JohnN Posted January 24, 2017 Posted January 24, 2017 Hi all, I am looking for opinions and advice on how I may better find people who are passionate about friendship and who can be relied upon. I left the "comfort" of my community of origin (for the second time) about 2 years ago and moved to New Hampshire. My wife is native to New Hampshire, but having now spent significant time with her friends and family, I am not convinced that they represent the highest quality of character that I can associate with. She encourages me to find other friends but I am not sure where or how to look. I have loosely associated with the Freestate Project and will be trying to search their ranks more thoroughly. I find the biggest struggle in making quality friends is philosophical and emotional in nature. I have made a devotion to honesty and truth, but find that this is not a virtue shared by many. That is why I am reaching out to this community. Hopefully some understand this struggle and can share some advice. My wife and I are looking to start a family within the next two years and I am feeling as though I must provide a safe community for my children to grow in. Thanks, John
M.2 Posted January 30, 2017 Posted January 30, 2017 Hi, John! I don't know if you are Christian, but a community you surely will find in that region is the Catholic Church. You will surely find people there who at least try to be virtuous. This is what the people I know did, even those who are not so religious.
Gloria Posted January 30, 2017 Posted January 30, 2017 Hi John, We( my husband and I) spent years searching..tried different churches including Catholic. We gave up. As our children have aged, they make friends and we have gotten to know the parents of these friends. Its not bad in terms of the occasional burger and beer. Finding that perfect other family whom you would trust alone with your kids...discuss politics openly...explore interests and inspire growth ...good luck There are so many variables. Put your wife and kids first and keep a couple buddies from when you were younger for the once a month chat about whatever..you may get lucky at club for whatever you are in to..guns, sports, music, etc. Misery loves company ...i prefer space
meetjoeblack Posted January 31, 2017 Posted January 31, 2017 Hi all, I am looking for opinions and advice on how I may better find people who are passionate about friendship and who can be relied upon. I left the "comfort" of my community of origin (for the second time) about 2 years ago and moved to New Hampshire. My wife is native to New Hampshire, but having now spent significant time with her friends and family, I am not convinced that they represent the highest quality of character that I can associate with. She encourages me to find other friends but I am not sure where or how to look. I have loosely associated with the Freestate Project and will be trying to search their ranks more thoroughly. I find the biggest struggle in making quality friends is philosophical and emotional in nature. I have made a devotion to honesty and truth, but find that this is not a virtue shared by many. That is why I am reaching out to this community. Hopefully some understand this struggle and can share some advice. My wife and I are looking to start a family within the next two years and I am feeling as though I must provide a safe community for my children to grow in. Thanks, John Hi John, Welcome. I think you have come to the right place. Like you, I am on a journey in life to meet more like minded, freely thinking individuals dedicated to self awareness and self knowledge. It is a tricky process. I talk to everyone, strangers, women, people wherever and whenever. I have made buddies from my work, from my gym, coffee shops, cafes, yoga, martial arts, and even the bar or clubs. I approach girls too. Sometimes, I make a new female friends, maybe someone I can date, and other times, it amounts to nothing. I think removing the "don't talk to strangers" mindset is the first step. Putting yourself out there is another. Also, I began reading new age stuff like Eckhart tolle, Dan Millman, and a variety of others. In the process, I have met people, I have tried new things, explored different venues, places where you would find someone like minded. Unfortunately, as Stefan says about to vet a good woman, you need to constantly do that with friends. I would look at trying new things in 2017. I went to a meetup at a church basement recently for a meditation group. Many people had some traumatic experiences but, they were all pretty cool and I would be open to doing coffee or tea sometime. It is like grade school all over again meeting and interacting with people. I am at age where people are settling down. Friends and family are getting married, engaged, having children or are busy with career or a masters program like mba. Try new things.
JohnN Posted January 31, 2017 Author Posted January 31, 2017 Thanks All,I was raised semi-catholic. The idea of going to a church is not one that crossed my mind. Having shed the spiritualism of my younger years and the last place I thought that I would ever go again was to a church. But maybe that is not a wise thought.
wyattstorch Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 I thought about /still think about moving to New Hampshire for the Free State Project, because of the same issues about quality of friendships where I am, now (hard to be an Objectivish libertarian in the People's State of Philadelphia), so I found it ironic that you had the same problem in NH (except that I know someone who already moved there for the FSP, and had a similar disappointing experience, sadly.)The only insight I can offer is to look for an integration of words and deeds in people...that, and to befriend people with similar interests at places where the doing is the purpose of being there. Something I picked up from Ayn Rand, anyway. Meeting people engaged in a pursuit of some sort gives common purpose, with objectively definable goals, and the friendships are built from the bottom-up, as people demonstrate the extent of their interest and common purpose. Hope that helps.
outworlder Posted March 19, 2017 Posted March 19, 2017 Hello JohnN: I think you wrote you were raised 'semi' Catholic. There is a group in Richmond, New Hampshire. It's the St. Benedict Center. Their website is catholicism (dot) org. That may be helpful.
grithin Posted March 22, 2017 Posted March 22, 2017 I've found it much easier to update people's ideologies rather than to find people with matching ideologies. There are various characteristics you should look out for that will either help or hamper this effort. Two main factors are charitability without presentation of charitability and IQ. The practice of the golden rule (not the other one) as an automatic reaction does not appear to be teachable. And, I find people with lower IQ will reset into comfortable opinions despite formerly agreeing on evidence that contradicts those opinions.
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