Saving the World Through Self-care

[dsayers]

Originally published here.

 

Across every moment of your life, there will be a single constant: you. Your time, effort, and life are the most valuable resources on the planet. Why then do so many of us squander them, seemingly without purpose or deliberation?

 

As children, so many of us were and are abused and neglected in one form or another. It used to be socially acceptable to assault defenseless, dependent, not-there-by-choice children. Today, it's not hard to find parents in public places doing this, threatening them, or otherwise neglecting or abandoning them. Children in these scenarios learn how to erase themselves for the preferences of their abusers for self-preservation's sake. During the formative years, these human beings develop habits that make them ripe for subjugation. Which our society at large has been forcibly arranged to take full advantage of.

 

If you know nothing about automobiles, I would wager that you still wouldn't try to drive a four-wheeled car with only three wheels. Or put sand in the fuel tank. Yet metaphorically, so many of us will put "sand" into the fuel tanks of our bodies. Also, it seems a lot easier at first glance to pass up opportunities for calibrating our own behaviors and thought patterns. It's not easy accepting that perhaps we've made a mistake. Even more difficult for many to face the possibility that their care-givers possibly made mistakes. It can be an inconvenience to have to stop and change the oil on your car, but it will last a whole lot longer if you do.

 

One way to describe this phenomenon is to say that traumatized people re-create the unprocessed trauma of their histories for the sake of comfort. To wield control in a situation (or perhaps even in a life) that feels out of their control. Most of the time, this decision is subconscious, leaving the victim virtually powerless to overcome it. This is actually an example of another phenomenon: Engaging in a behavior that has the opposite effect of one's stated goals. Assuming the goal here is to wield control, the re-creation of the trauma is actually relinquishing control retroactively to whomever had provided that trauma.

 

In this way, self-care is actually a way to take back that control. Building yourself up for a healthier, more rewarding life when those who abused you were trying to diminish you for their sake. As with the vehicle's oil change analogy, the process looks a lot more attractive when you look at it from an effort:yield perspective. Sure I could eat this (insert unhealthy food here), but if I eat this (insert healthy food here) that might not seem as rewarding in the present, the long-term yield is far more rewarding.

 

A little over three and a half years ago, I was awoken to ideas such as my own capacity for error and rational thought. It allowed for me to begin my journey of self-knowledge. Which includes processing the trauma of your past by calling things by their proper names, identifying the ways in which it makes you feel, and how those feelings alter your behaviors. This understanding is what allows for us to have the power and control to do something about it. Sadly, out of the phenomena mentioned above, even after pursuing self-knowledge and tasting the joys it brought to my life, I maintained a defeatist attitude. I did NOT eat properly, care for my body, develop my human capital, or work towards developing a higher-quality support network. My life was continuing to be lived for the benefit of those who trained me to live my life for them.

 

Thankfully, I have since been sparked out of that rut. Due to the work I had already done, I was able to provide value for and attract other high quality people. People who had overcome as much and understood the value of healthy living. Healthy from our diet to the ways in which we interact with other people. They encouraged me to love and care for myself, lent me their strength, borrowed from mine, and enjoyed a brighter life from this sharing and having me in their life. It's a breathtaking sight to behold. I feel as if I am twice the man I was half a year ago, in every way. And it's so much easier than you might think. Okay, I'm not being honest there; In and of itself, it's the hardest thing you'll ever do. However, the rewards will let you know right away that it is worth it.

 

To bring this message full circle, we are people who have interrupted the cycle of abuse. We now build up those in our lives up and champion causes like children's rights. This is tantamount to saving the world and it's the most wonderful feeling. Best of all, it doesn't belong to me. You can have this too. More than that, I want you to. Because my future child's life will be brighter the more healthy people we have breaking free of the chains of subjugation that have plagued mankind throughout recorded history. So please, take a chance on caring for you, in turn those around you, and ultimately the children that you bring into the world or even just have access to.

 

In closing, I wanted to provide an action plan of sorts. One that I've used and think I've had tremendous results in. A long-time best friend of mine had shared with me a book by the title of The New Rules of Lifting: Supercharged. From within his basement gym, he described a lot of the basics, the approach the book took, etc. I was able to try a few things and the results I saw, both physically and mentally, were instantly noticeable. As a result, I invested in my own copy, along with some basic equipment to get started with. Which I later found out wasn't entirely necessary since you can actually accomplish much with just your body weight. I've been at it for almost two and a half months now. You can see the results thus far, and read a bit more about the book's approach here.

 

Thank you for taking the time to learn more about how you can contribute towards saving the world simply by loving yourself in defiance of all who wish to subjugate you.

[myclippedwings]

 

Originally published here.

 

Across every moment of your life, there will be a single constant: you. Your time, effort, and life are the most valuable resources on the planet. Why then do so many of us squander them, seemingly without purpose or deliberation?

 

As children, so many of us were and are abused and neglected in one form or another. It used to be socially acceptable to assault defenseless, dependent, not-there-by-choice children. Today, it's not hard to find parents in public places doing this, threatening them, or otherwise neglecting or abandoning them. Children in these scenarios learn how to erase themselves for the preferences of their abusers for self-preservation's sake. During the formative years, these human beings develop habits that make them ripe for subjugation. Which our society at large has been forcibly arranged to take full advantage of.

 

If you know nothing about automobiles, I would wager that you still wouldn't try to drive a four-wheeled car with only three wheels. Or put sand in the fuel tank. Yet metaphorically, so many of us will put "sand" into the fuel tanks of our bodies. Also, it seems a lot easier at first glance to pass up opportunities for calibrating our own behaviors and thought patterns. It's not easy accepting that perhaps we've made a mistake. Even more difficult for many to face the possibility that their care-givers possibly made mistakes. It can be an inconvenience to have to stop and change the oil on your car, but it will last a whole lot longer if you do.

 

One way to describe this phenomenon is to say that traumatized people re-create the unprocessed trauma of their histories for the sake of comfort. To wield control in a situation (or perhaps even in a life) that feels out of their control. Most of the time, this decision is subconscious, leaving the victim virtually powerless to overcome it. This is actually an example of another phenomenon: Engaging in a behavior that has the opposite effect of one's stated goals. Assuming the goal here is to wield control, the re-creation of the trauma is actually relinquishing control retroactively to whomever had provided that trauma.

 

In this way, self-care is actually a way to take back that control. Building yourself up for a healthier, more rewarding life when those who abused you were trying to diminish you for their sake. As with the vehicle's oil change analogy, the process looks a lot more attractive when you look at it from an effort:yield perspective. Sure I could eat this (insert unhealthy food here), but if I eat this (insert healthy food here) that might not seem as rewarding in the present, the long-term yield is far more rewarding.

 

A little over three and a half years ago, I was awoken to ideas such as my own capacity for error and rational thought. It allowed for me to begin my journey of self-knowledge. Which includes processing the trauma of your past by calling things by their proper names, identifying the ways in which it makes you feel, and how those feelings alter your behaviors. This understanding is what allows for us to have the power and control to do something about it. Sadly, out of the phenomena mentioned above, even after pursuing self-knowledge and tasting the joys it brought to my life, I maintained a defeatist attitude. I did NOT eat properly, care for my body, develop my human capital, or work towards developing a higher-quality support network. My life was continuing to be lived for the benefit of those who trained me to live my life for them.

 

Thankfully, I have since been sparked out of that rut. Due to the work I had already done, I was able to provide value for and attract other high quality people. People who had overcome as much and understood the value of healthy living. Healthy from our diet to the ways in which we interact with other people. They encouraged me to love and care for myself, lent me their strength, borrowed from mine, and enjoyed a brighter life from this sharing and having me in their life. It's a breathtaking sight to behold. I feel as if I am twice the man I was half a year ago, in every way. And it's so much easier than you might think. Okay, I'm not being honest there; In and of itself, it's the hardest thing you'll ever do. However, the rewards will let you know right away that it is worth it.

 

To bring this message full circle, we are people who have interrupted the cycle of abuse. We now build up those in our lives up and champion causes like children's rights. This is tantamount to saving the world and it's the most wonderful feeling. Best of all, it doesn't belong to me. You can have this too. More than that, I want you to. Because my future child's life will be brighter the more healthy people we have breaking free of the chains of subjugation that have plagued mankind throughout recorded history. So please, take a chance on caring for you, in turn those around you, and ultimately the children that you bring into the world or even just have access to.

 

In closing, I wanted to provide an action plan of sorts. One that I've used and think I've had tremendous results in. A long-time best friend of mine had shared with me a book by the title of The New Rules of Lifting: Supercharged. From within his basement gym, he described a lot of the basics, the approach the book took, etc. I was able to try a few things and the results I saw, both physically and mentally, were instantly noticeable. As a result, I invested in my own copy, along with some basic equipment to get started with. Which I later found out wasn't entirely necessary since you can actually accomplish much with just your body weight. I've been at it for almost two and a half months now. You can see the results thus far, and read a bit more about the book's approach here.

 

Thank you for taking the time to learn more about how you can contribute towards saving the world simply by loving yourself in defiance of all who wish to subjugate you.

 

 

I absolutely loved this post!!!

 

Essentially it's the spurned, abused and neglected child within we have to rescue and then we will finally start to have empathy for ourselves, our children and for others, this is how you stop the cycle of abuse, by recognising your own history and abuse and being an "enlightened witness" to yourself. By finally recognising and admitting the pain of your own abusive childhood.

 

Thank you so much for this post I enjoyed reading it and I feel that in making this post you are being an "enlightened witness" to others and me included.

 

Recognising the abuse experienced and feeling the "forbidden" anger our parents never allowed us to feel is what makes the difference as it's the way you start to gain the courage to be your full authentic self and stop self erasing and sacrificing yourself for your internalised parents and abusers.

 

The rebellion against your internalised abusive parents genuinely happens from within, not externally.

 

I have seen many people behave in rebellious ways externally such as in criminal or delinquent behaviour, but it gives them no genuine escape from their fear of their internalised abusive parents.

 

This is true for myself as well, no matter how much I tried to escape my abusive childhood history through addiction or dissociative behaviours, it did not give me a genuine escape from my history, rather I was controlled by my history. 

 

I've learned that genuinely escaping my abusive childhood history lies in accepting it for what it is and confronting it, that's the only way I found myself to be free from compulsively repeating my addictions and self destructive behaviour.

 

This is why I really appreciate posts like these, because it affirms to me that, no, I'm not alone with my abusive history and it is not my fault for not meeting my abusive parent's needs and expectations of me.

 

It makes it easier to start looking at myself and my pain again, rather than ignore it out of fear.

 

The fear of the internalised abusive parent recedes because it is easier to feel it and recognise it for what it is

 

Thank you