ShaneInTX Posted May 18, 2016 Share Posted May 18, 2016 Hey Guys, I'm having issues with overcoming a feeling of helplessness in my current situation. I have been in my career as a teacher and coach for 10 years, and recently got placed on paid leave and was then forced to resign because of false allegations. My reputation has taken a significant hit, and the future of my earning capability is at risk because of this ordeal. My relationship with my wife of a year has been challenged by it as well. I have been searching for signs within myself as to whether there are any characteristics or tendencies I have that left me in danger of this happening again. Any ideas you have would greatly be appreciated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brucethecollie Posted May 19, 2016 Share Posted May 19, 2016 I'm so sorry about your situation. It sounds rough. What were the allegations and what characteristics or tendencies are you possibly concerned about? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
labmath2 Posted May 19, 2016 Share Posted May 19, 2016 Hey Guys, I'm having issues with overcoming a feeling of helplessness in my current situation. I have been in my career as a teacher and coach for 10 years, and recently got placed on paid leave and was then forced to resign because of false allegations. My reputation has taken a significant hit, and the future of my earning capability is at risk because of this ordeal. My relationship with my wife of a year has been challenged by it as well. I have been searching for signs within myself as to whether there are any characteristics or tendencies I have that left me in danger of this happening again. Any ideas you have would greatly be appreciated. I really sympathize with your conundrum. Have you been to therapy or done any self work? In the absence of self knowledge any rocky path will make us doubt ourselves. Reflecting on an event for insight is also very difficult without self knowledge (you can end up assigning things to yourself which are not your fault and assigning things to others which are your fault). If you need quick insight, you can call into the show. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShaneInTX Posted May 19, 2016 Author Share Posted May 19, 2016 No therapy yet. I'm considering it seriously, though. I know my propensity to monopolize guilt, due to my past as a child growing up with an abusive single parent alcoholic. From that respect, it's always all my fault in default. It's only after coming across philosophy and FDR that I finally came to the conclusion I must place responsibility where it belongs and shake free the chains of past trauma. Thank you so much for the reply, that's very astute. I'm so sorry about your situation. It sounds rough. What were the allegations and what characteristics or tendencies are you possibly concerned about? Misconduct with students; sexual touching of minor outside clothing. Carried a 2 to 20 year prison sentence, and lifetime sex registration. The local PD investigated, and no charges could be filed. I coach a sport that requires me to be in close proximity to athletes. Weightlifting. We use equipment that is restrictive, uncomfortable, and frankly pretty serious. Anyway, case was closed with no action by police. Now I'm dealing with the State education agency to get around to investigating. I've been on suspension basically this entire semester. As far as tendencies are concerned, I'm just looking at it from a self knowledge perspective to try and find out if I missed signs / signals this was coming, or brought it somehow upon myself. It's kind of like when Stef talks about parents being responsible for the bullying of their children, because A: the kids didn't realize these people were aggressive, B: the parents didn't move when they knew it was going on, or C: the parents didn't see the signals that the kid wasn't quite right. I just wonder if I could have avoided it, and there is something subconscious that led me down this path. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dsayers Posted May 19, 2016 Share Posted May 19, 2016 Hey Guys, I'm having issues with overcoming a feeling of helplessness in my current situation. I have been in my career as a teacher and coach for 10 years, and recently got placed on paid leave and was then forced to resign because of false allegations. My reputation has taken a significant hit, and the future of my earning capability is at risk because of this ordeal. My relationship with my wife of a year has been challenged by it as well. I have been searching for signs within myself as to whether there are any characteristics or tendencies I have that left me in danger of this happening again. Any ideas you have would greatly be appreciated. What were the allegations? What were the circumstances that allowed for the allegations to be credible? What is your level of self-knowledge and your wife's level? There's just not enough information here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dsayers Posted May 20, 2016 Share Posted May 20, 2016 My first post was entered in before your second one, but didn't go live until after it. So please excuse the way in which it is redundant. I know my propensity to monopolize guilt... I finally came to the conclusion I must place responsibility where it belongs Let me help you. I don't know what you mean by "monopolize guilt," but if it has no evolutionary benefit, you can bet on it not being innate. But the phrase "my propensity" makes it sound innate. What is probably more accurate is that such a position was inflicted upon you and/or you were forced to adopt it to survive adverse conditions of a traumatic childhood. If you're looking to place blame where it belongs, paying close attention to the way you word things will help this. I've read the accusation now. Were you ever alone with your accuser? If so, I would say that's something that could be done differently in the future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
utopian Posted May 20, 2016 Share Posted May 20, 2016 You should have been meticulously documenting this event from the beginning. A well kept journal of actual factual events, any possible evidence collected, your position rehearsed and the opposing party's story considered for inconsistencies would give you a platform from which to confidently speak of your integrity. You cannot be too careful with women these days, and if you do not play the lawyer game, women will absolutely pull one over on you. It's an unfortunate position for men these days but you have to play it, and it is quite possible to win. I worked with a young outspoken undisciplined black woman who tried to pull such kind of shit on me. I journaled every day something happened, including dates and times of her misconduct. In the end, my evidence was irrefutable as the dates and times of her lies were incongruent with what we had on camera, and she was abandoned, ostracized, and fired. People are most certainly afraid of women and their manipulation of the social environment, but they are even more afraid of the law, and the trouble it will bring if not handled properly. A lost power of men these days. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShaneInTX Posted May 20, 2016 Author Share Posted May 20, 2016 My first post was entered in before your second one, but didn't go live until after it. So please excuse the way in which it is redundant. Let me help you. I don't know what you mean by "monopolize guilt," but if it has no evolutionary benefit, you can bet on it not being innate. But the phrase "my propensity" makes it sound innate. What is probably more accurate is that such a position was inflicted upon you and/or you were forced to adopt it to survive adverse conditions of a traumatic childhood. If you're looking to place blame where it belongs, paying close attention to the way you word things will help this. I've read the accusation now. Were you ever alone with your accuser? If so, I would say that's something that could be done differently in the future. As far as using the phrase my tendency to monopolize guilt, being an only child of an alcoholic abuser father in a single parent home is the tendency I was referring to. You're absolutely right when it comes to my phrasing. It's key to understanding the root of the problem, to keep it from happening again. Maybe it wasn't my fault whatsoever. Maybe a few girls got it in their heads to stir up trouble, and knew the buttons to push and the system would take their side. I appreciate the insight there. No. Never alone with her. Keeping in mind that not once have the identities ever been verified, nor dates, times, or places. They're minors, so unless my case goes to trial somewhere, they will never be revealed. I've got a pretty good idea who it was, though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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