WillyNilly Posted September 28, 2016 Posted September 28, 2016 Taking refuge from a nightly breeze in cozy indoors and with a mind occupied by an over-skype DnD session, I've come into contact with a very pleasant person. A woman of Asian origin that's planning on becoming a mother with her soon to be husband. We've had a lovely talk about parenting in general and whilst I can't do the topic justice with my limited perspective I'd still love to introduce her into the peaceful route. She's been receptive to the few arguments that I've made during our talk such as that punishment (and here I mean negative consequences with neither understanding nor agreement on the recipient's end) teaches children to avoid this negative stimuli, rather than the parent's claimed value. It's also important to mention that she was able to make important connections herself and admitted to being keen on reading up on the subject of parenting in detail at a later date. This is why I'd love to present her with a more knowledgeable perspective than mine. How do I introduce her to the subject whilst remaining courteous? I certainly don't want to flood her with such content as The Bomb in the Brain or moral arguments against circumcision as they're very heavy and emotionally draining. That could hardly be called empathetic! What would you recommend then? Books, podcasts, websites. Anything, I would only be skeptical of things too concise. Also, should I introduce her to FDR? If so, should the two coincide? Thank you kindly for reading this far. All the best
algernon Posted October 19, 2016 Posted October 19, 2016 I found this book pretty insightful - https://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen/dp/1451663889/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1476908584&sr=8-1&keywords=how+to+talk+to+kids It doesn't talk about "peaceful parenting" per se, but it talks about effective strategies for raising kids, which does not involve the use of force or punishment, because those methods are simply ineffective. This is fairly short and concise - http://nospank.net/pt2009.htm This is definitely the time to change minds, people are much more open to change before they've made mistakes, as after they've committed to a "parenting style" they are more set in their ways, for changing would admit wrong doing, or at least doing something less effective than they could have, which for some people is difficult to admit to. Regarding the morally draining arguments, are you doing this for the benefit of the parent or the helpless, defenseless child? I have many people that choose not to associate with me anymore after hearing my arguments for multiple reasons - they couldn't refute them, they would have had to admit their parents didn't do as great of a job as they thought, and they knew I disapproved of their methods - but I did not make the arguments for their sake or mine, I made the arguments for the sake of their defenseless children, and for the sake of my children, as I want them to grow up in a world surrounded by healthy people, or at least as many healthy people as possible. The parents listening would have benefited them as parents, but it was not for them. If you find out they are having a boy, with the knowledge you have you really owe it to that child to help save it from mutilation. Just as if a doctor saw someone collapse in front of them, they should use their knowledge to try and save that person. With great power comes great responsibility, and knowledge is power. 2
Stan Hunter Posted October 30, 2016 Posted October 30, 2016 I've been enjoying "The whole brained child" and "Unconditional Parenting" books.
Roberto Posted October 31, 2016 Posted October 31, 2016 I am reading the book by Roslyn Ross: A theory of Objectivist Parenting. I recommend this one as well, at the end of the book she has an extensive recommended reading section with a lot of good sources as well. https://www.amazon.com/Theory-Objectivist-Parenting-Roslyn-Ross/dp/1502315548/ref=sr_1_sc_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1477938279&sr=8-1-spell&keywords=atheory+of+objectivist+parenting
WillyNilly Posted November 13, 2016 Author Posted November 13, 2016 Thank you for the resources I'll be sure to put them to good use. @algernon I agree with your point. My empathy was misplaced, it should've been with the child. Now I stand corrected, thank you
Matty Rose Posted November 22, 2016 Posted November 22, 2016 This book is really truly fantastic and has helped me so much with my boy. Raising boys by Steve Biddulph http://www.booktopia.com.au/steve-biddulph-s-raising-boys-4th-edition-steve-biddulph/prod9781921462863.html?source=pla&gclid=CjwKEAiA9s_BBRCL3ZKWsfblgS8SJACbST7D8uA9tqtG2YYq0YrNCp3fNMt4R3lXWohoiPGwsAMAyxoCG8Lw_wcB
Scalkum Posted December 9, 2016 Posted December 9, 2016 I have recently remarried and my new wife and I both want kids. She is Filipina and I admit I do not know how she was raised. I was raised by parents who spanked. My first wife and I both spanked our three kids. I see the damage we did and do not want to repeat those mistakes. I am now disabled and honestly unable (and unwilling) to be a physically oppressive parent. I want to learn all I can about peaceful parenting and persuade my new wife to do the same. I would be grateful for all suggestions.
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