NinaS03 Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 Hi I am a 19 year old female from Germany (so sorry for my grammer) and I have trouble with myself quite a long time now. I am not able to feel compfortable around most of the guys, of course it also has something to do with my father. I had problems with my first and only ex boyfriend. He was aggressive against me and forced me to do things that I didnt want. I like women and I feel sexually attracted to them, but I dont know if I like men too. I dont know if I just build a blockade to keep men away from me or if I really dont have any sexual feelings for men. I dont know if I am just not brave enough to express my feelings towards women or if I have feelings for men too but these just got damaged in the past... Do you have any helpful thoughts on this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eh Steve Posted June 17, 2016 Share Posted June 17, 2016 I can not say at all which gender you are attracted to. But I can say that I am sorry for what has happened to you and that you didn't deserve to be hurt by your father or your ex-boyfriend. There are men in this world who will never hurt you or force you do to anything against your will. I hope for you to spend some time assessing your feelings about what has happened to you. Regardless of whom you find attractive, I believe you could use someone to help you feel safe and cared about after being so mistreated. It is possible you find women less threatening than men after what has happened to you. It is also possible you find women attractive in their own rights. I hope for you to find people who don't mistreat you and can express sympathy and care towards you. I recommend a therapist to help you sort through these feelings of hurt others have caused you. When you have examined and felt these feelings and received care from another over your mistreatment you may find your sexuality easier to figure out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dsayers Posted June 17, 2016 Share Posted June 17, 2016 And mother. Don't forget that she chose for that man to be your father. it also has something to do with my father. This is vague though. Are you comfortable sharing what you mean by this? Did he (sexually) abuse you? I'm guessing so if you had attracted and accepted a man who was violent towards you. Which I am so sorry was your experience. Your parents were supposed to protect and nurture you, not groom you for such things. How do you feel about what your father did? Have you processed it? Do you assign responsibility where it belongs or do you instead internalize, normalize, or suppress the trauma? If you're not assigning credit where credit is due, getting angry about it, and processing it all, you might find that you inadvertently blame all men. For what it's worth, I was a self-described mis Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NinaS03 Posted June 17, 2016 Author Share Posted June 17, 2016 Thanks for your answers! He often would throw me on my bed or he was laying in bed and violenty pulling me onto him. One time he said I should take off my clothes and I said no, then he would push me down the bed and take my clothes and also underwear off and I could not defend myself, because he was too strong. And because of all that I slept with him (my first time) even though I didnt want it, but I knew I couldnt defend myself so it was easier for me to just let it happen. He also recorded me while I gave him a blowjob and I said he should stop it but again I couldnt delete this video because I couldnt manage to get the phone. I litterally was his sex slave and I didnt broke up so thats I think the first problem with myself... (I kind of accepted this guys behavior) My father didnt see him because he didnt live with, he moved out when I was 12. My mother saw it more as a game or wasnt really interested in him or in me. And she is used to violence because she got badly abused as a child and also my father was sometimes aggressive or abusive towards her. So she didnt see the red flag when she met my father or my ex boyfriend, because she normalized aggression. I start to process it all now and I see that my mother had a real bad influence on me. She lived her whole life with suppressing her feelings and taught me that. She never really listened to me and had problems with showing emotions. And now I have bad problems with knowing what I feel. And she really hates all men and especially my father, so I may have copied this feelings against men... I still dont have a good relationship with my father, because i feel that he is not interested in me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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