What are your flaws?

[violet]

Do you try to overcome them? Some of mine:

 

Indecisive or slow to make important decisions

› I'm not sure this is a terrible flaw since I think it's good to be careful with big decisions. However, it inhibits my life when I become paralyzed with indecision. I seek to overcome this through journaling and consciously pushing myself to take risks.

 

Social shyness and timidity

› I've forced myself beyond my comfort zone in the past. It has taught me how to appear socially comfortable, but I find it difficult to achieve in reality. I think some of this is about being able to accept myself as I am, which ties in with the next flaw.

 

Poor ability to express myself verbally

› My vocabulary isn't bad, and I am able to physically speak (public speaking is reasonable). I clam up emotionally and this affects my ability to express myself. I was not encouraged to speak my mind as I grew up. I'm attempting to do better now with people I trust, but it is still difficult.

 

Tendency to use food to deal with stress

› I maintain a healthy weight, but still feel negative about overeating sometimes due to emotional reasons. I am coping with this through calorie counting at the moment.

 

Perfectionism and fear of failure

› This is something I fight regularly. I have to constantly remind myself that I wouldn't get anything worthwhile done if demanded perfect every time.

 

Procrastination and avoidance

› This is better than it used to be. I think Stefan talked about procrastination as being a response to a slave-driver mentality. When I set reasonable tasks and treat myself with respect, procrastination is lessened.

[Wuzzums]

I'm impulsive when it comes to judging people which is why I never trust my first impressions.

[A4E]

Calorie counting sounds very stressful. So that seems like it can add to your emotions, creating a cycle.

 

I have struggled with perfectionism in the past. But have been able to lessen it significantly by noting that;

-I will probably never know the best way to do something, so why torment myself about something I don't know.

-Doing something will make me able to do it better, contrary to not doing.

-No one started doing perfect things out of the blue.

[NotDarkYet]

A crippling level of competitiveness in regards to having a good girlfriend.

 

If a friend of mine has a more beautiful and/ore smarter girlfriend - I'm furious with myself for being a failure, and I feel the need to "level up".

 

This has destroyed my ability to be trustworthy in love and I've hurt many people.

 

Now I'm nearly 40 and still can't decide who I should be with....

 

I wish I could just feel ok with who I'm with.  It's a nightmare.

 

I definitely have some deep pathology that therapy hasn't yet to cured.

[S1988]

I can be unsympathetic at times, even when I'm not trying. There were times when I unintentionally said hurtful things and got attacked for them. I also find other people's venting irritating sometimes. I think it's due to the fact that I'm on the schizoid spectrum and that I grew up with a Three Faces of Eve-type mother who used me as an involuntary unpaid therapist when I wasn't her kicked puppy.

 

I tend to practice analysis paralysis because some people's actions put my brain in a tailspin, and I attempt to figure out why they do what they do, and if I don't get a concrete answer, I conjure my own theories about them.

 

I have a hard time following directions since my mind wanders a lot. I tend to spend lots of time daydreaming or analyzing something.

 

Procrastination is a flaw of mine as well, especially with chores. But, since I live alone, I can get away with it.

[Dylan Lawrence Moore]

Do you try to overcome them? Some of mine:

 

Indecisive or slow to make important decisions

› I'm not sure this is a terrible flaw since I think it's good to be careful with big decisions. However, it inhibits my life when I become paralyzed with indecision. I seek to overcome this through journaling and consciously pushing myself to take risks.

 

I practiced making rash decisions simply for the sake of training. Knowing when to think and knowing when you act is like knowing when to put your car in reverse or drive. There is no formula. You have to see your surroundings and decide what is best right there.

 

 

Social shyness and timidity

› I've forced myself beyond my comfort zone in the past. It has taught me how to appear socially comfortable, but I find it difficult to achieve in reality. I think some of this is about being able to accept myself as I am, which ties in with the next flaw.

 

I put myself in situations that forced me to interact. I worked out to increase my confidence. I changed my diet to increase my testosterone and energy. I learned how to pick up and flirt with women for sexual confidence (check out Kezia Noble on youtube for this one).

 

 

Poor ability to express myself verbally

› My vocabulary isn't bad, and I am able to physically speak (public speaking is reasonable). I clam up emotionally and this affects my ability to express myself. I was not encouraged to speak my mind as I grew up. I'm attempting to do better now with people I trust, but it is still difficult.

 

I trained in Aikido at a Shinto shrine that did all the Shinto rituals, one of them was the chanting/praying. I discovered that I had a very powerful voice and chanting gave me the opportunity to open it up. I woke up one day surprised that I was able to talk back to people and communicate more clearly. Learn how to physically use your voice, then worry about the specific words you'll use. Elliott Hulse has good info on this. Look up his youtube video on how to say no.

 

 

Tendency to use food to deal with stress

› I maintain a healthy weight, but still feel negative about overeating sometimes due to emotional reasons. I am coping with this through calorie counting at the moment.

 

I started biohacking. A lot of food stress has to do with a poor gut biome. Different bacteria will release chemicals that will cause stress and sap willpower if you feed yourself poorly (sugar is a prime suspect).

 

 

Perfectionism and fear of failure

› This is something I fight regularly. I have to constantly remind myself that I wouldn't get anything worthwhile done if demanded perfect every time.

 

I still deal with this. I've started businesses that not only do not require perfection, it's actually punished. Simply getting the job done is the most important, and you learn to do that or not make any money.

 

 

Procrastination and avoidance

› This is better than it used to be. I think Stefan talked about procrastination as being a response to a slave-driver mentality. When I set reasonable tasks and treat myself with respect, procrastination is lessened.

 

Tip: find the ONE MOST IMPORTANT THING that you need to do during the day and stop at nothing until you do it. Everything else will fall in line.

[violet]

Calorie counting sounds very stressful. So that seems like it can add to your emotions, creating a cycle.

I expected it to be somewhat stressful, which is why I've avoided it in the past. However, I'm finding that it actually reduces stress for me because I'm not worried about overeating or undereating to any significant degree. I don't make it complicated - just approximate calories for each meal in my head. It's helping me understand good portion sizing.

 

A crippling level of competitiveness in regards to having a good girlfriend.

 

If a friend of mine has a more beautiful and/ore smarter girlfriend - I'm furious with myself for being a failure, and I feel the need to "level up".

 

This has destroyed my ability to be trustworthy in love and I've hurt many people.

 

This is very common - it seems women are particularly prone to it: "could I do better?" I read an interesting book about the decision-making process called 'The Paradox of Choice' by Barry Schwartz. He categorizes people into two categories: maximizers and satisficers. The maximizers are perfectionists and won't stop until they achieve the very best or close to it (like you). This type of person suffers terribly because even when they have a good thing, they wonder if there's something better. And if they let go of the good thing, they're not sure if it was the right choice either. Satisficers are people that have standards, but recognize when something is "good enough" and stop looking at that point. This group still gets "great" without the constant anxiety associated with maximizing.

 

Tip: find the ONE MOST IMPORTANT THING that you need to do during the day and stop at nothing until you do it. Everything else will fall in line.

I like that. It's similar to a technique I use to get myself going when I'm avoiding. Often, I think I'm afraid of something taking too long and sucking up precious time. So I promise myself that I only have to do a task for ten minutes and then I can stop if I want to. The interesting thing is that often I don't want to stop after the initial time and I just get the task done. If I do want to stop, I will, but then I'll do another ten minutes another time.

[Oerlemike]

-Lack of daring. I'll often choose the safe path because I can count on that being solid. Think about choosing different fields in an internship, or going to the same restaurant to order the same things. It can be extreme and little.

 

-Self imposed isolation. I'll get asked to socialize, but often choose to stay at home or come up with a reason why I can't go. Once I've cancelled, I'll feel guilty for doing so then complain there's not enough social activities to go to. This is such a stupid one, and I'm working on moving past it. It's a bit of a toss up between "Is this a valid reason?" and "Is this a temporary feeling?" 

 

-Lack of work. I study from 0800 to 2100 every Monday and Tuesday, then I work at my internship from 0700 to 1600 till the Weekend. I could work on Saturday/Sunday, but I claim it's important I have room to do my collegework and have time to breathe. It is, but I also feel I enhance it too much to the point where it's a reason for me not to work (an extra job.)

 

-Surounding myself with people who are easy to get positivity from. It's usually people who have mental conditions and are quickly dependent. I'll be happy to help them, happy that they rely on me and then I get upset I only have people who want things from me directly around myself. I've started creating room, treating people who were previously dependent as equal friends rather than a one sided relationship.

 

All in all I think I need to get out and try and dare more, rather than get the easy fuzzy vibes. 

 

[dysfunc_survivor]

My flaws are many