Answering Why I Have Never Been in a Relationship

[aviet]

I am in my late 20s and have only been in one relationship. It lasted about one year, but it was when I was about 4 years old. It was very sweet and romantic, but I'm not really sure if it counts.

This is something I really want to address this year and in some ways I am glad that it has taken so long as when I was younger I think I would have made recurring bad decisions and ended up like some burnt out Robert Downey Jr type. However, I know that the question of past relationships is going to come up quickly and I want some advice on how to deal with this confidently.

I went to private school, where there were only about 35 people in the year and about 10 of these were girls. After the first two years I orchestrated a take down of two bullies who wrecked havoc on the year and was the most popular person in the year for the next two years. In that time I was told the most attractive girl in the year liked me and she said so in my presence. And I had a couple of other similar opportunities, but I never knew what to do. Part of this, I think, is because I had a confused notion of gender roles, as to what is generally expected. My year was generally very reserved and civil, with virtually no relationships, whereas the year above and below were low-fiber and filled with utter debauchery.

Since then I have not put any effort into looking for a relationship. There have been quite a number of opportunities that have come before me since then and in hindsight of listening to FDR, I am probably somewhat lucky I was not able to do anything about it. I rarely go to a club or clubesque bar, but when I have I have generally been approached by what Stefan would refer to as low-rent women, but at the time I would have either put them into the categories of attractive or not attractive and had little concern beyond that. However, I have just never known what to say to them. I have been approach specifically for sex about 10 times, but likewise have not known what to say to this, even if I physically wanted to.

In terms of my physical looks, I am confident. Several years ago I put some photos on a website called Hot or Not and got a top couple of percentile rating from cira 2,000 ratings and my own judgement and experience confers. In the financial category I am > 1% in one country I live in and probably > 0.1% in the other. In the mental and moral categories I think I am above average, I just have a problem with romantic relationships.

My question is: When the question of past relationship come up, what do you think I should say? The honest answer is: I have a problem with becoming romantically entwined, but I have little insight into why that is.

As to why I have a problem with becoming romantic, I can give a few details that may provoke someone to some insight.

1) On the girlfriend I mentioned I had when I was four, when we came back to school for the next year, after not seeing each other for about 6 weeks, she approached me with two female friends. I do not remember what she said, but I ran off and never spoke to her again.

2) I can't remember seeing my parents being intimate in any way.

3) I am embarrassed to talk about relationships in general, but in particular in relation to myself. This has been apparent from a young age. I remember when my uncle visited when I was probably somewhere between the age of 6-10, he asked me and my sister if we had a boyfriend/girlfriend. I was embarrassed by the question and did not answer. I remember thinking that my sister should also feel embarrassed by the question, i.e. its not just a rule for myself.

4) If I had a girlfriend I would be embarrassed to tell my friends about them. Its not that I would be ashamed; I have no idea why.

5) In the period in which I was earning no income I didn't think I was good enough for a relationship because of that. I have high standards, both for myself and others, particularly in terms of behavior. I have been described as Victorian and a gentleman. I didn't think just being good looking was good enough, I had to have income as well. And when I got above average income, that was not good enough. It has only become good enough now I am 4X above average for people in general, probably 5-6X for people my age. So insecurity about physical appearance and income is not the real issue.

6) As mentioned above, I do not know what to say to a woman when I am approached. The last time I was approached for sex, they asked me maybe ten time, held my hand and rubbed themselves against me. I was not able to directly tell them I didn't want to have sex with them, that I didn't not want to hold their hand and I did not want them to rub themselves against me.

7) I am risk-adverse and an ultra-strict fiscal conservative 

8) I was predominantly raised by my mother and grandmother

[AccuTron]

My compliments, aviet, on your full, honest, and clear writing.  You will surely get lots of good insight from others here.  One thing caught my eye, along with a strong suspicion overall.  This:

 

"6) As mentioned above, I do not know what to say to a woman when I am approached. The last time I was approached for sex, they asked me maybe ten time, held my hand and rubbed themselves against me. I was not able to directly tell them I didn't want to have sex with them, that I didn't not want to hold their hand and I did not want them to rub themselves against me."

 

I think she was not rubbing against you, but against your wallet.  

 

Your intuition, which is the sum of all the circuits in your head that aren't tangled with emotions or desires or expectations, tells you quite clearly "Vamoose, Satan!" or words to that effect, re these women.  

 

These low rent women in quality would likely be be very high rent in practice.  You may be making a string of wise decisions, but don't yet know it.  If so, your conscious self might perceive it as personal weakness, but it ain't.

 

As to what to say, "No thank you" would be a good place to start.  Simple, direct, honest.  Be prepared for pouty fits in some cases, but just walk away.  I picture Clint Eastwood in spaghetti westerns:  basically polite, few words, good posture, doesn't lose his cool, can just look away.

[Will Torbald]

In my experience, high IQ people just don't mix well with low IQ. Do you know in what range you are? My guess is above 120 easily. You also sound highly K-selective, feeling alienated around r-selected women and their libertine sexual strategies. Of the factors you mentioned I think being raised mostly by women is the one who would add to most to the environmental factors of your still romance scenario. I think that if you had spent more time around people as intelligent and K as you, you wouldn't have had the dry season you describe.

[dsayers]

I am glad that it has taken so long as when I was younger I think I would have made recurring bad decisions

Unless those decisions include irreversible features such as STDs or pregnancy, such bad decisions can be great educators. Not just in specific lessons, but also in coping with things like rejection, loss, negotiating, etc.

 

Not seeing your parents modeling affection is probably a big part. As you developed, you didn't see such things as necessary to survival. So your post-formative brain tacked it on at some later point as something people engage in.

 

As far as past relationships go, just be honest is my advice. The part where you say you don't know why, I would fix that. Not for the sake of the relationship, but for your own self-knowledge gain. The more self-knowledge you have, the higher your market value in ALL relationships (not just romantic) and the higher quality people you can attract and engage with.

[Jot]

2) I can't remember seeing my parents being intimate in any way.

 

3) I am embarrassed to talk about relationships in general, but in particular in relation to myself. This has been apparent from a young age. I remember when my uncle visited when I was probably somewhere between the age of 6-10, he asked me and my sister if we had a boyfriend/girlfriend. I was embarrassed by the question and did not answer. I remember thinking that my sister should also feel embarrassed by the question, i.e. its not just a rule for myself.

 

4) If I had a girlfriend I would be embarrassed to tell my friends about them. Its not that I would be ashamed; I have no idea why.

 

 

I think 2) is the core issue here. This is exactly my case as well. If you were to tape every second of the relationship dynamic between my parents since I was born till now it would be impossible to tell whether they were a married couple or two old siblings that lived together out of necessity and have been bored of each other for a long time. Seriously, there has been just as much sexual tension between my parents than between me and my sister, and no, nothing out of ordinary ever happened between us two.

 

 

Would you not be even more embarrassed to tell your parents that you have a girlfriend than your friends?

 

I think your parents shame about sexuality and relationships was transferred to you.

 

If as a child you witnessed that your parents are not intimated with each other, this transmitted you a message about sexuality and intimate relationships, so if your parents were ashamed of intimacy then the messaged you got is that intimacy is shameful.

[RichardY]

3) I am embarrassed to talk about relationships in general, but in particular in relation to myself. This has been apparent from a young age. I remember when my uncle visited when I was probably somewhere between the age of 6-10, he asked me and my sister if we had a boyfriend/girlfriend. I was embarrassed by the question and did not answer. I remember thinking that my sister should also feel embarrassed by the question, i.e. its not just a rule for myself.

I can emphasise completely with all you have just said in your post, it seems almost a mirror copy of my own life, I was considering posting something similar. In addition I have sister as well in her twenties, I can get her to give you her Skype Address or visa versa if you like. She's fairly exceptional at Art, had some work displayed in the Mall Gallery in London, though not an Artist by profession.

 

In my own life I feel a great deal of shame that some of my earlier ancestors and relatives either had/have good skilled jobs or social positions in society and I do not. One of them, codified the principles of modern Equity law into English law and a lot of the organisation of English judges, I read about the guy 1st Earl of Hardewicke on wikipedia (there are 2 different article one is a lot more detailed) after hearing Stefan talk about John Locke and his ancestors. A lot of my feelings however, are to try and live a carefree frugal existence if it were easily available, I like websites like Workaway and Woofing, because they permit a method of freer association, but dislike the fact I'm not accumulating an emergency fund by myself or covering travelling expenses.

[Eh Steve]

There is a difference between intellectual speculation and self-knowledge.  All of the things you have listed above are likely contributing factors to the reasons you have avoided a committed or intimate relationship.

 

However.  Intellectual knowledge will not change the pattern for you.  You require direct emotional experience of the reasons for your behavior and choices.  When you have felt and experienced your reasons in an emotional way you will feel a more coherent sense of truth.

 

Insight is emotional.  Insight is completely an emotional process.  Despite the complete accuracy of intellectual speculation on your issues, to produce insight and make changes you will require an emotional experience.  This will allow you to make the behavioral changes you require to change your actions.

 

Therapy and journaling are recommended for this.  However I do want to stress the emotional nature of this process rather than spending time intellectually speculating.  Thinking about this may help.  I suspect you have done a lot of that and are very good at thinking.  However.  Feeling about it is completely necessary.  I suspect you have not done this much.

 

I can list off very very accurate intellectual reasons for my behavior.  However, I have not emotionally processed the causes of these behaviors.  This leads to a sort of hellish masochism, similar to the Cassandra effect.  

 

If your study and intellectualization can lead you to anything.  I strongly recommend it lead you to understanding the impotence of intellectual thought in comparison to emotional exploration and deeply felt non-speculative self knowledge.

[Frederik]

I am a guy in my mid-twenties, and I have never been intimate with a girl or woman. I also have no rememberance of my parents ever showing to me what romanticism meant and looked like, and it seems to me very strongly that this is the main reason for why I have not even considered romantic interaction as an option. I have been only learning about romanticism in a deep and coherent way in the last two years.

 

I have also not yet been able (or willing?) to process that issue emotionally and have been equally unsuccessful getting anywhere with the thoughts surrounding it, very much confirming what Eh Steve has written about intellectual versus emotional processing.

[Jot]

I am a guy in my mid-twenties, and I have never been intimate with a girl or woman. I also have no rememberance of my parents ever showing to me what romanticism meant and looked like, and it seems to me very strongly that this is the main reason for why I have not even considered romantic interaction as an option. I have been only learning about romanticism in a deep and coherent way in the last two years.

 

I have also not yet been able (or willing?) to process that issue emotionally and have been equally unsuccessful getting anywhere with the thoughts surrounding it, very much confirming what Eh Steve has written about intellectual versus emotional processing.

 

Did/ Do you also feel  uncomfortable around women your age? Or is it that you just did not feel an interest for them?

[Wuzzums]

Points 2) and 8) resonate with me very well.and it seems I'm in the same boat as you (late 20s as well). Even though I want to have a family I hold no interest in pursuing any relationships at the moment. I have never had any relationships in the past either. Looking at couples around me, their lives do not appeal to me and trading my free-time with spending it with another person seems like a bad deal. I know there's more to hope for out of life but at the moment I'm wondering if I'm equipped for it. I don't know if I'm even capable of sharing my life with another person and it's not something I mind. I'm perfectly content, if not happy, with my own company.

 

It sometimes feel I'm living in purgatory. It's not at all bad but having something to strive for, to fight for, seems to be the ingredient for a better life.

 

The bit about emotionally processing, how does one know they've done it? How can I tell the difference between emotional insight and intellectual insight and why is there even a difference?

[Frederik]

Did/ Do you also feel  uncomfortable around women your age? Or is it that you just did not feel an interest for them?

 

I did both feel uncomfortable around girls my age and felt desinterested in a rather unconscious manner, like someone not being able to understand a language but not actually being aware that the problem is having missed out on learning the language people are speaking.

 

Though maybe that is not true based on that I was in love with a girl for a short while when I was about 8 years old, and because of difficulties in school I have been surrounded by mostly unattractive,  r-selected women in my school years.

 

Now I do not feel uncomfortable around women my age anymore and I am very much interested in pursuing a romantic relationship if I really like a girl who is also interested in me.

[myclippedwings]

Points 2) and 8) resonate with me very well.and it seems I'm in the same boat as you (late 20s as well). Even though I want to have a family I hold no interest in pursuing any relationships at the moment. I have never had any relationships in the past either. Looking at couples around me, their lives do not appeal to me and trading my free-time with spending it with another person seems like a bad deal. I know there's more to hope for out of life but at the moment I'm wondering if I'm equipped for it. I don't know if I'm even capable of sharing my life with another person and it's not something I mind. I'm perfectly content, if not happy, with my own company.

 

It sometimes feel I'm living in purgatory. It's not at all bad but having something to strive for, to fight for, seems to be the ingredient for a better life.

 

The bit about emotionally processing, how does one know they've done it? How can I tell the difference between emotional insight and intellectual insight and why is there even a difference?

 

Intellectual insight is purely just your thoughts divorced from any feelings you have about your situation, while emotional insight is when you pay attention to your feelings about your situation.

I think you need your intellectual insight to be able to process your emotional insight, so you need both.

I am a guy in my mid-twenties, and I have never been intimate with a girl or woman. I also have no rememberance of my parents ever showing to me what romanticism meant and looked like, and it seems to me very strongly that this is the main reason for why I have not even considered romantic interaction as an option. I have been only learning about romanticism in a deep and coherent way in the last two years.

 

I have also not yet been able (or willing?) to process that issue emotionally and have been equally unsuccessful getting anywhere with the thoughts surrounding it, very much confirming what Eh Steve has written about intellectual versus emotional processing.

 

Were romantic relationships seen as shameful when growing up?

There is a difference between intellectual speculation and self-knowledge.  All of the things you have listed above are likely contributing factors to the reasons you have avoided a committed or intimate relationship.

 

However.  Intellectual knowledge will not change the pattern for you.  You require direct emotional experience of the reasons for your behavior and choices.  When you have felt and experienced your reasons in an emotional way you will feel a more coherent sense of truth.

 

Insight is emotional.  Insight is completely an emotional process.  Despite the complete accuracy of intellectual speculation on your issues, to produce insight and make changes you will require an emotional experience.  This will allow you to make the behavioral changes you require to change your actions.

 

Therapy and journaling are recommended for this.  However I do want to stress the emotional nature of this process rather than spending time intellectually speculating.  Thinking about this may help.  I suspect you have done a lot of that and are very good at thinking.  However.  Feeling about it is completely necessary.  I suspect you have not done this much.

 

I can list off very very accurate intellectual reasons for my behavior.  However, I have not emotionally processed the causes of these behaviors.  This leads to a sort of hellish masochism, similar to the Cassandra effect.  

 

If your study and intellectualization can lead you to anything.  I strongly recommend it lead you to understanding the impotence of intellectual thought in comparison to emotional exploration and deeply felt non-speculative self knowledge.

 

This is very good advise, spot on!

I think 2) is the core issue here. This is exactly my case as well. If you were to tape every second of the relationship dynamic between my parents since I was born till now it would be impossible to tell whether they were a married couple or two old siblings that lived together out of necessity and have been bored of each other for a long time. Seriously, there has been just as much sexual tension between my parents than between me and my sister, and no, nothing out of ordinary ever happened between us two.

 

 

Would you not be even more embarrassed to tell your parents that you have a girlfriend than your friends?

 

I think your parents shame about sexuality and relationships was transferred to you.

 

If as a child you witnessed that your parents are not intimated with each other, this transmitted you a message about sexuality and intimate relationships, so if your parents were ashamed of intimacy then the messaged you got is that intimacy is shameful.

 

That's the thing about shame, my mother always shamed me for pursuing romantic relationships, so me being involved intimately with another girl would trigger feelings of shame and insecurity within me, which is why I also have stayed away from romantic relationships for a long time like Aviet64

[Frederik]

Holy gee, that's it! My mother made me feel ashamed of romanticism! It's not that she just didn't want me to have a partner so that I would leave her behind as her youngest son, because I could have easily hidden a relationship from her.

It's that she has repeatedly communicated to me that male romantic desire is something to be ashamed of! I have multiple memories that I have surely kept exactly because of this truth.

 

Thanks guys, I just had an emotional insight

[dsayers]

Holy gee, that's it! My mother made me feel ashamed of romanticism! It's not that she just didn't want me to have a partner so that I would leave her behind as her youngest son, because I could have easily hidden a relationship from her.

It's that she has repeatedly communicated to me that male romantic desire is something to be ashamed of! I have multiple memories that I have surely kept exactly because of this truth.

 

Thanks guys, I just had an emotional insight

I'm so sorry that this was your experience, but am very glad you've made this connection. I've had a similar experience. Both my parents treated sexuality as shameful and inflicted religion upon me which achieved the same effect. My father has always modeled a lack of romanticism. The first girlfriend I had tried to break my romanticism, which was largely successful most of my life. And now, I work with a bunch of people who have a "flavor of the week" kind of attitude, which leaves me in a position where I cannot share with them on a level of things that matter to me because I'd be speaking a foreign language to them. It's very isolating. Which is ironic because being romantic should lead to the greatest connection available.

[aviet]

Thank you for all the replies. All of the posts have something to offer, though I don't necessarily have something to offer all of them in return...
 

Do you know in what range you are? My guess is above 120 easily. You also sound highly K-selective, feeling alienated around r-selected women and their libertine sexual strategies. Of the factors you mentioned I think being raised mostly by women is the one who would add to most to the environmental factors of your still romance scenario. I think that if you had spent more time around people as intelligent and K as you, you wouldn't have had the dry season you describe.

Stanford-Binet IQ: 142. When I was 17 I did another that was age-adjusted to 137.

Your statement regarding K-selection is interesting. I left school at 16 and have essentially lived all my life in a small town where most of the intelligent and thoughtful people have left. There isn't much intellect about.

 

As far as past relationships go, just be honest is my advice.

I was thinking about this a lot over the past few days and have come to the same conclusion. If they do not like that for some reason then it is obviously not a good match.


 

 

Would you not be even more embarrassed to tell your parents that you have a girlfriend than your friends?

Yes. A good avenue for thought. Though there is not much in it. On the other hand, I would not be so embarrassed or embarrassed at all if it were strangers.

One thing I did not mention in the post as I didn't want to make it too long is that my paternal-great-grandfather was illegitimate, as was my father's mother. My paternal-great-grandfather's mother was also illegitimate and he was apparently abandoned and raised by another family. For some time I have wondered what effects illegitimacy can have on subsequent families.

 

I can get her to give you her Skype Address or visa versa if you like.

 

 

I don't understand. Are you suggesting sister-swapping?
 

In my own life I feel a great deal of shame that some of my earlier ancestors and relatives either had/have good skilled jobs or social positions in society and I do not. One of them, codified the principles of modern Equity law into English law and a lot of the organisation of English judges, I read about the guy 1st Earl of Hardewicke on wikipedia (there are 2 different article one is a lot more detailed) after hearing Stefan talk about John Locke and his ancestors. A lot of my feelings however, are to try and live a carefree frugal existence if it were easily available, I like websites like Workaway and Woofing, because they permit a method of freer association, but dislike the fact I'm not accumulating an emergency fund by myself or covering travelling expenses.

I was in a similar situation not long ago, without the prestigious ancestors. You could start a thread on this.

 

If your study and intellectualization can lead you to anything.  I strongly recommend it lead you to understanding the impotence of intellectual thought in comparison to emotional exploration and deeply felt non-speculative self knowledge.

Thank you for this lead of through. I will pursue this.
 

I don't know if I'm even capable of sharing my life with another person and it's not something I mind. I'm perfectly content, if not happy, with my own company.

Your intentions of having a relationship seem healthy to me and like everyone else on this thread you seem to be intelligent. For those reasons alone I think you should pursue a relationship, because we need more of that and unless you adopt it probably won't continue.

 

[Eh Steve]

I feel like in your life and in your heart, you may not be truly familiar with the feeling of people caring about you.

 

I wish my message to you had conveyed that more clearly.  But I hoped to come from a place of concern and care for you.  I was a bit blinded by hoping to save you from repeating my own mistakes to really feel that and make it clear to you. 

 

I feel like you may not recognize the importance of someone caring about you in your life.  And how missing out on that emotionally may be the answer to many of your questions about romance.

 

Your parents weren't intimate with eachother which implies great deficits of care given towards you, you have felt a lot of embarrassment and stress in your life, and you are risk averse.

 

I believe the aversion to mistakes is a great strength I have shared in my life.  That I have avoided dangerous relationships until I knew intellectually what was wrong.  In the end my intellectual conclusion has been emotional.  

 

You deserve to have someone who cares about you.

 

That you are worth more than someone who should be propositioned for sex.  That you are worth more than your income.  That maybe there are people out there and a woman out there who loves you for you and seeks to truly connect on an emotional level with you.

 

This is what I'd like for you and wish to help you see as a possibility for yourself.

 

The insight you lack is a genuine feeling of care, connection and love from another person

[myclippedwings]

Holy gee, that's it! My mother made me feel ashamed of romanticism! It's not that she just didn't want me to have a partner so that I would leave her behind as her youngest son, because I could have easily hidden a relationship from her.

It's that she has repeatedly communicated to me that male romantic desire is something to be ashamed of! I have multiple memories that I have surely kept exactly because of this truth.

 

Thanks guys, I just had an emotional insight

 

I'm glad you did man, I feel that this is such a common root of a lot of people's problems with intimacy and romantic relationships, just that pure shame that your parents try to instil on you just for your natural needs. It's as if romantic relationships are "forbidden", dirty or scandalous, it's as if your loyalty should only ever be to your parents. And that if you decide to be loyal to someone else, then you're somehow betraying your loyalty to your parents??

I'm so sorry that this was your experience, but am very glad you've made this connection. I've had a similar experience. Both my parents treated sexuality as shameful and inflicted religion upon me which achieved the same effect. My father has always modeled a lack of romanticism. The first girlfriend I had tried to break my romanticism, which was largely successful most of my life. And now, I work with a bunch of people who have a "flavor of the week" kind of attitude, which leaves me in a position where I cannot share with them on a level of things that matter to me because I'd be speaking a foreign language to them. It's very isolating. Which is ironic because being romantic should lead to the greatest connection available.

 

What do you mean by "flavour of the week attitude"?

[dsayers]

What do you mean by "flavour of the week attitude"?

For these people, the pleasure they receive comes from the chase and/or conquest of somebody they hadn't had before and/or the idea that they can have multiple partners, often with little/no commitment. As opposed to the joy of truly connecting with and sharing with somebody. I've done both and nothing compares to the latter. Especially when that connection is born out of virtue. In fact, my only solace in being so isolated in such an environment is the knowledge that I've seen levels of a heaven on Earth they don't even realize exist, which is surprisingly comforting.

[Eh Steve]

Yup.  Thanks for the heads up D.

[dsayers]

Aww that was very sweet.  I hope one day to have a marriage like yours  I'm happy for you

Careful, Eh Steve. The person you were quoting here claimed to use that marriage to assault children. Then here claimed to be manipulating the entire FDR community. At the very least, I would conclude that you cannot believe a word that he says.

[Jot]

If you stabbed me in the heart. I would not hate you. I would thank you. Because one of my rules. is that i will not die by my hand or knowingly put myself in a position of death. unless that said death was to put what i have deemed more important before myself.

 

I have no meaning and can not receive meaning. all things, equal as much meaning as the material they are made out of. picture a rock now.... tell me how attached, are you to that rock. does that rock mean enough to give your life away. My family has as much value as that rock.

 

I can wish as much as i want to. But after 25 years of looking for something that i could never have. For without meaning i can not love. right and wrong is something i picked up through what other people perceive it to be. I've been doing this since i was age 5. I'm no stranger to madness, that is why i have rules. 

 

If you thought i was manipulating you i apologize. If you want to let everyone know about me. I'm fine with that. that is not why I'm here. Being myself for my kids is never going to happen. So what does the best father look like. adults are easy. cemented in their way of thinking with a river of ideals that only find hair line cracks to enter.  

 

Kids are a vast ocean of opportunity and choices to make without a filter. Where am i suppose to be tough. where am i suppose to show love and how much. what are the affects of every action i take, to minimize damage to their full potential.

 

Damn i circumcised him already. i have spanked him. Nothing like learning that father you slapped together was a failure. I thought i planned that father so well. I've already thanked you  (thanks for all the view points and emotion towards these topics) 

 

rule number 2  never lie unless it is to protect oneself and those deemed important. from those that would cause financial harm emotional harm or psychical harm.

 

I have no need to lie since i have seen no harm. if i left out details. that is not a lie. besides who cares about the details. 

 

Why do you sound so insane?

[Danske]

I have a couple of thoughts

a) 

You are in the top 1% of earners and you don't donate? Maybe you have a problem with reciprocity to those who have provided you value? Adult relationships are voluntary no matter how much we try to hide that fact, so it might be worth getting in that habit.

b)

When you were poor, you judged yourself as inferior for a relationship

 

So does it not logically follow that now you are rich, you see yourself as superior?

It would seem this mindset would inevitably lead you to resent any woman's 'inferiority' compared to you. Catch 22 huh?

 

A part of you wants connection, but at the moment you only see superiority/inferiority, Dominance/Submission.

[aviet]

 

I have a couple of thoughts

 

a) 

 

You are in the top 1% of earners and you don't donate? Maybe you have a problem with reciprocity to those who have provided you value? Adult relationships are voluntary no matter how much we try to hide that fact, so it might be worth getting in that habit.

 

 

 

 

I have donated, just not via whatever email is connected to this account.

 

 

 

When you were poor, you judged yourself as inferior for a relationship

 

So does it not logically follow that now you are rich, you see yourself as superior?

It would seem this mindset would inevitably lead you to resent any woman's 'inferiority' compared to you. Catch 22 huh?

 

A part of you wants connection, but at the moment you only see superiority/inferiority, Dominance/Submission.

 

I do not see myself as inferior or superior in a general sense; though we are all either inferior or superior in a given areas. In terms of finances, I don't care whether a woman has any. I am looking for other qualities and a reciprocal nature would be one of them. I am not interested in dominance or submission.

[Jot]

I really do come off as insane don't I? Have you ever tried to explain color to a blind man? Experts can do brain scans and talk all day. but they could never tell a blind man what color is. It's red......

 

If i try to explain why. it would be like explaining color to you. if you where born blind.

 

Tell me.. what do you tell a child that has been having sex. Played rape, torture, and games of war/hero. used his best friend to get money by selling fake raffle tickets. Then tried to eat him at age 5. He told on me running away at that point. I went with my back up plan. play the innocent child card, which worked like a charm. besides no children are born bad or evil. it must of been something someone else did. OMG YOUR INSANE (yeah tell me about it).

 

I remember the law and order kinda setting with the camcorder on me. one female and one male to see which i would feel more safe with. i could have destroyed my parents with one sentence just for fun. sense they could not imagine that someone could be born this way.

 

Have you ever tried to explain madness to someone that has truly never gone there? I came up with my rule to never lie. because i can't tell the difference between what is real and if it is a dream. even when I'm dreaming i follow the rules. Would you lie if you couldn't tell later if what you said was true or not in your own mind.

 

blah blah blah i probably just sound more insane at this point.

 

tho i guess I'm doing something right. married 3 kids stay at home mother. i work a lot so the kids will not know the hands of a day care. I never had a childhood so understanding what normal kids are like. Is a learning experience. I'm the blind man to the color of their souls. sense i was born without color.

 

this is not my topic or thread so private message me or start a new topic. Why people are so insane?

 

Where do you delete your account by the way? if you can't well damn. guess I'll be around.

Confirmed...