing a short story or a poem, like today. He asks for help, and we try to help, we even offer him ideas but we refuse to dictate what to write, and he gets angry, sometimes even starts crying. He can be locked in this state of trying, but not really trying, just waiting for the story to complete itself, asking for help but refusing to accept any, for hours even. And then suddenly, he goes to his room, writes the story down in five minutes and is done with it, and the result is usually quite good actually. As for myself, I find it very hard to relate to his problem, as writing has always been a passion and a joy to me. I find it very easy to sit down and conjure up words and stories out of thin air on the keyboard. When I was his age, I both read and wrote a lot already, maybe even too much at the expense of more social pastimes. And my wife is pretty much the same, so she's out of ideas too. Has anyone here experience with anything like this? Any help and ideas are greatly appreciated. As an aside, I really don't like having to ask him to complete this kind of homework that he clearly doesn't enjoy, but in this socialist paradise it's mandatory by law. On the other hand, I feel that writing and thinking of what to write about belong to the most important skills that you hope your child would possess. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neeeel Posted May 11, 2016 Share Posted May 11, 2016 I have to wonder how much your passion and joy and ease for reading and writing, has made him extremely anxious about his own writing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pasijm Posted May 11, 2016 Author Share Posted May 11, 2016 I have to wonder how much your passion and joy and ease for reading and writing, has made him extremely anxious about his own writing. I have considered that issue too, but I think I have been able to avoid being both a show-off and too pushy in this regard. I have been trying to let him choose his own path and avoid pushing any expectations or "be just like dad" mentality to him. That shouldn't be the problem, but if it were, how could I help him ease off that anxiety? I actually think the issue is anxiety of some kind. He doesn't like talking about it though, so I don't know what kind it is. Your wondering could even be on the right track, in spite of my efforts to the contrary. If so, what to do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neeeel Posted May 11, 2016 Share Posted May 11, 2016 Its hard to say. It sounds like you have all fallen into a pattern, so doing something different to break out of the pattern would seem like a good idea? Does he have to do his homework? What are the repercussions ( for him, and for you) if he doesnt? It seems like its a really big thing for him, that he has to write something really good? Or perhaps he just doesnt want to do it? Does he actually like creative writing? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dsayers Posted May 11, 2016 Share Posted May 11, 2016 I have been trying to let him choose his own path On what do you base this? Did he choose to go to government school? Aren't you asking with this thread how to get him to do other than what he wants? At 9/10, his personality is pretty much formed. You're probably mostly dealing with momentum of the past, so it will be hard to alter it. Assuming altering it is even a good idea. How much has he been free to communicate with his parents? What kinds of things does he communicate about? What kinds of things is he passionate about? Why wouldn't he write about that? That's a serious question. If you suspect he's anxious, why? Your expectations? The school's expectations? His peers' expectations? Perhaps the fact that he's being made to do something that doesn't interest him? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pasijm Posted May 11, 2016 Author Share Posted May 11, 2016 Its hard to say. It sounds like you have all fallen into a pattern, so doing something different to break out of the pattern would seem like a good idea? Does he have to do his homework? What are the repercussions ( for him, and for you) if he doesnt? It seems like its a really big thing for him, that he has to write something really good? Or perhaps he just doesnt want to do it? Does he actually like creative writing? He dislikes his other homework too, but none of the other are as much of a pain as creative writing is. Ultimate repercussions for failing to enforce homework would be a "customer" relationship with child welfare services of the state and potentially losing the custody of the child(ren). I don't know how easily it would come to that just because of homework, but it's a possibility and the child welfare services are known to be unpredictable and arbitrary in their decisions, and unaccountable at that as well. However, I don't think the problem is with creative writing by itself. If the topics were more interesting and less childish, it probably wouldn't be such a problem. For example, he likes games and parkour, so writing about those shouldn't be a pain as the stories about silly rabbits and such assigned by the teacher. Maybe I should just ask the teacher to allow kids to write about topics that are interesting to them? On what do you base this? Did he choose to go to government school? Aren't you asking with this thread how to get him to do other than what he wants? At 9/10, his personality is pretty much formed. You're probably mostly dealing with momentum of the past, so it will be hard to alter it. Assuming altering it is even a good idea. How much has he been free to communicate with his parents? What kinds of things does he communicate about? What kinds of things is he passionate about? Why wouldn't he write about that? That's a serious question. If you suspect he's anxious, why? Your expectations? The school's expectations? His peers' expectations? Perhaps the fact that he's being made to do something that doesn't interest him? No, he didn't choose to go there and I didn't choose to send him there. Alas, there's no such choice here in Finland. If there were, probably both he and I would choose differently. But what I meant by that statement was that he can choose and follow his own interests and is not forced to live up to our expectations. This is in contrast to many Finnish parents who make their kids play ice hockey in hopes that they will become the next Teemu Selänne or something, regardless of the kids' own interests. And like I wrote in the post above, you are likely very near to the point with that last question. The topics assigned by the teacher are silly and naive. I'm not surprised that they don't interest him. And maybe the whole creative writing thing doesn't interest him either... Homework in general certainly doesn't, and in that he's following my footsteps closely, as I skipped most of my homework when I was in school. In our discussions about homework I have tried to use my own experience of not doing homework as an example to avoid, because not doing homework for nine years in elementary and middle school bit me back in high school, when not doing homework wasn't enough any more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EclecticIdealist Posted May 11, 2016 Share Posted May 11, 2016 Like I said, he writes well, and reads too ... whenever he needs to think of something to write about, he grinds to a complete standstill. Usually this is homework from school, such as writing a short story or a poem, like today. He asks for help, and we try to help, we even offer him ideas but we refuse to dictate what to write, and he gets angry, sometimes even starts crying. He can be locked in this state of trying, but not really trying, just waiting for the story to complete itself, asking for help but refusing to accept any, for hours even. And then suddenly, he goes to his room, writes the story down in five minutes and is done with it, and the result is usually quite good actually. Has anyone here experience with anything like this? Any help and ideas are greatly appreciated. Tell him that he doesn't need to write a good story. Ask him to write a story that isn't any good that he's not going to turn in. It's a matter of inertia. Once the writing starts, it will keep going. If he gets stuck, tell him to write about what didn't or won't happen next instead of what will. Tell him to be as ridiculous or off topic as he wants, but he needs to at least write it down. Once he gets writing, he should be able to get back on track with the actual story after a bit. Also, don't forget to have him walk away from the problem if he gets stuck instead of sticking in there and trying to force it. Never allow him to stay in a stuck, "seized up" state for more than a minute. The creative mind sometimes needs a little pressure to make it work, but not so much that the engine seizes up. If he gets stuck and doesn't have a solution after the short break, have him write about what doesn't happen, won't happen, couldn't happen. Tell him that you don't need to read anything he writes unless he wants you to; especially not anything he's not going to turn in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
autowagon Posted May 12, 2016 Share Posted May 12, 2016 Comic books. If you can explain to him that comics aren't just words and they aren't just pictures, that even without the words you should be able to read the pictures. It's basically just talking out what's going on in the pictures. And in a good comic the words written will not read the same as the pictures read because it's redundant. What we can see. As this happens then that happens. He runs to someone's aid. He punches the bad guy, etc. Perhaps that might help him discover there is a story behind it all. Comics might be more imaginative and creative than purely explaining things in words such as an essay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matthew Ed Moran Posted May 12, 2016 Share Posted May 12, 2016 I think it's quite simple, really. He's being forced to do something he doesn't want to do, and that's why he doesn't enjoy it. The fact that you only think his frustration with writing is a problem, when he also doesn't enjoy all his other homework, speaks to how you're seeing this from your interests as a parent rather than what he genuinely wants. You made a choice to live in Finland. He is frustrated and doesn't want your help because he feels humiliated asking you to help him do something that he doesn't have to do. He knows he doesn't have to do it, and you know he doesn't have to do it. If it's a charade you're putting him through, he's going to get frustrated about it. He can write a good story in 5 minutes. Clearly then, this has nothing to do with a lack of ability. Maybe you should write the story if the topics are bad. I don't know if that's a good idea, but it would at least be consistent. If you're not being as honest as you could about what he "has" to do and why he "has" to do it, I think that's an area where you could improve, and possibly apologize and provide restitution for the decision you made to live in a country where your child would be put through this. If you can be more honest about this (if there is room for you to improve with that), then he can understand that when he fails to meet the expectations of the state (because you chose to live in a country where he would be forced to), that it is not his fault. Then, you can be more practical figuring out how to help him as if you were trying to lessen his annoyance as much as possible. Passing it off as if he is getting a benefit from this, or as if he is failing to meet a just standard, is only going to cause resentment, because it's not true. You chose to go to work, and you have a choice where you go. He doesn't chose to go to school. That is not a fair standard and it would be hypocritical for you to tell him he should meet this standard, when you don't yourself. At very best, it's a necessary hardship for him because of choices you made in the past that can't easily be corrected now. I could be wrong, but I think if you can help him understand that it is not his fault when he doesn't want to do this, then he will have an easier time getting the 5 minute story done without the added pressure of thinking it is more significant than it really is, or that his parents will think less of him for it. I could also be completely wrong and it could be something else. Thank you for the consideration you are giving to your children. I admire and appreciate that, because many parents do not meet even that basic standard, and would not give half a thought when their child is not enjoying something as relatively menial as homework. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brucethecollie Posted May 14, 2016 Share Posted May 14, 2016 Does he like to write? Anything I don't enjoy and feel I have to do versus want to do gets mind blocked and I have to struggle much more with focus. Children are often hyper aware of the lack of control in their lives. Not necessarily in a negative way but if they have to be somewhere and do something at a certain time and it's not their choosing then it's just glaringly obvious to them. It's why many kids daydream about what they will do when they are older. High IQ kids have even more frustration in this area, I think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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