How to Deal with Narcissists

[Dylan Lawrence Moore]

I've been wanting to share this information for awhile. I grew up with a narcissistic parent and I've run into several people now who have had to deal with narcissists in their lives. Dealing with a narcissist is very dangerous and a massively toxic influence to your life. Understanding them can be very difficult, but once you know what to look for, everything makes sense. I try to offer some practical advice on identifying and dealing with narcissists.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[barn]

Hi @Dylan Lawrence Moore

Thumbs up on your creation, hope it adds value and understanding to those seeking answers.

If you were interested in my take, regarding how to deal with such individuals (accepting full agency and giving full agency) :

What does it mean to 'deal' with?

Fixing?

Worthless to even try. You can't have a relationship with someone who doesn't want to be in a real time relationship. It's illusory. Until they start caring about others. Then it's different.

Managing?

Coldly, sharing as little as possible. They're a black hole with a strong gravity, anything that comes near the 'event horizon' never sees the light again. Keeping them at a constant distance with jetpacks pre-warmed is a wise precaution.

If anyone is locked up in the ABC (Stefan M.'s reference = Accidental Biological Cage), just do as they say and as quickly as possible. Be as conflict avoiding as possible and start planning your freedom, a future with people who are not seeing you as livestock. Evil people make evil decisions forever, don't risk being infected with their cognitive dissonance.

Barnsley

 

[Dylan Lawrence Moore]

Update on this: how you know when you're right about something.

For those who haven't watched, I talk about my mom a lot in this video, as I use her as my source of examples to describe the behavior of narcissists. I do not talk to my mom at all; I have her blocked on all media and if she tries to reach out with something like a new phone number, I block it immediately. I haven't spoken to her in 4 years.

Yesterday morning (Christmas) I received a call from my grandmother (mother's mother). After I said hello, the first thing out of her mouth was, "Are you into cyberbullying?" I was confused, but it took me a second to realize she was talking about this video. She said my mother had called her that morning crying because she had watched it, that I was being mean for posting something like that, and that I should take it down.

"So," I said, "Let me get this straight. All the things that my mother did to me which I described in the video were not mean, but the fact that I spoke up about it is mean?"

What followed was the most incredible explosion of anger I have ever directed at my grandmother. It may be on the list of greatest anger explosions from me ever. My grandmother played stupid, changed the subject, became passive aggressive, agreed with me then repeated her initial attacks, and did anything she could to dodge the fact that my mother was culpable for her abuse, and that I was justified in creating the video. No matter what went on in the conversation, she kept bringing it back to how I should take the video down. She claimed incredulousness--"Why didn't you ever say anything as a child? I never noticed anything was going on." I told her directly over the phone that she was lying to me, that no one can be that stupid (she literally lived across the street from where I grew up and I was over at her house every day), and that she was denying what I was saying because to accept it would mean she was largely responsible in creating the monster which is my mother. She of course denied this and kept trying to change the subject.

I lasted for about 20 minutes before I simply said, "I see the conversation is going nowhere. Bye." If you couldn't have guessed it, my wife and I did not go to the family Christmas dinner.

My wife heard the whole thing (probably my neighbors, too  ), and after I was finished came over to tell me that I was right about everything I had said. Since getting married (1+ years ago), I had been talking to my grandmother more because I wanted my wife to have some sort of family to experience on my side. She visits my grandma every few weeks to go to lunch and talk. I didn't think much of it until she told me something later that day.

She told me that during one of her visits, my grandmother and her were out to lunch and they got on the subject of my upbringing. My wife told me that my grandmother had told her that, "[Dylan's upbringing] wasn't as bad as [Dylan] describes it."

While this comment seemed innocuous as first, I thought about it for the rest of the day and my anger grew. My initial thoughts were: how could she possibly know that? But then I realized this wasn't the right way to think about it. The right way to think about it was: no one is capable of knowing about someone else's experience better than they are, and everyone knows that. What that means is my grandmother told my wife a bald-face lie in order to discredit me in my wife's eyes.

As my anger grew throughout the day, the real understanding clicked. "It's not as bad as he describes it." In my video, I go over several specific examples and stories of exactly how my mother treated me. The reason this caused such a fiasco with my mother and my grandmother is this: it is much more difficult to deny a specific story. If I say, "My upbringing was bad." And the response is, "You're overblowing it." Everything is vague. Everything is easily to combat verbally. However, if I have specific instances of abuse and insanity, "you're overblowing it" isn't strong enough magic to dispell the problem.

What my video did was create an undeniable record of abuses that could not be defended against. This is why there was such a freakout from both my mother and my grandmother. My mother, true to my definition in the video, was obviously obsessed about her image and couldn't care less about what she did to someone else, thus applied any manipulative thumbscrew that she could to get me to take it down (get grandma to guilt me). Grandma was completely on board because it tacitly exposed her as well. Her terror of being exposed evidenced from her downplaying of my experience to my wife, which was essentially a bald-faced lie to her in order to get her to trust me less.

The result: my mother and my grandmother's reactions proved I was right.

Yesterday I decided that in response to their freaking out and flailing, that I would endeavor to make the video more available. I want it to be clear that there are consequence to fucking with me and my family.

Please share this video if you know someone who can find this information useful.

[twinklingwinter]

Your mom is a full-on psychopath, one that I've never seen for myself. I can't imagine the hell you must've gone through. God... I knew you had it rough, but listening at all the examples is something entirely different. Good on you that you managed to find a way to get that demon out of your head, that's heroic. It's even more heroic to have the balls to call her out.

Anyway, loved the video. It's very informative, and I recommend it for everyone here.

[meetjoeblack]

With tinder, bumble, IG, and social media, this is a growing problem but, I see more "pretentious" narcissism. By this, I mean to say, IG ass pics today or posturing/flexing online. Victimhood tomorrow! This is not actual narcissism but, delusion and more crazy SJWs. I mention before, girl says, "I am never getting married. Done with men. Just need a good looking guy for dick." Same girl posts IG ass pics then is a victim when every sociopath comes to smash. We got Tai Lopez, mr "Here in my garage" with lambos he rented and "here in my mansion" which is actually a airbnb rental. 

There is a lot of this sort of fuckery online and in general. Tons of time vampires. People need to sift through most of it. If it doesn't add value, it should be avoided at all costs. 

 

[Dylan Lawrence Moore]

On 12/25/2017 at 10:38 AM, barn said:

Hi @Dylan Lawrence Moore

Thumbs up on your creation, hope it adds value and understanding to those seeking answers.

If you were interested in my take, regarding how to deal with such individuals (accepting full agency and giving full agency) :

What does it mean to 'deal' with?

Fixing?

Worthless to even try. You can't have a relationship with someone who doesn't want to be in a real time relationship. It's illusory. Until they start caring about others. Then it's different.

Managing?

Coldly, sharing as little as possible. They're a black hole with a strong gravity, anything that comes near the 'event horizon' never sees the light again. Keeping them at a constant distance with jetpacks pre-warmed is a wise precaution.

 

Thanks Barnsley.

Did you watch the whole video? Near the end I gave my ideas on how to deal with narcissists, and I clearly said that they couldn't be "fixed".

[Dylan Lawrence Moore]

13 hours ago, meetjoeblack said:

With tinder, bumble, IG, and social media, this is a growing problem but, I see more "pretentious" narcissism. By this, I mean to say, IG ass pics today or posturing/flexing online. Victimhood tomorrow! This is not actual narcissism but, delusion and more crazy SJWs. I mention before, girl says, "I am never getting married. Done with men. Just need a good looking guy for dick." Same girl posts IG ass pics then is a victim when every sociopath comes to smash. We got Tai Lopez, mr "Here in my garage" with lambos he rented and "here in my mansion" which is actually a airbnb rental. 

There is a lot of this sort of fuckery online and in general. Tons of time vampires. People need to sift through most of it. If it doesn't add value, it should be avoided at all costs. 

 

Dude, I've seen a lot of your posting around here recently and you have seem to have a serious, serious hangup about women and dating. It's like every single topic you post on terms into a rant against western women, regardless of the subject. I'm not saying you're not correct, but to get a better grasp on your life, you may want to figure out how to not dip into that mode at every opportunity. 

[barn]

1 hour ago, Dylan Lawrence Moore said:

Thanks Barnsley.

Did you watch the whole video? Near the end I gave my ideas on how to deal with narcissists, and I clearly said that they couldn't be "fixed".

Yes, you did say. I am glad we both agree, narcissists can't be fixed from 'the outside'.

[Dylan Lawrence Moore]

54 minutes ago, barn said:

Yes, you did say. I am glad we both agree, narcissists can't be fixed from 'the outside'.

I don't know if they can be fixed from the inside, either. Like I mentioned in the video, the narcissist thinks it's great that the whole world exists for them, so why would they even want to change? I've ever heard if they go to therapy that they become worse, because it just makes them more manipulative from their new and better understanding of human psychology.

Two options are all I know: 1. completely remove them from your life or 2. Just agree with everything they say when you meet them, then do whatever you wanted to do anyway when they're gone.

[meetjoeblack]

3 hours ago, Dylan Lawrence Moore said:

Dude, I've seen a lot of your posting around here recently and you have seem to have a serious, serious hangup about women and dating. It's like every single topic you post on terms into a rant against western women, regardless of the subject. I'm not saying you're not correct, but to get a better grasp on your life, you may want to figure out how to not dip into that mode at every opportunity. 

I came to the forum to seek a solution. Thus far, it has not been provided. A lot of know-it-all. One guy talking "quality woman" which of course turned out not to be the case lol 

You did not dispute nor disapprove my post.

Again, I repeat.

There is a lot of pretentious narcissism.

One sec perpetrator.

Next sec victimhood! 

[wyattstorch]

Dylan, thanks for sharing your experiences on this. I think it's pretty helpful on quite a few levels. Especially in the specifics, which were not just similar, but oddly so. It's made me see that these people all share something in common, and if others can see that, it makes being objective about them that much easier.

"The result: my mother and my grandmother's reactions proved I was right."

Ironically, your grandmother and mother's reactions do nothing to defend themselves; they only go to confirm what has been said about malignant narcissist's tendency to downplay their actions, shift responsibility, and play the victim card (among many other things...). What's that saying about not interrupting one's enemy when they are defeating themselves?

Happy new year.





 

[GoodJBoy]

"A narcissist is someone who fails to realize that I am the center of the universe." 

[Dylan Lawrence Moore]

On 2/13/2018 at 1:02 PM, GoodJBoy said:

"A narcissist is someone who fails to realize that I am the center of the universe." 

Annnd.... that summed my video up in one sentence.

[J.L.W]

For no apparent reason when I was young I grew obsessed with sociopaths and read everything I could about them, although I don't believe I have ever met one that has stayed part of my life for any length of time. A blessing surely! I keep only small circles of friends and people quite frequently drift out of my life.

The best book on the subject I ever read was the one by Martha Stout. Although you probably don't need that having built on your own ideas. However, here is an interesting quote from her:

Quote

“After listening for almost twenty-five years to the stories my patients tell me about sociopaths who have invaded and injured their lives, when I am asked, “How can I tell whom not to trust?” the answer I give usually surprises people. The natural expectation is that I will describe some sinister-sounding detail of behavior or snippet of body language or threatening use of language that is the subtle giveaway. Instead, I take people aback by assuring them that the tip-off is none of these things, for none of these things is reliably present. Rather, the best clue is, of all things, the pity play. The most reliable sign, the most universal behavior of unscrupulous people is not directed, as one might imagine, at our fearfulness. It is, perversely, an appeal to our sympathy.”

She also says that the best way to really know if someones a psychopath is to wait until the end of their lives and see if they have alienated everyone around them. I.e. on justice. I don't believe that is enough personally but it is something.

The left always jump into my mind when I read that quote from Martha although I do not go out looking for ways to put the left down.

Another book confirmed your point on if they go to any sort of therapy they are able to evade capture for longer. For the ones with a proclivity to an illegal behaviour.

You are an interesting speaker though, with the analogy of the dog etc and it is good that you have landed on your feet. I knew online a girl who spent a good section of her young life in a mental hospital (for being engaged in a part of life that I do believe in and keep hidden if I ever speak on this forum, she could see auras and entities) and she describes it similarly to how you did.

[ticketyboo]

Anonymous Conservative (of r/K selection fame) wrote a great book on dealing with narcissists: https://www.anonymousconservative.com/blog/how-to-deal-with-narcissists-new-book-release/