Short dream of my ex girlfriend

[Olle Persson]

I had an interesting dream this morning which I would like to share with you and I also would greatly appreciate some help analyzing.

 

Backstory: 

I had a relationship with my ex girlfriend for about 5-6 months about a year ago. She really liked me in the beginning but it ended with her wanting to stay friends instead as the relationship progressed. I didn't think that would work for me so we parted ways. She has since found a well paying job she really wanted and moved on with her life.

Part of me have not gotten over her and still misses her and hopes to get back together. 

 

The dream:

So the dream started with me seeing my ex girlfriend in some kind of cafe in the city, this cafe had a maze like outdoor serving veranda covered in glass where people was sitting down. I was navigating myself through multiple tight doorways which i almost had to squeezed myself through until I got outside.

 

Finally outside she is now in front of me and I felt relieved and happy seeing her. (I wasn't feeling as anxious as I do if I happen to see here in real life). We are doing some catching up and she said something about how she likes that she is surrounded by water where she works.

*The place she works for in real life has a building that is in fact surrounded by water, although I don't she works in this particular building.

 

While we're talking I wanted to end the conversation pretty quickly, not because I didn't want to talk to her, but so as to seem as I was not clinging on to her, like I had no romantic feelings for her and to prove that to her that by suddenly exiting the conversation. To assert myself and my independence. * I Hope this makes sense. 

As I finally said "Well it was nice seeing you, take care" and started turning left to walk away, she suddenly looked surprised and invited me saying something like, "Why don't we go together?".

I got surprised at her invitation but I could help myself in accepting the invitation and I was feeling happy and hopeful, like this was the outcome I had hoped for.

 

However.

The wind was picking up and suddenly the wind with a storm like force was pushing me back and I was forced to lean ridiculously into the wind, think Michael Jackson lean, struggling to get my footing down to counter the wind and move forward. However I did not move much at all and the wind was picking up sand, leaves and debris making it difficult to see.

I lost sight of her, she was now nowhere to be seen and I tough she must be much further away from me. I was looking for her further down a steepening road but couldn't see her. I started to wonder how she could manage this wind/storm when she is much lighter and not as strong as me.

Then I wake up.

 

The key parts in the dream I feel are:

- Maze like glassed in veranda with very small door openings. I was almost to big to get through

- Her inviting me to join her

- The storm/wind

- Losing sight of her

- Step downhill road ahead 

 

What are your thoughts?

Is this dream about my ex or does it represent something else?

 

 

Thanks for taking the time to read this, if you have any comment or suggestion please feel free to share.

 

[barn]

Hi @Olle Persson

A few questions in hopes, that they help you, or those 'seeing' more than I do.

a. What was happening in your life around the time of the conception of the dream?

b. If in our dreams people aren't the real life equivalents but rather our own partially materialised psyche, characters... What aspect of you does she represent?

c. If you 'knew' that she was going to do exactly what she did, why do you think you chose her to act in that way? What were you trying to make yourself 'see'?

d. Which were the elements of your dream that you welcomed and those that you wished were different?

What were the actions that depended on 'you' and those that were coming from 'outside'?

e. When 'you' brought the conversation to an abrupt end, why didn't 'she' comment on that as 'her' being puzzled asking something instead... (but rather went along with the 'script')

d. In real life, what did you like about her? Why were you attracted to her? What are the things that tend to remind you of her?

Barnsley

 

[Olle Persson]

Great questions, thanks for taking the time. 

a. Well I meet an old childhood friend yesterday that I haven't seen in a few years other than that there is nothing especially significant happening that I can think of.

b.  It's actually hard for me to see 'her' as a aspect of me, but she does represent a need for me that I can't fulfill on my own, like a need of acceptance

c. I'm really not sure, I have to think about that. 

d. Well seeing and getting 'her' invitation was welcomed and I didn't like that she disappeared. But also I didn't like that I had to play this game of getting 'her' attention or interest, that I had to hide my emotions and feelings towards 'her' and trying to get her attention by the act of ending the conversation.

Well I could choose how I wanted to interact with 'her', but I didn't feel that I wasn't in control of myself in the dream. The storm was definitely outside of my control though.  I think I felt weighted down by the responsibility of the interaction with 'her' outside of the cafe, she sort of represented a freedom, she could do what ever she liked but I was emotionally dependent of the outcome, that 'she' would invite me. I wasn't emotionally free to simply leave without her because then I would have felt such loneliness. I mean this translates very much to reality if I think of her as my ex-girlfriend.

e. I don't understand this question. Do you mean, why did 'she' went along with the 'script' and not comment on why I ended the conversation?

f. I liked her personality, she had no problem being honest, no shame of telling what she actually feels, a waiter once asked if she liked the food and she simply said, "no I didn't like it". A sort of sternness that I feel I lack myself but would like to have. And obviously she's very attractive as well.  She also did fill a need in me of having company. I don't think I have any special thing that reminds me of her, thoughts of her simply pops up, like imaging what I could have said or done differently.

 

 

[J.L.W]

Your feelings for your girlfriend are exactly as described.

Perhaps the wind represents the opposition of life. The fact that she is more emotionally able to handle these than you are.

[villagewisdom]

The dream is about you and your conscious state of awareness. The dream is describing your relationship with yourself.

The ex-girlfriend is a representation of the inner you, the you that has the inspiration, the motivation, the drive toward one thing or another. Also the you that strives for excellence and self-improvement, to be a "better person" if you will.

The cafe, a place of eating, generally seen as taking in nourishment or knowledge. Doorways lead to areas of exploration in your mind. You have created narrow and specific pathways to knowledge of yourself. Perhaps a little more complicated than necessary or perhaps just a preferred way of organizing how you learn.

Water represents life experiences. Getting to know her (your inner self - your heart) is dependent on your life experiences.

The action indications there is an on again-off again relationship with her (you). This reminds me of having a certain discipline to gain greater self-knowledge and union between inner (who you desire to be) and outer (how you see yourself). Yet there is a disconnect with understanding that the two go together (why don't we go together). The main impediment is uncontrolled and very strong thoughts. Thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking. Thinking so much it is hard to stand up. She is "above" thinking and not affected. Bring the two together. Don't let thoughts dominate. Feel the heart and bring that along, too. 

Bottom line: If you are practicing meditation only while you are sitting still, in the correct position, for the correct amount of time, you are missing the point. The connection made during meditation is a marker for bringing that sense of self into every day life and living. 

Hope this helps. 

[Olle Persson]

5 hours ago, J.L.W said:

Your feelings for your girlfriend are exactly as described.

Perhaps the wind represents the opposition of life. The fact that she is more emotionally able to handle these than you are.

That makes sense, I mean I was stuck in the wind and she wasn't.

[barn]

You're welcome, I hope you get closer to finding answers whatever they might be...

10 hours ago, Olle Persson said:

e. I don't understand this question. Do you mean, why did 'she' went along with the 'script' and not comment on why I ended the conversation?

of my

12 hours ago, barn said:

e. When 'you' brought the conversation to an abrupt end, why didn't 'she' comment on that as 'her' being puzzled asking something instead... (but rather went along with the 'script')

Say, I knew you for a duration of time, got to see your reactions to things, got to hear and see how you are.

It isn't far fetched to assume in similar circumstances, I'd become suspicious or at least surprised to see someone I once was closer to initiated the end of a conversation like that. Perhaps I would ask why that was, maybe even ask if everything was ok... The fact that 'she' didn't, means to me that perhaps 'she' knew more than what 'she' expressed and finally did what you secretly hoped she would. Am I going astray? Isn't that like seeing in the future, knowing the lines of the characters of a movie, expecting the lines they'll say? ('scripted', pre-determined)

10 hours ago, Olle Persson said:

a waiter once asked if she liked the food and she simply said, "no I didn't like it".

Obviously, the context matters and I am only seeing some words without the voice, body language, accompanying signs... but perhaps in a certain setup that can be perceived as a bit too straightforward, some people (quite a few in fact) have a hard time absorbing so naked of a truth, might see it as an unempathetic remark. (I could be tooootally wrong about it, I must admit)

10 hours ago, Olle Persson said:

I don't think I have any special thing that reminds me of her, thoughts of her simply pops up, like imaging what I could have said or done differently.

This sounds as if you are living with, carrying regrets. Unanswered questions of some sort about the past.

[Spladam]

Read the book "Attached" by Amir Levine. It will help greatly in your analysis of this dream. 

I have some theories...

From what I've gathered, the wind may represent you wanting to let go but being unable to due to your romantic attachment style. The wind may represent her effect on you. The most important part of this, from what I've gathered, is that you saw your ex, you wanted to be with her but put effort into pretending you didn't. Then, she actually wanted to see you but something stopped that from going any further.

Wind is not really going to do that to a relationship. Wind, in your sense, represents struggle. The struggle of pushing through loneliness, on two layers, but in the middle layer represents the effect her games have had on you. 

Layer 1: You are lonely without her.

Layer 2: When you are with her, she toys with you psychologically.

Layer 3: This toying disconnects you emotionally from the relationship thus making you lonely with her. 

This is just a theory anyway, I don't actually know how you were feeling about the dream.

This dream may be a manifestation of your longing to be with someone, and inability to see why you can't. 

Can I ask you something? Do you feel as if you're struggling at all when it comes to loneliness? Do you feel like something is going on in the background but you are blind to it? Something everyone else can see but you, something nobody else struggles with except for you?

Also, what was your emotional state after having this dream, and what about during the dream?

 

Hope this helps,

Cheers  

[barn]

Hi @Olle Persson

I just remembered... watch the video...

Foo Fighters - Everlong