Tyne Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 I have decided to stir up some push-back with my BlackLivesMatter-supporting mother. In response to my sharing Stephan's Truth About Alton Sterling and Philando Castille Shooting, she quoted this: "And, let’s get a couple of things straight. This is a little side note: the burden of the brutalized is not to comfort the bystander — that’s not our job, alright? Stop with all that. If you have a critique for our resistance, then you’d better have an established record of critique of our oppression. If you have no interest in equal rights for Black people, then do not make suggestions to those who do. Sit down." (Jesse Williams - BET Awards Acceptance Speech) How would you break down the flaws in this quote? Just a side note: My mother has black skin; I have white skin. Although I am part black and we share a noble lineage of exceptionally brilliant ancestors who have contributed enormously to Black history, my experiences with BLM couldn't be more different from hers. Primarily, I'm guessing, because I do not look black. I get sneers and hostile remarks from black people on the street; meanwhile, she gets coddling, sympathies for her struggles, and concerns for her safety from white coworkers and friends.
dsayers Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 Who said that the burden of the brutalized is to comfort the bystander? Who is he talking to? This seems like bringing unprocessed trauma from the past to the table. "Stop with all that" and "sit down" are not arguments. They indicate a lack of curiosity, open-mindedness, and (ironically enough) a lack of equality. On top of that, it was delivered as part of a speech, which means it wasn't mean to solicit feedback while providing feedback (inconsistent). If you have a critique for our resistance, then you’d better have an established record of critique of our oppression. If you have no interest in equal rights for Black people 1) This is basically saying that to "critique their resistance" is to have no interest in equal rights for black people. This is bias confirmation. 2) "our resistance" is pretending to speak for a collective. Often the sign of somebody who is insecure with regards to the merit of their own arguments. Not that he's provided any arguments. 3) Why does somebody need to do X before they can do Y? The truth isn't dependent upon demographics or track records. Who is he to decide whose input is valid and who isn't? He's essentially saying that unless you agree with me, you cannot criticize me. A person of integrity would welcome all criticism because it would either help them to revise their position to more accurately describe the real world or it would help to galvanize their understanding of their own correct position. But yeah, with no frame of reference, it's hard to know what he's even talking about. What does the conversation look like when you're not talking to each other by way of proxy? 1
Mrdthree Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 The only flaw is to apply it to Stefan's presentation. (1) Stefan is educated on racism ("If you have a critique for our resistance, then you’d better have an established record of critique of our oppression") and (2) Stefan shares the goal of equal rights for black people (If you have no interest in equal rights for Black people, then do not make suggestions to those who do)
thecurrentyear Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 I would just ask her what she meant by posting that. Is she speaking to you, or to Stefan? Is she even speaking? Posting a quote with no context is highly annoying. They are not the commenter's thoughts, they are the speaker of the quote's thoughts. What does your mother actually believe? She obviously did not argue with the content of Stefan's presentation, so maybe arguing with the content of her "quote" is a waste of time. Did you provide any context when you posted the presentation? If not, then you are about as far away from an actual dialog with your mother as you could possibly be. You are having a conversation with yourself (and maybe your internalized version of her), in your own head. If you hope to make any headway, I suggest you speak directly.
dayna j. Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 This is just pure crap. If your mother accepts this, then she lacks critical thinking skills. She needs to learn how to think first, before any critique can become meaningful.
Will Torbald Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 Blacks don't have equal rights in America, they have affirmative action. If she truly wanted equality she'd opposite it.
Tyne Posted July 19, 2016 Author Posted July 19, 2016 I would just ask her what she meant by posting that. Is she speaking to you, or to Stefan? Is she even speaking? Posting a quote with no context is highly annoying. They are not the commenter's thoughts, they are the speaker of the quote's thoughts. What does your mother actually believe? She obviously did not argue with the content of Stefan's presentation, so maybe arguing with the content of her "quote" is a waste of time. Did you provide any context when you posted the presentation? If not, then you are about as far away from an actual dialog with your mother as you could possibly be. You are having a conversation with yourself (and maybe your internalized version of her), in your own head. If you hope to make any headway, I suggest you speak directly. You are absolutely right. I posted Steph's video as a reply to this NY Times article (http://nyti.ms/29YcF2k) with a comment that points out that this article is missing some relevant facts, which Stephan covers. From there, I get that bullshit quote. I replied back with many of the criticisms that dsayers pointed out. Her only reply was "Wow Tyne." To which I promptly replied not an argument. She asked me why I was so pissed off. I asked her what makes her think that I am? "Tone" I told her she was projecting. Text doesn't have a tone; I simply presented some facts. I then asked her what she was feeling since she brought it up, but I don't expect to get a reply. So, that's how that transpired. Hardly a graceful performance on my part, I know. There are probably a dozen better ways I could conduct myself on Facebook, but I'm not feeling the regret just yet.
Tyne Posted July 19, 2016 Author Posted July 19, 2016 This is just pure crap. If your mother accepts this, then she lacks critical thinking skills. She needs to learn how to think first, before any critique can become meaningful. It is a sad for me to admit it, but this is 100% true. There is no way facts hold a candle to sentimental story-telling and feelings to her. She is a tenured professor of creative writing- apparently distorting reality is what she does best. As long as it sounds good.
EclecticIdealist Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 I have decided to stir up some push-back with my BlackLivesMatter-supporting mother. Why? In response to my sharing Stephan's Truth About Alton Sterling and Philando Castille Shooting, she quoted this: "And, let’s get a couple of things straight. This is a little side note: the burden of the brutalized is not to comfort the bystander — that’s not our job, alright? Stop with all that. If you have a critique for our resistance, then you’d better have an established record of critique of our oppression. If you have no interest in equal rights for Black people, then do not make suggestions to those who do. Sit down." (Jesse Williams - BET Awards Acceptance Speech) Why do you think she cited this? What is it that you disagree with in this quote? Do you believe: a) It IS the burden/responsibility of the brutalized to comfort the bystander? b) Black people have not been/are not now brutalized? c) Jesse Williams is not a victim of “brutality”? d) Recipients of Police brutality deserve what they get because of how they behave? e) It’s unfair for someone to ask people who don’t have a history or track record of speaking out against racism and police brutality against Blacks and other minorities to keep their one-sided criticisms to themselves. How would you break down the flaws in this quote? If you were to take the opposite position, how would you defend or strengthen Jesse Williams’ quote? Just a side note: My mother has black skin; I have white skin. Although I am part black and we share a noble lineage of exceptionally brilliant ancestors who have contributed enormously to Black history, my experiences with BLM couldn't be more different from hers. How might this bias your position? How might you convey this information to her in a way that your mother can understand and relate to? Primarily, I'm guessing, because I do not look black. I get sneers and hostile remarks from black people on the street; meanwhile, she gets coddling, sympathies for her struggles, and concerns for her safety from white coworkers and friends. Might there be more to it than this? Might there be anything in your attitude or behavior towards them that sets them off? It is a sad for me to admit it, but this is 100% true. There is no way facts hold a candle to sentimental story-telling and feelings to her. She is a tenured professor of creative writing- apparently distorting reality is what she does best. As long as it sounds good. Is 100% truly accurate, or is it a distortion? How might genuinely listening to her concerns and acknowledging the validity of her concerns before attempting to change her mind about them change your discussion with her? If sentimental story-telling and feelings matter so much to her, how can you use these to reach her with your own position? Is there any way you can make your own position “sound good” to her? 1
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