Psychological Isolation and Drug Use

[SamuelJWick]

I have been reading through Maté's In The Realm of Hungry Ghosts. I myself have addictive behaviours and come from a family of victims of childhood abuse.

 

Maté wrote in reference to the mindset of an addict, "It’s not a matter here

of common shyness but of a deep psychological sense of isolation

experienced from early childhood by people who felt rejected by

everyone, beginning with their caregivers."

 

I have always felt this isolation throughout my entire life. When I use drugs I feel normal for a while. The isolation begins to make ones mind feel like a prison cell. The drugs become the key to the cell door.

 

I think it begins with my parents not being emotionally open with me or my siblings, circumcising all 3 of us, and the constant fear of vicious leather belt spanking, and not only that but being forced to eat a bar of soap for vulgar language, and more I'm sure but I've intentionally forgotten much of my childhood.

 

I just want to open up and talk to someone about this. Any opinions or thoughts/questions are welcome.

[dsayers]

I think it begins with my parents not being emotionally open with me or my siblings, circumcising all 3 of us, and the constant fear of vicious leather belt spanking, and not only that but being forced to eat a bar of soap for vulgar language, and more I'm sure but I've intentionally forgotten much of my childhood.

I'm very sorry to read this. I had a similar childhood and the destructive Ripples it has caused has effectively robbed me of the first 40 years of my life. It's no small matter.

 

If you haven't checked it out already, Stef's Truth About Addiction does an excellent job of explaining why addiction is so potent:

[Rachelle]

 

I have always felt this isolation throughout my entire life. When I use drugs I feel normal for a while. The isolation begins to make ones mind feel like a prison cell. The drugs become the key to the cell door.

 

 

 

What does normal feel like for you?

 

You said that your mind starts to feel like a prison cell. What does this mean to you? Can you elaborate?

 

Does it mean that you have times where you have something you'd like to share or say something but can't bring yourself to say it? Like you're trapped in your own mind unable to speak to or affect the outside world? If so, it sounds like your mind mind is on a kind of lock down. No one in and no one out, even if you want connection with others there's probably a part of you that doesn't believe this possible and think you'll only be inviting in more tormentors. Of course there's already tormentors in your mind but at least you're familiar with them and have already proven effective defenses against them, and by effective I mean they've kept you from dying. Inviting possible new ones in runs the risk of destruction, especially if you're in a vulnerable state or a weakened state due to internal conflict/self attack.

 

Your safety is very important and feeling safe is very important. I think how connected you are to others depends on how safe you feel with them or in other words how much you trust them. I think it's critical to find people (or a therapist) who value your safety and work to create a safe (empathetic) environment that reduces fear and encourages you to open up and say the things that you've wanted to say but have been forced to keep inside while growing up.

 

Receiving positive feedback from these people or your therapist for opening up and being honest should help in recognizing that rejection is not the only response you will ever receive. They should also be able to help you point out any irrational beliefs you hold and be willing to explore why you hold them and why it's no longer necessary to hold them. Having that support and that space will help you value yourself. When you value yourself you in a way create a non self attacking defense against people who want you to self attack and devalue yourself for their own gain. As a child you would have to remain with those you reject you, as an adult this is no longer the case and you can choose whether or not you want to expose yourself to people who have been proven to reject you for irrational reasons.

 

I'm not an expert, so my thoughts and what I've said are based on my experiences or the experiences of others I've witnessed or talked with, and articles I've read.

 

Thank you for opening up and posting. I appreciate the courage it takes and how difficult it can sometimes be. I'm sorry that you've experienced so much isolation in your life. I'm sure that it's been incredibly painful and hard to face. Take care, I hope you treat yourself well and learn new ways in which you can treat yourself even better.

[SamuelJWick]

I'm very sorry to read this. I had a similar childhood and the destructive Ripples it has caused has effectively robbed me of the first 40 years of my life. It's no small matter.

 

If you haven't checked it out already, Stef's Truth About Addiction does an excellent job of explaining why addiction is so potent:

https://youtu.be/Qp4pEP3X_NY

Thanks for the response. I'm glad I'm getting into self knowledge at 18 so hopefully I won't be caught in the loop for my first 40 years. I really related to your poem. Thank you

[Drew.]

Thanks for the response. I'm glad I'm getting into self knowledge at 18 so hopefully I won't be caught in the loop for my first 40 years. I really related to your poem. Thank you

 

I got into it at 19. It has really transformed my life, and I suspect and expect that you dedicate yourself to it, that your life will be transformed as well.

 

Regarding addictions, the substance or activity serves to aid us in distracting and numbing ourselves from whatever ghosts that haunt our minds in our normal waking life. Using drugs is actually an isolating behavior, as it isolates us from our pain, insecurities, fear, rage, and sorrow. We feel better because we are split off from all of this that has troubled us. Additionally, I think drug usage implies that we believe we cannot resolve this pain that we experience, so we do the next best thing--to numb ourselves to it. The fear of your parents that you have mentioned would exactly be someone that you might want to escape from. How our parents treat us becomes how we believe the world will treat us.

 

I do recommend exploring these issues deeper with a therapist. Friends and peers might be available, but fundamentally these people will be your equals in this realm. If you're hurting really badly, your friends will be hurting really badly too. It would honestly be like the blind helping the blind. At least, that was my experience at times.

 

I wish you the best.

[SamuelJWick]

What does normal feel like for you?

 

.

 

Well normal feels like loneliness and isolation. 

 

And the prison cell has been my lack of connection with parents, siblings and friends who don't seem to understand my universal or philosophical mindset and will mock me if I open up about my experience. I've recently moved and I'm trying to find new friends who are open, honest and empathetic.

 

Thank you so much for responding with so much detail. I appreciate all the feedback and I'm thankful for the great advice. 

I got into it at 19. It has really transformed my life, and I suspect and expect that you dedicate yourself to it, that your life will be transformed as well.

 

Regarding addictions, the substance or activity serves to aid us in distracting and numbing ourselves from whatever ghosts that haunt our minds in our normal waking life. Using drugs is actually an isolating behavior, as it isolates us from our pain, insecurities, fear, rage, and sorrow. We feel better because we are split off from all of this that has troubled us. Additionally, I think drug usage implies that we believe we cannot resolve this pain that we experience, so we do the next best thing--to numb ourselves to it. The fear of your parents that you have mentioned would exactly be someone that you might want to escape from. How our parents treat us becomes how we believe the world will treat us.

 

I do recommend exploring these issues deeper with a therapist. Friends and peers might be available, but fundamentally these people will be your equals in this realm. If you're hurting really badly, your friends will be hurting really badly too. It would honestly be like the blind helping the blind. At least, that was my experience at times.

 

I wish you the best.

 Thanks for the input drew (:. I think with me the feeling of being on edge, slightly paranoid of the possibility of police bothering me gives me a sense of normality. As my childhood was fearful having a sort of controlled fear gives me a sense of strange comfort. 

 

You're right that my friends are blind. Im desperate for true connection and have felt a longing my entire life to meet a truly virtuous woman and similar friends. 

[Drew.]

 Thanks for the input drew (:. I think with me the feeling of being on edge, slightly paranoid of the possibility of police bothering me gives me a sense of normality. As my childhood was fearful having a sort of controlled fear gives me a sense of strange comfort. 

 

You're right that my friends are blind. Im desperate for true connection and have felt a longing my entire life to meet a truly virtuous woman and similar friends. 

 

Jeez, that seems rough. I wasn't too terribly afraid of the police bothering me growing up, but it was always my parents. If I do something bad, like I litter, then maybe someone who knows my parents will tell my parents and I will get into trouble, even though I am in a different city. Stuff like that. I know that fear was quite the norm for me, and I would do what I could to induce more anxiety in myself to gain a sense of normalcy too.

 

In my experience, the more that I have worked on myself, the better my relationships have become. Therapy has been an integral part of my self-knowledge process, and I think that it could provide similar benefits for you as well. I would be willing to work with you, if you're interested. If not, no pressure. 

[SamuelJWick]

Jeez, that seems rough. I wasn't too terribly afraid of the police bothering me growing up, but it was always my parents. If I do something bad, like I litter, then maybe someone who knows my parents will tell my parents and I will get into trouble, even though I am in a different city. Stuff like that. I know that fear was quite the norm for me, and I would do what I could to induce more anxiety in myself to gain a sense of normalcy too.

 

In my experience, the more that I have worked on myself, the better my relationships have become. Therapy has been an integral part of my self-knowledge process, and I think that it could provide similar benefits for you as well. I would be willing to work with you, if you're interested. If not, no pressure. 

 

 

 

 

 

I would like to get some form of therapy. I'm very tight on the budget but I'm sure I can find something of value. If you are willing to provide some supoort that is incredibly selfless and kind of you and I am happy to accept the offer.

 

I like to see your perspective and understand myself in a way through another set of eyes. And to empathize with your experience, though it is different, provides a sense of connection which is quite valuable to me. Feel free to ask any questions