Question about ACE Score

[S1988]

Do certain questions apply to my ACE score if I have no memory of what happened?

The questions about my mother being in an abusive relationship and someone using drugs in the home happened when I was too young to be aware of what was going on. I didn't know about my parents' addictions until my early 20s and I have vague memories of my brother's addiction problems. If I take those away, my ACE score would be a 3. If I count them in, it'd be a 5.

I learned that anyone with a score of 5 or over are at great risk of health/mental issues. I wonder if that explains why in spite of insecurities I struggle with, I don't (and never had) addiction nor chronic health problems.

 

[Erwin]

How do you know you have no mental health issues? Have you consulted a psychologist?

Also note: The DSM requirement for a personality trait to be diagnosed as a mental health issue is that it is so maladaptive, it interferes with at least one area of your life (i.e. social, romantic, or professional). So you may have maladaptive traits, but you keep them in check.

Personal example, being exposed to Stefan made me realize I had a lack of empathy. Ever since, I personally will myself into considering the incentives and goals of the people I deal with, in every situation. I have benefited in doing this in 2 ways:

1) Increased social cohesion / attachment with those who share my values

2) I have become quick to recognize those who do not share my values, and quick to cut those ties

[S1988]

I've never seen a psychologist, but I've read about mental health issues online.

I know depression is a mental health issue that involves seeing no point in living, and that doesn't apply to me. I don't feel dead inside all the time.

Anxiety: While everyone has something they worry about, it doesn't get to the point where I can't function.

Inferiority Complex: Not sure if this is a mental health issue, but I do have this as a result of being demonized when making mistakes while being expected to understand theirs. Now, when I make a blunder, I remind myself that mistakes are opportunities to learn and that being human isn't something that's only reserved for others and not for me.

Schizoid: This is debatable. While some medical literature say this is an issue, I don't think it is because I like being alone. It allows me to be myself and do things on my own time instead of on someone else's time. What bothers me are busybodies who shame me for living a lifestyle that hurts no one and want to fix a "problem" that isn't one. I don't like it when people act as if they know what's best for me better than I do even when they're 90 percent off the mark.

 

 

[Drew.]

2 hours ago, S1988 said:

Do certain questions apply to my ACE score if I have no memory of what happened?

The questions about my mother being in an abusive relationship and someone using drugs in the home happened when I was too young to be aware of what was going on. I didn't know about my parents' addictions until my early 20s and I have vague memories of my brother's addiction problems. If I take those away, my ACE score would be a 3. If I count them in, it'd be a 5.

I learned that anyone with a score of 5 or over are at great risk of health/mental issues. I wonder if that explains why in spite of insecurities I struggle with, I don't (and never had) addiction nor chronic health problems.

 

I would say that the events that happened preverbal, prememory are even more influential because from birth to toddlerhood is a huge developmental process for children.

[S1988]

16 minutes ago, Drew Davis said:

I would say that the events that happened preverbal, prememory are even more influential because from birth to toddlerhood is a huge developmental process for children.

But, how can events in my babyhood/toddlerhood affect me even though I don't have memories of being that young? Things I do remember have more of an effect on me than things I don't remember, like being picked on during my K-12 years because they were more "recent."

[Drew.]

1 hour ago, S1988 said:

But, how can events in my babyhood/toddlerhood affect me even though I don't have memories of being that young? Things I do remember have more of an effect on me than things I don't remember, like being picked on during my K-12 years because they were more "recent."

Who says that you don't have memories? Memories of that age are likely going to be flashes of images, incomprehensible and likely written off as just imagination.

I know for me personally, my twin sister died next to me during the night when we were both three months old, and historically, I have always had problems falling asleep at night.

[Erwin]

2 hours ago, S1988 said:

I've never seen a psychologist, but I've read about mental health issues online.

Good to know about mental health issues, but I think the internet is a horrible way to know for sure if you have any issues. For a diagnosis, you need a doctoral level psychologist.

Have you considered that?

[S1988]

39 minutes ago, Drew Davis said:

Who says that you don't have memories? Memories of that age are likely going to be flashes of images, incomprehensible and likely written off as just imagination.

I know for me personally, my twin sister died next to me during the night when we were both three months old, and historically, I have always had problems falling asleep at night.

I admit I do have very few memories of my babyhood, something I probably should have mentioned earlier, but none of them were traumatizing. They involved me doing something silly or gross like dancing to music in my crib, playing with my toys, or puking on my sister's pillow. Other than those, I have no other memories of my infanthood and nothing of my toddlerhood.

Perhaps some people have stronger memories than others. I've heard of cases about people who didn't remember their lives before age 17, which befuddles me since teen years are more "recent" than infant years.

My strongest memories exist between age four and the present. Besides, I'm not sure if I want to remember what was going on before my parents separated and eventually divorced. (I kind of already know anyway from "therapy sessions" with my mother, with me being the "therapist.") I have enough to deal with concerning my current memories.

23 minutes ago, Erwin said:

Good to know about mental health issues, but I think the internet is a horrible way to know for sure if you have any issues. For a diagnosis, you need a doctoral level psychologist.

Have you considered that?

I don't know. First, it's out of my price range, and second, I'm not sure if I'll be successful in find a psychologist who doesn't want to "fix" me.

[Drew.]

39 minutes ago, S1988 said:

I admit I do have very few memories of my babyhood, something I probably should have mentioned earlier, but none of them were traumatizing. They involved me doing something silly or gross like dancing to music in my crib, playing with my toys, or puking on my sister's pillow. Other than those, I have no other memories of my infanthood and nothing of my toddlerhood.

Perhaps some people have stronger memories than others. I've heard of cases about people who didn't remember their lives before age 17, which befuddles me since teen years are more "recent" than infant years.

My strongest memories exist between age four and the present. Besides, I'm not sure if I want to remember what was going on before my parents separated and eventually divorced. (I kind of already know anyway from "therapy sessions" with my mother, with me being the "therapist.") I have enough to deal with concerning my current memories.

I don't know. First, it's out of my price range, and second, I'm not sure if I'll be successful in find a psychologist who doesn't want to "fix" me.

Right. But, you don't have to have a memory of something for it to impact you. A traumatizing event alters the brain structure. Whether you remember it or not, the body does.

If you're looking for a therapist, I offer my services. I'm affordable. I do try to help people improve their lives, and I do take great joy in resolving issues, so that might conflict with the "fixing" part. But, I do not see the individual as pathological. A dysfunctional person is primarily dysfunctional because they were forced to be someone besides themselves, that they were forced to grow up sooner than they should have.

[S1988]

1 hour ago, Drew Davis said:

A dysfunctional person is primarily dysfunctional because they were forced to be someone besides themselves, that they were forced to grow up sooner than they should have.

It can happen the other way around, too, that they weren't allowed to grow up. In some cases, like mine, it was a bit of both: sometimes I was the bad child, other times I was the substitute psychologist.

[Drew.]

Just now, S1988 said:

It can happen the other way around, too, that they weren't allowed to grow up. In some cases, like mine, it was a bit of both: sometimes I was the bad child, other times I was the substitute psychologist.

Yeah, for sure. I know that I played that role with my mother, too.

[Erwin]

2 hours ago, S1988 said:

I don't know. First, it's out of my price range, and second, I'm not sure if I'll be successful in find a psychologist who doesn't want to "fix" me.

As for the price range of therapy, there are 2nd-best options out there, like group sessions. Since many attend, the therapist gets to lower the fee by a lot. You won't get a diagnosis from a therapist (they're not allowed to), but you'll still be able to work on whatever issue you're having.

As for "fixing" you, that sounds like some kind of life coach thing. Nowadays, what therapists usually do is called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), and a big part of it is to not force solutions on you. Instead, the goal is to get you to determine if something is an issue and to help you come to your own solutions.