Cognitive Dissonance About being a Godmother and an Atheist

[objectivist101]

My cousin has just had a baby girl whom she has had baptized. She asked me to be her daughter's godmother when I was sixteen years old. I have been an atheist since I was fourteen. I was honored to be offered such an important part in their child's life. The issue is that I do not follow the Catholic Church any longer. I do not believe in a god, hell, or any sort of after life. I told my cousin that I do not really believe in Christianity and she said, "That's okay, we just like to believe in an after life because thinking of nothing happening after death is kind of sad." I shrugged and decided I would just go through with it because I wanted this important position in the child's life and I had warned my cousin about my personal values. Now I am seventeen years old and still even more estranged from the church. I have delved deeper into objectivism and aristotelianism. I would rather my god daughter read Atlas Shrugged than the Bible. I want to teach her ethics based on reality. I now feel cognitive dissonance because I am her god mother. Should I talk to my cousin and tell her I cannot give her daughter a catholic up bringing as she wants? Any ideas on what I should do? 

[Queensalis]

I'm under the impression that your position is more a social and familial deal of a "backup parent" than a matter of faith, as your affirmed atheism didn't impossibly it from the beginning. 

As long as raising the child with your values won't directly contradict their ways, there will be little conflict. 

Respectably confirming no one is under any wrong impressions shouldn't hurt.

The parents shouldn't expect you to tell the child things you don't believe in, so I would go ahead and try to raise her like your own, adding a smudge of polite phrasing with the matters of faith if they come up.

[dsayers]

How old was your cousin when she had the baby? Does the baby's father also want for you to be the backup parent? They seem pretty reckless. Both in terms of exposing their child to fantasy-as-if-it-were-reality and choosing for a 16 year old to be the backup parent. No offense; It's just that the human brain doesn't finish forming until about age 25.

 

To answer your question, I agree with Queensalis that it sounds like she's looking for a backup parent, not a "spiritual guide." Since her child isn't her property, she cannot actually specify HOW you care for her child once she's gone. A (backup) parent's obligation is to nurture and protect the child until such a time as they can survive without their (backup) parents. I would argue that religiosity actually violates this obligation. So your lack of theism only means you'd be honoring that obligation more than the child's biological parents.

 

I think the biggest question would be how willing are you to untangle the mess that somebody else has made? I think it's especially complicated when you consider that it's sort of an open-ended deal. I mean if the child's parents perish when the child is 1, 5, 10, and 15 for example, you're talking about four VERY different commitments.

 

I would wager that you'll likely do right by the child regardless of whether there's any deals or formal titles in place. Maybe express as much to the child's parents and leave it at that?

[Cuffy_Meigs]

As long as you are open about it with all concerned then reading the Bible together and discussing it in an intelligent manner may do some good. I certainly don't mean you have to be complicit in bringing her up as a Catholic, but you may be the only person in the child's life who can discuss moral issues without the usual BS.

[objectivist101]

How old was your cousin when she had the baby? Does the baby's father also want for you to be the backup parent? They seem pretty reckless. Both in terms of exposing their child to fantasy-as-if-it-were-reality and choosing for a 16 year old to be the backup parent. No offense; It's just that the human brain doesn't finish forming until about age 25.

 

To answer your question, I agree with Queensalis that it sounds like she's looking for a backup parent, not a "spiritual guide." Since her child isn't her property, she cannot actually specify HOW you care for her child once she's gone. A (backup) parent's obligation is to nurture and protect the child until such a time as they can survive without their (backup) parents. I would argue that religiosity actually violates this obligation. So your lack of theism only means you'd be honoring that obligation more than the child's biological parents.

 

I think the biggest question would be how willing are you to untangle the mess that somebody else has made? I think it's especially complicated when you consider that it's sort of an open-ended deal. I mean if the child's parents perish when the child is 1, 5, 10, and 15 for example, you're talking about four VERY different commitments.

 

I would wager that you'll likely do right by the child regardless of whether there's any deals or formal titles in place. Maybe express as much to the child's parents and leave it at that?

Thank you for your response. To answer your question my cousin was 27 when she had her child and yes, I do think her husband wanted me to be the god mother.

[EuanM]

I don't think there's any reason to back out now as you have already been forthright about your beliefs or values and your cousin and her husband gave it there blessing (no pun intended). As a result you might now be in a position to do some good.

I shrugged and decided I would just go through with it because I wanted this important position in the child's life and I had warned my cousin about my personal values. Now I am seventeen years old and still even more estranged from the church. I have delved deeper into objectivism and aristotelianism. I would rather my god daughter read Atlas Shrugged than the Bible. I want to teach her ethics based on reality. I now feel cognitive dissonance because I am her god mother. Should I talk to my cousin and tell her I cannot give her daughter a catholic up bringing as she wants? Any ideas on what I should do? 

 

Undoubtedly your little cousin will be encouraged to read the bible in the household you describe, but I see no reason why you cannot also encourage her to read Alas Shrugged.  

 

The situation might seem odd and disorientating, but I don't think you are experiencing cognitive dissonance.

[whirlingmerc]

A god parent is a commitment to raise the child Christian should the parents not be able to.

 

I can see there would be some dissonance

[The Underthinker]

Have you considered discussing these issues in more depth with the parents of the child? What they expect from you? How you view the role of godmother? Have you checked whether you agree on the fundamentals?

Personally I don't agree to important decisions unless we agree on some fundamental important things. 

[Troubador]

I am religious, but one of my closest friends is an athiest, and I have asked him to be a kind of godless-father if you will to my little boy. Religion is not the only parth to morality and ethics. My golden rule is to encourage my son in what he loves, and not necessarily what I love. Although he's only three he will one day be his own man, and as such he's going to have to find his place in the world on his own terms. I would not be so sure that following a religion simply because it is something his father practices is the wisest thing. Placing an emphasis on teaching him how to think is better than teaching him what to think.

 

Going back to my athiest friend who is most certainly ethical and moral, we have had one anothers backs for many years now. Challenged each other, and shared some great and not-so-great times he is my number one pick for being a positive influence on my little boy.