hmulder66 Posted July 3, 2017 Posted July 3, 2017 In advance sorry for any grammatical errors or weird sentences. I tried to fix what i could find but there might be some errors left. Yesterday I was driving around with my cousin(Well call him "John"). He is a normal kid who grew up in a stable religious house. However yesterday he started talking about his relationship with his girlfriend(well call her "Eva") and in particular her parents. She was abused as a child by her father and her mother left to marry another man. All the children and her mother have had therapy for this. However John talked about her parents starting to get more hostile about his religious background over time. Now while I am not religous myself even though I grew up in a religious family myself. I still don't think it is negative for my cousin to be religious. Now the problem is about the behaviour of Eva's parents to him. I already talked to him about this and, told him that their behaviour towards him should also be seen as a distrust in their daughter. The only remaining issue I am facing is convincing the parents. They do not want to take another therapy session because obviously they don't believe there is an issue. But it seems I do have some influence and effect on the situation and, I'd like to help them with this. Here are the things I still need to know in order to make a strong point. And after googleing i still haven't found much myself: What are the biggest tells someone turns out te be an abusive parent? What are the signs a child has not dealt with an abusive childhood? To what effect can I trust Eva's judgement of her mother? What does this situation say about John because he chose Eva? I really want to thank anyone who can give their input as this situation is best dealt with sooner then later. Also I understand that the best solution is therapy. But since they don't seem to see the problem this is not an option at the moment.
RichardY Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 Sounds a bit like the movie The Butterfly Effect or the Book "Notes from the Underground" by Fyodor Dostoyevsky. They don't want the daughter Eva to leave, using religion as an excuse. Support your cousin the best way you can as a friend, but ultimately it is his and Eva's decision, given what you have said, the parents are superfluous. Getting involved may make the situation worse.
RichardY Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 Wild guess, but are Eva's parents Jewish and John is a Christian.
Jsbrads Posted September 1, 2017 Posted September 1, 2017 Good healthy people naturally want to help others even if those others are very damaged. That is perfectly natural, tho probably not the best way to seek your own success in life. once John is in a relationship, it is hard to break out of. But if he gets out, explain that he would be better off with someone who isn't so broken. He will be happier is he can make someone else happy. Hope that helps
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