One Flew Almost Into The Cuckoo's Nest

[reggli]

Hey FDR community, be prepared for my first post:

 

This was about 10x longer and still incomplete. I consider to participate in a call-in show at someday but I hesitate because of my language skills.

 

TL; DR version – yes, really.

 

Foreword: I live in Europe and homeschooling is prohibited to maximize government control as usual. I have a good relationship with my parents, they were always on my side and I never got punished for the things that unfolded. The state constantly tried to turn them around against me, without success. I was a bad Prussian soldier.

 

I was kicked out of public school in 5^th grade because I refused to accept my teacher’s authority after he began to bully me e.g. punishment for “misbehavior” contained humiliation in front of classmates and others. I refused to accept that because of the humiliating aspect which was intentional, I was aware of that. My parents were on my side, after indoctrination attempts to force me into conformity didn’t work out I had to leave the school.

 

For several years after that I attended private school classes here and there, at the end I had a private tutor that my parents hired until he refused to teach me after I didn’t greet his wife on some occasion. I didn’t know who she was and she did not greet me either. Just crazy people with some serious self-esteem issues. To be fair, she told him to do that, he’s just a cuck, I had an abundance of examples like this. Anyway, that was back in 2002 and my last experience with “education”. Despite their best efforts they were not able to break me, not my character.

 

 

A few cues to insinuate what happened in between the years before that, in non-chronological order:

 

• Alleged ADHD (read: The War Against Boys by Christina Hoff Sommers)
• Forced into a special needs class
• Medication (Ritalin etc.)
• Numerous neurological tests to determine why I refused to obey bullying teachers (because that’s abnormal behavior they said.)
• CPS
• Attempted psychiatric lockdown.
• Authorities refused to let me back to any school to destroy future opportunities.

 

I am now basically a ghost in the governments system. I have no degree and therefore no career options, officially; with my not acquired credentials I qualify to work at jobs for mentally handicapped people, seriously. I refuse to take welfare although I am eligible for 10 years, because it doesn’t solve the problem and I do not want the government in my life (if you can call it that). At least I don’t pay taxes.

 

I can’t find work, I don’t have any money, I have no friends, no relationship no social life at all, no prospect and I still live with my parents. Not exactly what you will tell strangers when you meet them in search of friends or a relationship, so I avoid it, because of my situation.

 

I don’t know what to do. I suppressed my thoughts about this for such a long time. I essentially gave up way back then after I was told by School Authorities that I can never go back to a school. I was only 12 years old at this point, but I knew that this was the final nail which sealed my educational coffin. All career prospects and childhood dreams were buried with it.

 

I live in my own diabolical manifestation of Groundhog Day for over a decade now.

 

It gets increasingly harder to suppress them though, dare I say it… since I discovered FDR and similar shows a few years ago. Finally, I found people who were talking about things that mean something to me and hold similar beliefs.

 

I listened to Stefan for hundreds of hours and I see it as invaluable, because after a long time with nihilistic tendencies I discovered what I want in life, a family. This is the only thing that keeps me going (I will donate on some day, I promise.)

 

Given the current state of my inherent situation which makes that impossible to achieve in the foreseeable future, painfully drags me down into a state of melancholia. I feel trapped in a draw well contained of unfelt emotions and drowned opportunities. I can sense the danger of suffocation if I’m unable to get out in time, it already began to rain.

 

But it also prevents me from total self-abandonment, at least for now. I don’t know how long I can sustain if there is no change to the consistent stagnation I undergo. I don’t believe in determination but given what I experienced in the past, it’s not easy.

 

 

And then there is a nagging voice in the back of my head, a sense of guilt. Am I guilty? Well… I know what society would expect from me to do, and yes, this is an available option, in theory at least.

 

It tells me: “go ahead and catch up with school to get a degree, make up now for what was lost. It’s the only way out!”. Given my indescribable aversion against the educational system and everything that even remotely resembles a school after so much I had to suffer because of it, I already put a garbage bag over this sentiment and stabbed it 43 times a long, long time ago. Yet somehow, it manages to get resurrected every now and then.

 

I don’t see this as a viable option. Even if I would start today it would take me a minimum of six years to get to a point where I would be able to apply for a job through the “normal” way everybody expects. And all of that for a piece of government paper that determents your worth as a human being for society and what you are capable of or not. What a horrible concept.

 

Maybe that’s different in North America but here, people are super close minded and in conformity with the system. Pair that with credentialism and educational inflation; voilà. For white men that is, if I were a third world immigrant from sub-Saharan Africa who is illiterate; I would get free money, free private tuition and a job offer from a business owner who loves to virtue signal how generous he is. True story. I as a native? nobody cares if I die under a bridge tomorrow.

 

It is depressing, I can barely apprehend a clear thought. All I can think of during my conscious time is: I must do something! I must do something! I must do something! there is no relieve, most other thoughts get stuck somewhere in this limbo. Accompanied by a sense of panic, like the feeling when you suddenly wake up from a terrible nightmare in which somebody tried to kill you.

 

I am not a victim, I never was a victim, I was made into one by the government. The system they invented is working for once, it strips you of hope. I am basically branded as retarded by the state and therefore unemployable, except at Starbucks.

 

On some days, I romanticize a simple life, chopping wood without thinking about much else, it would be… peaceful. But I know that’s only because it’s easy to give up, I am just so tired of fighting.

I fought for so long during my school years; against unjust teachers, the education authorities, the CPS, against physicians and psychologists who tried to find something they could accuse me of, against irrational and evil people. I am not sure if I can put up anymore.

 

I suffer from the past decisions they made for me. All I want is to forget, by that I mean to reach a point where this whole educational odyssey doesn’t matter anymore.

I finally want to progress in life, I want to step out of this time bubble that keeps me trapped at the age of fourteen for over a decade. I want to be able to focus on other things in life that are important to me, without being held back by the same questions again and again.

 

I want a relationship, children, a family. I want to care and provide for them. Not being able to reach a point where this would be possible breaks my heart as a man, I cry because of it.

 

In my dreams, I can picture such a life. A life that fulfills me, a life where I have something to fight for, people who will miss me, a life with purpose. Where all the struggles of my journey from childhood through adolescence are finally left behind and resolved, a blurred spot barely remembered, a place where I can look forward to the future with enthusiasm.

 

And then I wake up.

[S1988]

Your story is so sad.

 

The idea that everyone should go to college is rampant here in North America as well, but at least homeschooling is permitted even though I haven't experienced homeschooling myself.

 

However, there are ways you can work without possessing a credential. Have you ever considered freelancing? Working from home is getting more and more common, and it's something I've been doing for the past two years in spite of being a college dropout. You can tap into any of your skills and scan sites like Upwork and others that hire contractors all over the world. Perhaps you can also research any work from home opportunities in Europe, though I think it's tougher to find them in your home country than in North America, but it's something to consider.

 

Do you like to write? Creating your own blog is another way to make money.

 

How do you feel about roommate living? It's a way for you to move out of your parents' home while saving money. This option has its risks, though, since your potential roommate may not be compatible or may even be dangerous.

[Thus_Spake_the_Nightspirit]

I'm sorry for your traumatic experiences with schooling. However, you sound like you have a defeatist attitude and a belief that because you do not have a degree, you cannot work. There are many jobs that do not require a degree. You don't say what it is you would like to do, but not having your dream job surely doesn't preclude you from working at all. It would probably do wonders for your self esteem to be working and earning a paycheck, no matter what the job was. You seem reasonably intelligent. Is starting a business out of the question? Correct me if I have misinterpreted your post, but it sounds like you've created a false dichotomy for yourself where you either go to college and get a degree or you don't work at all and can't have a family. I think there must be several other options in between these extremes.

[Boss]

How old are you?