Scarrymommy

[trontastic]

Your kid is a Brat, And it's your fault. 

I think Stefan would have a field day with this article.

http://www.scarymommy.com/brat-kid-your-fault/?utm_source=FB

 

[NAPParenting]

It's awful. I'm not sure if it even dignifies a response, or more publicity here.

Highlights (I'm summarizing):

Don't negotiate, don't help your child carry heavy things, don't seek your child's preferences at meal time, don't worry so much about them being happy, conceal from your child any disagreements you have with your spouse, force your child to work (or pay rent), kids should have no excuses for "bad behavior" or poor work ethic (not even due to physical hunger or fatigue), kids should be the first to challenge authorities, and only after they fail should the parent get involved.

I'm hoping the good folks on this forum are as put-off as I am by this advice, but would be interested to start a discussion with those who would defend it.

[OldManChris]

Super late response to this, but I wanted to weigh in bit.  The writer seems to believe that parents are too permissive, and all of her advice is predicated on how not to be manipulated or controlled by the child.  For example, the first "reason" you have a bratty child is that parents negotiate:

Quote

Our child wants something, so the negotiation begins. “I’ll buy that if you behave” is echoed in the aisles of stores all across America. And when he doesn’t behave, we can be heard saying, "Okay, I’ll give you one more chance.” This, of course, turns into several more chances. My favorite negotiation is “I promise I’ll do it later!” Negotiation can be a good tool, but if it’s going to be effective, we must draw a line that can’t be crossed. Cross the line and the negotiation game is over.

While I won't say that overall her advice is bad, she clearly takes the completely opposite extreme, i.e. her attitude of (to paraphrase) "boo hoo your backpack is heavy suck it up."  Or "I'll just clean up his room because he'll never do it."  It's as if she doesn't see the possibility of having reasonable boundaries and expectations for a child while still having the respect and flexibility to accommodate their preferences.

[Jsbrads]

I'm not sure what Stefan said about parents sharing their arguments with children, but coming from a low class home, I would have rather they argued less in my presence...

[Livemike]

"We negotiate.
Our child wants something, so the negotiation begins. “I’ll buy that if you behave” is echoed in the aisles of stores all across America. "
So right from the start she doesn't know the difference between negotiations and protection racketeering.  This is not a good start.  Yeah you don't have to negotiate about things you should get for free, like some peace while you're shopping.  That's doesn't mean you get to dictate everything. 

"We clean his room.
Sometimes we just can’t take it anymore. His room looks like a bomb hit it. Dirty clothes, wet towels, unmade bed — shit everywhere... Yet, he is still allowed to go to all of his planned activities and play dates. He’s still allowed to watch TV for a couple of hours and have friends over."

Yeah unless it's a smell/health issue, why do you care?  He's still a free human being who should be allowed to do things he likes if they don't hurt others.  If it is a genuine simply refuse to do him favors like giving him a lift until it's clean.  Clearly the trying to bully him approach isn't working why not try negotia... oh right, you're not good at that.

"We carry the backpack.
Yes, it’s heavy. I know. Sometimes stuff is heavy. She has homework to do. When we pick up our kid and proceed to carry everything out to the car for her, we are doing too much."
Taking bets, who thinks this woman got men to carry the heavy stuff all her life.

"I do not remember ever being asked what I wanted for dinner... I remember being served only four meal variations: chicken, meatloaf, spaghetti, and this really disgusting pork chops and red rice creation that I loathed. "
Wow, so did your mom not communicate with you well enough to know you "loathed" that "really disgusting " meal, your words, or did she delibately do something that made you feel bad over 900 times?  Moms and governments, the ideal jobs for when asking for or responding to feedback is just too much effort.

"His plans trump ours.
“Sorry we can’t go, Bobby has a game.” This is okay — most of the time. Of course we want to go to the game. But other times, the game (and Bobby) must take a back seat to our life. Bobby will do just fine getting a ride."
This bits reasonable, the point of children's sports shouldn't be to please their parents anyway, and yes there are sometimes more important things going on. Then again if you want them to sit through your boring dinner with whoever you want to impress some tit for tat might not go astray. 

"We fail to give them chores or responsibilities.
If the kid isn’t setting the table, clearing the table, loading a dishwasher, raking leaves, or taking the dog out, then the kid should be paying rent."
Again this is reasonable, the house doesn't keep itself and if it's not unreasonable to expect a kid to help out.  

"We make excuses for bad behavior or grades.
We all seem to make this mistake. Bad behavior is bad behavior. “She’s tired and hungry” is a terrible excuse."
Well it is if she actually controls her sleep times and food.  Yeah making excuses for bad behavior is bad, but not finding out why it happened in the first place is worse.

"We argue with the teacher and the coach.
It’s important to stick up for our kids, but only after our kids have advocated for themselves."
Umm... why?  Whether or not your kids advocate for themselves shouldn't affect whether or not you stick up for them.   Whether they are actually in the right does. 
" When a teacher remarks that our child has less than diligent work habits, believe her. "
Wow, just believe her.  Don't bother to assess facts or ask for evidence, let alone get the other side of the story.  Just let someone with an obvious conflict of interest tell you something and believe it.  If you ever need to get out of jury duty I'll be there.
But OK let's say we believe her, why should a kid develop good work habits about something 

"Attention is good. Involved parents are wonderful. But, it’s how attentive and involved we are that does the damage. When we let our kids negotiate, we are doing it wrong. "
So you should be involved, but only in a way that doesn't grant them agency, then get surprised when they're not fired up about doing what we want them to do.

"All kids need to learn to eat pork chops with chunky red rice and canned green beans once in a while. It builds character."
No it breeds submission to mindless garbage that could have been avoided if you had the slightest empathy.