Eternal student syndrome and how to treat it.

[MiraiRonin]

Greetings. I'm here because I've got a problem and only just realized how serious it is. I realized I'm in the grip of eternal student syndrome, and that it's just a symptom of a bigger problem.

 

Specifically, I've never initiated a project of my own accord and seen it through to the end.

 

A summary of my current status:

• 31 year old white male.
• Studied potentially useful university degree (chemistry and Japanese studies)
• Never made meaningful use of first degree.
• Got dead-end clerical job.
• Still in dead-end clerical job after seven years
• Decided 'enough was enough' and decided to... get a second degree.
• Currently studying potentially very useful second degree (robotic engineering)
• Plagued with doubt about my 'interest' in robotics (If I loved and enjoyed this stuff so much, why wasn't I teaching myself for years before?)
• Extremely isolated; often not leaving the house except for work or study.
• No close friends. Strained relationship with family (All on the left. High school best friend is a government employee. Formerly close sister a radical feminist. Some strain inevitable after listening to FDR for years)
• Never had a romantic relationship.
• Never had sex.

As you can see, things are pretty grim. I recognize how all the above are either unacceptable or at least symptoms of an unacceptable situation. It's all the more galling because I have been listening to FDR for years. I have heard countless examples of good and responsible, brave and honorable ways to live life, yet I never enacted any of them in my life. All the time and energy that could've built a great life, has been devoted to the creation of self-justifying excuses, and, to paraphrase this, refusing to grow up, cocooning myself in a shell of post-industrial creature comforts, never evolving, never building or achieving, and self-medicating my inner needs with my choice of instant gratification du jour.

 

This all became crystal clear to me last night when I went to a fundraising concert organized by a former friend of mine. The concert was a huge success, and the painful part for me was realizing, in the clipped greetings and farewells and the silence in between, that we were no longer friends. She had successfully completed a massive project, and now moved in a world full of colleagues, supporters, friends and admirers, in which I had no part. In which I was dead weight, or even a detriment. And I had no one but myself to blame.

 

I know I can get no absolution for this; philosophy is not a confessional. But I am here for anything you want to give me that can stop me from staying up late watching my cartoons, fooling myself into surprise every time, fooling myself that this is a life. So please, give me advice, encouragement, sympathy, criticism, a kick in the ass, a high-res photo of my horrible future shoved into my face as you scream "LOOK! LOOK!". Any and all of healthy social praise and scorn that I have so carefully avoided for years. I'll contact Mike about getting a call-in as well. If anyone lives in Oz, around the Sydney area, and wants to deliver this in person, PM me; I would dearly love to meet some fellow FDR listeners after all this time, even if it is only to get a taste of bitter medicine.

 

Now I just have to force myself to click 'post' instead of 'cancel'.

[Donnadogsoth]

The devil weeps to be redeemed

And it is granted

[henderyjem]

Are you fit? Meaning, do you work out like a maniac in a gym or do you do another cool sport which makes you more of an animalistic man?

 

Or would you describe yourself more as a "fat American"?

 

To me, it sounds like your biggest problem is that you lack manliness and confidence, and these are things you can easily build up if you commit yourself to a number of things which will help you to progress in these areas. Are you American? As you may be aware, America is not a place where males are men anymore or even learn to become one, so it's not a mystery why so many men struggle with a lacking sense of self, self-esteem and trouble with the ladies.

 

Have you read Mike Cernovich at http://www.dangerandplay.com/? He talks about these topics which help many men become more manly and take control of their lives. You should definitely take a look!

[Iron Horse]

[Rventurelli]

Greetings. I'm here because I've got a problem and only just realized how serious it is. I realized I'm in the grip of eternal student syndrome, and that it's just a symptom of a bigger problem.

 

Specifically, I've never initiated a project of my own accord and seen it through to the end.

 

A summary of my current status:

• 31 year old white male.
• Studied potentially useful university degree (chemistry and Japanese studies)
• Never made meaningful use of first degree.
• Got dead-end clerical job.
• Still in dead-end clerical job after seven years
• Decided 'enough was enough' and decided to... get a second degree.
• Currently studying potentially very useful second degree (robotic engineering)
• Plagued with doubt about my 'interest' in robotics (If I loved and enjoyed this stuff so much, why wasn't I teaching myself for years before?)
• Extremely isolated; often not leaving the house except for work or study.
• No close friends. Strained relationship with family (All on the left. High school best friend is a government employee. Formerly close sister a radical feminist. Some strain inevitable after listening to FDR for years)
• Never had a romantic relationship.
• Never had sex.

As you can see, things are pretty grim. I recognize how all the above are either unacceptable or at least symptoms of an unacceptable situation. It's all the more galling because I have been listening to FDR for years. I have heard countless examples of good and responsible, brave and honorable ways to live life, yet I never enacted any of them in my life. All the time and energy that could've built a great life, has been devoted to the creation of self-justifying excuses, and, to paraphrase this, refusing to grow up, cocooning myself in a shell of post-industrial creature comforts, never evolving, never building or achieving, and self-medicating my inner needs with my choice of instant gratification du jour.

 

This all became crystal clear to me last night when I went to a fundraising concert organized by a former friend of mine. The concert was a huge success, and the painful part for me was realizing, in the clipped greetings and farewells and the silence in between, that we were no longer friends. She had successfully completed a massive project, and now moved in a world full of colleagues, supporters, friends and admirers, in which I had no part. In which I was dead weight, or even a detriment. And I had no one but myself to blame.

 

I know I can get no absolution for this; philosophy is not a confessional. But I am here for anything you want to give me that can stop me from staying up late watching my cartoons, fooling myself into surprise every time, fooling myself that this is a life. So please, give me advice, encouragement, sympathy, criticism, a kick in the ass, a high-res photo of my horrible future shoved into my face as you scream "LOOK! LOOK!". Any and all of healthy social praise and scorn that I have so carefully avoided for years. I'll contact Mike about getting a call-in as well. If anyone lives in Oz, around the Sydney area, and wants to deliver this in person, PM me; I would dearly love to meet some fellow FDR listeners after all this time, even if it is only to get a taste of bitter medicine.

 

Now I just have to force myself to click 'post' instead of 'cancel'.

I am not sure if that is your case, however, one of the worse things you can possibly do is to invest in a degree for something you really do not care for or dislike. You will probably end up abandoning the course or never being really proficient in the field even if you do graduate. You have to do things that you are absolutely passionate about to really succeed in any field, you have to live and breath it. Otherwise your mind will just keep coming with excuses and distractions for you not to concentrate on the activities at hand.

 

And that is the case even for more mundane tasks like being a plumber, gunsmith or others. If you were never interested in understanding the mechanics of guns, how does cables interact or how to fix a leak and you are over 30 now, there is no way to get your mind around it anymore.

[_LiveFree_]

My original response disappeared. Oh well..

 

 

 

You're afraid of something. What is it?

[RichardY]

"What a grand thing, to be loved! What a grander thing still, to love!" Victor Hugo.

 

If you're interested in Robotics maybe you could find someone with a similar interest ideally employed or contracted, work with them before you do a degree. Things don't look to grim from my perspective you can always consider moving around Australia or to the US, Texas from what I've heard in some areas can be pretty wealthy.

[violet]

I think a lot of people in the western culture have the student mindset. That's how we're raised. Often, our job for the first one, two, three decades is just to sit and learn and plan life. It's good to learn, and seek true education, but it's not the end goal. Education is meant as a stepping stone to something else: the life you want.

 

From my point of view, you need to set some goals for yourself. What do you want in your working life? What do you want in terms of relationships? How do you want to use your free time? If you can define these things for yourself, you can set goals and try to reach them.

 

I don't think your life is as grim as you think. You have credentials to do more if you so choose. You have a work history, even if it's not the field you'd prefer. There are probably ways you can think of to find friends or a relationship. Looking online might be a good start if you tend to be introverted. You can go to new places if you have the motivation. Define what you want.

 

To give some context, I feel I'm somewhat stuck as well, although I've made improvements over the past several years. A lot of my time is just spent maintaining my life and recovering from the things I "have" to do. I worry about wasted time seeking mindless pleasure. I know what my problem is though: I haven't totally decided how to devote my energies. I feel I'm still "planning" for life.