I am leaving my 3 life questions for you to help

[Mark G]

I wrote into the call in show a while ago but I am sure Michael is busy.

I need answers, life & business isn't going to wait for me to try to figure this out for years. 

 

Quick backstory - I am a immigrant to America from the former USSR, I have 3 brothers & 3 sisters. I am the youngest.

All my family is super successful, surgeons, musicians, public speakers. 

 

(ACE Score questions is attached)

Age - 22

ACE Score - 7 / Yes Answers: 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 9, 10

S&D - Yes, Mostly whipped by a thin branch/stick by mom (but extremes is needle through tongue for cussing) 

 - Live far from family now

 

 

Question 1 - My mother was extremely totalitarian when i was a child. She was a helicopter mother, but with thermal cameras & motion sensors, very tyrannical. I am low on conscientiousness & I cannot for the life of me defer gratification, I have a very high addictive personality & super high in neuroticism. I was addicted to many things in my past & still am. (porn, drugs, booze, opioids, adderall)  My question is, First - Is these two thing connected? & how do I start reversing that in a way that does not backfire on me & in a way that is not totalitarian so that I don't rebel from my own system that I put into place.

 

 

 

Question 2 - I am the founder & CEO of a company. I recently met someone very successful & now we are great friends. This friend personally knows Martha Stewart, the owner of Bass Pro Shops, & many other people that are affluent & full of potential opportunities. My problem is I became inert, & dont finish my work. If I work hard enough I can become a millionaire, famous, or successful. Why am I all of the sudden inert? Am I scared of success or fame? If so, how can I overcome this, because I know people would kill to be where I am. BTW I'm getting booked all over USA to do what I do but I still work at the USPS 60hrs a week instead of fully going self employed. I am scared to quit because I know I need a running start but I am not running, I am sleeping.

 

 

 

 

Question 3 - I've hurt animals as a child, I have killed animals while being indifferent as a child. I became an adult & someone gave me a kitten,  

Now Ive never hurt this cat physically but I did mentally. I would be petting the cat & with my other hand punch the wall. As soon these urges started happening everyday I called 

someone & they took the kitten out of my house. Now, I know why that is I do that (my mother had power over me & would hurt me, now I feel good when I have the power over something)

What I do not know is, how can I stop these urges. 

Call In Show Survey.pdf

[Mark G]

I really appreciate all of you!!

Edited May 16, 2018 by Mark G
Exclamation point

[S1988]

Are you open to seeing a therapist to talk about this?

[Mark G]

Just now, S1988 said:

Are you open to seeing a therapist to talk about this?

I went to one therapist, she said she couldn't help.

Went to another, that one was dragging time. I gave up now I work 60 hours a week and fly in and out of town on weekends. So I am not finding time for a therapist, also I seriously dont want to go because of past experience.

[barn]

Hi @Mark G

Welcome to the forum!

Your story is a handful... Thank you for your honesty and please accept my sympathy. (some ACEs relatable 'n all, as with many other people in society I guess)

A couple of things for starters, as I probably would like to ask some more. Hope you won't mind me being curious.

First.

You might find Gabor Mate's work on addiction (it's the 'real work' type work, really dedicated people produce) to say the least, like 'quasar-level' illuminating. I did.

Second.

If yourself could be seen as a friend and you (I know I'm being complicated, bear with me for a sec.) had the ability to talk with, how would the conversation go?

Would your 'friend' tell you that he feels your undivided and dedicated attention, feels supported or... well, not so much?

Third.

What do you think is the pre-requisite to being able to give your all-in for whatever you decide to do later on?

What is, that will be the solid foundation to anything else you might later build on top? Or if you are unsure, what should that foundation be made of, essential ingredient in it?

Fourth.

What do you think about people who don't want to be helped, don't want to accept others trying to help... Can they be helped? Yes? No? Why?

Respectfully,

Barnsley

[Mark G]

2 minutes ago, barn said:

Hi @Mark G

Welcome to the forum!

Your story is a handful... Thank you for your honesty and please accept my sympathy. (some ACEs relatable 'n all, as with many other people I guess)

A couple of things for starters, as I probably would like to ask some more. Hope you won't mind me being curious.

First.

You might find Gabor Mate's work on addiction (it's the 'real work' type work, really dedicated people produce) to say the least 'quasar-level' style illuminating. I did.

Second.

If yourself could be seen as a friend and you (I know I'm being complicated, bear with me for a sec.) had the ability to talk, how would the conversation go?

Would your 'friend' tell you that he feels your undivided and dedicated attention or... well, not so much?

Third.

What do you think is pre-requisite to being able to give your all in whatever you decide to do later on? What is that makes up your foundation to anything else you might later build on top of it?

Fourth.

What do you think about people who don't want to be helped, don't want to accept others trying to help... Can they be helped? Yes? No? Why?

Respectfully,

Barnsley

Thank you so much for replying, I dont mind you asking more.

- I will check out Gabor Mate's book, I read a book a week so i'll do it this week. 

- Seeing myself as another person, well I tried that after reading Jordan Petersons book. Tried to look at that perspective but honestly got busy and never tried again. Its really hard to do that, Ive been living in a bubble for the last 3 years, moved out to a different state at the age of 18. Its hard for me to make friends. The reason I mention this is because I think I am out of touch of how people see me. I dont have constant feedback. So I am not even sure.

- I love pressure, thats why I love to do what I do (Film Weddings) The pressure of, if I dont get the shot no one else will & I'll be screwed.  So the pre-req would be I cant have a net under me (a job that I can rely on & get comfortable) Once I get comfy, I slack. The foundation question I have no Idea how to answer it, I'm not sure I even understand it.  I hope you get what I am trying to say. I cant articulate my thoughts well.

- People that dont want to be helped are people that do not see the issue or dont want to see the issue, The first step to change is admitting you have a problem. I dont think they can be helped, I dont think they should be helped. (let the dead bury the dead)

 

I really appreciate your reply Barnsley. Seriously, it means so much to me.

[barn]

I got 'busted' , my editing didn't make it into your quotes... oh, well.

37 minutes ago, Mark G said:

- I will check out Gabor Mate's book, I read a book a week so i'll do it this week.  

You have only to gain, I guarantee you that!

Huh... Fellow self-improvement taker? The '1 book-a-time-period' segment? Nice, good on you!

37 minutes ago, Mark G said:

Tried to look at that perspective but honestly got busy and never tried again. Its really hard to do that, Ive been living in a bubble for the last 3 years, 

The importance isn't really in that method, or any other for that matter but the principle. I agree with those who say 'Emotions can't be affected by intellectual arguments/abstractions, rationalisations much at the desired depth, if at all '.

(I'm just going to make a mental note here, a small little bookmark, that I'm getting a sensation (vaguely) that you could be self-restricting, who knows... maybe self-sabotaging 'unconsciously'? Dunno, just a thought. Why else not follow through with something that could be potentially a 'game changer', as in a door to long forgotten emotions. Powerful and meaningful emotions.)

37 minutes ago, Mark G said:

Ive been living in a bubble for the last 3 years, moved out to a different state at the age of 18. Its hard for me to make friends. The reason I mention this is because I think I am out of touch of how people see me. I dont have constant feedback. So I am not even sure. 

That makes perfect sense. (Not sure if what you think you see is what you constantly are or if you're seeing it in glimpses, perhaps even warped. Is that it?)

37 minutes ago, Mark G said:

- I love pressure, thats why I love to do what I do (Film Weddings) The pressure of, if I dont get the shot no one else will & I'll be screwed. 

Am I far off, when I suspect you might be experiencing peace controversially enough, while your mind is racing?

Is it also true that it's one of the moments when you feel really useful and productive? Like, really proud of yourself?

37 minutes ago, Mark G said:

I hope you get what I am trying to say. I cant articulate my thoughts well. 

That's ok. It's all-right. I'm capable to make up new synonymous questions, multiple times.

like this:

If the most valuable asset of a leader is to be able to make decisions that are more often beneficial for the 'running' of things... and that's his foundation

->

What should be your foundation for anything else? What should be essential for you?

37 minutes ago, Mark G said:

- People that dont want to be helped are people that do not see the issue or dont want to see the issue, The first step to change is admitting you have a problem. I dont think they can be helped, I dont think they should be helped. (let the dead bury the dead) 

I kinda agree, except for the utility of 'productive envy', and the ability of some individuals to be able to make others see things if they wanted to. As in: 'If it wasn't for you, I'd have never been able to see the... '.

I tend to cherish those who are helping me see 'more'.

39 minutes ago, Mark G said:

I really appreciate your reply Barnsley. Seriously, it means so much to me. 

I don't know how much of it will you be able to utilise... you're welcome(?). You'll see.

Besides, you did post a decent ask in my opinion!

[Boss]

7 hours ago, Mark G said:

All my family is super successful, surgeons, musicians, public speakers. 

 

 

7 hours ago, Mark G said:

If I work hard enough I can become a millionaire, famous, or successful. Why am I all of the sudden inert? Am I scared of success or fame? If so, how can I overcome this

Does your "super successful" family give you money/big gifts? or in times of need, would they lend/give you money? also is an inheritance a possibility? 

You sound pretty confident in thinking you can become a millionaire, and if you will eventually inherit it, I can see why. As far as why you are "inert ". Well, why not? if you have a super successful family that can give you money in times of need or maybe make an inheritance a possibility, why work? (I can think of many reasons why but this is about you, so you have to answer that) "Give a man a why and he can bear almost any how" - Friedrich Nietzsche



Anyways, if money is not available for you, and an inheritance is 0% possible. Then you may be in a bubble with your super successful family. You see, A lot of people think they can become a millionaire but the reality is less than 5% of the population are millionaires. It's more likely you will never become a millionaire. Like if someone placed a bet on if you will become a millionaire or not in your lifetime. The clear odds would be to bet you won't. And this bet goes to everyone who has 0% chance of inheritance.

Now I hope this does not discourage you, but starting from the reality of the situation will give you a better picture of what is required to get out of the current situation. Not giving it 100% every day is pretty much an admission you don't want it because even giving it 100% everyday isn't going to reach the odds needed and anything less than 100% is just pushing you farther away from odds that are already so far away! 

 

[Mark G]

14 minutes ago, Boss said:

 

Does your "super successful" family give you money/big gifts? or in times of need, would they lend/give you money? also is an inheritance a possibility? 

You sound pretty confident in thinking you can become a millionaire, and if you will eventually inherit it, I can see why. As far as why you are "inert ". Well, why not? if you have a super successful family that can give you money in times of need or maybe make an inheritance a possibility, why work? (I can think of many reasons why but this is about you, so you have to answer that) "Give a man a why and he can bear almost any how" - Friedrich Nietzsche



Anyways, if money is not available for you, and an inheritance is 0% possible. Then you may be in a bubble with your super successful family. You see, A lot of people think they can become a millionaire but the reality is less than 5% of the population are millionaires. It's more likely you will never become a millionaire. Like if someone placed a bet on if you will become a millionaire or not in your lifetime. The clear odds would be to bet you won't. And this bet goes to everyone who has 0% chance of inheritance.

Now I hope this does not discourage you, but starting from the reality of the situation will give you a better picture of what is required to get out of the current situation. Not giving it 100% every day is pretty much an admission you don't want it because even giving it 100% everyday isn't going to reach the odds needed and anything less than 100% is just pushing you farther away from odds that are already so far away! 

 

Ok, i see what you mean, i think i overstated that. I know ill be successful.  I guess we can leave it at that. Also my family isint friendly, we dont really talk & if I ask for money they will most definitely deny. The reason why I mentioned that they were successful was I wanted to show that it is a decent gene pool & they had a harder life than me and still became successful. And there is zero inheritance because my parents don't really have much, everyone just split up as soon as we came to America and did their own thing.

Thank you for replying Boss, would you have any other inputs?

[Boss]

1 hour ago, Mark G said:

Ok, i see what you mean, i think i overstated that. I know ill be successful.  I guess we can leave it at that. Also my family isint friendly, we dont really talk & if I ask for money they will most definitely deny. The reason why I mentioned that they were successful was I wanted to show that it is a decent gene pool & they had a harder life than me and still became successful. And there is zero inheritance because my parents don't really have much, everyone just split up as soon as we came to America and did their own thing.

 Thank you for replying Boss, would you have any other inputs?

 

2 hours ago, Mark G said:

my parents don't really have much

Okay, it seems I had a misunderstanding on when you mentioned "All my family is super successful" When I thought of super successful I thought that includes monetary. Also, I am sure you know with an ACE score like that, they don't seem like super successful parents, and I am truly sorry to see that. 

Anyways, I did provide inputs for both cases, It seems the 2nd half of my original reply was more relevant. But to add I would be cautious relying on a gene pool, IQ test would be more accurate in providing a better correlation. But at the end of the day, correlations don't bring the cause. Just like someone who is 6' 7" which correlates to the average basketball height, it doesn't mean they will succeed as a basketball player or even be a basketball player at all. I don't think Micheal Jordan sons made it in the NBA. etc

Nonetheless, I wish you well on your ambitions & I hope Stefan can take your call. He also was a successful entrepreneur and I'm sure he can provide better insights. @MMD might be able to help

[RichardY]

@Mark G

Q1 If you are super high in neuroticim why seek "pressure"? I know being High in Neuroticism and Low in Conscientiousness myself, the idea of being forced to act often comes to mind. Back against the wall kind of thinking. Though I'm also very low in Agreeableness, so that doesn't provide much innate incentive to socialise. Ever had a suspension of consciousness at all? Being in high in neuroticism I passed my driving test having no memory of the route. There's something called associaitive memory that allows a person to function even if they don't have consciousness. Read about in a book the Power of Habit.

When you say Tyrannical Mother. Do you mean High in conscientiousness, as an excess of order is typically what a tyranical parent is, plus being low in openess so they won't always accept evidence and are very skeptical. The fact you say your mother helicoptered and did not show indifference, also makes me doubt the tyrannical aspect. Plus the ACE score, tyrannical parents imo would go nuts with so much chaos. My father is pretty tyrannical if there's a receipt missing for even 50 pence he'll go nuts, shout about it for ages, maintains a pretty immaculate appearance in public and even at home, though casual.

Q2 I think you are looking for stability. I mean the term going Postal(go crazy), refers to less stable ex-military, police or other people looking for a bit of stability. Maybe it's unfairly used, still it's an expression. Learn to embrace the ups and downs, if you have another purpose others than Wedding photography to go along with for stability, family if done well would be the best. Social groups if you are agreeable.

Q3 Killing animals isn't about being indifferent, leaving them to slowly starve to death is.(Unless you are putting them out of their misery, or really need a bite to eat) Perhaps you are being dissociated, as opposed to indifferent and looking for a way to take out your anger indirectly. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, as an alternative path is cold rage. Find a way to focus your anger.

 

“If we have our own why in life, we shall get along with almost any how. Man does not strive for pleasure; only the Englishman does.” - Nietzsche, Twilight of The Idols

 

[Ronin_3000]

What kind of animals did you kill and how? Why did your parents come to America?

[J.L.W]

It seems to me you are fighting yourself. If you had a tyrannical parent when you were younger and you get the urge to hurt animals perhaps you do need to be a bit tyrranical with yourself, the young minds environment obviously makes a deep impression! So you would need to have trust in your morality that you will not take it too far if you do take that route, and that you can control such urges as that of hurting an animal.

 

[Mark G]

6 hours ago, Ronin_3000 said:

What kind of animals did you kill and how? Why did your parents come to America?

Cats, possums, raccoons. Never dogs though, maybe bc they can bite back. And i only hurt animals that I knew i had full power over. I would shoot squirrels,  throw cats, slam them into the ground. This happened no more than 20 times. We were refugees from communism/ socialisim

[J.L.W]

Also, some people talk about increasing positive motivation if they don't wack off. I don't know if you do that though.

[Ronin_3000]

11 hours ago, Mark G said:

Cats, possums, raccoons. Never dogs though, maybe bc they can bite back. And i only hurt animals that I knew i had full power over. I would shoot squirrels,  throw cats, slam them into the ground. This happened no more than 20 times. We were refugees from communism/ socialisim

I did similar things when I was younger. Never killed any animals (although I threw my dog's poop in a neighbor's yard and they might've found out it was me and poisoned my dog). I would torture bugs though. Just the other day, I terrorized a cockroach/waterbug I found outside by stomping right next to it so it would get scared and run. I think I do this because society doesn't give a shit about cockroaches so I can get away with bullying them. Maybe if we had a slave class, I'd bully them like I bullied that cockroach.

[Mark G]

On 5/17/2018 at 3:45 PM, RichardY said:

@Mark G

Q1 If you are super high in neuroticim why seek "pressure"? I know being High in Neuroticism and Low in Conscientiousness myself, the idea of being forced to act often comes to mind. Back against the wall kind of thinking. Though I'm also very low in Agreeableness, so that doesn't provide much innate incentive to socialise. Ever had a suspension of consciousness at all? Being in high in neuroticism I passed my driving test having no memory of the route. There's something called associaitive memory that allows a person to function even if they don't have consciousness. Read about in a book the Power of Habit.
 

I will download that book today, And no, Ive never had moments when my consciousness was suspended. I am also very low in agreeableness & hate going out, I do not like people. This is why I take kratom, a-lot of it BTW & it turns me into a social butterfly. I need it during business meetings & dinners otherwise I can care less for going out. Answering your question, To be honest I dont know, Im trying to figure that out now. I will say this, The only time I feel alive is when I am under pressure. 

 

BTW all your questions are giving me the feedback I need. I am getting really close to figuring all this out. Im really happy that you can help me get one step closer. 

On 5/17/2018 at 3:45 PM, RichardY said:

 

 

[Mark G]

On 5/17/2018 at 3:45 PM, RichardY said:

@Mark G

Q1 If you are super high in neuroticim why seek "pressure"? I know being High in Neuroticism and Low in Conscientiousness myself, the idea of being forced to act often comes to mind. Back against the wall kind of thinking. Though I'm also very low in Agreeableness, so that doesn't provide much innate incentive to socialise. Ever had a suspension of consciousness at all? Being in high in neuroticism I passed my driving test having no memory of the route. There's something called associaitive memory that allows a person to function even if they don't have consciousness. Read about in a book the Power of Habit.

When you say Tyrannical Mother. Do you mean High in conscientiousness, as an excess of order is typically what a tyranical parent is, plus being low in openess so they won't always accept evidence and are very skeptical. The fact you say your mother helicoptered and did not show indifference, also makes me doubt the tyrannical aspect. Plus the ACE score, tyrannical parents imo would go nuts with so much chaos. My father is pretty tyrannical if there's a receipt missing for even 50 pence he'll go nuts, shout about it for ages, maintains a pretty immaculate appearance in public and even at home, though casual.

Q2 I think you are looking for stability. I mean the term going Postal(go crazy), refers to less stable ex-military, police or other people looking for a bit of stability. Maybe it's unfairly used, still it's an expression. Learn to embrace the ups and downs, if you have another purpose others than Wedding photography to go along with for stability, family if done well would be the best. Social groups if you are agreeable.

Q3 Killing animals isn't about being indifferent, leaving them to slowly starve to death is.(Unless you are putting them out of their misery, or really need a bite to eat) Perhaps you are being dissociated, as opposed to indifferent and looking for a way to take out your anger indirectly. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, as an alternative path is cold rage. Find a way to focus your anger.

 

“If we have our own why in life, we shall get along with almost any how. Man does not strive for pleasure; only the Englishman does.” - Nietzsche, Twilight of The Idols

 

A1 - So I ment tyrannical in the way that I wasn't aloud to watch movies, listen to music, rarely let me play sports in school, when I got a job, she would take me to work and back. I started getting into trouble in school bc I at home "BIG BROTHER" didnt let me use my energy up. Anyway she would spy on my when I was in my room at night if my lights were on. She would go outside and peek through the window. If I spent the night at a friends house she would find who it was and call my friends parents at 2am, wake them up and tell them to kick me out and ask for the address to come pick me up. I saw all rules in school in the same way I say my mother at home, therefor I started to rebel. Started leaving the city, going to raves, drinking at the age of 15. Not coming home or coming home drunk, doing cocaine all weekend long.

Ps. She is crazy, IDK if its PTSD or what bc as a kid she was kidnapped by the communists for 7 years. 

I just found out this story, My dad during a famine drove all day to pick up potatoes in Russia & came back the next day, he worked his ass off loading and unloading the potatoes. My mom yelled at him and said she didn't want potatoes. And to take it all back. The reason I say this is to make a case that she is crazy but it obviously does not excuse her actions. 

 

 

A2 - I join groups but stop going, I will go once a year. I think I self sabotage and instead of going to the group I will go to sleep. And its always 10 minutes before I leave to the group I without a thought just decide not to go bc I dont want to see anyone. Or maybe I dont want anyone to see me.  

 

 

A3 - I think you are 100% right on me being dissociated. I dont care or feel other peoples/animals pain. Also with the anger, I do need to find an outlet. That is one thing I keep suppresing. The smallest thing will make me so angry and when I get angry I need to go to sleep or else I can do something I will regret. I wonder how much of my anger is the Carl Jungs concept of the shadow. Because when I reach those emotions, well they are very dark. 

[Mark G]

21 hours ago, J.L.W said:

It seems to me you are fighting yourself. If you had a tyrannical parent when you were younger and you get the urge to hurt animals perhaps you do need to be a bit tyrranical with yourself, the young minds environment obviously makes a deep impression! So you would need to have trust in your morality that you will not take it too far if you do take that route, and that you can control such urges as that of hurting an animal.

 

I think Im doing a better job controlling those urges. 

 Thank you for your reply

[Mark G]

5 hours ago, J.L.W said:

Also, some people talk about increasing positive motivation if they don't wack off. I don't know if you do that though.

been doing that on average once a day for 11 years, mostly sex but some wacking off. Longest I ever quit was 11 days, couldn't do a minute more. 

Any tips on quitting? 

I think this stems from me being sexually molested as a teen. I blame mother for it, she was to scared to teach me about sex and so the world taught me. I had no idea what i was doing until years later I figured out I was molested

[Kohlrak]

I'm going to go ahead and take my own stab at this without biasing myself with other opinion from other commenters, not necessarily to contradict anything said, but rather just to look at it from a totally different perspective.

 

On 5/16/2018 at 6:25 PM, Mark G said:

Question 1 - My mother was extremely totalitarian when i was a child. She was a helicopter mother, but with thermal cameras & motion sensors, very tyrannical. I am low on conscientiousness & I cannot for the life of me defer gratification, I have a very high addictive personality & super high in neuroticism. I was addicted to many things in my past & still am. (porn, drugs, booze, opioids, adderall)  My question is, First - Is these two thing connected? & how do I start reversing that in a way that does not backfire on me & in a way that is not totalitarian so that I don't rebel from my own system that I put into place.

Connected, maybe, maybe not. Correlation does not imply causation. You make of the connection what you will. I would be lying, though, if i didn't see children typically go completely hedonist when raised by a totalitarian parent, especially an abusive one.  As for how you would go about reversing this without consequences. You're not going to. There's consequences for what you've already done, and they're not going to go away. By continuing in your "sin," as many would call it, you're only going to make those consequences grow. Removing the sins will make the consequences more obvious to you, however they'll inevitably end up obvious to you if you continue the sin, as well, but usually those things come in like a truck driving through a house: you don't see it coming and it's absolute chaos as it happens, and no one leaves that situation overly joyed. If you have the humility to understand that you must pay the pied piper, it'll be far easier on you to go ahead. Beware the adderall, though. I don't have any personal experience with it, but i do know it's prescribed in many the same situations as Ritalin, and i know from my own experience that Ritalin has you do very bad things on withdrawl.

Overall, in a weird way, there's freedom in not being a rebel. If you're not being a rebel just to be a rebel, then you have the choice to rebel as well as not rebel, where a dedicated rebel only has the choice to rebel. In it's own way, rebels are deluding themselves into believing they are escaping from their totalitarian homes, while they're really subjecting themselves to another form. I think you realize this, subconsciously, which is why you're asking for help: reality is catching up with you. You even admit that you're in a hurry to solve the problems.

On 5/16/2018 at 6:25 PM, Mark G said:

Question 2 - I am the founder & CEO of a company. I recently met someone very successful & now we are great friends. This friend personally knows Martha Stewart, the owner of Bass Pro Shops, & many other people that are affluent & full of potential opportunities. My problem is I became inert, & dont finish my work. If I work hard enough I can become a millionaire, famous, or successful. Why am I all of the sudden inert? Am I scared of success or fame? If so, how can I overcome this, because I know people would kill to be where I am. BTW I'm getting booked all over USA to do what I do but I still work at the USPS 60hrs a week instead of fully going self employed. I am scared to quit because I know I need a running start but I am not running, I am sleeping.

The context you provided here isn't entirely relevant. Being friends with someone who knows martha stewart only shows that others (people with potential) also believe you have potential. Might not be the same kind of potential, either. The inertness is something i have, too, that I can't really solve. I come up with excuse after excuse for my situation. Stefan wouldn't like me saying this, but my excuses are all valid.

There's also old fashioned laziness as well, which you could be experiencing: we don't know the nature of your work that you're not finishing, as well as what you do do towards the goals and what is necessary to finish the projects. As such, we can't just ignore the possibility that you're doing only the interesting bits and can't be bothered to finish the boring bits. I don't know you, so i don't know if this is the case or not, but it's not fair if it's a possibility to just throw it off the table, just because someone (yourself) might not like to hear it. Take it with a grain of salt: you know your situation better than we do, so we can only guess on the limited information you provide, when you actually have more information than us.

It could also be a rational (or irrational) subconscious thought that what you are doing other than your safe government job won't support you without your safety net. It might be that your stuff isn't as awesome as you say it is. On the other hand, you could also just be paranoid. I don't know, as i don't have enough information to go on.

On 5/16/2018 at 6:25 PM, Mark G said:

Question 3 - I've hurt animals as a child, I have killed animals while being indifferent as a child. I became an adult & someone gave me a kitten,  

Now Ive never hurt this cat physically but I did mentally. I would be petting the cat & with my other hand punch the wall. As soon these urges started happening everyday I called 

someone & they took the kitten out of my house. Now, I know why that is I do that (my mother had power over me & would hurt me, now I feel good when I have the power over something)

What I do not know is, how can I stop these urges.

Well, as Stefan would say, if you're hung up on something like that, not everything has been said. I can't promise the urges will go away, but I can say that there are lots of things we can try, and we should probably do these things and prioritize this problem: you can be the most successful person, otherwise, and these kinds of urges and feelings will not only destroy you, but perhaps other people. Will the violence stop only with animals, or could you end up hurting people as well? In addition to not everything with your mother having been said, i'm also a bit more afraid that this could also be the result of the drugs, or the withdrawl from the drugs. When i was having ritalin withdrawl (we found out that being on the med to please the schools made me "zombie like" and unable to function well at home, but i was not disruptive in class), for example, i threatened myself and others with knives. I'd be happy one minute, and the next i'd take my anger out on things i've owned, even things that i valued and cherished, only to regret it later when i calmed down. After noticing this correlation with my ADHD medication (ritalin) i stopped taking it altogether (with parental permission, since i was somewhere between 10 and 14, i can't remember how old exactly) and some more outbursts happened, my violent behavior stopped. Sure, i had other issues, but i stopped picking up knives and threatening myself and others with them, which is a big deal. For this, i need more information from you.

[Mark G]

30 minutes ago, Kohlrak said:

Connected, maybe, maybe not. Correlation does not imply causation. You make of the connection what you will. I would be lying, though, if i didn't see children typically go completely hedonist when raised by a totalitarian parent, especially an abusive one.  As for how you would go about reversing this without consequences. You're not going to. There's consequences for what you've already done, and they're not going to go away. By continuing in your "sin," as many would call it, you're only going to make those consequences grow. Removing the sins will make the consequences more obvious to you, however they'll inevitably end up obvious to you if you continue the sin, as well, but usually those things come in like a truck driving through a house: you don't see it coming and it's absolute chaos as it happens, and no one leaves that situation overly joyed. If you have the humility to understand that you must pay the pied piper, it'll be far easier on you to go ahead. Beware the adderall, though. I don't have any personal experience with it, but i do know it's prescribed in many the same situations as Ritalin, and i know from my own experience that Ritalin has you do very bad things on withdrawl.

Overall, in a weird way, there's freedom in not being a rebel. If you're not being a rebel just to be a rebel, then you have the choice to rebel as well as not rebel, where a dedicated rebel only has the choice to rebel. In it's own way, rebels are deluding themselves into believing they are escaping from their totalitarian homes, while they're really subjecting themselves to another form. I think you realize this, subconsciously, which is why you're asking for help: reality is catching up with you. You even admit that you're in a hurry to solve the problems.

Dammmmm!!! This is on point on so many levels. Like Jordan Peterson said you always knew it, but until someone spoke it you didnt understand. (not verbatim)

As for replying to this, well I cant. I dont know what to say but, this is so true and so on point I am about to print this whole answer out and reread it 20x. Even if I tried to answer this I wounldnt be able to articulate it. Wow thanks.

 

[Mark G]

37 minutes ago, Kohlrak said:

excuses are all valid.

Yes all excuses are valid, I actually agree but not all are of equal value. 

[Kohlrak]

1 minute ago, Mark G said:

Yes all excuses are valid, I actually agree but not all are of equal value. 

True, and this is why my problems haven't been solved. My excuses are of higher value to me (everything i have, from the material to the social) than solving my problem (not having a decent job). For you, things may be different. We just don't know.

[Mark G]

40 minutes ago, Kohlrak said:

doing only the interesting bits and can't be bothered to finish the boring bits

So Ive been thinking about my question for the last couple day and came to the conclusion that it is this. I am good at what I do, but the only reason I do it is because its fun. (Filming) The more boring part comes in when I edit and thats what I am not finishing. I might have to find someone else and hire them to do that part. 

[Kohlrak]

7 minutes ago, Mark G said:

Dammmmm!!! This is on point on so many levels. Like Jordan Peterson said you always knew it, but until someone spoke it you didnt understand. (not verbatim)

As for replying to this, well I cant. I dont know what to say but, this is so true and so on point I am about to print this whole answer out and reread it 20x. Even if I tried to answer this I wounldnt be able to articulate it. Wow thanks.

 

I'd hate to try to tell you you must do something with your life and force you to do it, but, personally, i think we should be more focused on the third point: your violence towards animals. Any progress you make in any other way will mean next to nothing if you throw away your life by your violent urges extending to humans and you end up giving in. I don't know what the cause is, and i can only guess, but i think it would be smart to focus on that, since nothing regarding your other life choices will really matter if you're sitting behind bars.

[Mark G]

47 minutes ago, Kohlrak said:

 

Well, as Stefan would say, if you're hung up on something like that, not everything has been said. I can't promise the urges will go away, but I can say that there are lots of things we can try, and we should probably do these things and prioritize this problem: you can be the most successful person, otherwise, and these kinds of urges and feelings will not only destroy you, but perhaps other people. Will the violence stop only with animals, or could you end up hurting people as well? In addition to not everything with your mother having been said, i'm also a bit more afraid that this could also be the result of the drugs, or the withdrawl from the drugs. When i was having ritalin withdrawl (we found out that being on the med to please the schools made me "zombie like" and unable to function well at home, but i was not disruptive in class), for example, i threatened myself and others with knives. I'd be happy one minute, and the next i'd take my anger out on things i've owned, even things that i valued and cherished, only to regret it later when i calmed down. After noticing this correlation with my ADHD medication (ritalin) i stopped taking it altogether (with parental permission, since i was somewhere between 10 and 14, i can't remember how old exactly) and some more outbursts happened, my violent behavior stopped. Sure, i had other issues, but i stopped picking up knives and threatening myself and others with them, which is a big deal. For this, i need more information from you.

Ok I was prescribed adderall for ADHD about 5 years ago, Took it for about 4 years and I have been sober for a year now. I quit cold turkey after my life was falling apart bc of my actions on adderall. The animal hurting happened before the prescription but continued through until I quit. Anyway now whenever I get angry at someone I dont like at work or something random throughout my day I walk away, go to sleep, or put in my earbuds and turn on music. I used to want to hurt people. But never acted out on it. Now it rarely happens but I am in control when it does flare up nowadays. I know you have limited information but if you had to guess do you know how much of this is the Carl Jungs concept of the shadow and how much of it is just my fried brain after so much drugs? 

[Mark G]

13 minutes ago, Kohlrak said:

I'd hate to try to tell you you must do something with your life and force you to do it, but, personally, i think we should be more focused on the third point: your violence towards animals. Any progress you make in any other way will mean next to nothing if you throw away your life by your violent urges extending to humans and you end up giving in. I don't know what the cause is, and i can only guess, but i think it would be smart to focus on that, since nothing regarding your other life choices will really matter if you're sitting behind bars.

No you are right, even though Ive been behind bars already bc of my choices. I am working full time to figure this out. Thank you for your insight 

[Kohlrak]

8 minutes ago, Mark G said:

Ok I was prescribed adderall for ADHD about 5 years ago, Took it for about 4 years and I have been sober for a year now. I quit cold turkey after my life was falling apart bc of my actions on adderall. The animal hurting happened before the prescription but continued through until I quit. Anyway now whenever I get angry at someone I dont like at work or something random throughout my day I walk away, go to sleep, or put in my earbuds and turn on music. I used to want to hurt people. But never acted out on it. Now it rarely happens but I am in control when it does flare up nowadays. I know you have limited information but if you had to guess do you know how much of this is the Carl Jungs concept of the shadow and how much of it is just my fried brain after so much drugs? 

I don't know. My experience with ritalin was the result of the withdrawl of the drug. Based on what you're saying, this is not the case with this drug. Are there other drugs that we should be looking at, or should we start looking at psychological reasons?

4 minutes ago, Mark G said:

No you are right, even though Ive been behind bars already bc of my choices. I am working full time to figure this out. Thank you for your insight 

Then i'm sure you understand already that this hurts your employment opportunities and potential.

[Mark G]

1 minute ago, Kohlrak said:

I don't know. My experience with ritalin was the result of the withdrawl of the drug. Based on what you're saying, this is not the case with this drug. Are there other drugs that we should be looking at, or should we start looking at psychological reasons?

5 minutes ago, Mark G said:

So I think there are psychological reasons. I remember as a 12 year old screaming in my pillow "I hate my mom, I want to kill myself" And I was serious.

At the moment I take Kratom, I am addicted to it, It is basically an opioid. There such a thing as "opirage" where opioids make you rage once in a while. 

A average regular user will use Kratom 1-3 times a day, about 13grams. I am taking about 8-9 doses about 30-33 grams in 24 hours. So I dont think that helps with having my anger subside  

[Kohlrak]

2 hours ago, Mark G said:

So I think there are psychological reasons. I remember as a 12 year old screaming in my pillow "I hate my mom, I want to kill myself" And I was serious.

At the moment I take Kratom, I am addicted to it, It is basically an opioid. There such a thing as "opirage" where opioids make you rage once in a while. 

A average regular user will use Kratom 1-3 times a day, about 13grams. I am taking about 8-9 doses about 30-33 grams in 24 hours. So I dont think that helps with having my anger subside  

Yeah, i just responded in the private message. This rep system, i see the value of, but in this situation it seems to be getting in the way. But i'll say again, here, that without cutting down on the number of variables, we really can't give you any definite answers. However, withdrawal also makes people violent, so this can be dangerous. Overall, this should be the biggest concern, as it'll get you into the most trouble, and if you're in enough trouble it won't matter what else you do with your life. You have to consider how you'd end up living with yourself, as well, if not for the person/thing that you hurt, but also living with yourself knowing that you caused that trouble in your life that lead to bad circumstances (that you would presumably end up with). It's one thing to miss an opportunity due to indecision or bad choice, but it's another thing entirely to destroy opportunity (both for yourself and others) due to bad action.

 

As an emergency intervention, where i live we have the ability to commit ourselves. I don't know what your situation is and how it would affect that. If you're in immediate danger of loosing control, i think that even loosing your job from the commission would be better than hurting someone then loosing your job.

 

Why are you taking the Kratom, btw?

 

And you're talking about your mother. If this is the real cause, normally you would sort this out by talking. Presumably there's more you haven't said about your mother, then. If not, then I don't know. Stefan's much better at dragging out information regarding parents than I am, especially 'cause when i try to drag information out of people, I rely on people not being afraid to tell me things (so i can confront them with conflicting information to call out their lies that they tell both others and themselves). The secrecy of your identity seems really important to you (and understandably so), your lack of detail makes it difficult, since I don't have much to go on.

[J.L.W]

15 hours ago, Mark G said:

been doing that on average once a day for 11 years, mostly sex but some wacking off. Longest I ever quit was 11 days, couldn't do a minute more. 

Any tips on quitting? 

I think this stems from me being sexually molested as a teen. I blame mother for it, she was to scared to teach me about sex and so the world taught me. I had no idea what i was doing until years later I figured out I was molested

Well, sex is not the same as 'that', because you get a return energy on sex.

If you want to stop you have to have absolutely no porn. You probably have to stop drinking as well to be fair... thinking about it.

[Mark G]

Just now, J.L.W said:

You probably have to stop drinking as well

I dont drink anymore, havent drank in 6 months. I only take kratom (opioid) at the moment. I dont do anything else

[S1988]

11 hours ago, Kohlrak said:

I would be lying, though, if i didn't see children typically go completely hedonist when raised by a totalitarian parent, especially an abusive one. 

I guess it depends on the child. I was raised by a totalitarian/abusive parent, and I didn't adopt a hedonistic lifestyle, basically because as an avid reader, I educated myself on the effects of drugs, and the facts scared me too much to even want to try them.

While I wasn't a saint (no one is), I'm glad to say that I never did anything egregious in my life. Seriously, the worst thing I did in school was stay after for detention for being late. I've never been suspended, and I've never got involved in a bad crowd, and even with my borderline goody-two-shoes record, my mother (among other people) still found something to nitpick me for.

I wasn't "pretty" enough, I'm "evil" for struggling with certain school subjects, I'm "too quiet," which was like the worst "sin" of all. Well, one of the reasons why I did keep to myself was that many of the kids were jerks and degenerates, and I didn't want to associate with those who were bullies and/or bad influences. But, instead of being praised for being basically a good kid, I was demonized for not being social enough. A teacher once asked me to stay after school to discuss my quiet behavior, and my mother got mad at me more than the bullies, especially when I struggled with standing up to them. (No duh, you can't scold a child for showing anger, then wonder why they have a hard time standing up for themselves.) She even forced me to go to prom when I didn't care to go (it was okay, by the way, but I don't think it would've made any difference that I didn't go), then she accused me of dating the guy she set me up with. (Which wasn't true, and she never apologized for it.)

I think my less-than-social lifestyle protected me (and still protects me) from a lot of bad things. But, no. Instead of praising me for staying out of trouble, many adults managed to condemn peccadilloes/non-issues while others got away with worse. 

Maybe I am a rebel in a sense because years later, I finally got the courage to stand up to Queen Mother, something my sycophantic older siblings would probably never do. (She's a bigger bully than the ones I went to school with because at least they didn't hurt me, then pass it off as love. At least, they were honest about disliking me.) I find it sad that even though they're grown up, they allow her to control their lives, and the oldest sibling has family of his own! If that's not pathetic, I don't know what is.

Sorry for the off-topic rant. I just wanted to offer a point of view to show that not all people raised in punitive environments become hedonistic. Some of us are demonized even if we have a virtually clean record.

[Kohlrak]

3 hours ago, S1988 said:

I guess it depends on the child. I was raised by a totalitarian/abusive parent, and I didn't adopt a hedonistic lifestyle, basically because as an avid reader, I educated myself on the effects of drugs, and the facts scared me too much to even want to try them.

While I wasn't a saint (no one is), I'm glad to say that I never did anything egregious in my life. Seriously, the worst thing I did in school was stay after for detention for being late. I've never been suspended, and I've never got involved in a bad crowd, and even with my borderline goody-two-shoes record, my mother (among other people) still found something to nitpick me for.

I wasn't "pretty" enough, I'm "evil" for struggling with certain school subjects, I'm "too quiet," which was like the worst "sin" of all. Well, one of the reasons why I did keep to myself was that many of the kids were jerks and degenerates, and I didn't want to associate with those who were bullies and/or bad influences. But, instead of being praised for being basically a good kid, I was demonized for not being social enough. A teacher once asked me to stay after school to discuss my quiet behavior, and my mother got mad at me more than the bullies, especially when I struggled with standing up to them. (No duh, you can't scold a child for showing anger, then wonder why they have a hard time standing up for themselves.) She even forced me to go to prom when I didn't care to go (it was okay, by the way, but I don't think it would've made any difference that I didn't go), then she accused me of dating the guy she set me up with. (Which wasn't true, and she never apologized for it.)

I think my less-than-social lifestyle protected me (and still protects me) from a lot of bad things. But, no. Instead of praising me for staying out of trouble, many adults managed to condemn peccadilloes/non-issues while others got away with worse. 

Maybe I am a rebel in a sense because years later, I finally got the courage to stand up to Queen Mother, something my sycophantic older siblings would probably never do. (She's a bigger bully than the ones I went to school with because at least they didn't hurt me, then pass it off as love. At least, they were honest about disliking me.) I find it sad that even though they're grown up, they allow her to control their lives, and the oldest sibling has family of his own! If that's not pathetic, I don't know what is.

Sorry for the off-topic rant. I just wanted to offer a point of view to show that not all people raised in punitive environments become hedonistic. Some of us are demonized even if we have a virtually clean record.

While i can understand and identify with the things you are saying, it seems really out of place with the text you quoted, an observation (one that wasn't said with any definiteness you tall Chinese person, you). The situation you have seems very different, and the fact that you managed to take exception with an observation unrelated to you in order to bring it up suggests to me that, maybe, you might feel the need to talk about your own childhood. Feel free to make a new topic so it can be discussed.

7 hours ago, J.L.W said:

Well, sex is not the same as 'that', because you get a return energy on sex.

If you want to stop you have to have absolutely no porn. You probably have to stop drinking as well to be fair... thinking about it.

 

I probably should've noticed this earlier, but didn't. I was molested, too, but I didn't become hypersexual. When i was a teenager, i was thirsty, but right now you could say i went too far the other way. While experimenting with porn actually gave me minor return of my libido, but not much. I think in this case, it's more "bad habit" or something in his past. I've also paid attention to people with high libidos and low libidos, and i noticed some interesting correlations, especially when someone with a high libido ended up with a low libido.

My advice to this person, then, is that if you feel your mind thinking about sex, try distracting it with something else. It's not an end all solution, but if I'm right, it should slow things done. And, if it slows things down, I have an answer that would require a larger explanation that, due to the lack of sample size, i'm just not ready to release to a crowd of intellectuals.

I wonder if this one'll post, yet, given my last reply is still hidden.