Copper_Heart Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 My parents have had a quarrel, my brother is lying in the other room and crying... The only person with whom I can communicate more or less on the necessity of change is my father. I need to make the first step and teach through an example, though. https://www.amazon.com/Nonviolent-Communication-Language-Life-Changing-Relationships-ebook/dp/B014OISVU4/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr= I want to supplement my self-study buy an online exchange of thoughts and experiences. Anybody up to it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Copper_Heart Posted January 18, 2017 Author Share Posted January 18, 2017 Oh, thanks! Will watch. Stefan has discussed the Nonviolent Communication book quite a few times - needless to say there are some very strong criticisms. http://www.fdrpodcasts.com/#/1836/nonviolent-communication-nvc-an-introduction http://www.fdrpodcasts.com/#/1837/nonviolent-communication-nvc-the-roundtable-discussion- 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Copper_Heart Posted January 19, 2017 Author Share Posted January 19, 2017 My understanding of Stefan's critique on NVC: You are empathizing with people, when is it enough? What if a counterparty is violent, or a psychopath, or just physically unable to change? Does that mean I should not defoo. Disclaimer: I have read RTR before and it made sense to me, I look at everything pretty much through its lenses. Maybe there is a bias I have and I just ignored the obvious flaws NVC has, by just assuming RTR where NVC was lacking. What NVC is, it's a framework of relationship that adds needs to the base of a human relationship. Basically, for me, it just adds a new facet to communication. So the basic question is: Is there any benefit in taking in account people's needs, including once owns? The answer seems to be "yes". The Rosenberg himself has said that violence is acceptable in self-defense, though. He also made it an important point that one does not need to have their need met by exactly that person. It can be any other person, perhaps a more capable one, like a therapist. Awareness of your own needs is a positive influence towards understanding that they are actually not met with that person. So my take on warnings that Stefan has given are this: I think it's the best way you can treat people at first and then see how they treat you(except for your child, to whom you have a higher degree of responsibility). For example: if Rosenberg is getting paid(his needs for achievement and sustenance are met) to resolve a conflict, it's very different from me I coming to my aunt (imaginary aunt) who berates me and does no satisfy my needs. NVC is the last resource in this case. In the last link, a psychologist is talking about trying to catch and heal that evasive true-self, but that's something he does in his capacity as a psychologist. I think the defoo is a necessary choice and in many cases NVC should not be considered if defoo is possible(stemming from 2.). I have heard few psychologist saying that for some clients advance in treatment is outright impossible while contacting with the family and for others it can lead to a relapse. I welcome more criticism. The positive thing is that it gives me more ideas about what I value in people that surround me. Compassion is certainly a skill one needs to spend some time to develop. PS. Sounding like hippie seems to be another thing to be wary of. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Copper_Heart Posted January 19, 2017 Author Share Posted January 19, 2017 If you'd like to call into the show about NVC - I'd be happy to get you on the schedule. I feel too anxious about that, but if were to happen which point has been called to your attention? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spenc Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 I feel too anxious about that, but if were to happen which point has been called to your attention? Would you like to call in to discuss your anxiousness about calling in? Maybe Michael can assist you with that! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thus_Spake_the_Nightspirit Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 I literally just got this book in the mail today. Had no idea Stef had done shows on it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Copper_Heart Posted January 21, 2017 Author Share Posted January 21, 2017 I literally just got this book in the mail today. Had no idea Stef had done shows on it. What's your take on it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thus_Spake_the_Nightspirit Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 What's your take on it? I haven't started reading it yet! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thus_Spake_the_Nightspirit Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 You should burn it. You'll get more value from the heat it would produce... I'll read it first and decide for myself, but I'll also listen to Stef's show on it. :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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