Why We're Wrong About Happiness

[MysterionMuffles]

[Pod]

I remember when I was lost in abstraction land like this guy.  All this "give back to your community" and "explore the world and make friends" stuff is just shallow.  It puts your salvation in the hands of others which is sooooooo dangerous.  At least he sorta hit on the "me +" thing.  You should send him some of Stefan's stuff. 

[dsayers]

Thanks for the share. I wish I had seen something like this earlier in life. The last seven months of my life, I've been learning a lot about these priorities and the importance of human connection; From fasting, to crack cocaine, to pure starvation, to recovering... it's been very trying. I'm a better person now and with a greater support network for it.

 

I think I would add to the ladder he talks about serving your future self. If I had done that sooner, things wouldn't be so bad. Some people self-sabotage in order to recreate the trauma of their past. It's okay to be happy though if you've earned it. It's not okay to let your inner-abusers win.

[madman]

Connection is where it's at. It's the good stuff. It's the only place I find vitality. It's where the fun is. And it's my biggest challenge.

 

He did talk about me plus and that's good cuz it's a terrific waste of time. I've wasted too much of my life playin that game cuz I was not ok with me.

 

The downside of surviving trauma is isolation. My go to when I hurt is to try to fix it myself. Even when I have no idea what it is. As a child I learned don't talk, don't trust, don't feel. As a result I'll act out (to dissociate), and isolate (I'd rather set myself on fire than ask for help or admit that I need help with anything). Then I get depressed cuz I have nobody to connect with.

 

We are social animals. I can't even have fun by myself. I can do things myself that I'm proud of but it hardly counts until I share that with someone.

 

When I'm ok with myself and doing something I enjoy I have vitality to share with others. It's contagious. That's the connection I crave.   

[Black Anarchist]

I think buying a new car for happiness is not that effective. 

[NinaS03]

I think the last one is the worst... If you had a bad childhood should you focus on the good things or whats his point? Its like 'you should be happy and thankful for what you have because the children in Africa have more problems than you!' And of course you should be happy for material things, because you live better than a king couple of decades before, thats really stupid. You suppress your real problems like that. You dont have to explain people without any problems in their childhood or teenage years how to be happy, they are happy, because they dont suppress. And by this 5 steps you cant get real happiness because you blend out potential bad things in your life.

[MysterionMuffles]

I think the last one is the worst... If you had a bad childhood should you focus on the good things or whats his point? Its like 'you should be happy and thankful for what you have because the children in Africa have more problems than you!' And of course you should be happy for material things, because you live better than a king couple of decades before, thats really stupid. You suppress your real problems like that. You dont have to explain people without any problems in their childhood or teenage years how to be happy, they are happy, because they dont suppress. And by this 5 steps you cant get real happiness because you blend out potential bad things in your life.

 

 

I gotta ask you:

 

1. What is the longest you've focused on your childhood, and what else was going on in your life in the present?
2. What are your living arrangements like? Do you live at home, alone, with roommates or romantic mate, and what is the integrity of the structure? Like is the house/apartment in good standing or could use some repairs?
3. Do you know anybody without any problems?

There's no such thing as a life without problems, that kind of life isn't real. I'm not condoning abuse, but I am for challenges that help us grow and evolve.

 

It's a weird paradox that we want to avoid pain and hardship as much as we can, but when they arise, they help shape us.

 

In my experience, I can say that while there are several things you can be angry about in your childhood, you can't let that stop you from achieving happiness in the present.

 

Especially if you've deFOO'd or are working towards repairing your relationship with your FOO or anyone else who has traumatized you in the past.

 

Yes, work on healing, but also take the time to enjoy yourself and be thankful for the good things that ARE in your life.

 

Otherwise, instead of using your anger to instruct you on what your values are, you let your anger use you. You let it consume every facet of your life, robbing you from the happiness you can have in the now.

 

"He who is not contented with what he has, would not be contented with what he would like to have." - Socrates

[MysterionMuffles]

I remember when I was lost in abstraction land like this guy.  All this "give back to your community" and "explore the world and make friends" stuff is just shallow.  It puts your salvation in the hands of others which is sooooooo dangerous.  At least he sorta hit on the "me +" thing.  You should send him some of Stefan's stuff. 

 

It's funny that you say that even though he starts off basically saying you can't achieve lasting happiness if you get stuff and experience things for the sole purpose of gaining the positive opinion of others....

 

Did you actually watch the video in full or just had it in the background? He used exploring the world as an example of how to focus on experiences as their own thing as opposed to a story that you need to capture and brag about on social media. The contribution thing on the other hand is a valid point as well. You simply posting on this board is you giving to the philosophical community by sharing your genuine experience of having watched the video, if not fully, which I suspect, but you can correct if I'm wrong.

Thanks for the share. I wish I had seen something like this earlier in life. The last seven months of my life, I've been learning a lot about these priorities and the importance of human connection; From fasting, to crack cocaine, to pure starvation, to recovering... it's been very trying. I'm a better person now and with a greater support network for it.

 

I think I would add to the ladder he talks about serving your future self. If I had done that sooner, things wouldn't be so bad. Some people self-sabotage in order to recreate the trauma of their past. It's okay to be happy though if you've earned it. It's not okay to let your inner-abusers win.

 

Good addition! Thanks for your input.

 

 

Connection is where it's at. It's the good stuff. It's the only place I find vitality. It's where the fun is. And it's my biggest challenge.

 

He did talk about me plus and that's good cuz it's a terrific waste of time. I've wasted too much of my life playin that game cuz I was not ok with me.

 

The downside of surviving trauma is isolation. My go to when I hurt is to try to fix it myself. Even when I have no idea what it is. As a child I learned don't talk, don't trust, don't feel. As a result I'll act out (to dissociate), and isolate (I'd rather set myself on fire than ask for help or admit that I need help with anything). Then I get depressed cuz I have nobody to connect with.

 

We are social animals. I can't even have fun by myself. I can do things myself that I'm proud of but it hardly counts until I share that with someone.

 

When I'm ok with myself and doing something I enjoy I have vitality to share with others. It's contagious. That's the connection I crave.   

 

Man, really sorry for what you've been through, whatever it is. Even without details I can tell it has affected you greatly. I think you're right about wanting to share what you've accomplished, but it needs to be secondary to satisfyig yourself first.

 

 

I think buying a new car for happiness is not that effective. 

 

No. It is not.