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Need a companion(or more) specifically to study Nonviolent Communication book.


Copper_Heart

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My parents have had a quarrel, my brother is lying in the other room and crying...

 

The only person with whom I can communicate more or less on the necessity of change is my father. I need to make the first step and teach through an example, though.

 

https://www.amazon.com/Nonviolent-Communication-Language-Life-Changing-Relationships-ebook/dp/B014OISVU4/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=

 

I want to supplement my self-study buy an online exchange of thoughts and experiences. Anybody up to it?

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 My understanding  of Stefan's critique  on NVC:

  • You are empathizing with people, when is it enough?
  • What if a counterparty is violent, or a psychopath, or just physically unable to change?
  • Does that mean I should not defoo.

Disclaimer: I have read RTR before and it made sense to me, I look at everything pretty much through its lenses. Maybe there is a bias I have and I just ignored the obvious flaws NVC has, by just assuming RTR where NVC was lacking.
 
What NVC is, it's a framework of relationship that adds needs to the base of a human relationship. Basically, for me, it just adds a new facet to communication. So the basic question is:
 

Is there any benefit in taking in account people's needs, including once owns?

 
The answer seems to be "yes". The Rosenberg himself has said that violence is acceptable in self-defense, though. He also made it an important point that one does not need to have their need met by exactly that person. It can be any other person, perhaps a more capable one, like a therapist. Awareness of your own needs is a positive influence towards understanding that they are actually not met with that person.
 
So my take on warnings that Stefan has given are this:

  • I think it's the best way you can treat people at first and then see how they treat you(except for your child, to whom you have a higher degree of responsibility). For example: if Rosenberg is getting paid(his needs for achievement and sustenance are met) to resolve a conflict, it's very different from me I coming to my aunt (imaginary aunt) who berates me and does no satisfy my needs.
  • NVC is the last resource in this case. In the last link, a psychologist is talking about trying to catch and heal that evasive true-self, but that's something he does in his capacity as a psychologist.
  • I think the defoo is a necessary choice and in many cases NVC should not be considered if defoo is possible(stemming from 2.). I have heard few psychologist saying that for some clients advance in treatment is outright impossible while contacting with the family and for others it can lead to a relapse.

I welcome more criticism.

 

The positive thing is that it gives me more ideas about what I value in people that surround me. Compassion is certainly a skill one needs to spend some time to develop.

 

PS. Sounding like hippie seems to be another thing to be wary of.

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