Ronin_3000 Posted April 10, 2018 Posted April 10, 2018 My therapist recently made his second scheduling error, which resulted in me going to an appointment for which he was not present. I believe his policy on patients who want to cancel appointments is that they should cancel at least 24 hours before. If the patient fails to cancel in time then they are expected to pay for the cost of the session even if they do not attend. I forgave my therapist the first time he fucked up. However, this time I have decided that there needs to be consequences for his actions. He is asking me to "be compassionate," but I replied that I am being compassionate by giving him a chance to make up for his mistakes. My proposed solution is that he pay me the price of a single session + parking fees to repay me for my wasted time. My alternative proposition is he pays me nothing now, but if he makes another scheduling error, then he pays me 10x the value of a single session. I texted him these propositions last night, and so far he hasn't responded. Thoughts?
barn Posted April 11, 2018 Posted April 11, 2018 Hi @Ronin_3000 Consider, whether it would be a 'real problem' if it happened again and if the answer was yes... Yup, fully agree with RichardY. By the looks of things it seems, it might be easier to not have this issue repeat, than to convince the therapist he changed his ways. It's up to each individual, how they approach mending things, while in my personal experience only a few people respond positively to demands of compensation. Most people who are responsible don't need an ask to know they were supposed to offer some sort of repayment automatically, when they 'wronged' another. However, MOST IMPORTANTLY in my humble amateur-forum-commenter opinion: You want to maximise the amount of help you give yourself overall, on a continuous basis, associated nuisances included. It's what really matters all things considered, right?! Could it be a possibility that you continued with the current one but started looking for another (perhaps, meanwhile things will improve) and 'only jumped ships, when you had another one lined up'? Additionally, exploring the topic together could net the both of you another great insight. It could.
Ronin_3000 Posted April 11, 2018 Author Posted April 11, 2018 It wouldn't be a huge problem if it happened again since my time is not worth much. I am taking this stand on principle. I am holding my therapist to the standards that he holds his patients to.
barn Posted April 11, 2018 Posted April 11, 2018 I agree, you shouldn't be made to waste your time. Are you sure you are focusing your energies on the 'right & constructive' approach? Are you sure, you aren't using the happenings as a justification for a(n) alternative/secondary motivation?
Ronin_3000 Posted April 11, 2018 Author Posted April 11, 2018 I don't know. I know that I can be petty sometimes. Like just now, I bought some blueberries that were on a 2 for 1 sale, but I didn't get a receipt, and I'm not sure that the discount was applied. I'm thinking a lot over this issue which is only worth about 6$.
barn Posted April 11, 2018 Posted April 11, 2018 Notice. Observe. You need solid information to make good decisions. At times, the most that can be achieved is not messing up. I think it is great, that you're noticing the signals coming from your emotions.
barn Posted April 11, 2018 Posted April 11, 2018 A silly example I know, but I used to have a thing in the past about misplaced objects 'automatically being written up' to people 'probably' using them and not leaving it where they had picked them up from. It took me a while until I managed to internalise the FACT that it usually was only in my mind (approx. 1 out of 30 not). Nowadays, I automatically ask myself 'Am I sure, or it's just the knee-jerk reaction?.'
Ronin_3000 Posted April 11, 2018 Author Posted April 11, 2018 The first time my therapist fucked up, he double-scheduled a new patient at the same time as me. He asked me if I was willing to wait 2 hours, and I said I was, but then I changed my mind and left. The second time, he forgot to tell me that he had some therapist training during our appointment. Given this new information, do you think I am being too hard on him by requesting compensation?
barn Posted April 11, 2018 Posted April 11, 2018 Ok. So what I know is that these quotes are different. first 19 hours ago, Ronin_3000 said: I forgave my therapist the first time he fucked up. and 5 hours ago, Ronin_3000 said: The first time my therapist fucked up, he double-scheduled a new patient at the same time as me. He asked me if I was willing to wait 2 hours, and I said I was, but then I changed my mind and left. This could imply some things (seeing the additional information in this second quote, your recent added input) . I'm assuming that he had tried to fix things when the first error was made to which you had initially agreed but then changed your mind. Did either of you bring it up later? (him asking / you mentioning) Â
Ronin_3000 Posted April 13, 2018 Author Posted April 13, 2018 I told him I wanted to take a break from therapy. He phoned me and apologized. He seemed genuinely remorseful so I ended up scheduling our normal session the following week. Regarding this second missed appointment, he just replied to me yesterday. He says he doesn't force clients to pay who miss appointments, but sometimes his wealthier clients pay anyway. I asked him if he would let a patient continually miss appointments without consequences. Also, I offered to let him pay me 3x the value of a session if he makes the same error again. He hasn't replied yet.
barn Posted April 13, 2018 Posted April 13, 2018 6 hours ago, Ronin_3000 said: I told him I wanted to take a break from therapy. He phoned me and apologized. He seemed genuinely remorseful so I ended up scheduling our normal session the following week. Regarding this second missed appointment, he just replied to me yesterday. He says he doesn't force clients to pay who miss appointments, but sometimes his wealthier clients pay anyway. I asked him if he would let a patient continually miss appointments without consequences. Also, I offered to let him pay me 3x the value of a session if he makes the same error again. He hasn't replied yet. Dunno man, maybe it's just me but I feel that the story is getting too complicated. (my own head/view, I'm not saying it's the truth) Perhaps the most constructive thing I can add at this stage is that when things have settled and you want to keep things 'neat', remember what 'went down for you' and uphold the brilliant principle that says: 'an ounce of prevention equals a pound of cure'. i.e. - calling up his office in the morning/the day before will guarantee that no mixup will be likely to occur, plus when people demonstrate a constructive attitude it usually brings an equally positive response in return. (I hazard a guess based upon your two last quotes that he has the ability to do so.) Who knows, maybe even he will do it for you. p.s. (As an added bonus, you'd be also reinforcing your skill of self-care, you'd be more adept at seeing when you really acted unnecessarily/were too much. Less doubt, more certainty.)
Ronin_3000 Posted April 16, 2018 Author Posted April 16, 2018 My therapist is going to give me a free session next week. I guess that's good enough. Also, he told me days in May on which he will not be available.
barn Posted April 16, 2018 Posted April 16, 2018 That sounds like strides of improvement. Additionally, good on you for chiming back about it. Nice one! I hope you won't take it the wrong way if I mention that what had happened for you (remembering it) coupled with a bit of foresight (prevention) will save you many a headaches down the road in similar situations... I strongly recommend, in my opinion. Thumbs up, man!
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