Nonviolent Communication

[ivanak]

Just discovered the communication process called Nonviolent Communication developed by Marshall Rosenberg and I thought this community would be interested in it. 
 

 

Nonviolent Communication (NVC) includes a simple method for clear, empathic communication, consisting of four steps:

• Observations
• Feelings
• Needs
• Requests

NVC aims to find a way for all present to get what really matters to them without the use of guilt, humiliation, shame, blame, coercion, or threats. It is useful for resolving conflicts, connecting with others, and living in a way that is conscious, present, and attuned to the genuine, living needs of yourself and others.

 

A simple example of how to practice it : http://www.wikihow.com/Practice-Nonviolent-Communication
 
Example of it in practice (I found this very helpful) : 

[Wuzzums]

http://www.fdrpodcasts.com/#/1836/nonviolent-communication-nvc-an-introduction

http://www.fdrpodcasts.com/#/1837/nonviolent-communication-nvc-the-roundtable-discussion-

[Jot]

NVC - how to be ungodly passive aggressive and emotionally manipulative in several easy steps!

 

 

http://www.fdrpodcasts.com/#/1836/nonviolent-communication-nvc-an-introduction

http://www.fdrpodcasts.com/#/1837/nonviolent-communication-nvc-the-roundtable-discussion-

 

Is this what NVC does to you? The caller was nervously laughing every time Stefan pointed out how he was not making any arguments, only stating conclusions. 

[aviet]

I was introduced to NVC recently and although there area ideas that I thought were worth considering, I had two observations:

1) It's idealist and we're not living in an idea world. NVC would require both parties to communicate within its principles. Imagine you are the last non-Islamist in the world trying to negotiate at knife-point about the needs and feelings of both parties. Likewise for negotiating with a parent who violently abused you for 15 years.

2) It's passive. I just flicked through the above video and Stef crystalises this perfectly with the statement, "You can think the moral judgement, you just can't be honest about it." It also links into point 1). If you are being passive and holding back your communications using NVC principles and the other person is being "aggressive"  your ideal for communication is negated. And at some point all the passively built up non-communication is going to spill out.

Looking at it on a social level, for the past x years we've had a situation where people became passive in expressing ideas which would typically be considered conservative, i.e. immigration. Fact-based arguments were met with such aggression that people shut up. Jobs, friendships, reputations were used as weapons against communication. There was no room for NVC, never mind adversarial communication. The lack of adversarial communication has now exploded with a fringe of white supremacy juxtapositioning the socially acceptable epidemic of anti-white racism that was enabled though near utter passiveness.

When you are passive, you risk being treated like a toilet. On a wider level you can see how Europe's passivity is abused as the continent is now treated as the global welfare state.

Many on the board will have or will likely face situations where friendships will be strained either to or near the point of ending because of facts. You're presented with the situation: shut up or leave. That's the negotiating position. Not ideal. Be passive or walk away.

[Jot]

Anger is not evil.

[Mister Mister]

Step 1 of NVC as I recall is to refrain from language that implies any "judgement".  However this of course presumes to judge all judgemental language as "violent communication" and therefore bad.  So right off the bat it's a simple logic fail.

[thecurrentyear]

I always run for the hills away from anyone who uses the word "empath" or "empathic," especially in reference to him/herself.

[Jot]

I always run for the hills away from anyone who uses the word "empath" or "empathic," especially in reference to him/herself.

Why

[thecurrentyear]

Why

 

They're pretentious assholes.

[ivanak]

NVC - how to be ungodly passive aggressive and emotionally manipulative in several easy steps!

 

 

http://www.fdrpodcasts.com/#/1836/nonviolent-communication-nvc-an-introduction

http://www.fdrpodcasts.com/#/1837/nonviolent-communication-nvc-the-roundtable-discussion-

Thank you for sharing this! Not surprised Stefan has already covered this topic. 

[ivanak]

I was introduced to NVC recently and although there area ideas that I thought were worth considering, I had two observations:

 

1) It's idealist and we're not living in an idea world. NVC would require both parties to communicate within its principles. Imagine you are the last non-Islamist in the world trying to negotiate at knife-point about the needs and feelings of both parties. Likewise for negotiating with a parent who violently abused you for 15 years.

 

2) It's passive. I just flicked through the above video and Stef crystalises this perfectly with the statement, "You can think the moral judgement, you just can't be honest about it." It also links into point 1). If you are being passive and holding back your communications using NVC principles and the other person is being "aggressive"  your ideal for communication is negated. And at some point all the passively built up non-communication is going to spill out.

 

 

I completely agree with your first point. It's idealist and disregards people with mental illnesses or previous trauma.

However it seems inaccurate to call the process passive. From my understanding Nonviolent communication just gives you a more effective way to communicate. You still express your authentic feelings and needs just without the use of shame, insults, passive aggression, or threats. Instead of using language that is intended to hurt the other person nonviolent communication gives you a better way to convey what you need or feel in the given situation. 

Anger is not evil.

From what I've come to understand so far this statement is the opposite of what Nonviolent communication stands for. NVC only aims to provide a way to express feelings and needs without language that is meant to hurt the other person. You identify the feeling the you are experiencing in the moment without the aim of shaming the other person. Nothing about judging the emotion.