Worst Year of Marriage? A Question for Parents

[S. Misanthrope]

Hi Peaceful Parents! Stefan often refers to some survey where parents identify the year that they have a kid as the worst year of their marriage. I'm considering starting a family and want to know: was this your experience? Is this experience more-or-less inevitable due to sleep deprivation and the stress of a major life change, or can reason and virtue overcome even this extraordinary challenge?

 

Thanks in advance!

[dsayers]

I am not a parent, but I wanted to throw my two cents in anyways. Self-knowledge is self-love. It leads to choosing better partners. Virtuous people of integrity will experience a love that a child will only enhance. They will discuss it, and as much of the minutia as they can foresee at length so that none of the big stuff will come "out of nowhere."

 

In other words, having a child together will amplify what's already there. A shaky relationship will be shaken apart. A strong relationship will grow stronger.

[davet]

the years of the birth of my two children 84 and 87 rank at the top of the best years of my 35 years of marriage.

[thecurrentyear]

Babies are precious and adorable. They provide delight and amazement on a daily basis. You might be stressed periodically, but have you ever tried to stay unhappy with a puppy pouncing your toes?

[Lotus Flowery]

I agree with d sayers. One of the problems I see with using surveys and generalisations is that these things may apply to the general population, but are WE the general population? I know I'm not. Most people do not acquire self knowledge, and most people fail at parenting and relationships, and therefore those stats apply to them. Your goal should be to become that caveat, in the minority. Seek self-knowledge and become the best person you can possibly be, then you don't need to worry about the stats of the general population.

[brucethecollie]

The first year was the roughest for my marriage. But it would make sense. There wasn't nearly the amount of self-awareness we both have today. And within 2 months of marriage I was pregnant with twins, dealt with major health issues and soon after they were born my husband got laid off and we became poor (super high medical bills finished us off). But it still wasn't rough like "we may not make it". Just the roughest of them all so far due to not having done a lot of work on ourselves and dealing with many challenges all at once.

 

So yes, now is the time to prepare for anything that will come your way in marriage And I suggest digging deep as having and raising children will naturally trigger all sorts of childhood traumas of your own if you haven't already faced them and dealt with them in a healthy way.