nerves around women

[crops]

I say nerves but that seems like too light a word , and i say women but its just one woman.

 

Theres a girl at work , after a bit of casual facebook stalking i found out she likes ayn rand , and since then ive been extremely attracted to her. Ive managed to exchange a few words , found out she voted for hillary , (shes an american in england) , still very attracted to her and want to know more despite that. Then had a big conversation at the christmas party .

 

But since then havent managed any conversation , the chances i get to talk to her are rare and random , passing in the hallways . And when opportunitys arise i get a huge adrenalin dump and know it would be a disater to even try. One time i had to talk to another girl that was in her office , so i went in , started out ok then deteriorated bad , i could hardly talk or string a sentence together and felt like i was going to pass out! Hoping it didnt seem so bad from the outside , occasions afterwards the girl still smiled and said hello to me so i think theres still hope. Shes witnessed me acting natural around other attractive women so think there was some redemption from that and shows her im not a complete beta.

 

Ive never persued a female and proactively tried to make things happen like this , the few times in the past with woman ive always been more passive and just went along with situations , and alcohol was usually involved. And ive never felt this kind of clear and certain attraction , ive always been conflicted and ambivalent about women , not really feeling any real attraction to their characters.

 

The window of oportunity is closing. A few more times of clearly not taking action when presented with an oportunity and that window will slam shut on this attractive girl that likes ayn rand.

 

whos got the secrets? How do i disarm that over whelming fight or flight response?

 

ive tried journaling it out , reducing caffeine , reading books on body language , conversing with other girls. 

 

How do i get my anxiety under control or atleast too the level where i wont come across as a stroke victim?

 

 

[CalebSC]

I've read cases studies of psychological patients that saw the hostile look of their parents face during therapy. Basically, the patient was asked to make a gesture of reaching out for love, and a feeling of terror came over them, and the therapist asked them what they felt or saw. And the patient said they saw their mother's face looking at them with hatred in their eyes.

So what you want to do is reach out to this woman for love. And the research I have done shows that for many people, trying to reach out for love evokes childhood memories of when their parents reacted with hostility to them when they sought love from their parents. Read Alexander Lowen for more on this.

I'm deeply sorry if this is the case for you. I pray that you can get this girl if you feel that strongly about her.

[Matthew Ed Moran]

https://selfknowledgedaily.com/how-to-hit-on-a-woman-6bca1582b5d1#.qtcyn2r92

 

hope this helps

[crops]

I've read cases studies of psychological patients that saw the hostile look of their parents face during therapy. Basically, the patient was asked to make a gesture of reaching out for love, and a feeling of terror came over them, and the therapist asked them what they felt or saw. And the patient said they saw their mother's face looking at them with hatred in their eyes.

So what you want to do is reach out to this woman for love. And the research I have done shows that for many people, trying to reach out for love evokes childhood memories of when their parents reacted with hostility to them when they sought love from their parents. Read Alexander Lowen for more on this.

I'm deeply sorry if this is the case for you. I pray that you can get this girl if you feel that strongly about her.

I do think theres some deep rooted issues of this nature involved.  Can you remember what book specifically deals with this topic , 'love,sex and your heart'? 'Fear of life'?  both sound good

https://selfknowledgedaily.com/how-to-hit-on-a-woman-6bca1582b5d1#.qtcyn2r92

 

hope this helps

thanks. Its only because she likes Ayn Rand that i like her , and have projected this NAWALT persona on her with out even really knowing her. Maybe shes a terrible person , whats the likely hood off someone having an unnactractive personality AND liking Ayn Rand

[Goldenages]

 

Hoping it didnt seem so bad from the outside , occasions afterwards the girl still smiled and said hello to me so i think theres still hope.

 

 

Yes I am shure there is, and I am pretty shure that she knows about her effect on you. Do not be afraid, women find it complimentary to make a man nervous just by their presence.

Go ahead and ask her for a date. You can not do wrong, the only thing that could happen is she says "no".

But I bet she will not.

 

regards

Andi

[Wuzzums]

Do not be afraid, women find it complimentary to make a man nervous just by their presence.

No they don't. Women don't want weak men so a man that's intimidated by her presence will never ever be considered as a feasible mate.

 

 

How do i get my anxiety under control or atleast too the level where i wont come across as a stroke victim?

 

Here are some things I noticed about the language you used:

 

the chances i get to talk to her are rare and random

when opportunitys arise

occasions afterwards

proactively tried to make things happen

when presented with an oportunity and that window will slam shut

 

This indicates to me you're putting the onus on yourself solely. In your eyes there's an opportunity and if you fail to take advantage of it you are the only one to blame. Hell yeah you're nervous if the fate of the world rests on your hands and yours alone. It would be odd (and counterproductive) if you didn't get anxious in such a situation.

 

Truth of the matter is the situation you see and the situation there is are not the same. This is a 2 person game. You can only be responsible for your own actions and if she doesn't reciprocate in the same manner it's not because you failed to use the perfect one-liner or failed to look confident enough or whatever. It's because she has a say also. You cannot control other people's reaction to you no matter what you do or say.

 

I think that if you realize you have no more control over the situation than you already exerted then the anxiety will go away. If you showed interest and she didn't reciprocate then it's already over.

[Goldenages]

 

No they don't. Women don't want weak men so a man that's intimidated by her presence will never ever be considered as a feasible mate.

 

 

Oh man.   To have shaky knees just watching her is the most honest compliment a man can ever give. And she knows that. (Unless she waits for a Hollywood hero. But the fact she smiled at him does not indicate that).

 

Yes, sooner or later that should calm a bit, of course  

 

I rather do not tell how I met my wife the first time, now 28 years ago

 

There is nothing you can do wrong - attack

[Wuzzums]

Oh man.   To have shaky knees just watching her is the most honest compliment a man can ever give. And she knows that. (Unless she waits for a Hollywood hero. But the fact she smiled at him does not indicate that).

 

Yes, sooner or later that should calm a bit, of course

 

I rather do not tell how I met my wife the first time, now 28 years ago

 

There is nothing you can do wrong - attack

Riddle me this, then:

If being anxious around a woman is such a honest compliment that she can't help but marry you then why is the OP not on a date with her instead of posting a topic about how he's having trouble going on a date with her?

[CalebSC]

Oh man.   To have shaky knees just watching her is the most honest compliment a man can ever give. And she knows that.

 

Wow, I never really thought of it like that. Thanks Goldenages, this opens up a lot for me to think about!

[Matthew Ed Moran]

I say nerves but that seems like too light a word , and i say women but its just one woman.

 

Theres a girl at work , after a bit of casual facebook stalking i found out she likes ayn rand , and since then ive been extremely attracted to her. Ive managed to exchange a few words , found out she voted for hillary , (shes an american in england) , still very attracted to her and want to know more despite that. Then had a big conversation at the christmas party .

 

But since then havent managed any conversation , the chances i get to talk to her are rare and random , passing in the hallways . And when opportunitys arise i get a huge adrenalin dump and know it would be a disater to even try. One time i had to talk to another girl that was in her office , so i went in , started out ok then deteriorated bad , i could hardly talk or string a sentence together and felt like i was going to pass out! Hoping it didnt seem so bad from the outside , occasions afterwards the girl still smiled and said hello to me so i think theres still hope. Shes witnessed me acting natural around other attractive women so think there was some redemption from that and shows her im not a complete beta.

 

Ive never persued a female and proactively tried to make things happen like this , the few times in the past with woman ive always been more passive and just went along with situations , and alcohol was usually involved. And ive never felt this kind of clear and certain attraction , ive always been conflicted and ambivalent about women , not really feeling any real attraction to their characters.

 

The window of oportunity is closing. A few more times of clearly not taking action when presented with an oportunity and that window will slam shut on this attractive girl that likes ayn rand.

 

whos got the secrets? How do i disarm that over whelming fight or flight response?

 

ive tried journaling it out , reducing caffeine , reading books on body language , conversing with other girls. 

 

How do i get my anxiety under control or atleast too the level where i wont come across as a stroke victim?

 

As far as I understand from all the evidence I've been exposed to from the show and have experienced, you can't magically disarm major anxiety in the moment. You can act on the anxiety - but you can't just make it go away.

 

You've already tried a number of things and failed regarding this approach, so I think this might be evidence that the next thing you do consistent with this approach won't work. You said this is the most certain attraction you've had compared to ambivalent interactions you've had in the past - but it seems to me that everything you have shared since your last interaction with her, including your choice to write this post, signal ambivalence!!!

 

Instead of trying to get rid of the anxiety, you could act on it. You could approach and commit to being as honest and genuine as possible with her, and continue doing that until you have some certainty regarding how you feel.

 

If you don't​ achieve any certainty about how you feel around her no matter how much you try, then I would think this is strong evidence one of you is not being honest or open in the conversation and a relationship isn't going to be possible.

 

If you feel increased anxiety the more you interact with her, and you still desire her, then the theory that seems to make sense to me is that you're following this simple equation: EGGS! > your positive feelings interacting with her. (Is she pretty?)

 

If you feel positive around her, then fantastic! Then you can continue to figure out why the !&$# she voted for Hillary Clinton!

 

These are hopefully not just my opinions and are consistent with what has been said on the show! I could be totally​ wrong in characterizing your situation. Please take it with a grain of salt if you're inclined to!

[crops]

Riddle me this, then:

If being anxious around a woman is such a honest compliment that she can't help but marry you then why is the OP not on a date with her instead of posting a topic about how he's having trouble going on a date with her?

i think its true that its flattering to be nervous around a female , too begin with , other girls have told me that. But then id imagine there comes a time when it just sexually repulsive if not dealt with and overcome .

 

 

I rather do not tell how I met my wife the first time, now 28 years ago

 

 

did you piss your self? ha

 

As far as I understand from all the evidence I've been exposed to from the show and have experienced, you can't magically disarm major anxiety in the moment. You can act on the anxiety - but you can't just make it go away.

 

You've already tried a number of things and failed regarding this approach, so I think this might be evidence that the next thing you do consistent with this approach won't work. You said this is the most certain attraction you've had compared to ambivalent interactions you've had in the past - but it seems to me that everything you have shared since your last interaction with her, including your choice to write this post, signal ambivalence!!!

 

Instead of trying to get rid of the anxiety, you could act on it. You could approach and commit to being as honest and genuine as possible with her, and continue doing that until you have some certainty regarding how you feel.

 

If you don't​ achieve any certainty about how you feel around her no matter how much you try, then I would think this is strong evidence one of you is not being honest or open in the conversation and a relationship isn't going to be possible.

 

If you feel increased anxiety the more you interact with her, and you still desire her, then the theory that seems to make sense to me is that you're following this simple equation: EGGS! > your positive feelings interacting with her. (Is she pretty?)

 

If you feel positive around her, then fantastic! Then you can continue to figure out why the !&$# she voted for Hillary Clinton!

 

These are hopefully not just my opinions and are consistent with what has been said on the show! I could be totally​ wrong in characterizing your situation. Please take it with a grain of salt if you're inclined to!

Good point on the ambivalence , but i dont think my ambivalence is related to her as a person but other issues about relationships and opening up , im certain that i find her attractive and that i want to know more , which is the unusual part for me.

I dont expect to get rid of my anxiety , just bring it to a managable level  so i can hold a conversation with her and find out more , and see how i feel around her.

She is attractive but not the most attractive girl around , theres other single girls that id say are more so that i easily get along with , but they dont like Atlas shrugged and have neck tatoos. Thats a good thing thats been revealed to me from this , is that i must have some healthy aspects to my value system if this girl is having this impact on me where as other more typically attractive looking girls dont.

 

 

 

Alexander Lowen ,   , i think this is helping my understanding of my situation and explains quite abit. Thanks for the suggestion

 

its the start of the working week , lets see what opportunitys present them selves

 

 

[Goldenages]

 

If being anxious around a woman is such a honest compliment that she can't help but marry you then why is the OP not on a date with her instead of posting a topic about how he's having trouble going on a date with her?

 

Wait a second, we are still far away from marriage

All I say is that one´s own behavior of being nervous, talking nonsens etc.etc.does not have that disastrous effect as most men think.

 

Yes there is a sort of woman who will laugh at you, its the sort who will fall for macho behaviour and finical coolness, and after three weeks of "relationship" she shouts, "But he has beaten me. But I love him and he loves me and I will change him."

Never works.

 

Just put it the other way round: There is a lady who was never conspicious to you. You realize that she behaves different when you are around. You find her nervous and catch some sneaky glances of her, that just last a bit too long, and she turns away suddenly when she realized that you realized. You have seen her behaving normal in the presence of other men, its just you that changes things. (Men are not very good in perceiving this signs, and women tend to avoid such situations completely, so it happens rarely this way round).

 

So would you say, oh my god, I will never invite her for dinner, because I am afraid that she will spill the soup across my trousers? I can not even think of getting to know her, because she is weak and nervous?

Of course not

Because you know she is not weak and nervous. And you know that she is interested in you.

 

regards

Andi

[Gloria]

I am curious about any risk to you professionally if it does or doesn't work out.  That could be the sub conscience thing holding you back and you do not recognize it.

If there is no risk professionally for either of you ...ask her out. You never know until you try.

[Troubador]

Just to add a different dimension to the discussion, have you looked at diet? This plays a huge part in our bio-chemistry and in turn our psychology. Low potassium can cause/exacerbate our anxiety. Try eating a banana 20 mins before you go up to her floor for an interaction and one just before you go. Compare your anxiety levels on that occasion with before.

 

Another one is up your exercise regimen. I find it really tough to be down on myself for very long if I've been hitting the gym for a few weeks solid. Even if I've been out of shape the positive psychological effects kick in relatively quickly.

 

I'm not proposing this as an alternative to self-reflection or therapy, but if your psyche is becoming a bit of a battle-ground for whatever reason you can control the terrain (you) upon which the engagement takes place. Although ideally this part of yourself you want to embrace. It's all there for a reason to help you risk asses and commit time and energy wisely, but for right now you have put it in the driving seat.

 

So cut off its lines of supply with some basic dietary alterations (alcohol is also a terrible crutch for social anxiety use it to celebrate a victory not to try and gain one!), notch up your exercise and face all this down from a stronger position within yourself.

 

I hope it all works out and this girl is everything you have projected her as, but if that turns out to be the case it may be more luck than judgement. Invest in yourself and people (which will include women) will want to invest in you. Couple that with intelligence, wisdom, with empathy and love for people you discern are worth letting get close, you'll be one hell of a catch. Best of luck!

[CalebSC]

Troubador, potassium is a good suggestion. I knew two people who had nightmares every night and when I got them to take 6 potassiums a day, the nightmares went away. I worked like a magic bullet. I honestly doubt that it would work in this case, but it'd be worth a try.

[David Ottinger]

Ok, you're not going to be able to fight off your amygdala.  That's a very sophisticated system that has ensured your genetics are alive today. So, first off, let's not make that beautiful system your enemy.  Basically, if your approach to this situation is to suppress that reaction, then you're just loading the spring.  But, there is plenty of hope here... 

 

Try this:  Instead of approaching the situation with the perception that you could be hurt, look at it as though it's an opportunity for you to connect with someone that will provide support in your life.

 

If you find there is resistance within you as to why you cannot reach such a conclusion, then explore that.  Journal about it.  Whatever you have to do to reason it out. Ultimately, your perception needs to change from (a) a thought of loss which releases cortisol in you and paralyzing your interaction, to (b) an opportunity to gain emotional support in your life thereby releasing dopamine during the interaction.

[crops]

Since writing this post ive not had any opportunitys to approach until yesterday , we exchanged a few words until we were interupted. But the intensity of the anxiety wasnt there , I felt relativly calm and like i could have held a lengthy conversation , like im at normal person level of anxiety .

Ive read 'love ,sex and your heart' by alexander lowen and have been doing bio-energetic exercises , maybe theres something too it , releasing old traumas and supressed emotions trapped in the body. Good book either way , i reccomend to anyone with similar issues.

Theres no professional risk or company policey im aware of , shes holds a higher position than me so if anyones risking its her . That could bring up othjer issues but perhaps thats a another topic for another thread.

Ive allready been doing the potassium thing but in the form of avocados , and exercise every other day , id definitely be in much worse place if it wasnt for healthy living.

 

I think my framing and focus of the situation on negative consequences to positive benifits is beggining to transition ,  also another re-framing that helps is not thinking of my self as a inadequate beta male but a emotionally damaged and defensive person. 

Next step , create rapour , then i can think about asking her out.
 

[crops]

I hope it all works out and this girl is everything you have projected her as, but if that turns out to be the case it may be more luck than judgement.

 

Dont you think her liking Ayn rand is a positive indicator ?

[CalebSC]

Love, Sex and Your Heart is a great book. Fear of Life and Betrayal of the Body are also top notch books.

[meetjoeblack]

youtube RSDTyler

 

Its all a numbers game. Talk to lots of women. You will acquire digits, dates, sex. Who and what you think they are differs significantly then who she actually is. Usually, more times then not, you are disappointed. The good girl act is an act. The same good girl next door is spreading when the alpha comes. Many of which lead to single mother victimhood. Pardon my cynicism. The experience of meeting, approaching, and dating lots of women speaks for itself.

 

My advice: Be loud. Be bold. Be brave. Stake your claim. Don't ask her out. Make small talk. Tell her where you are going then send the invite casually. Keep it social. If she is coming, let it play. if she doesn't, pursue approaching other girls. Just live and learn.

[CalebSC]

I love this guy...

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/ZyWNnjJ2ln4" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

[CalebSC]

That was a video of Bob Monkhouse. I didn't embed the video right. He's a great comedian. There's a documentary about him called The Secret Life of Bob Monkhouse. His style of comedy was to memorize tons of jokes, rather than improvising and going with his own flow. He was successful. But in the documentary they make an interesting comment that maybe he was actually deeply afraid of running out of stuff to say, and that he found more comfort in knowing that he had lots of "ammo" than anything else. So there's something unnatural about it. He was obsessed with collecting jokes, in writing and on film. He was one of the first people to do home recordings of TV, even before home cassette recorders were on the market. Although his obsession may have been pathological to a certain degree, I admire his determination to preserve something that he regarded as special and valuable, which in fact is special and valuable I believe.

In a more direct way of how this relates to you, I have a buddy who is in the Army who has picked up a lot of women. I asked him what his approach to it is. Basically what it boiled down to was entertaining them and making them laugh, according to him. That makes sense. A good interaction with a woman is going to include a lot of laughter. That opens up a whole spectrum of things, but for some reason, the first thing that came to my mind was Bob Monkhouse. Take it for what it's worth. In any case, I think you'll enjoy checking out some Bob Monkhouse videos.

[shirgall]

 

That was a video of Bob Monkhouse. I didn't embed the video right. He's a great comedian. There's a documentary about him called The Secret Life of Bob Monkhouse. His style of comedy was to memorize tons of jokes, rather than improvising and going with his own flow. He was successful. But in the documentary they make an interesting comment that maybe he was actually deeply afraid of running out of stuff to say, and that he found more comfort in knowing that he had lots of "ammo" than anything else. So there's something unnatural about it. He was obsessed with collecting jokes, in writing and on film. He was one of the first people to do home recordings of TV, even before home cassette recorders were on the market. Although his obsession may have been pathological to a certain degree, I admire his determination to preserve something that he regarded as special and valuable, which in fact is special and valuable I believe.

In a more direct way of how this relates to you, I have a buddy who is in the Army who has picked up a lot of women. I asked him what his approach to it is. Basically what it boiled down to was entertaining them and making them laugh, according to him. That makes sense. A good interaction with a woman is going to include a lot of laughter. That opens up a whole spectrum of things, but for some reason, the first thing that came to my mind was Bob Monkhouse. Take it for what it's worth. In any case, I think you'll enjoy checking out some Bob Monkhouse videos.

 

 

https://www.youtube.com/embed/ZyWNnjJ2ln4

[thecurrentyear]

Yes, being nervous around a woman is a compliment, and women love being complimented. This is enough incentive to get you on the first date. From there, you will have to bring more to the table than nerves and compliments. But it is at least a Foot in the door.

[brucethecollie]

Something that I think possibly helps is focusing on a skill or challenge that will provide you confidence. When you overcome a challenge or master a skill (or are on your way to mastering a skill) you can't help but feel a calming settling confidence that can help you in your interactions with other people. Even if it is just a hobby, I think it could help. It is something that has helped me greatly. I have a lot of social anxiety. Recently I took on a challenge that has given me a lot of hard work and good stress. I feel 10 times more confident in just one year of taking on this very demanding challenge for myself and I find it is easier to interact with others because I have this solidity anchoring me from within. That and working on being virtuous (which is also very confidence building).

[violet]

I feel for you. I know how crippling anxiety can be in some social situations, particularly if you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself to do and say the right things. I have to agree with the other people that say that looking nervous can be a compliment. You might want to hide it the best you can, but if some slips through, it's not the end of the world.

 

Essentially, you can't get anywhere unless you try and take risks. You might end up sacrificing a bit of your pride, but you might also end up with a good girlfriend. I guess you should just remember that she's an imperfect person. Don't put her on a pedestal. Just because she likes Ayn Rand doesn't mean she's some sort of goddess.

[crops]

sorry if its rude that i dont reply for ages. I just feel like i dont have alot to say until the situation develops , the situation has concluded , shes leaving and going back to America.

Failure to act , opportunity missed , hopfully lesson learned.

[meetjoeblack]

Checkout the channel Julienhimself. The guy is a bit controversial with his ideas and approach to dating. Still, it is very much so polarizing. Currently, he is doing this transformation program. He depicts a lot of the issues with human nature. Subtle little things in each and everyone of us that we try to resist. I am learning but, I noticed a few things and I will share if you are open to listening.

You said, "window is closing." The thing is, its not the Superbowl. There are other girls. You see troll videos where a girl rejects a guy and he yells out, "Come back. YOUR MY LAST CHANCE AT TRUE LOVE." He is trolling like the prankster Vitaly. Its funny so, you play it safe, try to protect your ego, your self-concept, and identity at the cost of putting your best foot forward. Ironic, the next male who simply doesn't give a damn will hit on her, bang her out, and not call. Meanwhile, you are all into cherish mode.

RSDTyler talks a lot about it. About people going there whole life and chasing phantoms. Don't chase the girl. Chase yourself. Chase being your best self. Have you tried meditation? Yoga? Even apps like headspace or calm?

There is a book on 5 daily habits. I think it could help. Do you exercise? How is your diet? Do you read?

Finally, approach lots of women. Talk. See who you connect with. Acquire number. Date. Do coffee or dinner. that or better yet, hookup casually. Repeat. I am doing this all the time wherever I go. It could be a convenience store, sushi, grocery shopping, coffee shops, the gym, bar or club. Its not easy but, what is the option or alternative? You want the girl? Lose the the batting average. Drop the ego of trying to preserve self and this little identity you are protecting.

I get rejected. I have been flaked on. I have had weird experiences with girls. What other choices do we have as a man?

[bl4k]

On 2/18/2017 at 8:21 AM, crops said:

I say nerves but that seems like too light a word , and i say women but its just one woman.

 

Theres a girl at work , after a bit of casual facebook stalking i found out she likes ayn rand , and since then ive been extremely attracted to her. Ive managed to exchange a few words , found out she voted for hillary , (shes an american in england) , still very attracted to her and want to know more despite that. Then had a big conversation at the christmas party .

 

But since then havent managed any conversation , the chances i get to talk to her are rare and random , passing in the hallways . And when opportunitys arise i get a huge adrenalin dump and know it would be a disater to even try. One time i had to talk to another girl that was in her office , so i went in , started out ok then deteriorated bad , i could hardly talk or string a sentence together and felt like i was going to pass out! Hoping it didnt seem so bad from the outside , occasions afterwards the girl still smiled and said hello to me so i think theres still hope. Shes witnessed me acting natural around other attractive women so think there was some redemption from that and shows her im not a complete beta.

 

Ive never persued a female and proactively tried to make things happen like this , the few times in the past with woman ive always been more passive and just went along with situations , and alcohol was usually involved. And ive never felt this kind of clear and certain attraction , ive always been conflicted and ambivalent about women , not really feeling any real attraction to their characters.

 

The window of oportunity is closing. A few more times of clearly not taking action when presented with an oportunity and that window will slam shut on this attractive girl that likes ayn rand.

 

whos got the secrets? How do i disarm that over whelming fight or flight response?

 

ive tried journaling it out , reducing caffeine , reading books on body language , conversing with other girls. 

 

How do i get my anxiety under control or atleast too the level where i wont come across as a stroke victim?

 

 

Avoiding stimulants does not address the root of your issue. The problem here is that you have developed a mindset which places this woman on a pedestal, so to speak. This is entirely invented by your own mind, and each moment you get giddy with emotional reactions such as anxiety/nervousness simply entertains the deluded mindset you've pre-established. There's a great book by Mike Cernovich called "Gorilla Mindset" which addresses this, and it would help you in other aspects of your life as well.

I really don't believe that listening to a bunch of absurd pick-up artists will have any benefit to your issue whatsoever, so I'll end with a final statement:

In short; she is human, she is not a God. She might look like a leper without makeup on, and her farts possibly stink more than yours do.

[meetjoeblack]

On ‎2‎/‎18‎/‎2017 at 8:21 AM, crops said:

whos got the secrets? How do i disarm that over whelming fight or flight response?

 

ive tried journaling it out , reducing caffeine , reading books on body language , conversing with other girls. 

 

How do i get my anxiety under control or atleast too the level where i wont come across as a stroke victim?

 

 

 

JBP hits it nail on. You are projecting your mental archetype onto this woman as to who/what you think she is. After years of cold approach pickup, meeting lots of women, if I learned anything, you fail every time you attempt to encapsulate her into some box as "good girl" or "the girl next door." Usually, you find the straight A student who is shy is the same one with rape fantasies and having unprotected sex with the Chad(s) raw. 

 

I assure you, her shit stinks. If you ever get her into bed, you will still get bored, and desire other women. Lower the importance you have of her. You either have chemistry with her or you do not. You actually acquire game once you reach a point where you assume attraction with every woman. More importantly, you acquire lots of numbers, you setup times to hangout casually, and you next any girl with any sign of ambiguity or low libido. WASH/RINSE/REPEAT 

[meetjoeblack]

Shocked by the walls of text and no Jordan Peterson video. Insert WF crazy pill meme.