Self subconscious signals.

[J.L.W]

Based on this video. Very good:

Bitchute: Stefan Molyneux. I had a thought. [Link]

He talks in the beginning about his subconscious mind talking to him. I've had this happen recently with a song by the Fray staying in my mind 'how to save a life'. I cut a friend of mine a break because I remembered that he's sliding down the alcoholism route in a big way and messaged him. I got a return response and will likely see him again soon. Also another friend I made sure to stay on top of the situation.

Anyone else have examples that stick out?

[Kohlrak]

28 minutes ago, J.L.W said:

Based on this video. Very good:

Bitchute: Stefan Molyneux. I had a thought. [Link]

He talks in the beginning about his subconscious mind talking to him. I've had this happen recently with a song by the Fray staying in my mind 'how to save a life'. I cut a friend of mine a break because I remembered that he's sliding down the alcoholism route in a big way and messaged him. I got a return response and will likely see him again soon. Also another friend I made sure to stay on top of the situation.

Anyone else have examples that stick out?

Dreams. I've seen dreams reveal so much about a person. Tell me your most recent nightmare, and i'll see if i can deconstruct what it means. The more details you give, the more accurate. Tell what you were thinking and concerned about while having the dream. Tell me nothing of what you felt when you woke up from the dream. I've seen people regret  how they've treated family members who've passed, i see people who get warning signs in dreams of how they mistreat their significant others, i've seen all kinds of things. Regular dreams seem to be tips and messages, but nightmares generally seem to be warning of impending major screwups.

I believe when your brain isn't being dedicated to understanding the world around you, and when it has plenty of time to process things and create things, it just generally has a much, much higher IQ than your waking self. Sometimes we have trouble understanding what that second personality is telling us. It also doesn't seem to contain all (though it may have some) of the biases that our waking selves do.

[barn]

7 hours ago, J.L.W said:

I cut a friend of mine a break because I remembered that he's sliding down the alcoholism route in a big way and messaged him. I got a return response and will likely see him again soon. Also another friend I made sure to stay on top of the situation. 

I think it is admirable of you (first round), while it's also highly risky (deeper assessment) because:

° only but a small minority 'stays on the ball' (approx. <5%, verified it myself quantifiably, eluded to it in another post)

° help is only real if the secondary motivation isn't self directed (imo)

° an individual being helped solely from the outside has the easy way out of converting the situation into abstraction in a heartbeat, have seen it 'too many times'.

° 'unhealthy&/toxic' individuals can't be part of the virtuous and principled individual's life... direct consequences include integrity = saying no, pushback, standing up for beliefs, disassociation from 'users' who more often than not escalate (can be an aspect of self, same as another person)

addition: What has worked best for me to establish level of danger/stability is to understand how closely follows their concept of love their principles.

i.e. - Is there a disconnect between what they claim is good and what they call good? Deeper: Are there any red flags such as 'I can use the concept of love for something that's even in a small degree is abusive towards me, exceptions can exist.'

° failure to help can lead to resentment for the concept of 'helping is good', only if the helper isn't conscious enough, melted together, projects onto the other.

° helping others can be a distraction from helping oneself

e.g. - like trying to help someone find a job while the helper doesn't have one or is dissatisfied.

[Kohlrak]

39 minutes ago, barn said:

° helping others can be a distraction from helping oneself

e.g. - like trying to help someone find a job while the helper doesn't have one or is dissatisfied.

Oh the number of psychology and psychiatry students that are already diagnosed with a few issues before they study. I met one (who had plenty of her own issues) who said it's a thing in the industry.

40 minutes ago, barn said:

° failure to help can lead to resentment for the concept of 'helping is good', only if the helper isn't conscious enough, melted together, projects onto the other.

This is with anything though, so the only solution is not to help, which is the same as what happens when you fail to help someone.

42 minutes ago, barn said:

addition: What has worked best for me to establish level of danger/stability is to understand how closely follows their concept of love their principles.

Could you rephrase that? I'm having trouble parsing the last 6 words.

[barn]

Hi @Kohlrak

Would you like to revisit the pm you started, in the pm first?

[Kohlrak]

39 minutes ago, barn said:

Hi @Kohlrak

Would you like to revisit the pm you started, in the pm first?

I don't see the point. You stated things, and I didn't know what you meant by them. You found that grounds to discontinue the conversation, and nothing has really changed since. Or am I so deep into autism that I'm completely oblivious to what is going on here as well?

Or are you making a reference to the first quote in my previous reply, and how I responded to it?

[barn]

1 minute ago, Kohlrak said:

I don't see the point

That's all-right, I respect your choice.

 

2 minutes ago, Kohlrak said:

You stated things, and I didn't know what you meant by them. You found that grounds to discontinue the conversation, and nothing has really changed since.

This is all-right too, respect your perspective.

2 minutes ago, Kohlrak said:

Or am I so deep into autism that I'm completely oblivious to what is going on here as well? 

I can't tell, wouldn't want to put words in your mouth, not my choices.

3 minutes ago, Kohlrak said:

Or are you making a reference to the first quote in my previous reply, and how I responded to it? 

This would be part of revisiting, which you've just declined... I guess, perhaps that's why I see it contradictory.

[J.L.W]

He might not be as bad as I implied with those words. I don't know how bad he is either because he genuinely isn't that bad, or he is hiding it, but he is functional, the song reminded me of him and seemed like a positive reminder.

[Kohlrak]

15 minutes ago, barn said:

That's all-right, I respect your choice.

 

This is all-right too, respect your perspective.

I can't tell, wouldn't want to put words in your mouth, not my choices.

This would be part of revisiting, which you've just declined... I guess, perhaps that's why I see it contradictory.

No offense, but it's really difficult to communicate with someone when they're being this cryptic. At this point I have to assume you're just playing with me.

8 minutes ago, J.L.W said:

He might not be as bad as I implied with those words. I don't know how bad he is either because he genuinely isn't that bad, or he is hiding it, but he is functional, the song reminded me of him and seemed like a positive reminder.

Beware. You (and/or your subconscious mind) might just value old times with him, or desire to fulfill some need to feel useful, to the degree that you're wanting to try to save him. Frankly, if he's "functional" or somehow beat the problem, he doesn't need your help to do it. I can't imagine spending so much time away from someone, only to come back into their life and suddenly save them when you couldn't before. That would take quite a bit of growth of some sort of psychologically manipulative power to pull off, no? It is worth a shot, but you probably should be realistic with yourself: are you doing this for him or to solve some sort of guilty conscience (presumably for not saving him before, or somehow causing the issue, etc)? I understand the desire to save a friend, but why are you suddenly the knight in shining armor?

[barn]

5 minutes ago, Kohlrak said:

No offense, but it's really difficult to communicate with someone when they're being this cryptic.

That's all-right, no offense taken whatsoever. (couldn't have) 

6 minutes ago, Kohlrak said:

At this point I have to assume you're just playing with me. 

Sure, feel free to assume that if you want to.

[J.L.W]

Perhaps a better way of saying it is that I got reminded to contact a friend who I think drinks too much. Not that has problems with alcohol. 

There is not much I could practically do to "save him" since he lives far away and I only see him every few months or so.

[Kohlrak]

13 minutes ago, J.L.W said:

Perhaps a better way of saying it is that I got reminded to contact a friend who I think drinks too much. Not that has problems with alcohol. 

There is not much I could practically do to "save him" since he lives far away and I only see him every few months or so.

Perhaps, but you still somehow see it as saving him, else you wouldn't have equated the song with him.

[barn]

Hi @J.L.W

 

15 minutes ago, J.L.W said:

Perhaps a better way of saying it is that I got reminded to contact a friend who I think drinks too much. Not that has problems with alcohol. 

There is not much I could practically do to "save him" since he lives far away and I only see him every few months or so.

1. Does he think he drinks too much?

2. What value does he represent in your life?

3. What do you gain by helping him?

[J.L.W]

This is what happens when guys communicate for too long, things start getting beat down to their technical specifics rather than the way of emotionally summing things up that women have.

Perhaps it was not a good example, Stefans two examples were things that created really deep philosophical meaning for him whereas mine is a more everyday example, not of any great depth but I don't come up with my own philosophical conclusions on things. I am not that guy. I write music and come out with things but most of the time I have slightly less abstract concerns, which is kind of ironic since I am such a thinker. When I have a dream it usually leads me in the direction of a behaviour that needs to change, in my view.

To answer. I am concerned about this friend because he is almost always hung over and when another one of my friends went to see him recently, who is not given to huge displays of empathy or thought about others, he was a bit disgusted with the guys drunkness. So this person probably hides the extent the alcohol is a problem, and is given to addictive behaviours as well (ah, sounding bad now). Also you just get a feel with the stories people tell. I have discussed this with him. I am also concerned how nobody else seems bothered because drinking is so accepted in this culture.

Although, there is a legitimate possibility that I worry too much about other peoples alcohol intake since my father, who was an alcoholic died, and it became clear only at the end of his life due to how well he hid it, how bad the problem actually is. So I see a problem where others do not.

He is not a large impact on my life, I do feel when I meet him that I would try to get through to him. Kind of subconscious I didn't realise that. It is interesting to follow that line of questioning. My priority at the moment is work concerns I am going absolutely mad on part time work. 

The song itself... 'how to save a life', is about losing someone to those substances.

[J.L.W]

That might be it, it might be time to hit that friendship on the head, or acknowledge to myself it is already going that way. (It might have been pushed originally when someone asked me if I would see this friend more if he lived nearby and I said 'no' because the alcoholism annoys me too much).

The destruction of a human being through alcohol is a horrible thing, it's not something I want to see again.

Apparently the 12 stages of alcoholic anonymous are for friends and family as well. So the first stage is to admit you are powerless over the person if they are your friend or family.

[barn]

@J.L.W

Now I'm wondering if you not quoting me and/ responding directly is for a specific reason. (if you did write to what I tried to highlight, can't tell exactly neither)

If you prefer not to, that's fine too, I just ask if that's what you preferred. (totally fine)

p.s. - I know it for a fact, things suffered tend to increase the sensitivity of 'some of our buttons', yet with self-knowledge they can be operated just like others. As long as you know...

[J.L.W]

12 minutes ago, barn said:

@J.L.W

Now I'm wondering if you not quoting me and/ responding directly is for a specific reason. (if you did write to what I tried to highlight, can't tell exactly neither)

If you prefer not to, that's fine too, I just ask if that's what you preferred. (totally fine)

p.s. - I know it for a fact, things suffered tend to increase the sensitivity of 'some of our buttons', yet with self-knowledge they can be operated just like others. As long as you know...

I respond like that so that I get all my thoughts out. I did answer your points because I was working on them but... sort of indirectly.

[barn]

2 hours ago, J.L.W said:

I respond like that so that I get all my thoughts out. I did answer your points because I was working on them but... sort of indirectly.

Gotcha.

Thanks for that.

No worries.

I sort of see:

5 hours ago, barn said:

1. Does he think he drinks too much? 

I don't:

5 hours ago, barn said:

2. What value does he represent in your life?

and

5 hours ago, barn said:

3. What do you gain by helping him? 

p.s. - If you'd like, I can give examples or specify even more.

[J.L.W]

If you can give me examples of dealing with addicts and things I would be very interested to hear.

P.S. Just talked to an old friend of mine, assuming all goes well I have a full time job.

3 hours ago, barn said:

p.s. - If you'd like, I can give examples or specify even more.

 

[barn]

1 hour ago, J.L.W said:

P.S. Just talked to an old friend of mine, assuming all goes well I have a full time job. 

Remembering how much you wanted it, that's great news (initially), fingers crossed it goes through!

1 hour ago, J.L.W said:

If you can give me examples of dealing with addicts and things I would be very interested to hear. 

I rather not, in this form that is... I'm trying to say here is, that ask is very general, especially the 'things' part. Maybe you could narrow it down a bit, if you wanted.

What I really was saying earlier on is that for "2. What value does he represent in you r life?" - there's quite a few negatives, and that he isn't anyone 'considerably important' in your life... so that's outside of my original ask.

And for

4 hours ago, barn said:

3. What do you gain by helping him? 

I'm sorry, but I couldn't see any relatable and I rather not make up theories out of thin air.

[J.L.W]

This actually worked out very well in the end. The guys coming down to watch the football and I have a friend who is going through a really hard time who I don't see recently. For whatever personal reason. Good friends but I'm not the person he would like to spend time with now.

But if there is a football game on he can spend time with people without discussing any deep subjects (which might be why he's avoiding me, I do discuss deep things and it stresses people out sometimes. Even if not the subject matter I don't zone out like a lot of groups, especially of guys... do!)

Had I not sent the email the guy coming down might have avoided contacting me about this.

[barn]

Did you genuinely enjoy spending time with him/them?

3 hours ago, J.L.W said:

This actually worked out very well in the end. The guys coming down to watch the football and I have a friend who is going through a really hard time who I don't see recently. For whatever personal reason. Good friends but I'm not the person he would like to spend time with now. 

I'm glad you are satisfied with how things turned out. (Sorry, don't mean to 'dig' or 'nitpick' but can't walk pass it...or a wording 'glitch' maybe... "don't see recently" & "I'm not the person" but "good friends" = that's an interesting way to put it.)

3 hours ago, J.L.W said:

But if there is a football game on he can spend time with people without discussing any deep subjects (which might be why he's avoiding me, I do discuss deep things and it stresses people out sometimes. Even if not the subject matter I don't zone out like a lot of groups, especially of guys... do!) 

Dunno about this... It pretty much sounds like avoidance, 'zoning out'. As in: to meet but 'not be there for each other', it's like the participants are 'stock', replaceable. Because in the end you can say you've met, though not sure if you really 'met'. Proximity isolation is a tough thing to experience.

Everything has it's right time and place, opening up about sensitive topics has to be a conscious decision, nobody likes to be revealed unexpected... I can understand that too.

3 hours ago, J.L.W said:

Had I not sent the email the guy coming down might have avoided contacting me about this.

He might have avoided, yes. It might have never occurred to him to see you / spend time together.

A bit of (unrelated?) ramble, feel free to skip...

I also have seen it plenty of times when people (men & women) claiming to be open to discussing deep subjects but once a precipice is near in sight, they back down, restart the exploration from scratch... saying: 'Oh, it's not that deep, it's not the right time, here given the surroundings to discussing it...' (=I don't want to look) Almost as if they knew, once a certain sets of words is spoken they have to do something about it and they rather not do it. I always wondered if this was censorship or sadism or both. I mean it would be natural to circle back willingly later but somehow that never seemed to be the case with this set of individuals, mainly that's why I try to keep my distance.

[J.L.W]

It's true it might be zoning out. But this is real life. Like I said in the other thread I go for the best I can not the Utopian perfect.

The guy has acted all strange since his relative died he can't process emotions very well, or apparently can't. He has often avoided me out of 'stress' although we have been close friends since we were six years old. It is what it is.

[barn]

32 minutes ago, J.L.W said:

It's true it might be zoning out. But this is real life. Like I said in the other thread I go for the best I can not the Utopian perfect.

The guy has acted all strange since his relative died he can't process emotions very well, or apparently can't. He has often avoided me out of 'stress' although we have been close friends since we were six years old. It is what it is.

That looks like an honest response to me. Hey! Thanks.

Um...

I don't know what else to say... because you do seem to be choosing consciously and I respect that. (whatever I might be thinking meanwhile, doesn't matter)

[J.L.W]

So I did go out with him, that friend I referred to (the one with the relative) is not doing any socialising at the moment it seems. It is more often I go out with this guy in a group but today it was just the two of us. We watched a film, it was good, and I didn't say anything about the alcohol because, at the time, stupid as it is, I believed his reasons for things, (Which is what they do alcoholics, they offer very carefully thought out reasons), I don't really want to bring it up anyway, he is enmeshed now with a lot of people for whom this behaviour is normal, but because I didn't bring it up, I feel like a piece of me has died a little... Eep.

The guy is basically functional though. I realise when looking back on this thread that I am not explaining things very well, or that I didn't in this thread. Perhaps steady practice of music and positive things happening elsewhere in my life is improving my ability to communicate a bit. I came back on here to report because... It is the thing you do in a conversation and, my feelings suddenly took over, which is not ideal I suppose. But this has almost became a personal therapy thread! We can thank Barn for that :).

What I should have said in the first post were recounting Stefans experiences which would have made a bit more sense to the conversation and perhaps people would have got more what I was talking about if I did so. The short explanation seems like I am trying to justify something to myself I am not comfortable with, but it was really quite a genuine enthusiasm of the idea of relating with the subconscious.

I might come back and do that, all in all I think it was basically positive to deal with this friend. The attachment to that song, and the feel of it not really laying off until I contacted that person might be a part of me, like a conscience-y type thing (wrong word but is the best I can do) that is sort of suffering with the bad feelings of that friend and how alcohol effected my father etc.

[barn]

Kudos on noticing. You did a lot, not easy. (I mean it)

How about shaping 'these' into a special, full-on song? (for you, 'pouring it into a form')

ps. ' Takes two to... '

[J.L.W]

1 hour ago, barn said:

Kudos on noticing. You did a lot, not easy. (I mean it)

How about shaping 'these' into a special, full-on song? (for you, 'pouring it into a form')

ps. ' Takes two to... '

Quite possibly. At the moment I am really concentrating on technique. I am practicing 'Hotel California' on guitar by Sungha Jung and a version I first heard was performed by Gabriello Quevedo. The technique seems to be very useful in making me feel better whereas the creation of music is a definitely good feel but is part of why I am trying to change my personal situation. If someone interrupts a person in that musical creating zone the come down is awful and it is not easy to return to the song.

I made one up previously about my father and I'm not sure if I still have it I couldn't find it when I looked last. That 'The Fray' song I do seem to do quite well though, when sung with my own tone and rythm not trying to copy the original singer because that tone really doesn't suit me. It is a surprisingly hard song to cover that takes a lot of energy.

On this subject:

Stefans own explanation of this is extremely deep and long so I will have to summarise:

He talks about how he has these 'archeological markers' in his head things he has 'remembered for many years' and not figured out until much later.

One of these examples is the television show MASH: In a scene where the main character and doctor pouring concrete into a gun they joke it is "Comedy of the highest calibre". Then he explains that he was surrounded by people that were excessively deconstructionist and nihilistic and he realised their comedy was destructive, and the term 'caliber' and it being on a gun are important here

The second is a older person who was a nasty person and people surrounding her did not want to lose out on a will so they effectively couldn't afford honour. -- This is interesting how relevant to me this is, I'm wondering how a friend is going to start relating when he gets money. Probably fine we've been friends for a long time but it is a thought.

The third is... self explanatory: "I've always depended on the kindness of strangers", although Stefan explains he did not understand why people said this gave them the chills.

 

[barn]

Hi @J.L.W

Any or all of the following can be 'privatised', it's fully up to you. Also, I'm not bothered at all if you say you rather skipped certain things (like you did before, totally fine, seriously... maybe they're not important)

1 hour ago, J.L.W said:

Quite possibly. At the moment I am really concentrating on technique. I am practicing 'Hotel California' on guitar by Sungha Jung and a version I first heard was performed by Gabriello Quevedo.

I love music too. Definitely a wonder of the world.

Here, check this out, I'm guessing it'll work neatly for your 'climbing into the zone' :

Quartetto Minimo - Khayyam

(why you never posted in "  μ-Ziq for U "  escapes me...)

1 hour ago, J.L.W said:

If someone interrupts a person in that musical creating zone the come down is awful and it is not easy to return to the song. 

Knowing that, do you think one can make certain preparations, take reasonable precautions?

1 hour ago, J.L.W said:

I made one up previously about my father and I'm not sure if I still have it I couldn't find it when I looked last. That 'The Fray' song I do seem to do quite well though, when sung with my own tone and rythm not trying to copy the original singer because that tone really doesn't suit me. It i

It's ok to err, fumble, sound weird, imperfect... So what. Just do your own 'tang', try new rhythms, speeds... at least, that's what I would do. Forget everything else, when you are 'there', be 'there'. And when something is good, you'll feel, hear it something else...

This might come handy too... (you'll decide for yourself) :

If you state that you don't want to think of something, it won't work and you'll keep thinking about it. Annoying as hell.

A workaround is to replace it with something better that can capture your attention for its greater charge and so you'll naturally levitate towards it. Something awesome, something really great and powerful for you.

1 hour ago, J.L.W said:

One of these examples is the television show MASH: In a scene where the main character and doctor pouring concrete into a gun they joke it is "Comedy of the highest calibre". Then he explains that he was surrounded by people that were excessively deconstructionist and nihilistic and he realised their comedy was destructive, and the term 'caliber' and it being on a gun are important here 

Yes, I perfectly remember. It's fairly recent. The second too. The third I don't recall but I'm sure you're right.

On the first one... I told an acquaintance a couple months back, when the convo fot further than 'just met you' (she came around the third time) she shouldn't be making so jagged edged jokes about her shortcomings because it was literally humiliation in a gift-wrap with her own name on it. She started laughing and sort of shaking her head said, how weird I was for pointing that out and it was just a joke and I take things too seriously. Her next bit was, how sensitive I might be, a softy for believing it's anything more than just an empty comment people usually make, harmless. Still laughing. I wisely swallowed my pride and shrugged.

Well, we never got an inch closer. Turns out she's very cynical and likes to fling, jab and make nasty comments, all in the name of ' good humour '. I made a good decision then to not provide a platform for her, nor later when she was around... found other things to do, other people to chat with.

1 hour ago, J.L.W said:

I'm wondering how a friend is going to start relating when he gets money. 

That's a tough one, except for people who see/live virtuously. Chances are, those people repelled the unstable, the two-faced, simply because 'visibility' is scary for the malicious, hence the dark, the behind the scene, manipulative preference.

If you don't mind me saying, make sure you don't have doubts, 'an ounce of preven...' - style (as in: evaluate, prevent)

Does the third make you feel uncomfortable too?

[J.L.W]

Ah online communication is very difficult it seems... Those examples (MASH etc.) were from Stefans video on the subject! My only one was that 'The Fray' song.

Quote

Knowing that, do you think one can make certain preparations, take reasonable precautions?

It possibly is, however, I do have a lot of things to get on with and I have a tendency towards disorganisation. Also, I would naturally make up songs in the evening likely when I am relaxed and that's when I am interrupted.

Quote

Well, we never got an inch closer. Turns out she's very cynical and likes to fling, jab and make nasty comments, all in the name of ' good humour '. I made a good decision then to not provide a platform for her, nor later when she was around... found other things to do, other people to chat with.

Well I can't comment on this with any education but, of my male friends I did have one that would make really penetrating jokes and... it was great fun to be fair. I used to think of him as 'the ego stripper'. Spending a few minutes with him and you'd definitely have a few 'unasked for insights'. Lol. But it turned out he didn't like that insensitive part of himself (he was low empathy in other ways) and is on ADHD medication now. This is another example like I was talking about in the other thread of that female tendency to bring guys down who are like that when you wouldn't think they would have the ability to, the guy was untouchable but one girl he connected with and had to separate from and his previously very powerful self was reduced to pieces.

Anyway I digress.

Quote

 

That's a tough one, except for people who see/live virtuously. Chances are, those people repelled the unstable, the two-faced, simply because 'visibility' is scary for the malicious, hence the dark, the behind the scene, manipulative preference.

 

Yes it is. He is the kind of person that would give money out of what seems (and is at the time) like genuine goodness and then not realise that he subconsciously expected something back. (Not that I need money just that's how I think he is) Ideally of course it would not be an issue at all. It's all involved in "real life" anyway.

Very often there is a pattern in our friendship of correctly knowing how he will react in a situation and he can't see it.

Quote

It's ok to err, fumble, sound weird, imperfect... So what. Just do your own 'tang', try new rhythms, speeds... at least, that's what I would do. Forget everything else, when you are 'there', be 'there'. And when something is good, you'll feel, hear it something else...

Music is about three things, practice, practice, practice. Each repetition and you subconsciously get better at it. Change little bits to fit yourself etc.

[barn]

1 hour ago, J.L.W said:

Ah online communication is very difficult it seems... Those examples (MASH etc.) were from Stefans video on the subject! My only one was that 'The Fray' song. 

Not sure what you mean, but ok.

1 hour ago, J.L.W said:

It possibly is, however, I do have a lot of things to get on with and I have a tendency towards disorganisation. Also, I would naturally make up songs in the evening likely when I am relaxed and that's when I am interrupted. 

This is curious because on the one hand I'm not seeing any problem then, while at the same time I could be blind to something important...

Here, lemme share the view I have from my end:

° You seem to know what the main problem (interruption) is and what addage is attached on the side (less than preferable organisation skill)

° You seem to know what the pattern is and how to identify it.

 

Yet it sounds as if you needed something more to adjust this dynamic... Have I missed anything or you already have all the information? Is it accurate to assume : If you wanted, you could have started upgrading, reformulating?

1 hour ago, J.L.W said:

This is another example like I was talking about in the other thread of that female tendency to bring guys down who are like that when you wouldn't think they would have the ability to, the guy was untouchable but one girl he connected with and had to separate from and his previously very powerful self was reduced to pieces. 

This looks to me like an insincere person, hiding, acting for some reason but then having difficulty dealing with true-emotions. Not surprising. Sorry for saying this if it's uncalled for but by the description and in my own mind, this is an example for an actor. A faker.

It takes much more courage to take ownership for what's not so appealing, than to take all opportunity trying to cover it up. That's like running away from one's true self, denying reality. Not good. (Although I don't really know what the person is like, I could be wrong)

1 hour ago, J.L.W said:

Yes it is. He is the kind of person that would give money out of what seems (and is at the time) like genuine goodness and then not realise that he subconsciously expected something back. (Not that I need money just that's how I think he is) Ideally of course it would not be an issue at all. It's all involved in "real life" anyway.

I think I understand your theory. It could be, sure, why not. But then fair transactions need both parties being conscious of the values being exchanged, be in agreement... not regretting/doubting later. (in general I think)

1 hour ago, J.L.W said:

Very often there is a pattern in our friendship of correctly knowing how he will react in a situation and he can't see it. 

Would you say that he was susceptible to a certain type of manipulation therefore and it was (one of) a benefit for him that you could warn him ahead of time?

Sort of like when friends look out for each other's blindspot?

1 hour ago, J.L.W said:

Music is about three things, practice, practice, practice. Each repetition and you subconsciously get better at it. Change little bits to fit yourself etc. 

I'm not a musician, so I could be very wrong here... but that sounds like oversimplification. What about inspiration/emotional involvement, imagination, true aim (not copying continously)?

If what you put forward was consistently true, anyone could become a great musician. Don't get me wrong, I do think practice is the/a lionshare of doing it right, but I would imagine there were a few more essential things too. Of course it depends on, what level are we talking about.

[J.L.W]

Quote

Not sure what you mean, but ok

You seemed to think the examples I referred to in that post were mine, however, they were from Stefans video that I linked at the beginning of this thread.

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This is curious because on the one hand I'm not seeing any problem then, while at the same time I could be blind to something important...

Here, lemme share the view I have from my end:

° You seem to know what the main problem (interruption) is and what addage is attached on the side (less than preferable organisation skill)

° You seem to know what the pattern is and how to identify it.

 

I have a lot of anxiety which slows me down. Some which is well deserved I think... I.e. a good survival sense, some of which is due to diabetic bloodsugar control which I am handling. I lose time in the morning because of this. I am making my organisation skill better but it is slow...

Quote

 

This looks to me like an insincere person, hiding, acting for some reason but then having difficulty dealing with true-emotions. Not surprising. Sorry for saying this if it's uncalled for but by the description and in my own mind, this is an example for an actor. A faker.

It takes much more courage to take ownership for what's not so appealing, than to take all opportunity trying to cover it up. That's like running away from one's true self, denying reality. Not good. (Although I don't really know what the person is like, I could be wrong)

 

I would not say this person is insincere. He would say that it is the ADHD that causes problems and I have seen and felt things from him that do suggest something is a little off sometimes, with the empathy etc.

not that he is hiding but that something is actually "off". I didn't believe ADHD was a thing before he explained it. The subject is complicated by a trauma that I know he went through and the fact my friendship with him has had a few separations of late because of some of these things.

Perhaps the stress and inability to deal with some of these things is a "dysfunctional" (?) personality breaking down and when he has put himself back together he will be different. I do think he has always wanted to improve.

Quote

 

Would you say that he was susceptible to a certain type of manipulation therefore and it was (one of) a benefit for him that you could warn him ahead of time?

Sort of like when friends look out for each other's blindspot?

 

Yes, but that is not a problem. It might be, we have always both casually agreed I am a better manipulator than he is (because I'm paranoid) and may consider people are being like that, but he will probably be able to handle that and has a support system. But the "blindspot" is always the same, he thinks he can handle all things all the time and will never have any situation come along that will put him down in any way. I suspect money, for all the good things it gives, will be an additional stressor. But I may be wrong. I am not usually wrong though when it comes to peoples psychology. That sounds arrogant but it is basically what I have experienced. Also, I don't know how it will look if I am attempting to advise him on this area.

There is a pattern here of me, legitimately or otherwise, wanting to "save" people from themselves.

Quote

 

I'm not a musician, so I could be very wrong here... but that sounds like oversimplification. What about inspiration/emotional involvement, imagination, true aim (not copying continously)?

If what you put forward was consistently true, anyone could become a great musician. Don't get me wrong, I do think practice is the/a lionshare of doing it right, but I would imagine there were a few more essential things too. Of course it depends on, what level are we talking about.

 

Yes I was being simplistic, and I don't know the real answer to this. There is no one that is good at music who has not practiced a whole lot I believe Malcolm Gladwell proved that but if you read around musical literature, biographies a while you begin to pick up this commonly held belief - or it may be a truth, that some people "have it" and some don't, that one of Dylans atheist biographers termed his "God Given" gift. Seems kind of mean but that is it. Kind of like how some are high IQ and some are not and that's just the way it is and can't change.

[J.L.W]

So now my entire last post has gone down the rabbit hole. I modified it and off it's gone. (Sorry to bring this back).

[J.L.W]

Quote

Not sure what you mean, but ok

You seemed to think the examples I referred to in that post were mine, however, they were from Stefans video that I linked at the beginning of this thread.

Quote

 

This is curious because on the one hand I'm not seeing any problem then, while at the same time I could be blind to something important...

Here, lemme share the view I have from my end:

° You seem to know what the main problem (interruption) is and what addage is attached on the side (less than preferable organisation skill)

° You seem to know what the pattern is and how to identify it.

 

I have a lot of anxiety which slows me down. Some which is well deserved I think... I.e. a good survival sense, some of which is due to diabetic bloodsugar control which I am handling. I lose time in the morning because of this. I am making my organisation skill better but it is slow...

Quote

 

This looks to me like an insincere person, hiding, acting for some reason but then having difficulty dealing with true-emotions. Not surprising. Sorry for saying this if it's uncalled for but by the description and in my own mind, this is an example for an actor. A faker.

It takes much more courage to take ownership for what's not so appealing, than to take all opportunity trying to cover it up. That's like running away from one's true self, denying reality. Not good. (Although I don't really know what the person is like, I could be wrong)

 

I would not say this person is insincere. He would say that it is the ADHD that causes problems and I have seen and felt things from him that do suggest something is a little off sometimes, with the empathy etc.

not that he is hiding but that something is actually "off". I didn't believe ADHD was a thing before he explained it. The subject is complicated by a trauma that I know he went through and the fact my friendship with him has had a few separations of late because of some of these things.

Perhaps the stress and inability to deal with some of these things is a "dysfunctional" (?) personality breaking down and when he has put himself back together he will be different. I do think he has always wanted to improve.

Quote

 

Would you say that he was susceptible to a certain type of manipulation therefore and it was (one of) a benefit for him that you could warn him ahead of time?

Sort of like when friends look out for each other's blindspot?

 

Yes, but that is not a problem. It might be, we have always both casually agreed I am a better manipulator than he is (because I'm paranoid) and may consider people are being like that, but he will probably be able to handle that and has a support system. But the "blindspot" is always the same, he thinks he can handle all things all the time and will never have any situation come along that will put him down in any way. I suspect money, for all the good things it gives, will be an additional stressor. But I may be wrong. I am not usually wrong though when it comes to peoples psychology. That sounds arrogant but it is basically what I have experienced. Also, I don't know how it will look if I am attempting to advise him on this area.

There is a pattern here of me, legitimately or otherwise, wanting to "save" people from themselves.

Quote

 

I'm not a musician, so I could be very wrong here... but that sounds like oversimplification. What about inspiration/emotional involvement, imagination, true aim (not copying continously)?

If what you put forward was consistently true, anyone could become a great musician. Don't get me wrong, I do think practice is the/a lionshare of doing it right, but I would imagine there were a few more essential things too. Of course it depends on, what level are we talking about.

 

Yes I was being simplistic, and I don't know the real answer to this. There is no one that is good at music who has not practiced a whole lot I believe Malcolm Gladwell proved that but if you read around musical literature, biographies a while you begin to pick up this commonly held belief - or it may be a truth, that some people "have it" and some don't, that one of Dylans atheist biographers termed his "God Given" gift. Seems kind of mean but that is it. Kind of like how some are high IQ and some are not and that's just the way it is and can't change.

[J.L.W]

There we go. Leaving it as it is.