Slowly gaining self-knowledge and struggling with marriage formed prior

[barn]

On 12/01/2017 at 7:21 AM, Elizbaeth said:

I feel my heart doing this daily dance of growing and shrinking, and I am looking for a lifeline to save my sons and myself and my husband from silent misery and disconnect. I dream of the mutual joy and love that my husband and I at times share, and could share daily. Our family life has improved so very much with just me being more aware and purposeful, but I need guidance and don't trust any relationship advice from people around me or from the rest of the internet. 

Hi @Elizbaeth

(I aaaalways misspell your nick, having to correct it each time at least twice... ah, the horrors )

Ok.

So it's been a month or so. I was wondering if you think there's anything noteworthy that you would like to share upon reflecting your original post.

The whole first post, it's just that little part seemed what the original sentiment crystallised into...

Barnsley

[Elizbaeth]

2 hours ago, barn said:

Hi @Elizbaeth

(I aaaalways misspell your nick, having to correct it each time at least twice... ah, the horrors )

Ok.

So it's been a month or so. I was wondering if you think there's anything noteworthy that you would like to share upon reflecting your original post.

The whole first post, it's just that little part seemed what the original sentiment crystallised into...

Barnsley

Lol no worries about misspelling my username - it was supposed to be Elizabeth, but I mistyped when I created my login info. 

 

Things have been really good!! I actually have been feeling like we're in paradise, and he keeps doing things that assure me he feels the same. It's quite a blessing. I think that even just talking on here was a good pressure-reliever for me, and let me get some insight and figure out how to act without blowing up emotionally. 

Thank you for all your interest and time. It has been a real help!

[barn]

2 minutes ago, Elizbaeth said:

I think that even just talking on here was a good pressure-reliever for me, and let me get some insight and figure out how to act without blowing up emotionally. 

I am a strong believer of 'pay me now or pay me later, but you will pay either way' principle and was wondering if you had started out on a journey that would end up the two of you sharing more thoughts(even starting you sharing this very same community with him).

Maybe it is what you see on your end, I don't know. It's just that this temporary relief could trick you into thinking that the past is farther away when it's only in the 'parking orbit slowly inching closer to become a meteor crashing down unexpectedly' . But that's just me, I could be overthinking, dramatising it.

 

[Elizbaeth]

1 hour ago, barn said:

am a strong believer of 'pay me now or pay me later, but you will pay either way' principle and was wondering if you had started out on a journey that would end up the two of you sharing more thoughts(even starting you sharing this very same community with him).

Maybe it is what you see on your end, I don't know. It's just that this temporary relief could trick you into thinking that the past is farther away when it's only in the 'parking orbit slowly inching closer to become a meteor crashing down unexpectedly' . But that's just me, I could be overthinking, dramatising it.

I believe in that, too. I don’t think we’re avoiding controversial subjects or just pretending that everything is ok. We’ve had some really wonderful, honest, revealing conversations lately and I think it is increasing the feeling of intimacy for both of us. It feels very rewarding, and makes me feel quite optimistic about the future. I think I didn’t really trust in the “good times” before, since I did have the sense that there was always something bad waiting to crash down unexpectedly. Of course, this happy season we’re in right now can very well continue, provided both of us stay engaged with each other and turn toward one another with honesty and empathy. I don’t think that there will never be issues again or anything that niaive, but it does feel like we really turned a page in how we handle things.  I think this is the value of commitment... we were both good people in some ways before we met, and we both had some very big character failings, too, and I doubt either of us would have faced those flaws without the seriousness of our relationship. And since we’re both dead-set I’m staying together, it forces us to either figure our problems out or live a silent death lol.

[barn]

Thank you for answering. 

That's great. Sounds good. I'm glad you feel optimistic and hopeful.