I Don't Know How These Things Go, Or Do I? (Nice Girl)

[henderyjem]

Something happened to me at the gym today.

 

I am new at a new gym, and the girl who is usually there gave me a lot of attention today. I am quite the handsome fella, especially when I turn on my "true self" as I have done a lot of self-knowledge in order to be very authentic when being myself, and I did that to some extent today with her, but I was still "goofy", because I have very little experience with girls, as unfortunate as that is. And I did "hold" back my personality a bit. Is that "allowed"?

 

So she asked me what I did, why I was there (I am in a foreign country), about whether or not I had friends there and whatnot. I told her I am experienced in weightlifting (but currently going through rehab) and she asked me if I could teach her a bit. I did, but still goofy. It was fun, I laughed, broke a joke or two, and she laughed and smiled as well (I always am careful looking if the other person in the interaction is enjoying it). Then when we went back to our exercises, I sort of "retired", went back to my shit, and then it was a bit "awkward" again. I think it is something I have to become comfortable with, this "spontaneous" stuff.

 

I don't understand, or do I? What does a human do here? Can one become friends with her? Or? It is just so confusing. I am a handsome fella with a good posture, but I have yet to become experienced with really talking to girls to ask them out on a date or something. Her butt is amazing and squat form almost perfect. I am in Eastern Europe now partly because of my injury (free-market medicine here and super cheap massages, etc), and I can speak Russian without an accent because of a lot of hard work, and I have zero ties to Russia; no relatives. Maybe this comes across as attractive and cool or something to these people, including this girl, what do you think? Because it is something that takes a lot of hard work to achieve.

 

She surely gave me a lot of attention today, because I "let go" a good percent (maybe 85%) of the "awkwardness" I usually feel, and broke out in a very confident and comfortable manner without feeling pressure, which surely ignited her willingness to be more interactive with me as opposed to other times where I can stay quiet the entire time (in other gyms and places, that is). She came back to me regularly and we talked about different stuff, and it was not awkward, but all the while I felt something like "well yeah, I am enjoying this stuff, but in order for me to 'deserve' intimacy with a person, I need to be better like some super-amazing comedian or something who is 200% confident all the time and 'say all the right things' every single time" -- that is how my brain went, and I realize this is due to a lot of abusive shit in my childhood, yes. However can you tell me what you think about this? You can ask me questions if you want, and I'll answer them to the best of my abilities.

 

"In-the-moment-things" are hard to talk about after the fact as your body is, well... in the moment, right? In the moment you can feel in one way, and then when you're at the computer, then you don't feel that way anymore and you're thinking about hot-dogs and food, so it is a bit of a hazzle to describe this stuff that just happened, but I'm trying, and I want to, because I really need to understand myself better and understand social interactions better as it is crucial to my survival as a socially interactive human being in this world, and today was good; I didn't expect it, and I enjoyed it, and the girl is very attractive.

 

I have a great desire to become close to new, good people, like just "hanging out" casually, take it slow, watch a movie, and stuff like that. Basically meeting new people and hanging out. "Am I allowed to?" is a feeling that often goes through my mind. I just don't know what this stuff "is" as I've actually only ever started hanging out with people that I've met on the Internet, so that is the way it has gone so far, but, as I said in my earlier thread, I need to do it in real life because that is what humans do.

 

"Am I hot enough?" is also a feeling that goes through my mind sometimes, especially during interactions, even though I know I'm above average when it comes to physical attraction which I have had confirmed many times by hot girls (only they count).

 

So. Would she want to be my friend? Does she find me a cool kid? I just don't know how these things "go". Maybe I could ask her for her vk.com next time since I am only at the gym a few times, and since I will probably be going back to Europe in a week or so. Like, I do not really know these things and would like if you guys could maybe analyze the situation for me a bit. What do you guys think I should do? I have had a recurring pattern to have interactions with people without it "leading" anywhere, and it is very painful at this point knowing that I "could've" taken them somewhere. It's a matter of not really knowing "how these things go" and how to take them "further" than just mundane, every-day interactions. What do you think?

 

Thanks!

 

- henderyjem

[aviet]

Dobry den commrade,

My experience is that being in that part of the world your market value sky rockets. There you will get shown interest from the types of girls you'd have to approach several at home.

You are an attractive, in shape guy, presumably from a country with 10X higher avg. income. In these circumstances you can get away with being a bit awkward. At home you might not be able to if you are shopping around your own attractiveness level. Attractive women at home are going to get approached by attractive guys, guys with money, confident guys and are likely filtering out for who has the best of all those. An attractive, unsure guy doesn't mean much to them. But in Russia you get a 10X for perceived wealth and +1 for out of the ordinary. Chances are you stand well out on here radar.

You know what you want from her, from what you've described it seems she is interested in you. Personally, I would just ask her out somewhere and don't prefix it with anything like, "I don't know if you'd want to, but maybe..." type things. Just casual and friendly. If she says 'no', be daring and engage in the adventure of hanging round in the GYM in the presence of a girl who rejected you.

I've been approached in the past and like yourself my doubt and unsurity as what to do has left me where you are. But over the last 1-2 years I've learnt a lot from various sources and think the best option is to just do it, you homo. It'll be fun, it'll be painful, which will also be fun and a learning expedience. You know what you want, pursue what you want.

[henderyjem]

Dobry den commrade,

 

My experience is that being in that part of the world your market value sky rockets. There you will get shown interest from the types of girls you'd have to approach several at home.

 

You are an attractive, in shape guy, presumably from a country with 10X higher avg. income. In these circumstances you can get away with being a bit awkward. At home you might not be able to if you are shopping around your own attractiveness level. Attractive women at home are going to get approached by attractive guys, guys with money, confident guys and are likely filtering out for who has the best of all those. An attractive, unsure guy doesn't mean much to them. But in Russia you get a 10X for perceived wealth and +1 for out of the ordinary. Chances are you stand well out on here radar.

 

You know what you want from her, from what you've described it seems she is interested in you. Personally, I would just ask her out somewhere and don't prefix it with anything like, "I don't know if you'd want to, but maybe..." type things. Just casual and friendly. If she says 'no', be daring and engage in the adventure of hanging round in the GYM in the presence of a girl who rejected you.

 

I've been approached in the past and like yourself my doubt and unsurity as what to do has left me where you are. But over the last 1-2 years I've learnt a lot from various sources and think the best option is to just do it, you homo. It'll be fun, it'll be painful, which will also be fun and a learning expedience. You know what you want, pursue what you want.

 

This happens to me in my country (Western country) as well. Even more so. I really don't want this to be about income and stuff. Numbers and money aren't gonna help you become more confident and secure with girls. Trust me. Doesn't help at all. Only with low-life bitches. I can document it. If you go here believing you'll end up with a super attractive, confident hot Slavic girl just because you're from the West, you're highly misled.

 

Let me explain what I'm talking about:

 

There's a branch of girls here who see foreigners as "something extra" and pursue them just because of their international status and wealth. It's extremely disgusting, and they're usually called "glamour girls" by the local population. They don't wish to have anything to do with local men, and allow lonely, middle-aged Western men without a sense of self to come to them and have a relationship with them, but only because they're Western.

 

Then there are those that appreciate their culture and don't wish to move or even date foreigners, and that type of girl doesn't stick out unless you've been here and made friends with the culture, but I have seen it, and boy are they attractive. You might have heard something about Eastern Europe not having feminism and that bullshit crap? That's exactly right. Feminism scares the crap out of me, but here there is none of that. You could slap a woman's ass and you'd both have a good laugh about it if you did it in a manly way.

So if you're not familiar with the culture, women here are both very feminine and mentally (and physically for that matter) strong, and being a foreigner adds zero points when trying to get with good, confident, real women here. You being a Westerner will only have an impact on the trashy ones, assuming your Western identity is the only thing you've got to bring to the table, which it shouldn't.

 

I used to hang out with a group here that did not care where I was from, and they treated me like I was one of them, and that's what I prefer. They did not give me special privilege, and the girls didn't give a shit that I was from Europe -- exactly the way I wanted it.

 

With all that said, I'd really appreciate it if we could stick to the self-knowledge stuff, because if we're going to talk about socio-economic statistics, then that's only going to help someone that doesn't care about becoming more confident with girls and practicing their skills, and I don't want this thread to be about what kind of status I might have in whatever country, since talking about that (even if it could be true) adds zero value to the discussion about my personal growth in terms of becoming more comfortable with girls.

 

Example: Even if a Westerner's market value skyrockets in a different country, how does that make him grow in terms of self-knowledge, becoming more confident and slowly changing and building one's mindset and character around girls?

 

Does that make sense?

 

I can be anywhere in the world, but it will still be about me, and I will still be on the same self-knowledge level that I am, right?

 

- henderyjem

[thecurrentyear]

I haven't read everything, but just to add my two cents as a single woman, actively dating. If she was flirting with you actively--which it sounds like she was--and then you went back to exercising separately without asking her out, she was probably disappointed and embarrassed that apparently you didn't like her as much as she thought you did. Because if you did, you would've asked her phone number or tried to arrange a date.

[henderyjem]

I haven't read everything, but just to add my two cents as a single woman, actively dating. If she was flirting with you actively--which it sounds like she was--and then you went back to exercising separately without asking her out, she was probably disappointed and embarrassed that apparently you didn't like her as much as she thought you did. Because if you did, you would've asked her phone number or tried to arrange a date.

 

Okay.

[_LiveFree_]

In order to get past the awkwardness, admit to yourself you want to fuck the living daylights right out of her brains. Say it out loud. Then realize there is nothing wrong with that desire. Now the important part. Unless you just want to hit it then quit it, put it out of your mind.

 

In your original post you talked about you A LOT. The only thing you had to say about her was how hot she is. In other words, you don't know dick about her. Flirting/cheap attention is not forming a sustainable relationship. You were both peacocking each other in the gym but you were too chicken to close. For a decent woman, you can recover by acknowledging your timidity and then stop being timid and ask her out. Women don't want a man who's afraid of them or afraid of himself. Head up, chest out, soft touch, and look her in the eyes.

 

You CANNOT approach a woman you want to screw by pretending you just want to be friends. Make it clear you are sexually attracted to her and then learn about her by asking her questions. BE HONEST. Women are not goddesses to be worshipped. Don't put the pussy on a pedestal. To do so is to try and make her a slave to your fantasies.

 

Be honest. Tell her what you want. Ask honest questions. Give honest answers. If she's worth being around, then FIND OUT through honest conversation. Fucktacular asses sag with age, every last one of them. A good woman, whether lover or friend (and don't worry she'll let you know if you're paying attention) will be there even when you look like otter anus.

 

I look terrible, worst I've looked in my whole life, right now. Haven't been adjusting my diet and exercise for getting older. Also other reasons. My girlfriend can't help but jump my bones every night. Why? Confident honesty and mental strength. She has a deep attraction to me that has far less to do with my cascading ripples of donuts turned flesh.

 

Honesty is the ultimate pussy slayer. Get out there and don't be a goddamn wuss.

[henderyjem]

In order to get past the awkwardness, admit to yourself you want to fuck the living daylights right out of her brains. Say it out loud. Then realize there is nothing wrong with that desire. Now the important part. Unless you just want to hit it then quit it, put it out of your mind.

 

In your original post you talked about you A LOT. The only thing you had to say about her was how hot she is. In other words, you don't know dick about her. Flirting/cheap attention is not forming a sustainable relationship. You were both peacocking each other in the gym but you were too chicken to close. For a decent woman, you can recover by acknowledging your timidity and then stop being timid and ask her out. Women don't want a man who's afraid of them or afraid of himself. Head up, chest out, soft touch, and look her in the eyes.

 

You CANNOT approach a woman you want to screw by pretending you just want to be friends. Make it clear you are sexually attracted to her and then learn about her by asking her questions. BE HONEST. Women are not goddesses to be worshipped. Don't put the pussy on a pedestal. To do so is to try and make her a slave to your fantasies.

 

Be honest. Tell her what you want. Ask honest questions. Give honest answers. If she's worth being around, then FIND OUT through honest conversation. Fucktacular asses sag with age, every last one of them. A good woman, whether lover or friend (and don't worry she'll let you know if you're paying attention) will be there even when you look like otter anus.

 

I look terrible, worst I've looked in my whole life, right now. Haven't been adjusting my diet and exercise for getting older. Also other reasons. My girlfriend can't help but jump my bones every night. Why? Confident honesty and mental strength. She has a deep attraction to me that has far less to do with my cascading ripples of donuts turned flesh.

 

Honesty is the ultimate pussy slayer. Get out there and don't be a goddamn wuss.

 

I don't want to fuck this girl.

[_LiveFree_]

I don't want to fuck this girl.

Bullshit.

[mgggb]

On 3/16/2017 at 9:48 AM, henderyjem said:

Her butt is amazing and squat form almost perfect. 

 

On 3/23/2017 at 0:03 AM, henderyjem said:

I don't want to fuck this girl.

Henderyjem doth protest too much, methinks. 

 

Personally, I don't think men and women can be friends in a meaningful way. One or the other tends to be friend zoned and that's a really shitty position to be in. 

[_LiveFree_]

2 hours ago, mgggb said:

 

Henderyjem doth protest too much, methinks. 

 

Personally, I don't think men and women can be friends in a meaningful way. One or the other tends to be friend zoned and that's a really shitty position to be in. 

Depends on what "meaningful" means to you, but I see your point. As long as the relationship boundaries are clear for both parties there won't be a problem. Have to be honest.