Relationships when people change their values?

[cab21]

I think I read here people asking how a person had one partner, when that partner is now awful, discussions about single parents usually have this about what judge of character a single mother can be. It seems like one common story being told is that the patterns were on the same page with the same values when they had the children, then some traumatic life event changed one and the person changed their values. perhaps the couple once followed their parenting plan, and then one started to listen to their parents and started putting that over the plan the couple had agreed on, betraying the couple and betraying that parenting plan. is a person supposed to be able to judge ahead of time that such betrayals of values could happen, and it's just unawareness that leads to this where the foundation was not as strong as they think, or can these drastic value changes be something anyone is at risk for and has to go into the relationship with the possibility that values can change that could kill the relationship in the future, without it meaning that the person was a bad judge of character at the time.

[meetjoeblack]

A man I know was doing two jobs to provide for his wife and kids. She couldn't even make him dinner. He would come home, tuck in his kids, say goodnight, and off to the next job. Meanwhile, his wife is running through their life savings, fucking the neighbor, and then, abandoning him with a divorce papers that included false abuse accusations for immediate custody. I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

[villagewisdom]

Awesome communication and negotiation skills need to be part of every relationship or learned along the way. There will always be challenges and each person will likely learn and grow throughout their lives. Look at the changes in Stef's positions on various topics as he gained new information. Do you think that his wife and daughter just go along with no input? I think not. It is the ability to communicate effectively and renegotiate as life happens that keeps the partnership alive and well. It is both parties keeping an mind open to new information and a willingness to change that determines whether the relationship lasts.

 

I know I'm simplifying here. I'm only addressing what I see as the root of your question. Life changes in every moment. Both parties need to have those qualities of being willing to learn, change and grow as needed using great communication and negotiation skills.

 

In my opinion, finding out whether your partner is skilled at negotiation (or willing to learn) and willing to change is even more important than knowing what they value. 

[cab21]

Awesome communication and negotiation skills need to be part of every relationship or learned along the way. There will always be challenges and each person will likely learn and grow throughout their lives. Look at the changes in Stef's positions on various topics as he gained new information. Do you think that his wife and daughter just go along with no input? I think not. It is the ability to communicate effectively and renegotiate as life happens that keeps the partnership alive and well. It is both parties keeping an mind open to new information and a willingness to change that determines whether the relationship lasts.

 

I know I'm simplifying here. I'm only addressing what I see as the root of your question. Life changes in every moment. Both parties need to have those qualities of being willing to learn, change and grow as needed using great communication and negotiation skills.

 

In my opinion, finding out whether your partner is skilled at negotiation (or willing to learn) and willing to change is even more important than knowing what they value.

 

thanks those skills do sound required.