Desperate for any advice on what to do next...

[Pathfinder]

Hi everyone - 

 

I'm a long time listener of Stefan's podcast and love what he's doing to help people improve their lives.  Right now I find myself in serious need of advice and guidance, from anyone willing, to help me figure out what to do to turn things around for myself.  I'm extremely grateful to anyone reading who would like to offer any insight or guidance on where to go from here.  I'm hoping I can learn from others who have been through what I'm struggling with right now.  

 

The basics:

 

- 39 year old single guy

 

- my biggest problem as I see it - can't figure out what to do for a living/income

 

- can't or won't open up to anyone in my life about help so I'm looking here out of desperation

 

- depressed & struggle daily with motivation, procrastination etc.

 

- extremely ashamed with where I am in life  (unmet potential = overwhelming frustration)

 

- always been aimless and unsure what to do in life - could never pick a major in college etc. 

 

- unemployed right now and haven't worked for the past 18 months trying to "figure things out"

 

- no money coming in & I've been living off savings that have run out

 

- perfectly healthy as far as I know and in good shape physically

 

- desperately need to figure out what to do for income immediately in the short term

 

- desperately need to figure out what to do for income and career in the long term

 

- I pay cheap rent and no real assets to speak of

 

- feel panicked and ashamed by this dilemma & it's caused me to avoid relationships with others

 

- does this stem from bad childhood (abusive narc mother) & if so what do I fix first?

 

- do I need to address other problems from bad childhood before I can figure out career path?

 

- which questions should I be asking to come up with some answers?

 

 

 

Anyone out there have any suggestions?  I kept things a little vague to keep it simple but that may not be the best approach - if so let me know what info to add.

 

Thanks for reading and any suggestions are very welcome.

 

[aviet]

Hi,

Good to see that at 39 you are actually looking for answers and betterment. I know people about ten years younger that think it is too late to do anything but.

These problems are complex and people will find different paths out, but from being in some similar circumstances one comment I would make is that I have made a post something like this before. And part of the problem was that I was looking to others far to much to solve my problems. You can get a lot of useful information from other people, but ultimately you have to do all the leg-work yourself.

Above you've got a list of problems you have identified with your life. Put them in a spread sheet and then spend some time figuring out what you are going to do about each of them. Also add your negative traits and do the same, e.g.

addicted to Youtube => block Youtube in firewall

 

Once you have that, you will need to drive yourself on to reducing and eliminating your negative traits and reaching your goals. View the reduction/eradication of your negative traits as a goal also, as they should be easier to tackle and use that momentum and muster whatever determination you can to start chipping away at your goals; which will likely be harder to achieve as they are gains, as opposed to shedding negatives.

[Crazyi]

Define your unmet potential 

 

Are you unhappy by your own standards, or by what you feel society expects of you?

 

Short term money - Work in the food industry, flexible schedule and can earn enough to support a modest life. Can move up to bar tending or management. The skill set learned in this industry is amazing too. Jobs are nearly limitless. The schedule will allow you to go to school or find a passion. 

 

Since you lack motivation, you are going to need to do something you care about. There is no way to "fake" motivation. If you are unhappy, only you are going to get yourself out. If you are looking for the outside world to make you happy, you won't be happy often. 

 

Standing on your own two feet is a good place to start. If some one is providing things so you stay afloat, it isn't helping you. (house, food, car, income, phone, anything....)

 

I've been to rock bottom, it is a strangely liberating and eye opening experience. 

 

If you met the perfect girl and she "wasn't where she should be in life", you wouldn't ask her out? Don't let it stop you.

[jimofflorida]

well, you are not blaming "society", that is a key first step. You control your destiny and desire to succeed, nobody can "make" you want to succeed, only you can do that.

Aviet has given you good hints...

1. Sit down and do a real soul search on where you want to be. Everyone has a different definition of success.

2. Do not spend time thinking about what was, you cannot change it and that seems to have let you to a place where you did not want to be anyway. Just keep a list of what clearly did not work. You can waste an incredible amount of time trying to rationalize/replay/understand events of the past...skip that.

3. I agree with Aviet. That is a big list of complex issues; given your age, well, swallow your pride. You are old enough to know that sometimes people need help. There is a big difference between being "carried" and asking for help; do not fall into the trap of being carried. The journey to find someone to help (local support groups, clergy, etc.) may in itself provide additional insight into who you are.

4. Consider volunteer work; we often can get hints are improving ourselves by helping others.

5. sit down and unplug for a weekend. look at what is causing you to be anxious, what worries you, what situations you are surrounded with... Now take those and really study each one. What is artificial? What do you think you need to spend effort on because of outside pressures rather than actual personal needs.

6. truly separate needs from wants

 

most important of all...

Nobody MAKES you carry around old emotional baggage.

Nobody makes you happy, sad, angry, etc.; you are the absolute master of your ship if you decide to accept to role!

 

You can be happy in a rain storm and laugh at the lightning because YOU are in charge.

[_LiveFree_]

#1 get a job. You have to eat. You have to have a place to live. Food service is easy to get into. Once you've done that, then worry about what's next.

 

1 step at a time buddy

[Dylan Lawrence Moore]

1. Get a job.

 

2. Come back here and re-write questions after doing so.

[hellwig]

First I would say DO NOT GET A JOB, it is the single worst thing you can do at the moment. You have no dependencies except for your own shelter and food. This is ideal situation to start your own simple business, for example grow microgreens and sell them at gyms/health shops/restaurants etc. You indicate unmet potential and not knowing what to do, well starting and growing a business allows you to use both of these negatives and use them to your advantage.

[RichardY]

NO PAIN!!!, NO PAIN!!! NO PAIN!!! Rocky IV (Stallone at 40 from a Youtube comment) 

 

1. Scratch the job, think "living". Noticed from your profile you live in USA, whole continent to explore, that speak English or Spanish. As example, maybe sell cheap books, buy low sell high, buy from rural american thrift stores sell at markup to bimbos in city with too much money.

 

2. Write whenever you like. If you know better forum tell me. I think the forum imo is good on the intellectual side, but not so much on the more hyper charged left wing r-selected side, the left never sleeps. 

 

3. If someone breaks your knee caps with a hammer its ok to feel unhappy.

 

4. Maybe look into stoicism, think about your personality type. List problems as Aviet said, maybe discuss solutions on the forum. Double edged sword if you like Youtube try and manage it rather than eliminate, if you watch Youtube imo. You have total anonymity if you want it, seems to be a lot of Americans from Texas, a joke from Full Metal Jacket joke comes to mind.

 

5. Read information about people who are radically different and/or speak to them.

 

Join the Club. Take my advice with pinch of salt. Diet book from a fatman.

[_LiveFree_]

Ok, for the people saying don't get a job. Here's the problem. He's 39 years old and broke. The time for experimenting to "find yourself" is long past. You have to get on this stuff immediately. The buy and sell books thing is small minded, meaning it doesn't go anywhere. If you start this kind of behavior, you'll be alone at 60 still selling junk for pennies. 

 

You have a lot going on here that needs work. In order to do that work, you need a stable foundation. If you're going to have trauma to process in your past, do it sooner rather than later. You say you're "perfectly healthy and in good shape". Well, you're about to turn 40. That changes pretty quickly. 

 

You don't need philosophical discussions and experimentation. You need action and you need it now. Get a job with steady income. Then from there you'll tackle step 2. 

 

You're 40. Stop dicking around. 

[Dylan Lawrence Moore]

For a "quick fix" to trauma, find a TRE practitioner. Learning it is cheap and you can do it on your own once you know how.

 

http://traumaprevention.com/what-is-tre/

 

http://traumaprevention.com/tre-provider-list/

[thecurrentyear]

Ok, for the people saying don't get a job. Here's the problem. He's 39 years old and broke. The time for experimenting to "find yourself" is long past. You have to get on this stuff immediately. The buy and sell books thing is small minded, meaning it doesn't go anywhere. If you start this kind of behavior, you'll be alone at 60 still selling junk for pennies. 

 

You have a lot going on here that needs work. In order to do that work, you need a stable foundation. If you're going to have trauma to process in your past, do it sooner rather than later. You say you're "perfectly healthy and in good shape". Well, you're about to turn 40. That changes pretty quickly. 

 

You don't need philosophical discussions and experimentation. You need action and you need it now. Get a job with steady income. Then from there you'll tackle step 2. 

 

You're 40. Stop dicking around. 

 

Agreed. Could probably still manage to get a job in construction (even day labor - just make sure you're not going to get shafted) if you're in decent shape. With some brains, you could move up quickly and potentially make decent money. The "buy low sell high" strategy could work if you have an inside scoop on the occasional real estate deal and access to cheap labor to improve shitty houses.

[DaVinci]

Ok, for the people saying don't get a job. Here's the problem. He's 39 years old and broke. The time for experimenting to "find yourself" is long past. You have to get on this stuff immediately. The buy and sell books thing is small minded, meaning it doesn't go anywhere. If you start this kind of behavior, you'll be alone at 60 still selling junk for pennies. 

 

You have a lot going on here that needs work. In order to do that work, you need a stable foundation. If you're going to have trauma to process in your past, do it sooner rather than later. You say you're "perfectly healthy and in good shape". Well, you're about to turn 40. That changes pretty quickly. 

 

You don't need philosophical discussions and experimentation. You need action and you need it now. Get a job with steady income. Then from there you'll tackle step 2. 

 

You're 40. Stop dicking around. 

 

Why is getting a job so important that it should be his first priority? I'm not saying he could't benefit from having a paycheck, but clearly he has been living off of savings because he doesn't want a mindless job. So why should him getting a job be such a high priority? 

[_LiveFree_]

Why is getting a job so important that it should be his first priority? I'm not saying he could't benefit from having a paycheck, but clearly he has been living off of savings because he doesn't want a mindless job. So why should him getting a job be such a high priority? 

 

Because he said the money has run out. There aren't anymore savings.

 

The job is not important. Having steady reliable income is. Best way to do that quickly is to go work for someone. 

As a suggestion, if you live in a safe area, consider food delivery (pizza, etc.) You'll get tips on every shift which means cash directly into your pocket. As well as a paycheck plus semi-flexible hours. You can do that part-time even while you look for better work. 

 

It's easier to get a decent job if you are already employed. Pizza delivery is just easy to get no matter what. 

 

You need to start multi-tasking. For instance, do you exercise regularly? While you exercise, listen to podcasts or audiobooks about a skill you want to learn. Look for tasks you can combine so as to do them concurrently. Commit 100% to putting yourself back on track. Make a list of big ideas you want to accomplish. Then make a couple of medium sized lists on how to accomplish the big list. Then make smaller lists for manageable steps you can take each month/week/day. Break this all down into the smallest bits you can handle and then work the shit out of those small bits. 

 

Example...

 

Big idea list (1 item)

Not be depressed anymore

 

Medium list

Get a job

Pay for therapy

update wardrobe

 

small list (get a job)

write up a one page resume

get feedback and editing assistance on resume

physically take a packet full of printed resumes to business close by

talk with manager about job 

repeat until job is acquired

 

small list (pay for therapy)

once job is secure, write up budget

allocate funds for therapy

look online for a therapist

call around and interview therapists

make an appointment with a good interviewee

go to appointment

 

small list (update wardrobe)

once job is secure, write up a list of basic clothing needed (2 weeks worth of undies, socks, etc / jeans / slacks / work clothes / casual color shirts / 3 pairs of shoes)

in budget, allocate reasonable amount per paycheck for each article of clothing

execute budget plan

in 3 months have the basics covered

 

 

These are examples, but if you struggle to get moving, this is what you need to do. Keep your lists on you and look at them multiple time a day. They need to be at the forefront of your mind. Overpower your procrastination with sheer force of will. Get rid of words like "Should" and "Could", and replace them with a wordless desire to move and COMPLETE TASKS. 

[hellwig]

What I see from the original post is 39 years of experience of not getting a job and your best advice is to tell him to man up and get a job? Me suggesting otherwise is therefore downvoted twice?

 

What are you going to tell people with a broken leg, just man up and go run that marathon? Assuming that Pathfinder is honest, and I have no reason think otherwise, you can conclude from his post that all conventional methods did not work.

 

Now I don't see a broken, down and out 39 year old, I see a person with a perspective on life that differs from approximately 90% of the population, someone that has nothing to lose, everything to gain and very low cost of living. The only thing that is really holding him back is an environment that keeps telling him to get a 'real' job and pay your dues. 

 

Pathfinder, mate, if you are reading this, translate the 'not know what to do now' to 'I am up for anything' and just go with the first thing that seems reasonable feasible and if you stumble and fall on that one, do the next thing, it is not a failure, it is (according to Scott Adams) building up your talent stack.

 

You may have to concede though, that it is likely that there is no retirement for you. I am 37, have been working full time for 20 years and there is no snowball chance in hell that when it comes to my retirement that there will be any left, even though I have paid in all these years. Of course I can do monetary savings, but the fiat currency (well at least here in the UK) is not backed by anything anymore (well except for Nukes that is). So that seems like a really foolish long term/retirement investment.

 

As far as I can see there are only a couple of solid investments, a place to live (everyone has to live somewhere), producing  food (everyone has to eat something), generation of energy (energy is a production multiplier) and anything that makes something tangible.

 

The reason why I am so adamant that you need to start for yourself is because it is far easier to make a small wage by being your own boss than receiving a small wage from someone that is either not smart enough to pay better wages or is exploiting you.

Also you will have ownership of what you do, you will build something up that is worthwhile being worried about losing it. I'll promise you that if you do that you will be more occupied with new business worries than with your existing personal ones. If not I will happily refund my consultancy fee :-)

[DaVinci]

Because he said the money has run out. There aren't anymore savings.

 

The job is not important. Having steady reliable income is. Best way to do that quickly is to go work for someone. 

 

 

Sure, he needs money. That's doesn't seem to be the issue though. He could have had a job all that time he was living off of savings. So why didn't he? Cause he didn't want one? Why not? 

 

I know you can't answer that for him, but if someone has clearly moved out of their mom's house and refused to go back, I'm not sure suggesting that they go back into something that is stated as an undesired environment makes sense. The only reason it is being brought up is because the world runs on fiat pieces of ink on paper that are required to have to eat food and have a roof. I wouldn't be surprised to hear the OP say he finds working a mind numbing experience to be something that he doesn't really want to go back to doing. 

[RichardY]

Yeah I'm sure the suggestions getting a job and not being depressed never crossed his mind at any point.

 

I personally have thought about microgreens as a business. There is a guy on Youtube that has a lot of videos on running a business in that niche. He lives in Kelowna, in Canada "Urban Farmer Curtis Stone". I have actually been to Kelowna as a backpacker, it's a fairly wealthy city so that probably plays a part in the success of his business.

 

What State do you live in?

[Elcod64]

Hey, I'd like to help you solve your problems. I'm gonna write a paragraph or two on each main issue I see that you're having. I noticed 2 main issues, one being your job, and the other being your feelings of depression. I'm gonna suggest you read a few books, its best if you do get them. None are too expensive.

1. Job

Short term: get an easy part time job, at fast food or retail, etc. Alternatively you can try the gig economy, as in building or producing an item (like a PC from components) then selling it on craigslist

Long Term: Go to college and major in a STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Mathematics) subject, preferably engineering. DO NOT GET AN ARTS DEGREE. Alternatively you can get an apprenticeship and learn a trade, like carpentry or welding. Learn something thats in demand. (For further information, get a book called "Worthless" By Aaron Clarey)

Remember: You don't have to love your job. Get a career in a field that you are ok with, but know that all jobs are hard and they all suck. If you get a good paying job, you can spend more time on hobbies in your own spare time. However, make sure that you do have a hobby which you love. Having a hobby, or a purpose is compulsory to enjoy living and have a meaningful life.

 

2. Depression and Motivation

- Exercise, releases chemicals inside your body that make you feel good, and also makes you healthy, which generally makes you feel a lot better and less depressed.

- Social interaction, talking and interacting with people also releases certain chemicals in the brain, and since humans are social animals, its almost a necessity to interact with other humans. You may try to sleep with women to fulfill your natural sexual and intimacy needs as well. (If its hard to interact or make friends for you, read "how to win friends and influence people" by Dale Carnegie, and for talking to women, I reccomend a pick up game book, such as "Bang" and "Day Bang" by Roosh V.)

- Stop masturbation and porn use, as it decreases the amount of gray matter in your brain, reduces cognition, motivation, drive and testosterone. Its like a drug, the reward circuitry of your brain needs it more and more, so you are unable to enjoy life like you normally would have. This causes depression. (Book: "Your Brain on Porn" by Gary Wilson)

 

I hope this helps.

[thecurrentyear]

How about we hear from OP?

[_LiveFree_]

Sure, he needs money. That's doesn't seem to be the issue though. He could have had a job all that time he was living off of savings. So why didn't he? Cause he didn't want one? Why not? 

 

I know you can't answer that for him, but if someone has clearly moved out of their mom's house and refused to go back, I'm not sure suggesting that they go back into something that is stated as an undesired environment makes sense. The only reason it is being brought up is because the world runs on fiat pieces of ink on paper that are required to have to eat food and have a roof. I wouldn't be surprised to hear the OP say he finds working a mind numbing experience to be something that he doesn't really want to go back to doing. 

 

I didn't say working a mind-numbing job was permanent. It's a means to an end. You have to make sacrifices in life. No way around that. Holding a job that is less than agreeable while you look for better work is not a big deal. 

 

Stef left the software industry to start a philosophy podcast only AFTER making big bucks for years and then having a second full income with his wife's work. In other words, he had backup and a solid foundation. It took many years before this show started pulling in an ok amount of money. This dude is in a crisis. He needs to change what he's been doing. Running from stability and personal responsibility is what got him here. If he was 16 i'd say "yeah, kid. go start a business because you don't want to work at a crap job your whole life."

 

Too late for that at this time. Career/business ownership is longterm. Basic needs being met is right here right now.

[IamSpartacus]

dear pathfinder, I sympathize with your situation as I myself was for a long time in a like state. Then I found something that shook me to the core and provided a major breakthrough. I read the book by Dr. James Hillman entitled 'The Soul's Code : In Search of Character and Calling' This changed my life. I cannot emphasize enough the importance of this work to one who is searching for a meaning and direction in their life.

[Spenc]

I'm in the pro-GET A JOB camp here.  Motion creates emotion. 

 

I do see some merit to not getting a job, letting everything run out and wind up homeless.  It's like, if you leave yourself with no options, you are forced to be resourceful, and that type of motion would seem to create more meaningful and lasting emotion.  But that's very theoretical and potentially very dangerous.

 

Furthermore, there is a theory in psychology about how resentful children will "not meet their potential" in order to sabotage the ego of the parents.  Like, Stef talked before about how his mother had been bragging about some computers course he was taking in school, letting his own ambitions feed her ego for her.  To quit the course would be an opportunity for him to strike back at her for her abuses against him--he could embarrass her to her friends by not following through with that which she had taken great pride in, and in that way he could highlight to her friends/society that her parenting is not so good that she would raise a 'quitter'.

 

In that context, I would suggest that Pathfinder makes a great effort to understand his feelings toward his mother/parents and how they shaped his perception of his potential, his duty and means to achieve it, their motives of providing guidance or lackthereof, etc.   Another reason to GET A JOB MAN! is to be able to spill some considerable resources into therapy.  Time is of the essence, as he mentions being single and avoidant at almost 40 years old.  No time for DIY psychoanalysis in my opinion.  Stef was several years younger when he went into therapy and talked about basically making it a full-time second job for him for many many months in order to heal his lasting wounds.  Assuming Pathfinder wishes a similar outcome--wife, child, dear friends, happiness, ambition, etc--the clock is ticking.

 

Another thing I find kind of interesting about the post:  he mentions physical fitness, which I read to mean that he is not only healthy but reasonably attractive physically.  I find that interesting because it creates a kind of parallel to the example I provided above about a mother being a shitty parent in private and a prideful boaster in public, feeding her ego at the expense of her child's duty to meet her expectations.  In this way though, it is a physical manifestation he has internalized to himself--pretty on the outside, a trainwreck on the inside.

 

The second interesting element of this is that it creates another opportunity for a self-loathing self-fulfilling feedback loop.  "I don't have a relationship or connection with people--I'm attractive and could meet women if I applied myself--I'm therefore once again not meeting my potential--I'm ashamed/frustrated at not meeting my potential--I have too much shame to meet people and make connections with anyone--I could approach people as an attractive person, but I don't--and so on, so on, so on----"

[mgggb]

On 4/3/2017 at 6:22 PM, Pathfinder said:

 

On 4/3/2017 at 6:22 PM, Pathfinder said:

 

- 39 year old single guy

 

- my biggest problem as I see it - can't figure out what to do for a living/income

Not having a job is the least of your problems. 

 

On 4/3/2017 at 6:22 PM, Pathfinder said:

 

- can't or won't open up to anyone in my life about help so I'm looking here out of desperation

 

- depressed & struggle daily with motivation, procrastination etc.

Maybe the people in your life aren't people you should be opening up to. Are you sure you're depressed and not just being accurate about your situation? I'd be more worried if you weren't feeling down.

Motivation is an issue of moving towards a goal, if you have no goal it makes sense you wouldn't be motivated. I don't have a goal of being a Nascar driver, so naturally I'm not motivated to become one. 

Procrastination can also be an issue of goals too. I think that people try to be a tyrant over themselves and procrastinating is the revenge of the inner slave. It's impossible to do something with will power alone long term, you have to want to do it. 

 

On 4/3/2017 at 6:22 PM, Pathfinder said:

extremely ashamed with where I am in life  (unmet potential = overwhelming frustration)

 

- always been aimless and unsure what to do in life - could never pick a major in college etc. 

You say you were/are aimless like it's innate to your nature. Did you have no friends or family that saw you floundering? If you walk by a pool and see someone drowning and don't throw them a rope, you can hardly say they drowned all by themselves. 

 

On 4/3/2017 at 6:22 PM, Pathfinder said:

unemployed right now and haven't worked for the past 18 months trying to "figure things out"

 

- no money coming in & I've been living off savings that have run out

That's a lot of time. What's your average day look like? 

 

On 4/3/2017 at 6:22 PM, Pathfinder said:

perfectly healthy as far as I know and in good shape physically

Physical health is so underrated in society. Probably because you don't notice you have it until you lose it. 

 

On 4/3/2017 at 6:22 PM, Pathfinder said:

desperately need to figure out what to do for income immediately in the short term

Short term, literally do anything. You said you went to college. Did you get a degree? Most retail places will put you in entry management with a 4 year degree in just about anything, which, although is less than an ideal situation, can give you some half way decent income. What did you do before you took off 18 months? 

 

On 4/3/2017 at 6:22 PM, Pathfinder said:

desperately need to figure out what to do for income and career in the long term

This is an abstract problem that is a way to procrastinate, imo, because it's the natural consequence of everything else working together. For example, worrying about how property taxes might change in the future on your house when you've yet to pour the foundation. 

What do you like to do? What are you good at doing? What are you interested in? 

 

On 4/3/2017 at 6:22 PM, Pathfinder said:

feel panicked and ashamed by this dilemma & it's caused me to avoid relationships with others

 

- does this stem from bad childhood (abusive narc mother) & if so what do I fix first?

 

- do I need to address other problems from bad childhood before I can figure out career path?

 

Obviously you should make therapy a priority to work on underlying issues. I can't say whether or no you should work out that first or you can figure out career opportunities in tandem, but that panic you are feeling is a good thing. If you're in a burning building, you should panic so you get out. With all the sympathy in the world for your experience as a child, you need to be panicking. You should have been panicking decades ago. 

So, if I may be so bold I'll try to crank the panic up to 11. Imagine your life in 30 years if nothing changes. You wake up and your 70, what does your day to day look like? Imagine your day. Now imagine your tombstone after a long life of more of the same. What does your epitaph say? 

Edit: I forgot to add part two to the above. After you imagine your own personal hell, do the reverse and imagine what an ideal life could be, and your epitaph for that life. 

[mgggb]

On 4/7/2017 at 3:24 AM, Elcod64 said:

Remember: You don't have to love your job. Get a career in a field that you are ok with, but know that all jobs are hard and they all suck. If you get a good paying job, you can spend more time on hobbies in your own spare time. However, make sure that you do have a hobby which you love. Having a hobby, or a purpose is compulsory to enjoy living and have a meaningful life.

 

I disagree. A career is something you'll spend a significant portion of your life doing, so if it's something you don't enjoy then by definition you're living a life you don't enjoy. Why work to live when you can live to work? 

On 4/7/2017 at 3:24 AM, Elcod64 said:

Exercise, releases chemicals inside your body that make you feel good, and also makes you healthy, which generally makes you feel a lot better and less depressed.

Absolutely agree. But at least for me it was even more important than that because it helped me develop a daily routine. Having a routine is literally the best thing anyone can do to improve their life. 

On 4/7/2017 at 3:24 AM, Elcod64 said:

Stop masturbation and porn use, as it decreases the amount of gray matter in your brain, reduces cognition, motivation, drive and testosterone. Its like a drug, the reward circuitry of your brain needs it more and more, so you are unable to enjoy life like you normally would have. This causes depression. (Book: "Your Brain on Porn" by Gary Wilson)

All of those are directional problems. Does porn decrease the gray matter in your brain or are people who watch a lot of porn more likely to have less gray matter, etc?  Honestly, I'd go the opposite extreme and say that porn is probably a good thing overall as a means of managing tfw no gf especially if it's not likely to change in the immediate future. 

On 4/7/2017 at 2:07 PM, _LiveFree_ said:

I know you can't answer that for him, but if someone has clearly moved out of their mom's house and refused to go back, I'm not sure suggesting that they go back into something that is stated as an undesired environment makes sense. The only reason it is being brought up is because the world runs on fiat pieces of ink on paper that are required to have to eat food and have a roof. I wouldn't be surprised to hear the OP say he finds working a mind numbing experience to be something that he doesn't really want to go back to doing. 

Just because someone doesn't want to do something doesn't mean they shouldn't. Working in a mind numbing job is better than the alternative, which is death. 

Also, the world doesn't run on government funny money. The only reason it has value is because people still think it's genuine money, money being the stored labor of an individual. If you got rid of fiat currency with a snap of your finger its not like things would stop costing anything. 

On 4/6/2017 at 7:16 PM, _LiveFree_ said:

You need to start multi-tasking. For instance, do you exercise regularly? While you exercise, listen to podcasts or audiobooks about a skill you want to learn. Look for tasks you can combine so as to do them concurrently.

Idk about this. Multitasking is more or less impossible for humans to do efficiently because of the high cost of context switching. I've tried listening to books while working out and I either end up having a crap workout or I don't pay enough attention to the book. 

[Cowboylegend]

How about getting your cdl, you get paid to see the country, you can make around 800 a week.

[AraiBob]

Pathfinder,

You are not alone in your 'wonderings'. The old way of putting it? "What is my purpose in life?"  I had a 37 year career in computers, and enjoyed it a lot. But some of those I worked with hated the job they had, but would not quit because of the money.

I tried to tell them, quit. Do something you enjoy. The longer you do what you enjoy, the more likely you will earn. As you get better and 'famous' people will show their appreciation for whatever you decided was the thing for YOU to do.

Because those people hated the work they were supposed to be doing, they were not very good at it. Just good enough to not get fired?

Is this a case of 'confidence'? In that case, nothing I, or anyone else, can say will 'give' you the confidence. It helps if you do something you like. Painting? carpentry? farming? whatever it is you like and enjoy. Take pride in that...

[meetjoeblack]

On ‎4‎/‎3‎/‎2017 at 5:22 PM, Pathfinder said:

 

Thanks for reading and any suggestions are very welcome.

 

Begin actively seeking work. Beggars can't be choosers. Too much work is bad and too much introspection is even worse IMO. Meditate. If you took a vacation at some point in this 18month to clear your head, seen some of the world, and came back with insight on what to do (similar to the Howard Schultz story), this would be beneficial. This is not the case and with savings running out, you must acquire employment immediately. My father taught me that, if I am ever out of work, my new job was to seek out a job. Treat this task as such.

Unmet/untapped potential is meaningless unless you pull the trigger. If you don't know where to begin, maybe knowing what you don't want is a great start. After several jobs, you will learn quickly, what you like, and what you don't like. More importantly, self knowledge goes a long way. Knowing what you are good at goes a long way. You can then put those talents to work for you.

As for being 39 and single, approaching nonstop amount of women everywhere all the time is a great way to break this cycle. Tinder is very lefty and full of liberal women seeking a cash cow to raise bastard children. There are the odd gems and good stories but, it is a savage bender of women squandering their SMV. Again, beggars cannot be choosers lol Swipe right. Still, VET A GOOD WOMAN. I know a guy that met the mother of unborn child from there. They are married. It is a one off sort of story since it can be a nightmare. Like, if a woman off tinder told me she was pregnant, I would run for the hills, and request DNA PROOF if she said it was mine. I hate to be negative but, until you acquire employment, only low status women or none will be around at this point. Women love money and if they want children, lets say you bag someone in their late 20s or early 30s, being broke wont get that sexy times.

 

Good luck.

[Jake]

On 04.04.2017 at 11:04 AM, hellwig said:

First I would say DO NOT GET A JOB, it is the single worst thing you can do at the moment. You have no dependencies except for your own shelter and food. This is ideal situation to start your own simple business, for example grow microgreens and sell them at gyms/health shops/restaurants etc. You indicate unmet potential and not knowing what to do, well starting and growing a business allows you to use both of these negatives and use them to your advantage.

when you do not know where to move it is very difficult to start a business. it seems to me that it is better to find a temporary job and continue to look for your calling