Comparable Care (Daycare)

[Spumoni]

Hey everyone.


I made the argument that comparable care (daycare) is like marrying your spouse and then hiring out someone to take them to dinner, etc. But then my spouse came back with the analogy doesnt hold up because daycare is for Children who cannot support themselves and therefore need someone to
care for them whereas a parent or spouse does not need that care 24/7 i.e. goes to work and has a Life capable of doing things without the spouse present. I wasnt sure how to counter this argument since my spouse and I are looking to have kids soon within 1-2 years. Its clear that you
wouldnt hire someone out to be your spouse but you wouldnt hire someone out to be a parent for your Child either. The situation gets harder when you need that person to understand why they need daycare. I listened to a podcast recently discussing comparable care as normalized within
society whereas years ago it wasnt as commonplace since mothers could raise their Children while the father worked. Im digging hard into this and want to know what is best to do for our future Children since we live in Sweden and daycare is relatively cheap. I also work at a daycare and
see how sad the Children are without their parents around. I wonder how much Money would save or what damage it would do to leave these Children in a state of maternal abandonment. I remember growing up in daycare as well and it was particularly brutal and different compared to living with my mom while my dad worked Before their divorce. My younger brother however was barely a year old when my parents divorced and I still remember him Crying and Crying in daycare... I also remember how happy and big his Eyes were when we were living at home and helping raise him. Maybe Ill drop the analogy since it doesnt meet with the same logic according to my spouse and I will focus on the facts and data since that alone is
strong enough to compell others to do whats best for their Children. I love the show and this Community and figured I would come here to lay out my thoughts and drag em out from the shadows of my mind. My therapist gave me this tool to show once we drag things out into the light they dont seem so dark or scary anymore.


Warm regards,

Justin

[neeeel]

You arent making the analogy that child care and marriage are the same, you are making the analogy that taking on a task ( Eg child care, marriage) where someone expects you to meet some or all of their needs, and then dumping off some of that meeting of needs to a random stranger, would not be acceptable to an adult, so why would it be acceptable to a child. So if you are someones spouse, but never do anything spousal, instead paying someone else to do it, then can you claim that you are really their spouse? 

[Matthew Ed Moran]

Dude, the fact that a child is dependent makes it even WORSE to put them in the care of a stranger. At least an adult can defend his or herself!! I do not see how it can possibly be an argument for "stranger care" to say "oh, but children are helpless", please tell me if I'm missing something, but that seems only to further your point and signify that it is especially worse for children to be in the care of someone other than their parents or trusted friends and family.

 

Maybe you've seen it, but this is a good one!

 

[cab21]

a life with the children, more than any material, if you can do it.

 

but i would really look at the effects of children away from their mother.

[dsayers]

I made the argument that comparable care (daycare) is like marrying your spouse and then hiring out someone to take them to dinner, etc. But then my spouse came back with the analogy doesnt hold up because daycare is for Children who cannot support themselves and therefore need someone to care for them whereas a parent or spouse does not need that care 24/7

The analogy stands because it's point wasn't the dependency, but rather the commitment. If you commit to your relationship, it violates the commitment to farm out the relationship's duties/payoffs. Having a child means making a commitment to them.

 

I appreciate your sensitivity in this matter. However, I think you're approaching the topic from an inferior angle. I think the first question prior to consideration is: What would the child choose if they could?

[Spumoni]

Thank you all for your deep and thoughtful answers.  Its given me quite a bit to rummage through.  I identified the inferiority of my position and I agree completely with NOT choosing comparable care.  I will let you know how the conversation goes but Im certain weve discussed and we would both prefer and our future children would prefer care with the mother and as long as we could provide that care.  Weve been saving and I look forward to sharing how the journey goes for us too =).