My current Relationship

[dmart1287]

I'm currently with a women for about 5 months, a lot of things have been going great. This woman has by far treated me better than any other women I've dated. She shares a similar culture and values as me, The only issue I have and I try to deal with is she has had multiple sex partners. When asked how many partners has she had? she gives me the answer of less than 10, leaves me a bit suspicious because I as a man know my number. The reason I like to know this information is due to potential genetic information that might be passed down from other partners. There are some things that worry me as well such as she comes from a single mother, and she does not care to have friendships, and she prefers animals over humans. Another thing is she is not the most curious women out there, she cares only about watching TV and movies, which are completely antithetical to me. As I see Movies and TV as usually propaganda machines that try to infect their venom on the population. I have had talks about kids and I think she would be a great mother as she agrees with not using force on children. Also, she has has been engaged twice and when asking why were they called off? her answer is "they fucked up". Which makes me suspicious and ask why did you choose such bad men then? I've come to the logical conclusion since she has had no father she has not had a male role model. The fathers duty would have been to protect her daughter from such toxic men. Her mother has not been able to make good decision on men, which is why it has translated to her picking bad men. I'm asking in this group are my concerns valid or am I just examining this situation a bit too critically?

[Eudaimonic]

It's difficult to judge from the outside.

I would suggest starting with yourself. Look into your childhood for clues as to why you find her attractive (rightly or wrongly.) Perhaps seeks some personal therapy to gain some clarity on your direction or motives with this relationship.

You may even try using some Real Time Relationships techniques or Imago tools to express these concerns with your girlfriend and work through them if you really feel there is a future between you two.

Most importantly: trust your feelings. Logic and analysis are helpful, but nothing replaces the indication of the relationship you get from what you immediately feel as she walks in the door. There is certainty there you can use to guide your choices.

Hope this helps! 

[Frederik]

I strongly support Eudaimonic's notion to start with yourself. The better your understanding of yourself is (i.e. the quality of your relationship with yourself), the better you will be able to understand your relationships with others.

You asked if your concerns are valid. If we look at the information that you provided:

• Comes from a single mother: Does not mean she can’t have a successful marriage, but it will be that much more unlikely for as long as she does not work on herself (i.e. self-knowledge through therapy etc.)
• Had multiple sex partners: Statistically, a successful marriage becomes less likely the higher the number of previous sexual partners (The Truth About Sex)
• Prefers animals over humans: I don’t quite understand what you mean by that, but it makes me wonder if she would be a good mother if she might like kittens more than babies.
• Engaged twice and blames the men: This is, undoubtedly, a huge red flag. If she does not know what went wrong, worse yet, takes no responsibility for her part (in the failure) of the relationship, she becomes unpredictable and you could end up in the same place.

Based on these points, I would certainly agree that there is reason for concern.

In the absence of a gain in self-knowledge, recreation of the past becomes inevitable.

Therefore, I would encourage to talk more about things related to self-knowledge, such as talking more about the past relationships and possibly her childhood, to gauge her openness towards personal growth.