Omarcrysis Posted June 18, 2018 Share Posted June 18, 2018 (edited) Hello everyone, I have come to ask for help because I don't trust any groups of people to have an objective point of view. Sorry for the essay. I've been dating my current girlfriend for 8 months now, and about 5 weeks ago I started to notice and look at other women a lot. This has made me question my feelings a lot as I'm not sure as this strange desire for infidelity has been brought by my subconscious to try to make me break up with my girlfriend. Some introductions and context in blue in case you want to skip it: I am 25, Half mexican half american Living in mexico. I'd say in the looks department I'm about a local area 9/10, global 7/10. I don't drink and the only drug I do on occasion (3 or 4 times a year) is weed. I have engaged in highly illegal things in the past, although all of them were victimless. I suspect these may be self destructive behavior. I have thought about suicide (16 y/o) but looking back I think I may have just been dramatic to get my way. My father was in my house but didn't speak much to me and my mother always told me shit to make me hate him (that stopped about 15y/o). I was never hit, only slapped once in the face. I have slept with 25 ish women (memory is hazy as most were one night stands) My girlfriend is 19, Brazilian. Looks: local area 8/10, global 6/10. She likes going to raves every month/few months and likes doing ecstasy there. She does smoke weed 1 or 2 times a week when she lives with me (never at parent's house) she had been depressed for a year before meeting me because her parents moved to another city with no friends). She was beaten many times by her mother and her father worked a ton and was tired when he did see her or he'd drink and listen to music. She has also contemplated suicide. She claims to have slept with only 4 people, including myself. She says she doesn't know what to do in her life. We met in brazil in a hostel (October maybe) (she was from another city) and had sex on the second day of knowing each other. I'd say the things that attracted me about her were youth, she speaks perfect english, is relatively smart, weighs 110lb / 48 KG, and had that look that just made me want to get up in her business. I know she was not on the pill during that time so her pheromones probably gave me rabies too. Oh and of course: she's libertarian-ish. I talked to her about a few complex topics and was able to shift her point of view based on logic, which is a GIANT plus to me. When I first tried kissing her, she said she was "seeing someone", and that she felt guilty about kissing me (she was the one that suggested we go out in the first place). I didn't care. I went to visit her where she lived a week later. she did not introduce me to her parents as they thought she was still a virgin, so she had to lie to be with me those few days, and on all the future outings/trips. Every time we had sex, it was without condoms and it was always pull out. She took a few morning after pills here and there as a precaution. She did on one occasion tell me I should trust nobody in life, not even her (she later said she was joking). She also told me once that if she was me, she'd be out having sex with as many women as possible(she recently explained that she said that because thats what all dudes her and my age try to do). At some point I did tell her about the illegal things I was doing, she said she suspected so, and chose to stay with me anyway. After about two months of knowing each other and meeting on weekends, I had to return to Mexico and I convinced her to come with me. She was fed up with brazil and was almost over her design course, so she accepted. I left on DEC 1 and she joined me on DEC 17. I was her first time out of brazil. She went on the pill when she arrived to Mexico to avoid pregnancy. I don't know if it was the pills, but around 15th of January she lost a lot of libido and for the first time in our relationship we went a whole week without sex. I was still very horny and was plagued with insecurity as she rejected my attempts for that whole week. That week I lost a lot of attraction for her as I thought she didn't like me anymore, so when she regained her libido, It was hard for her to turn me on, and on one occasion I even had to imagine another girl as I was having sex with her to be able to enjoy it. A few days later sex returned to normal, although a lot less than our pre-pill days (then it was every day). Some negatives about my girl: she gets easily irritated sometimes when arguing about the best way to do something(best way to sweep, how to pluck hairs, etc) and she shuts down, but with some other more complicated things she listens (like philosophy). she often ignores my experience in certain topics, when I clearly have much more than she does (example: travel) and does what she wants, to later find out I did actually know what I was talking about. She claims to be a feminist, but I think she largely miscategorizes herself and I would call her an egalitarian, especially considering what modern feminism is. She is very lazy sometimes and gives up easily. although she is skinny, she is out of shape and has no endurance. I am the opposite as I play beach volleyball every day. When she's feeling lost and without purpose she prefers to stay indoors all day in stead of come with me and at least watch the beach volleyball game. she prefers sitting on the beach and doing nothing. She has a lot of anxiety and often gets fed up when we start arguing about certain topics. A great negative for me is that she has never had an orgasm in her life ( or is having orgasms but doesn't know what "counts" as one). Try as I might, I cannot get her to do it. With women that have experienced orgasm before, I have always been able to get them to have one, I have been with a few women who say they have never had one and with them I was unable to as well. It definitely makes me feel worth a little less as I cannot make her have the same pleasure as I do. In a way it has made me a better lover as I have strived for longer and more intense intercourse, but all my effort is to no avail. With what I have been able to do to her, I now wonder how other women with orgasmic capability would react, and I crave the feeling of accomplishment that I would get from being able to deliver the pleasure to them with my new abilities. I feel as this is another contributing factor to my recent interest in other women. I don't know what "love" feels like, nor do I know if I do or have ever loved my girlfriend. I enjoy her company, and I like having her around. I fear losing her because I don't know if I'll ever find another free thinker that I'm attracted to. I don't know if I love her or if I'm just afraid to be alone. I don't want to go into the dating world again. I don't want to build other relationships because its hard for me to find women I'm attracted to physically and mentally. I got in a fight with a dude where I live and she had my back... her ferocity and anger toward that dude filled me with admiration for her... but I wouldn't say that most of the other time I am filled with admiration for everything she does. as I said she gives up with a lot of the small things, but then she soldiers on through other small things well.... ahhh its all so complicated in my mind. About children: she says she wants to wait at least 2 years, maybe 5 or maybe 10. I don't want to wait 10. I don't really want to wait 5 either. But I do not want to rush and bring a person into a world and fail them. She says she wants to travel, do things that you can't do wen you have children ( extreme sports, backpacking, etc) and I always say you CAN do those things, you just need to change little things here and there. I will add that when she's around children she starts telling me she wants kids.. right now she's with her mom and thats probably making her feel like a kid again (she will return to mexico in a week or two) I will be starting a new business in the next few months, If it works I will be making 100k a year and the subsequent year I will reach 1 mil unless i get government pushback (Mexico is a corrupt place... my competition might not play fair), so money won't be an issue. Sorry for the essay, I put in all the info because it is probably relevant. Anyone have any insight? should I break up with her and find another woman who is more developed? should I stay with her and see how I feel at the 1 year mark? should I avoid babies at all cost with her? is she a good candidate? am I a good candidate? help. If anyone would like some more relevant info, please feel free to ask. Thanks in advance Edited June 25, 2018 by Omarcrysis Fixed a grammatical mistake and added a tiny bit more context, eliminated some information I'd rather keep private Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jsbrads Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 It is very hard to assess the situation from what you are writing. The two of you sound compatible and if you want to lock this gal down, say it. Tell her you are interested in this relationship. Communicate what you want and try to find out what she needs from you in the near term. Talk about your goals and dreams and try to remember that anything either of you say isn’t written in stone, if one of her goals still seems off after a few days, then maybe it may not work out. Ultimately, if you are both open minded, good people, jive well, willing to work on yourselves and the relationship, it can work out really well. I think you both can spend some time in personal counseling. I was able to find a place near my home that offered counseling at a very low cost. When closer to a serious relationship, I have heard of premarital counseling, it is a really good idea. Look into Gspot orgasm, clitoral orgasm, and squirting orgasm. Don’t leave stuff like that up to chance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
barn Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 Hi @Omarcrysis Welcome to posting on the board btw... That's a big chunk of shared thoughts, appreciate it, you aiming to lay it out in a comprehensive manner for the readership ... (I read you ~2.25 times...) What would you say, how would an ideal scenario look like for you, REGARDLESS of what you've shared? (as a thought experiment) i. e. How do you imagine (1)seeing yourself happy and why(2) would that make you happy? Barnsley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
barn Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 Some additional thoughts, don't think I would like to post them publicly as of now, may I send you a pm? ps (Duuude! Good language skills! e. g - organisation, emphasis) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smarterthanone Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 You need to take charge more with her. Most of the negatives you listed are YOUR failings, not hers. You will never find a fully self aware, on top of their life girl who is 19 years old. Not possible. You need to lead her. It's ok if she isn't perfect but you are in for a world of hurt if you can't get her to accept your leadership. "she often ignores my experience in certain topics, when I clearly have much more than she does (example: travel) and does what she wants, to later find out I did actually know what I was talking about" This is a big problem. You need to fix it asap. It will also resolve the other problems such as her being argumentative and yes even her being a feminist. You need to give incentives. Being the head of a household is no different than being a CEO of a corporation. If your employees disobey and do things wrong, they get disciplined (docked pay, write ups, passed over for promotion, demoted, even fired). If your employees do things well, they get rewards (recognition, promotion, pay raises, profit sharing, stock options). What kind of man are you that you allow your girl to argue with you and do the wrong thing? I promise the longer it goes on she will begin to develop feelings that you are an inadequate man for allowing her to treat you this way. Look at it this way, if you walked down the street every day and you pass this man sitting on a bench every day and you talk to him and you think hes a pleasant man to talk to. Now say you spit in his face every day because maybe its the law and you would get killed idk you have no choice for whatever reason. Psychologically after a year or so of this behavior you won't be able to think of him as anything but a poor victim who is unable to control his circumstances.... because thats what he is. Your girl knows she can disobey you and nothing happens. So imagine 5 years from now she has some urge to cheat or spend all the money in your bank account or something stupid... she will be so used to disobeying you and maybe wants the attention of an argument, so she has no negative to doing this behavior and some incentive to do it. What do you think will happen? You can change things around its not too late, but you do it by changing you. - Do not argue. Girls love to argue. They are inherently attention seeking and will do whatever it takes to get attention. Bad attention is better than no attention. Only give attention for good behavior, period. When she misbehaves you got to ghost her aka walk out for an hour and come back. Or just sit in silence. Or refuse sexual advances.... whatever it takes. Only when she apologizes or does right then you can pay attention to her. - When you say Ive been to country A, you need to do this to be prepared for it. When she says no, you better give her shit. Pretend shes a man "Joe, i just told you you need two forms of ID to enter country A. What are you stupid?" Except change the example from Joe to whatever your girls name is. And instead of saying stupid, call it what it is. Shes doing this because its feminine behavior. So say something like "stupid little girl". I mean don't be mean, but be REAL, and dont cut her slack for being a woman, talk to her like a man. Its not mean to call someone who literally is hitting their head on a brick wall stupid, nor is it mean to do this either. Its real. Your girl with either start to follow your lead or she wont. If she doesn't there are ways to take this further or you can just write her off as too much trouble. I guarantee if a girl doesn't take your lead she will be nothing but headaches at some point, if not today, tomorrow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Omarcrysis Posted June 20, 2018 Author Share Posted June 20, 2018 10 hours ago, Jsbrads said: It is very hard to assess the situation from what you are writing. The two of you sound compatible and if you want to lock this gal down, say it. Tell her you are interested in this relationship. Communicate what you want and try to find out what she needs from you in the near term. Talk about your goals and dreams and try to remember that anything either of you say isn’t written in stone, if one of her goals still seems off after a few days, then maybe it may not work out. Ultimately, if you are both open minded, good people, jive well, willing to work on yourselves and the relationship, it can work out really well. I think you both can spend some time in personal counseling. I was able to find a place near my home that offered counseling at a very low cost. When closer to a serious relationship, I have heard of premarital counseling, it is a really good idea. Look into Gspot orgasm, clitoral orgasm, and squirting orgasm. Don’t leave stuff like that up to chance. We are compatible in the sense that we like going about things in a similar manner (eg. we do things the best we can and look up how to do them beforehand if we don't), she is willing to push the envelope and think about new ideas. We differ a lot in pastime activities, which I believe is a good thing for the most part as we're not doing the exact same things 100% of the time (eg. she likes watching a ton of netflix and I prefer outdoorsy things) I definitely need counseling in general to understand myself better... I'll search for something down here. About the orgasms... Ahhh I've tried everything, trust me. I've read it has taken some couples years to get the girl to be comfortable enough with herself to achieve orgasm. It certainly doesn't help my GF is very anxious. 1 hour ago, barn said: Hi @Omarcrysis Welcome to posting on the board btw... That's a big chunk of shared thoughts, appreciate it, you aiming to lay it out in a comprehensive manner for the readership ... (I read you ~2.25 times...) What would you say, how would an ideal scenario look like for you, REGARDLESS of what you've shared? (as a thought experiment) i. e. How do you imagine (1)seeing yourself happy and why(2) would that make you happy? Barnsley Ideal scenario... Thats a difficult one. I'd say a more mature and motivated version of my girlfriend. More beautiful I guess? It's a bit difficult to say whether the above is true or if I'm lying to myself to be more satisfied with my relationship, because once I met a Dutch girl that was beautiful and wise as well. She was the only girl in my life that has ever given me one of those "holy shit you're right"/mindblow pieces of advice. It seems unrealistic to try to find a girl that will do that to me again, and my current girlfriend at least makes me think and challenges me on occasion. As far as being happy... I don't know what would make me truly happy. I have had 3 instances in my life where I felt completely "at ease" where I needed nothing and was completely satisfied with my life at that moment. Is that happiness? I don't believe such a feeling is sustainable. The most difficult part is I WANT to like her more and be in "love". Provided she's being honest with what she says she believes and does, I admire her thoughts about economics, society, etc. and I fear losing her and having to deal with the sea of delusional women. Sex is fun, but the other 23 hours in the day are equally important. 1 hour ago, barn said: Some additional thoughts, don't think I would like to post them publicly as of now, may I send you a pm? ps (Duuude! Good language skills! e. g - organisation, emphasis) Sure, pm away. I hope you're not being sarcastic hahahaha I feel I used up my "I" quota for a century. 5 minutes ago, smarterthanone said: You need to take charge more with her. Most of the negatives you listed are YOUR failings, not hers. You will never find a fully self aware, on top of their life girl who is 19 years old. Not possible. You need to lead her. It's ok if she isn't perfect but you are in for a world of hurt if you can't get her to accept your leadership. "she often ignores my experience in certain topics, when I clearly have much more than she does (example: travel) and does what she wants, to later find out I did actually know what I was talking about" This is a big problem. You need to fix it asap. It will also resolve the other problems such as her being argumentative and yes even her being a feminist. You need to give incentives. Being the head of a household is no different than being a CEO of a corporation. If your employees disobey and do things wrong, they get disciplined (docked pay, write ups, passed over for promotion, demoted, even fired). If your employees do things well, they get rewards (recognition, promotion, pay raises, profit sharing, stock options). What kind of man are you that you allow your girl to argue with you and do the wrong thing? I promise the longer it goes on she will begin to develop feelings that you are an inadequate man for allowing her to treat you this way. Look at it this way, if you walked down the street every day and you pass this man sitting on a bench every day and you talk to him and you think hes a pleasant man to talk to. Now say you spit in his face every day because maybe its the law and you would get killed idk you have no choice for whatever reason. Psychologically after a year or so of this behavior you won't be able to think of him as anything but a poor victim who is unable to control his circumstances.... because thats what he is. Your girl knows she can disobey you and nothing happens. So imagine 5 years from now she has some urge to cheat or spend all the money in your bank account or something stupid... she will be so used to disobeying you and maybe wants the attention of an argument, so she has no negative to doing this behavior and some incentive to do it. What do you think will happen? You can change things around its not too late, but you do it by changing you. - Do not argue. Girls love to argue. They are inherently attention seeking and will do whatever it takes to get attention. Bad attention is better than no attention. Only give attention for good behavior, period. When she misbehaves you got to ghost her aka walk out for an hour and come back. Or just sit in silence. Or refuse sexual advances.... whatever it takes. Only when she apologizes or does right then you can pay attention to her. - When you say Ive been to country A, you need to do this to be prepared for it. When she says no, you better give her shit. Pretend shes a man "Joe, i just told you you need two forms of ID to enter country A. What are you stupid?" Except change the example from Joe to whatever your girls name is. And instead of saying stupid, call it what it is. Shes doing this because its feminine behavior. So say something like "stupid little girl". I mean don't be mean, but be REAL, and dont cut her slack for being a woman, talk to her like a man. Its not mean to call someone who literally is hitting their head on a brick wall stupid, nor is it mean to do this either. Its real. Your girl with either start to follow your lead or she wont. If she doesn't there are ways to take this further or you can just write her off as too much trouble. I guarantee if a girl doesn't take your lead she will be nothing but headaches at some point, if not today, tomorrow. Thank you for the perspective, Smarterthanone. You are correct. I need to confront her more on the experience part. I don't like insisting that I'm right and prefer letting people commit mistakes and learn from them... but in this instance I see the value in asserting my knowledge. I tend not to argue with her a lot, mostly I state my opinion on the best course of action on any particular activity and if she disagrees, I point out how my method was better and try to reason with her. In any case, you are correct. Next time I see her, I will discuss all of this and hopefully she understands. Do you have any suggestions for when she gets stubborn on a difficult subject? Lets say we're talking about children and she says "you cant have children and travel" and I say "yes you can, you just need to blab bla bla" and she becomes fed up and tells me "I don't want to talk about this anymore". Normally I just stop talking and go to another room and do something else, as usually she will just lock up and not want to talk anymore. Any recommended course of action? 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Dr. Dealgood Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 I don't normally offer an opinion on personal issue threads as my interest is philosophy, politics and current events. I thought I would throw in my Red Pill perspective. In my opinion, the short answer to your question is "yes". Your subconscious (and your conscious) is telling you that you should break up with your GF. Your subconscious is telling you to 'search' and your conscious is resisting. You are 25, have your life put together, a future planned and working. You have a long vision and are thinking about a partner who will help you on that path and raise a family with you. A partner and a friend. Your 19 GF is still a teenager, you met at a hostel while travelling. Likes to party and do ecstasy. She's also attractive and fun to be around. Great! The disconnect is your short term infatutation colliding with your long term vision. She doesn't fit in the picture and you know it. Perhaps you were hoping her being with you would change things and it may have but not at the pace you want. People do a lot of growing between 19 and 25 and she just isn't there yet and you don't want to wait. Now the advice you have undoubtedly heard before... Young attractive girls are like a carousel. First couple of spins around are fun but after that they are boring, one dimensional and repetitive. Oh and she is from another country... been there done that. You feel guilt because she travelled to see you. If that is the case then pay for her plane ticket back home. It's not working out and you know it... I think she knows it too. That's the problem with long distance relationships. It forces people together faster than normal before a lot of stuff has been worked out. You don't get the chance to know each other better before you move in with each other. It didn't work for me and I don't reccomend it. Last thing I thought I'd say that really stood out with what you said in your post. You had unprotected sex with a teenager! Are you out of your mind?? Cmon dude your smarter than that. Seriously fast way to ruining your life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Siegfried von Walheim Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 1 hour ago, smarterthanone said: - Do not argue. Girls love to argue. They are inherently attention seeking and will do whatever it takes to get attention. Bad attention is better than no attention. Only give attention for good behavior, period. When she misbehaves you got to ghost her aka walk out for an hour and come back. Or just sit in silence. Or refuse sexual advances.... whatever it takes. Only when she apologizes or does right then you can pay attention to her. - When you say Ive been to country A, you need to do this to be prepared for it. When she says no, you better give her shit. Pretend shes a man "Joe, i just told you you need two forms of ID to enter country A. What are you stupid?" Except change the example from Joe to whatever your girls name is. And instead of saying stupid, call it what it is. Shes doing this because its feminine behavior. So say something like "stupid little girl". I mean don't be mean, but be REAL, and dont cut her slack for being a woman, talk to her like a man. Its not mean to call someone who literally is hitting their head on a brick wall stupid, nor is it mean to do this either. Its real. Your girl with either start to follow your lead or she wont. If she doesn't there are ways to take this further or you can just write her off as too much trouble. I guarantee if a girl doesn't take your lead she will be nothing but headaches at some point, if not today, tomorrow. While I trust this as good advice, there is a problem: why would you consider marrying a woman that is really no different from an English (or in this case Spanish)-speaking dog? How can you love a woman that is basically a child with tits and ass? I'd just do what Stefan said: assume she won't change and move on. Attention-seeking whores, mentally/emotionally unstable, and bitchy are definitely red flags for "gtfo asap". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
barn Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 3 hours ago, Omarcrysis said: Sure, pm away. I hope you're not being sarcastic hahahaha I feel I used up my "I" quota for a century. Will pm. Last time I checked, there were plenty more 'clicks' in that button, if you'd run out I'm sure people can always lend you some more, around here! And no, I wasn't / am not being sarcastic. You gave me no reason & I see no use for it, here. 3 hours ago, Omarcrysis said: Ideal scenario... Thats a difficult one. I'd say a more mature and motivated version of my girlfriend. More beautiful I guess? It's a bit difficult to say whether the above is true or if I'm lying to myself to be more satisfied with my relationship, because once I met a Dutch girl that was beautiful and wise as well. She was the only girl in my life that has ever given me one of those "holy shit you're right"/mindblow pieces of advice. It seems unrealistic to try to find a girl that will do that to me again, and my current girlfriend at least makes me think and challenges me on occasion. As far as being happy... I don't know what would make me truly happy. I have had 3 instances in my life where I felt completely "at ease" where I needed nothing and was completely satisfied with my life at that moment. Is that happiness? I don't believe such a feeling is sustainable. The most difficult part is I WANT to like her more and be in "love". Provided she's being honest with what she says she believes and does, I admire her thoughts about economics, society, etc. and I fear losing her and having to deal with the sea of delusional women. Sex is fun, but the other 23 hours in the day are equally important. The reason I asked was to find out whether you had a clear idea of either the positive or negative direction & / next 'summit' you wanted to get to. In my strong opinion, nobody can achieve what they haven't been able to imagine in the first place... plus what our minds eye gets to see almost never manifests exactly in the same parameters. I know it's a cliché but thought it was fitting : 'No plan survives first implementation.' Additionally, (not saying healthy genes aren't important) beauty fades, therefore it's beneficial to have those 'virtue things' present more importantly. How often do you think about 'them things' within this topic? It's not possible (I think) to truly love a person who we don't admire. Isn't it logical to choose such a partner for life if we want to have a strong, lasting, deep relationship? Feeling at ease ("where I needed nothing"), perhaps is for recharging, preparing for the next project or wave in life. At least, that's my take on it as I had experienced much higher levels of happiness when I was active doing stuff, engaged in activities suitable for my aspirations... then say, when I was complacent about how things were in general. By the way, I think you're right when saying happiness 'isn't sustainable', but I see it just as keeping fit... don't pay attention to it, it deteriorates (atrophy). Speaking to the last paragraph, I hope you read this bit carefully and used it for your own good: See people for who they are, not how you'd like to see them. That means, allow them to be themselves, same as you don't curb/exaggerate yourself in hope that they'll like you better. (self-improvement is different) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Omarcrysis Posted June 20, 2018 Author Share Posted June 20, 2018 @Dr. Dealgood Our relationship was mostly "near-distance", just recently (1.5 months) have we been separated. I suspect the unprotected sex didnt worry me much since I was doing other much more risky things at the time. Where would you suggest I meet girls in the future? There are zero women of any value living where I live. Its a tourist town in Mexico. The Mexican girls where I live have absolutely nothing going for them. They're not beautiful and they're not smart or wise. The only option I have are young tourist girls because the alternative are used, sad, 35+ nasty tourist women that are running from their problems. I cant properly leave as I'm starting a new business just now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
barn Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 (edited) 6 hours ago, Omarcrysis said: The Mexican girls where I live have absolutely nothing going for them. They're not beautiful and they're not smart or wise. The only option I have are young tourist girls because the alternative are used, sad, 35+ nasty tourist women that are running from their problems. Ouhh, is it possible that your girlfriend is lonely and finds it hard to find sympathetic people, friends, interesting girlfriends? E:dit - My bad, I thought your girlfriend lived in the same country. Edited June 21, 2018 by barn E:dit Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smarterthanone Posted June 21, 2018 Share Posted June 21, 2018 12 hours ago, Omarcrysis said: Thank you for the perspective, Smarterthanone. You are correct. I need to confront her more on the experience part. I don't like insisting that I'm right and prefer letting people commit mistakes and learn from them... but in this instance I see the value in asserting my knowledge. I tend not to argue with her a lot, mostly I state my opinion on the best course of action on any particular activity and if she disagrees, I point out how my method was better and try to reason with her. In any case, you are correct. Next time I see her, I will discuss all of this and hopefully she understands. Do you have any suggestions for when she gets stubborn on a difficult subject? Lets say we're talking about children and she says "you cant have children and travel" and I say "yes you can, you just need to blab bla bla" and she becomes fed up and tells me "I don't want to talk about this anymore". Normally I just stop talking and go to another room and do something else, as usually she will just lock up and not want to talk anymore. Any recommended course of action? If you are right, you are right. So insist it. When she gets stubborn I would just be like "Only a stupid teenage girl would ever think that" and then walk off. When she does do the right thing, be like "Wow I am so impressed with how smart and capable you are" and then give her kisses and a hug or something. Over time the reward and punishment will sink in and she should start to behave more. 11 hours ago, Dr. Dealgood said: Young attractive girls are like a carousel. First couple of spins around are fun but after that they are boring, one dimensional and repetitive. You had unprotected sex with a teenager! Are you out of your mind?? Cmon dude your smarter than that. Seriously fast way to ruining your life. I don't agree. I personally would never date anyone who wasn't a teen or only slightly older. Women get worse as they age, not better. If you are looking for a stable relationship and to have kids and such a younger woman is FAR better. I would rather accidentally knock up any random 19 year old over any random 32 year old any day hands down. That being said. Be more careful in general, you don't want to accidentally knock up anyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Dealgood Posted June 21, 2018 Share Posted June 21, 2018 @omarcrysis We all did stuff that was risky early in life. I just didn't realize at the time what was at stake or how social structures and laws are set up to annihilate men while giving women a free pass. Hindsight is always 20/20. Foresight is much harder... hence why I felt it was worth stating as you apparently overlooked what was an obvious minefield (to me) you were walking through. You got lucky but so many men get their legs blown off early. A women's responsibility to not get pregnant is to herself. Your responsibility is to not get a women pregnant and YOU must take precautions for your own reasons. Never pretend that responsibility soley belongs to a women. The courts certainly won't. The Red Pill answer to your question "how to meet girls" is straightforward. (Stephan Molyneux may disagree). All corners of the manosphere would require you to understand female hypergamy. This is truly key and you may already know it on the subconscious level. Male attraction to women across socio/economic strata is flexible. A women's attraction to a man is not. A women will generally want to marry someone of equal value or higher to her own perceived self-worth. https://www.avoiceformen.com/relationships/a-primer-on-hypergamy/ To be more attractive to women get a job/career/business going and they will come after you. The higher profile/more income then the higher status women. Do you think Melania married Donald Trump for his good looks, faithfulness, moral virtues and wonderful personality? So to answer your question, get your business going, your life in order and they will come to you. And don't put down the local girls. The ones you have met thus far are not the higher quality ones. Your success will bring out the more desirable ones who also have their lives together. If you are in business join the local Chamber of Commerce, (it's Mexican equivalent), look, dress and act the part of someone who is up and coming in the community. Be visible. Note that it is a double edged sword. You may well attract and marry the girl you want. Just realize that if you fail to maintain the promise of status and economic success then your odds of her seeking a divorce will go up dramatically. Worse than that you may find out that your kids are not actually your biological offspring. An 'Ear for Men' is a great website with practical everyday advice for guys like you. These vids are definitely worth listening to to help you choose/find a partner worthy of you. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2YtvxTI6j8g https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H316eYM7l_c https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBu6yHcqz-Y This final vid is one I strongly reccomend. It doesn't answer your question but I suggest all males of the human species listen to it. Paul Elam is his usual eloquent self. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vs6tb0D9qfg One final note. There is a segment of the manosphere known as MGTOW. The men who choose that path would not reccomend dating any women. They would ask you why you crave female validation? I don't think you are in this space at your stage of life but the question isn't unimportant. Particularly if you can't find someone... or you suffer abuse at the hands of someone you thought would make a good partner. There is some thoughtful content out there from some of their creators. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Dealgood Posted June 21, 2018 Share Posted June 21, 2018 @smarterthanone Young women, like young men, generally don't know what they want. I would venture to say that we all deal with the mixed social, cultural, economic and family pressures to figure out what is important to ourselves. That maturing process generally takes place in our early twenties. Starting a family is a very long term commitment and should be taken very seriously. That level of engagement should, (granted in many cases it doesn't), involve people of sufficient maturity to decide that they want to make the necessary sacrifices. Once you get children, you can't give them back. (Unless you live in a state with a 'baby Jesus' law, but I digress...) "If you are looking for a stable relationship and to have kids and such a younger women is FAR better." I disagree. All women are hypergamous at every age. The question is will they act on it. Younger women are still in the 'pump and dump', 'party on' and 'monkey branch' stage of their lives. As a demographic they are in the highest probability group for having the least stable relationships while paradoxically, their bodies are at the best age for having children. IMO, an older more mature women who knows she wants a family and is of an age to bear the children should be what you are looking for. I would never want the mother of a child of mine to be little more than a child herself. Anecdotally, I had a brother who was 21 when he married an 18 year old. The marriage lasted two years and was a horror show. Later on, he was almost incarcerated over child support but his ex shook down my parents for thousands of dollars to keep him free. Society throws men under the bus and marrying that young has about a 100% failure rate. The point I was trying to make about unprotected sex is that it is dangerous and reckless and shouldn't be done at any age. I'm not referring to just the risks of pregnancy. As a man, it is and must be a responsibility you have to take seriously. Getting a women pregnant is the fastest way to get the State involved in your life. Destroying men who do that is precisely what the family court system is set up to do. The end result for the man is poverty, incarceration, suicide or exile by either homelessness or being forced to go abroad. I think you and I will need to agree to disagree. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Omarcrysis Posted June 22, 2018 Author Share Posted June 22, 2018 20 hours ago, smarterthanone said: If you are right, you are right. So insist it. When she gets stubborn I would just be like "Only a stupid teenage girl would ever think that" and then walk off. When she does do the right thing, be like "Wow I am so impressed with how smart and capable you are" and then give her kisses and a hug or something. Over time the reward and punishment will sink in and she should start to behave more. I don't agree. I personally would never date anyone who wasn't a teen or only slightly older. Women get worse as they age, not better. If you are looking for a stable relationship and to have kids and such a younger woman is FAR better. I would rather accidentally knock up any random 19 year old over any random 32 year old any day hands down. That being said. Be more careful in general, you don't want to accidentally knock up anyone. I'll try it and see how it goes hahahah. I hope she takes it well. And yes, older women do seem to be just unattractive at all levels. Not only are they physically less attractive, but their low self esteem is definitely not endearing either. 10 hours ago, Dr. Dealgood said: The Red Pill answer to your question "how to meet girls" is straightforward. (Stephan Molyneux may disagree). All corners of the manosphere would require you to understand female hypergamy. This is truly key and you may already know it on the subconscious level. Male attraction to women across socio/economic strata is flexible. A women's attraction to a man is not. A women will generally want to marry someone of equal value or higher to her own perceived self-worth. To be more attractive to women get a job/career/business going and they will come after you. The higher profile/more income then the higher status women. Do you think Melania married Donald Trump for his good looks, faithfulness, moral virtues and wonderful personality? So to answer your question, get your business going, your life in order and they will come to you. And don't put down the local girls. The ones you have met thus far are not the higher quality ones. Your success will bring out the more desirable ones who also have their lives together. If you are in business join the local Chamber of Commerce, (it's Mexican equivalent), look, dress and act the part of someone who is up and coming in the community. Be visible. Note that it is a double edged sword. You may well attract and marry the girl you want. Just realize that if you fail to maintain the promise of status and economic success then your odds of her seeking a divorce will go up dramatically. Worse than that you may find out that your kids are not actually your biological offspring. An 'Ear for Men' is a great website with practical everyday advice for guys like you. These vids are definitely worth listening to to help you choose/find a partner worthy of you. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2YtvxTI6j8g https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H316eYM7l_c https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBu6yHcqz-Y This final vid is one I strongly reccomend. It doesn't answer your question but I suggest all males of the human species listen to it. Paul Elam is his usual eloquent self. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vs6tb0D9qfg One final note. There is a segment of the manosphere known as MGTOW. The men who choose that path would not reccomend dating any women. They would ask you why you crave female validation? I don't think you are in this space at your stage of life but the question isn't unimportant. Particularly if you can't find someone... or you suffer abuse at the hands of someone you thought would make a good partner. There is some thoughtful content out there from some of their creators. Oh yes of course, A woman will choose the man she *values* the most. But Socioeconomic status is definitely not all of it. I have known quite a few girls from wealthy families who are down for having sex with and even having a stable relationship with dudes of much lower socioeconomic status. Especially the girls born rich. Some tend to value personality much more highly than the bells and whisltes. The problem for me regarding the ones that "have their lives together" is they tend to have boring and in my opinion "too stable" lives. I value adventure and risk highly, and could not live without it. Many women might be put off by a decision I might make regarding business/certain adventures. What I took for is a woman open to the challenge. There are few, beautiful or ugly. I have to disagree with not discounting the girls in my area. Its a small town, 14,000 not considering the tourists. The genetics from the locals in my area are terrible. I am not exaggerating, unfortunately. I'd say the ratio of semi hot girls (let alone intelligent) is around 1:1000 here. That means that of the 14,000 population there are 7500 women. around 2-3000 are my age so there is literally only around 3 hot ISH women on this island who are not of foreign descent. Sadly all the ones of foreign descent are SJWs so its a pretty bleak outlook. There is a city nearby with more attractive women, so maybe I'll check that place out if things don't work out with my current GF. I will watch the videos you suggested later and comment, thanks! And to those who were thinking to themselves: "damn, I've seen a lot of hot Latinas and hot mexican girls, this dude must be crazy" most hot latinas you've seen are probably Venezuelan, Colombian or Brazilian, and yes, they're hot. Also very far from my city. There are some smoking hot mexican girls, but they're all in a region about 3 hours by plane from where I live (quite a nice city actually... I recommend anyone looking for an attractive lady to go to guadalajara... its promising). If you want to see what the women are like where I live, google "mayan women" and you'll get an understanding (even if you see any that you consider hot-ish, remember those are the "picture worthy" ones, most are worse). 6 hours ago, Dr. Dealgood said: I disagree. All women are hypergamous at every age. The question is will they act on it. Younger women are still in the 'pump and dump', 'party on' and 'monkey branch' stage of their lives. As a demographic they are in the highest probability group for having the least stable relationships while paradoxically, their bodies are at the best age for having children. IMO, an older more mature women who knows she wants a family and is of an age to bear the children should be what you are looking for. I would never want the mother of a child of mine to be little more than a child herself. Anecdotally, I had a brother who was 21 when he married an 18 year old. The marriage lasted two years and was a horror show. Later on, he was almost incarcerated over child support but his ex shook down my parents for thousands of dollars to keep him free. Society throws men under the bus and marrying that young has about a 100% failure rate. The point I was trying to make about unprotected sex is that it is dangerous and reckless and shouldn't be done at any age. I'm not referring to just the risks of pregnancy. As a man, it is and must be a responsibility you have to take seriously. Getting a women pregnant is the fastest way to get the State involved in your life. Destroying men who do that is precisely what the family court system is set up to do. The end result for the man is poverty, incarceration, suicide or exile by either homelessness or being forced to go abroad. I think you and I will need to agree to disagree. As I mentioned above, NAWALT. hahahah They are few of them, but there are many girls that are not on the "pump and dump" train. A ton? no, but enough. The gold diggers weed themselves out fast when I don't offer to pay for their drinks/food, the pump and dumpers weed themselves out when I tell them I don't drink and the sober-non-golddigger crazy SJWs weed themselves out when I speak. I also addressed the 27+ girls above. Regarding the pregnancy stuff, I occasionally go into the spray and pray mode when I begin to do risky activities, but those may be over soon if my business doesn't come crashing down. On sperm jacking/alimony, I don't understand why everyone is so upset about it.. I mean sure if it were to happen, I would feel terrible because of the child, but as far as money is concerned, why don't more people just up and leave the country? I know I'd never pay these ridiculous alimony payments if it were to happen to me. Does it suck that you can't live in your home country anymore? yeah. Will you let it enslave you and ruin your life? I don't see why. There are plenty of companies in the world that would love to hire a westerner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smarterthanone Posted June 22, 2018 Share Posted June 22, 2018 On 6/20/2018 at 11:42 AM, Siegfried von Walheim said: While I trust this as good advice, there is a problem: why would you consider marrying a woman that is really no different from an English (or in this case Spanish)-speaking dog? How can you love a woman that is basically a child with tits and ass? I'd just do what Stefan said: assume she won't change and move on. Attention-seeking whores, mentally/emotionally unstable, and bitchy are definitely red flags for "gtfo asap". All women are basically children. Have you ever met an older woman who was as rational as men are? None are. Some more than others. But the amount of rationality they gain from age is worthless because any woman who is actually somewhat rational is in her 30's. Is there 0.0001% of women who are rational and younger, sure ok. But that is the unicorn, you can't assume you will find that girl. And even if you did, she could have 20 other things wrong with her. You shouldn't seek from women the qualities you would judge a man on. Women are emotional. Get over it, accept it, and learn to use it to your advantage. 20 hours ago, Dr. Dealgood said: @smarterthanone Young women, like young men, generally don't know what they want. I would venture to say that we all deal with the mixed social, cultural, economic and family pressures to figure out what is important to ourselves. That maturing process generally takes place in our early twenties. Starting a family is a very long term commitment and should be taken very seriously. That level of engagement should, (granted in many cases it doesn't), involve people of sufficient maturity to decide that they want to make the necessary sacrifices. Once you get children, you can't give them back. (Unless you live in a state with a 'baby Jesus' law, but I digress...) "If you are looking for a stable relationship and to have kids and such a younger women is FAR better." I disagree. All women are hypergamous at every age. The question is will they act on it. Younger women are still in the 'pump and dump', 'party on' and 'monkey branch' stage of their lives. As a demographic they are in the highest probability group for having the least stable relationships while paradoxically, their bodies are at the best age for having children. IMO, an older more mature women who knows she wants a family and is of an age to bear the children should be what you are looking for. I would never want the mother of a child of mine to be little more than a child herself. Anecdotally, I had a brother who was 21 when he married an 18 year old. The marriage lasted two years and was a horror show. Later on, he was almost incarcerated over child support but his ex shook down my parents for thousands of dollars to keep him free. Society throws men under the bus and marrying that young has about a 100% failure rate. The point I was trying to make about unprotected sex is that it is dangerous and reckless and shouldn't be done at any age. I'm not referring to just the risks of pregnancy. As a man, it is and must be a responsibility you have to take seriously. Getting a women pregnant is the fastest way to get the State involved in your life. Destroying men who do that is precisely what the family court system is set up to do. The end result for the man is poverty, incarceration, suicide or exile by either homelessness or being forced to go abroad. I think you and I will need to agree to disagree. Wrong wrong wrong. You are using one example. Statistics show, and ones Stef has used and aggrees with, that virgins are less likely to divorce. I have never met a virgin woman over the age of 22. As women get older they have more sexual partners. Its kind of a statistically obvious thing. So yeah, youth is best for marriage. Part of the problem is men are not taught this NOR taught how to handle marriage either. I was in a serious relationship with an 18 year old for 8 years. I MADE MISTAKES, that ultimately led to us breaking up. Because older people I looked up to told me we were too young and she isn't that great you should date other girls and things like that. (Forget they were still married and had been together since they were 19 I think themselves SMH) I let our relationship fall apart. I also didn't start having kids, we should have been having kids starting at like 23 or so. I was the reason we didn't work out but we absolutely could have. So maybe your 21 year old brother wasn't mature and man enough to keep his girl in check. Or maybe he did actually pick a bad seed. Or both. What a girl "Wants" is almost irrelevant. Studies show women who respect and follow the leadership of a man will change their desires and thinking to that of the mans. Man is a conservative and marries a liberal... she is like 70% likely to significantly become more conservative. Plus 99% of all women biologically want kids, so its not like shes going to get a little older and hate that she has kids, providing you make it an enjoyable process. What mother doesn't love her kids? Women have rape babies for christs sake and love them. So whether she has recognized she wants kids or not yet is irrelevant really. Id personally stay away from a young girl that says she HATES kids but anything else is probably fine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elizbaeth Posted June 22, 2018 Share Posted June 22, 2018 On 6/17/2018 at 9:53 PM, Omarcrysis said: I don't know what "love" feels like, nor do I know if I do or have ever loved my girlfriend. I enjoy her company, and I like having her around. I fear losing her because I don't know if I'll ever find another free thinker that I'm attracted to. I don't know if I love her or if I'm just afraid to be alone. I don't want to go into the dating world again. I don't want to build other relationships because its hard for me to find women I'm attracted to physically and mentally. I got in a fight with a dude where I live and she had my back... her ferocity and anger toward that dude filled me with admiration for her... but I wouldn't say that most of the other time I am filled with admiration for everything she does. as I said she gives up with a lot of the small things, but then she soldiers on through other small things well.... ahhh its all so complicated in my mind. oh man... I understand how hard it is to be lonely. It is one of the most miserable feelings in the world. But it really doesn't sound like you want to be with her other than the fact that she is an entertaining companion and she lets you have sex with her. You're pretty young. 25 is a very good age for a man, and you have a good decade before you need to settle down. On 6/17/2018 at 9:53 PM, Omarcrysis said: A great negative for me is that she has never had an orgasm in her life ( or is having orgasms but doesn't know what "counts" as one). Try as I might, I cannot get her to do it. With women that have experienced orgasm before, I have always been able to get them to have one, I have been with a few women who say they have never had one and with them I was unable to as well. It definitely makes me feel worth a little less as I cannot make her have the same pleasure as I do. In a way it has made me a better lover as I have strived for longer and more intense intercourse, but all my effort is to no avail. With what I have been able to do to her, I now wonder how other women with orgasmic capability would react, and I crave the feeling of accomplishment that I would get from being able to deliver the pleasure to them with my new abilities. I feel as this is another contributing factor to my recent interest in other women. I can say this with 98% certainty - a woman's inability to orgasm has more to do with her thoughts and feelings, and not the physical, mechanical techniques. Honestly I think she probably can sense that you don't love her. You haven't proposed. You're in a little mini-marriage with her until things fall apart, and that's really not a very flattering thing for a woman, nor does it make her feel safe or cherished. If you aren't 100% sold on her, just do the kind things and break it off with her, as quickly as possible. It will save her heart and it will give you an opportunity to find someone better matched to you. On 6/17/2018 at 9:53 PM, Omarcrysis said: I don't know if it was the pills, but around 15th of January she lost a lot of libido and for the first time in our relationship we went a whole week without sex. I was still very horny and was plagued with insecurity as she rejected my attempts for that whole week. That week I lost a lot of attraction for her as I thought she didn't like me anymore, so when she regained her libido, It was hard for her to turn me on, and on one occasion I even had to imagine another girl as I was having sex with her to be able to enjoy it. A few days later sex returned to normal, although a lot less than our pre-pill days (then it was every day). Yeah, birth control is very damaging to libido. It's not always a personal attack or reflection on men if the woman isn't in the mood for sex. Try not to think it's always about you. It may be due to her own insecurities, or do due the fake hormones that birth control introduces to the body. I personally think birth control is quite harmful in multiple ways. On 6/17/2018 at 9:53 PM, Omarcrysis said: About children: she says she wants to wait at least 2 years, maybe 5 or maybe 10. I don't want to wait 10. I don't really want to wait 5 either. But I do not want to rush and bring a person into a world and fail them. She says she wants to travel, do things that you can't do wen you have children ( extreme sports, backpacking, etc) and I always say you CAN do those things, you just need to change little things here and there. I will add that when she's around children she starts telling me she wants kids.. right now she's with her mom and thats probably making her feel like a kid again (she will return to mexico in a week or two) You should really either break up with her or lock here down 100%, although it seems like it would be smarted for you to end things. She doesn't sound like a bad girl. She sounds like she has some good qualities, but it sounds like both of you are already having a hard time empathizing with one another, and it doesn't seem like you really want to do the work necessary to really understand one another's point of view or feelings. People can learn to empathize with someone who sees things very differently, but it does take commitment to the relationship and to being the absolute best person you can be, at all times. If you're not committed to doing that with her, it seems like you two are just going to hurt each other and waster each other's time. Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elizbaeth Posted June 22, 2018 Share Posted June 22, 2018 On 6/20/2018 at 10:32 AM, smarterthanone said: When she misbehaves you got to ghost her aka walk out for an hour and come back. Or just sit in silence. Or refuse sexual advances.... whatever it takes. Only when she apologizes or does right then you can pay attention to her @smarterthanone please don't do this to any girl you seriously consider dating. It is a very cruel thing, and is especially painful. Yes. She will probably do anything to make you give her attention again. So in a way, you will see quick results. But I guarantee that she will grow to resent being manipulated and hurt in order to gain compliance from the man who is supposed to love and protect her. Would you be able to maintain love, trust, and affection for a woman who withheld sex as a punishment for not doing what she wanted? Of course you wouldn't. Ghosting is the same as that to women. It is unbelievable painful and will not make love and respect for you blossom in her heart. On 6/20/2018 at 10:32 AM, smarterthanone said: When you say Ive been to country A, you need to do this to be prepared for it. When she says no, you better give her shit. Pretend shes a man "Joe, i just told you you need two forms of ID to enter country A. What are you stupid?" Except change the example from Joe to whatever your girls name is. And instead of saying stupid, call it what it is. Shes doing this because its feminine behavior. So say something like "stupid little girl". I mean don't be mean, but be REAL, and dont cut her slack for being a woman, talk to her like a man. Its not mean to call someone who literally is hitting their head on a brick wall stupid, nor is it mean to do this either. Its real. Ehhhhh but you're really just insulting her. Maybe she doesn't value his advice because he shows inconsistencies or gives off other signals that would indicate that he is not the best to trust. It is always better to criticize yourself first, before you start demanding compliance from others. On 6/20/2018 at 11:17 AM, Omarcrysis said: any suggestions for when she gets stubborn on a difficult subject? Lets say we're talking about children and she says "you cant have children and travel" and I say "yes you can, you just need to blab bla bla" and she becomes fed up and tells me "I don't want to talk about this anymore". Normally I just stop talking and go to another room and do something else, as usually she will just lock up and not want to talk anymore. Any recommended course of action? From a woman's point-of-view, it sounds like she is shutting down because you refuse to empathize with her or try to understand her concerns. When I was pregnant with my first son, we decided to travel around the country in our RV. We owned a house, but were debating where we wanted to settled down once the kid arrived. I had extreme anxiety over living in the RV with a newborn, but my husband brushed off my concerns and told me I was being irrational. It was a big sting, and I have not forgotten it, even if I've forgiven it. Because, you see, once our son was born, he had colic, and I had to walk him up and down for hours each night, and if we had lived in the RV at the time it would have been utterly disastrous. Women's logic and ideas are based off of a different set of perimeters than men's. We tend to be better at thinking about the difficulty and hardships that children might bring. From my experience, men who have never had children greatly underestimate what it takes to do anything with children. Maybe you shouldn't brush off her protestations so quickly. It really sounds like your idea of a good conversation is you telling her your opinion, and her accepting it without hesitation or without any concerns of her own. I would not want to spend time with you or talk to you, if you showed such little regard for me or my thoughts or ideas about things like traveling with children. You're expecting her to understand you and give you support and listen to your thoughts, but you're not extending the same consideration to her, and then you're punishing her for not giving immediate compliance. My whole body would shut down if I were in a relationship with a man like that. I definitely know why she can't orgasm. On 6/20/2018 at 11:29 PM, smarterthanone said: I personally would never date anyone who wasn't a teen or only slightly older. Women get worse as they age, not better. If you are looking for a stable relationship and to have kids and such a younger woman is FAR better. I would rather accidentally knock up any random 19 year old over any random 32 year old any day hands down. That being said. Be more careful in general, you don't want to accidentally knock up anyone. @smarterthanone I hope you only mean that woman get less physically nubile as they age... If not, then I really don't know why you would ever want to marry one. If you really believe that women are only worth having in their tiny fertile window, then it doesn't seem like you like women very much. Women have lots more to offer besides their youth and fertility. Femininity has no age limit, and yes, there is toxic femininity, and then there is a nurturing, healing femininity. Do you want a woman in your life, or do you want a hot young body to have sex with? If it's the former, than it would really be good to stop saying negative things about the gender at large. If it's the latter, than what's stopping you, and why so much anger all the time? If you want to find a woman to love you might want to tone it down on the embittered, woman-using vendetta and learn some appreciation for femininity. And if you can't bring yourself to feel appreciation for basic femininity, then why do you want to be with someone who is feminine? What if you were to get married, have children, and one of them was a daughter? Would you punish her for her basic femininity? That would be just a wrong for me to try to manipulate the maleness out of my boys. I would be rather cruel and unkind if I resented any masculinity from my husband, and tried to punish it out of him. He thinks differently than me, and our differences can make us more informed and unified, if we choose to empathize with the other's point of view and though processes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smarterthanone Posted June 22, 2018 Share Posted June 22, 2018 3 hours ago, Elizbaeth said: @smarterthanone please don't do this to any girl you seriously consider dating. It is a very cruel thing, and is especially painful. Yes. She will probably do anything to make you give her attention again. So in a way, you will see quick results. But I guarantee that she will grow to resent being manipulated and hurt in order to gain compliance from the man who is supposed to love and protect her. Would you be able to maintain love, trust, and affection for a woman who withheld sex as a punishment for not doing what she wanted? Of course you wouldn't. Ghosting is the same as that to women. It is unbelievable painful and will not make love and respect for you blossom in her heart. Yes it is cruel. But when you come home from work and she says "You didn't mow the lawn yet. You are useless." etc. or when she otherwise nags you, belittles you or shit tests you... absolutely you ghost her and put her in her place ASAP and hard. Its a response. When a woman does that she is just pushing your buttons and wants argumentative attention paid to her. Not acceptable. If you argue, you will reward her. 3 hours ago, Elizbaeth said: Ehhhhh but you're really just insulting her. Maybe she doesn't value his advice because he shows inconsistencies or gives off other signals that would indicate that he is not the best to trust. It is always better to criticize yourself first, before you start demanding compliance from others. I am going by what he said. He said he is older and more experienced at travel. So I am assuming he knows what hes talking about. There is a difference between insulting and being truthful. If I play basketball my whole life and you ask me how to shoot the ball and I show you and you say, nah I think its best to potty shot it... you are stupid. No two ways about it. Women aren't inherently wonderful. If my guy friend insisted on potty shooting it when we played games at the park, I would say "Dude you cant be on my team, you shoot like a retard". And I am not wrong. 3 hours ago, Elizbaeth said: I hope you only mean that woman get less physically nubile as they age... If not, then I really don't know why you would ever want to marry one. If you really believe that women are only worth having in their tiny fertile window, then it doesn't seem like you like women very much. Women have lots more to offer besides their youth and fertility. Femininity has no age limit, and yes, there is toxic femininity, and then there is a nurturing, healing femininity. Do you want a woman in your life, or do you want a hot young body to have sex with? If it's the former, than it would really be good to stop saying negative things about the gender at large. If it's the latter, than what's stopping you, and why so much anger all the time? If you want to find a woman to love you might want to tone it down on the embittered, woman-using vendetta and learn some appreciation for femininity. And if you can't bring yourself to feel appreciation for basic femininity, then why do you want to be with someone who is feminine? What if you were to get married, have children, and one of them was a daughter? Would you punish her for her basic femininity? That would be just a wrong for me to try to manipulate the maleness out of my boys. I would be rather cruel and unkind if I resented any masculinity from my husband, and tried to punish it out of him. He thinks differently than me, and our differences can make us more informed and unified, if we choose to empathize with the other's point of view and though processes. He is young. If he wants kids a younger woman is necessary. So immediately we can X out anyone 30+. Bye bye from consideration. But lets say he doesn't want kids. I would still X out 99% of anyone 30+ because as women age they get emotionally hardened. This is what happens little by little as they go through a roller coaster of ups and downs that come with relationship after relationship. Women over 30 may or may not have something to offer. If he is successful like he plans, a womans career or income is irrelevant. I am also well off, so I really don't care if a girl works at starbucks or if she is a doctor. Either way if she isn't willing to give it up, shes not a good fit for me. I am already wealthy and "retired". So an older woman is more interesting? Maybe maybe not. If she spent the last decade learning piano, ballet, exercising, reading, being on the woman's pistol shooting team, etc. Sure. She very well may be quite interesting. But most women do not do this. Most women sit at home or go to the bar a lot. So usually they aren't drastically more interesting. Personally I don't see why I would ever date someone past about 24 max. Ever. Under any circumstance. Unless I was single again at like 70 but that's not what we are talking about. And even then there is a case to only date much much younger. Also the longer a woman goes without getting married and having a family the more likely there is something seriously wrong with her. ie too slutty for marriage, feminist, mental disorder, etc. something is wrong wrong wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Siegfried von Walheim Posted June 23, 2018 Share Posted June 23, 2018 10 hours ago, smarterthanone said: All women are basically children. Have you ever met an older woman who was as rational as men are? None are. Some more than others. But the amount of rationality they gain from age is worthless because any woman who is actually somewhat rational is in her 30's. Is there 0.0001% of women who are rational and younger, sure ok. But that is the unicorn, you can't assume you will find that girl. And even if you did, she could have 20 other things wrong with her. You shouldn't seek from women the qualities you would judge a man on. Women are emotional. Get over it, accept it, and learn to use it to your advantage. No, I'm seeking sanity and humanity from a woman. If she's as bitchy and worthless as the kind your advice is needed for, she isn't worth it. I'd rather dig around for a unicorn or be a single dad (or even a fake-gay dad or some crazy thing like that) than marry an adult child. Heck, even a 40 year-old used up train wreck who somehow managed to "fix herself too late" is preferable to a 20-something who is basically a child that never grew up. I'm not saying I'll go for 40 year olds or purposely become a single dad, but I am definitely not working and creating for a woman who is just a black hole with nothing to offer that either money or a professional can't replace. Let alone impregnating her and letting her genes continue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Omarcrysis Posted June 23, 2018 Author Share Posted June 23, 2018 7 hours ago, Elizbaeth said: From a woman's point-of-view, it sounds like she is shutting down because you refuse to empathize with her or try to understand her concerns. When I was pregnant with my first son, we decided to travel around the country in our RV. We owned a house, but were debating where we wanted to settled down once the kid arrived. I had extreme anxiety over living in the RV with a newborn, but my husband brushed off my concerns and told me I was being irrational. It was a big sting, and I have not forgotten it, even if I've forgiven it. Because, you see, once our son was born, he had colic, and I had to walk him up and down for hours each night, and if we had lived in the RV at the time it would have been utterly disastrous. Women's logic and ideas are based off of a different set of perimeters than men's. We tend to be better at thinking about the difficulty and hardships that children might bring. From my experience, men who have never had children greatly underestimate what it takes to do anything with children. Maybe you shouldn't brush off her protestations so quickly. It really sounds like your idea of a good conversation is you telling her your opinion, and her accepting it without hesitation or without any concerns of her own. I would not want to spend time with you or talk to you, if you showed such little regard for me or my thoughts or ideas about things like traveling with children. You're expecting her to understand you and give you support and listen to your thoughts, but you're not extending the same consideration to her, and then you're punishing her for not giving immediate compliance. My whole body would shut down if I were in a relationship with a man like that. I definitely know why she can't orgasm. @Elizbaeth Very interesting point. In a way I understand that almost everything I want to do is WAY more difficult than I imagine it to be originally (business, travel, activities) but I always ignore it and thrust myself into it anyway, as I see it as a fun challenge... because if everything in the world was as easy as I imagine it to be life would be pretty boring for me. I make the mistake of not telling her this though... so she may think that I do in fact think everything is easy. You're right about me not supporting and listening to her thoughts. I guess its hard for me to talk about the difficulties of a task or its problems because when she brings it up she doesn't try to find the solutions... I hate thinking only about problems, but I love solving them. I will speak about this to her. Hopefully we make progress. --------------- I have an update on the conversations, and I'd love a female perspective on it: So last night I was talking to her and I admitted to thinking of someone else during that week of no sex and I also admitted to thinking about fucking other girls these last few weeks. She said she had suspected me mentally straying the last weeks, but was surprised and hurt for the sex part. She then confessed that prior to her going to Mexico to see me the following happened: A friend of hers who she had helped overcome a breakup 2 years prior (who she had suspected back then wanted something with her) was passing by her city on his way to another city and suggested they meet up that evening. She did meet up with him, drank a beer and got tipsy. At some point, she started crying because "she missed me" and her friend gave her a consolation hug. At some point during the hug or after it, she thought about kissing the dude for a second and then shut away the thought. The dude apparently thought the same thing, and tried to kiss her or asked to kiss her (not sure) and she said no. Supposedly it ended at that. She never told me this until now. We were "boyfriend and girlfriend" at that point. I did once tell her over the phone that I found it hard to control myself and if she didn't come soon to Mexico, I might en up fucking another girl because "Sometimes I can't control myself". This was not really true, but I said it to manipulate her into coming sooner to Mexico because she was undecided of when to come. Yeah, I know it was wrong to say that. what do you think? does me saying something like that excuse her? I haven't really processed yet what she told me. Do you think its a dealbreaker? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smarterthanone Posted June 23, 2018 Share Posted June 23, 2018 10 minutes ago, Omarcrysis said: I have an update on the conversations, and I'd love a female perspective on it: So last night I was talking to her and I admitted to thinking of someone else during that week of no sex and I also admitted to thinking about fucking other girls these last few weeks. She said she had suspected me mentally straying the last weeks, but was surprised and hurt for the sex part. She then confessed that prior to her going to Mexico to see me the following happened: A friend of hers who she had helped overcome a breakup 2 years prior (who she had suspected back then wanted something with her) was passing by her city on his way to another city and suggested they meet up that evening. She did meet up with him, drank a beer and got tipsy. At some point, she started crying because "she missed me" and her friend gave her a consolation hug. At some point during the hug or after it, she thought about kissing the dude for a second and then shut away the thought. The dude apparently thought the same thing, and tried to kiss her or asked to kiss her (not sure) and she said no. Supposedly it ended at that. She never told me this until now. We were "boyfriend and girlfriend" at that point. I did once tell her over the phone that I found it hard to control myself and if she didn't come soon to Mexico, I might en up fucking another girl because "Sometimes I can't control myself". This was not really true, but I said it to manipulate her into coming sooner to Mexico because she was undecided of when to come. Yeah, I know it was wrong to say that. what do you think? does me saying something like that excuse her? I haven't really processed yet what she told me. Do you think its a dealbreaker? I see the train coming north up the track. I see the other train coming south down the track. Full speed ahead. It's coming. I can't help but watch. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elizbaeth Posted June 24, 2018 Share Posted June 24, 2018 On 6/22/2018 at 11:18 PM, Omarcrysis said: Very interesting point. In a way I understand that almost everything I want to do is WAY more difficult than I imagine it to be originally (business, travel, activities) but I always ignore it and thrust myself into it anyway, as I see it as a fun challenge... because if everything in the world was as easy as I imagine it to be life would be pretty boring for me. That's pretty typical of guys. I think I heard it called "Hero Intelligence" once — the propensity for risk-taking. It sounds like a pretty gender-typical thing. That can be great for you, and it can help you do some amazing things! But women usually are pretty adverse to that type of thinking. Women have "Longevity Intelligence," or so the youtube video I was listen ting to said. Hero vs Longevity. That seems like your issue. Neither way of thinking is by default good or bad, but it is only disrespectful for both sides to ignore what they other's innate perspective is when both sides have so much to offer. (whic On 6/22/2018 at 11:18 PM, Omarcrysis said: I guess its hard for me to talk about the difficulties of a task or its problems because when she brings it up she doesn't try to find the solutions... I hate thinking only about problems, but I love solving them. Life Pro Tip: Women emotionally bond via discussing negative things. Yes, it can be irritating. Have you ever heard a group of women sitting around at work, talking about the problems in their love lives, or how they feel sad about something? They're bonding. All women do this. We feel connected to each other when we share our negative feelings. However, a lot of young women make the mistake of thinking that men also respond to this. This type of bonding is, I believe, for strengthening female camaraderie. She is trying to bond with you, but she's doing it in an inexperienced way - she obviously doesn't know a lot about how men think and operate, either, other than the obvious sexual stuff. On 6/22/2018 at 11:18 PM, Omarcrysis said: I have an update on the conversations, and I'd love a female perspective on it: So last night I was talking to her and I admitted to thinking of someone else during that week of no sex and I also admitted to thinking about fucking other girls these last few weeks. She said she had suspected me mentally straying the last weeks, but was surprised and hurt for the sex part. She then confessed that prior to her going to Mexico to see me the following happened: A friend of hers who she had helped overcome a breakup 2 years prior (who she had suspected back then wanted something with her) was passing by her city on his way to another city and suggested they meet up that evening. She did meet up with him, drank a beer and got tipsy. At some point, she started crying because "she missed me" and her friend gave her a consolation hug. At some point during the hug or after it, she thought about kissing the dude for a second and then shut away the thought. The dude apparently thought the same thing, and tried to kiss her or asked to kiss her (not sure) and she said no. Supposedly it ended at that. She never told me this until now. We were "boyfriend and girlfriend" at that point. I did once tell her over the phone that I found it hard to control myself and if she didn't come soon to Mexico, I might en up fucking another girl because "Sometimes I can't control myself". This was not really true, but I said it to manipulate her into coming sooner to Mexico because she was undecided of when to come. Yeah, I know it was wrong to say that. what do you think? does me saying something like that excuse her? I haven't really processed yet what she told me. Do you think its a dealbreaker? Whoa.... There is so much in here that is just a recipe for disaster. I'll break it down and see if I can help. On 6/22/2018 at 11:18 PM, Omarcrysis said: So last night I was talking to her and I admitted to thinking of someone else during that week of no sex and I also admitted to thinking about fucking other girls these last few weeks. She said she had suspected me mentally straying the last weeks, but was surprised and hurt for the sex part. She then confessed that prior to her going to Mexico to see me the following happened: Oh man. For you - if you're girl is not enough for you to not mentally stray, how are you contemplating a future with her? YOu are only setting yourself up for your own future disappointment and dissatisfaction. Think about your own future happiness and ability to remain faithful in your imaginary future marriage to her. If you're already mentally straying, it's a pretty big signal. If you really want a good future relationship, it should be a joy to commit (in body and in mind) to one person. It may be kinder for your future self to think about this, and minimize any sexual struggles by just finding someone who you love and aren't tempted to cheat on. As for her side of things.... I would be so incredibly hurt if my husband had said anything like this to me, ever. The feeling of betrayal, of not being loved, not being safe or protected would make it nearly impossible for me to even look at him without thinking about the lies in his mind. I would feel like I had been cheated on just as much as if he had gone out and committed the dead. I don't know if I could recover from that, to be honest. And it's a different thing that just recognizing that another women is attractive. That doesn't bother me or any normal woman. But no woman wants her man to want to experience another woman intimately. People can spout Red Pill theories at me all day long about how women like to be cucked or whatever other nonsense. I don't care. Sexual infidelity is painful for either gender, and is an insult and disgrace for both men and women. On 6/22/2018 at 11:18 PM, Omarcrysis said: So last night I was talking to her and I admitted to thinking of someone else during that week of no sex and I also admitted to thinking about fucking other girls these last few weeks. She said she had suspected me mentally straying the last weeks, but was surprised and hurt for the sex part. She then confessed that prior to her going to Mexico to see me the following happened: A friend of hers who she had helped overcome a breakup 2 years prior (who she had suspected back then wanted something with her) was passing by her city on his way to another city and suggested they meet up that evening. She did meet up with him, drank a beer and got tipsy. At some point, she started crying because "she missed me" and her friend gave her a consolation hug. At some point during the hug or after it, she thought about kissing the dude for a second and then shut away the thought. The dude apparently thought the same thing, and tried to kiss her or asked to kiss her (not sure) and she said no. Supposedly it ended at that. She never told me this until now. We were "boyfriend and girlfriend" at that point. No no no no. She withheld some very sensitive and necessary information from you. I get that she was hurt, but she put herself in a position to be taken advantage of, got herself in an iffy situation, and then didn't tell you about because she was afraid of your reaction. I tend to be a little over-forgiving many times, so I could see (if this were me, getting this information about a boyfriend) myself forgiving a guy for being dumb as long as nothing serious happened, but only if he was direct and forthright about it, apologized, and promised (and followed through with the promise) to not put himself in situations which would make him vulnerable to cheating behavior. These are some big red flags. Big, big, big potential problems just waiting for the right disaster to erupt into full-blown chaos and drama. And on top of that, wrong is not the answer for a wrong. She probably felt comfortable telling you about her "kiss, or almost-kiss" since you had mentally betrayed her, but these are all signs. On 6/22/2018 at 11:18 PM, Omarcrysis said: I did once tell her over the phone that I found it hard to control myself and if she didn't come soon to Mexico, I might en up fucking another girl because "Sometimes I can't control myself". This was not really true, but I said it to manipulate her into coming sooner to Mexico because she was undecided of when to come. Yeah, I know it was wrong to say that. So you know that was wrong. You're trying to manipulate her. This is not a good sign. Would you manipulate someone you actually loved? I don;t know how she trusts you in the slightest (probably why she doesn't listen to your advice about travel or ect) given that you'd say things like this to her. Either you're lying, which makes her think you're weak and pathetic, since you have to resort to manipulation to get her to visit, or she actually believes you, and thinks that she is needed because she can provide you with sex, but if you can't control yourself, then you're unstable, don't value her at all, and can only minimally value the sex she can offer since you're unable to wait for her and will sleep with someone else, and you care very little about the pain or hurt it would cause her. I would break it off with her as soon as possible. You guys are in a mini-marriage already, but it's not going to work since neither of you are committed nor care enough about the other person to do what's needed to make it work. You're taking to goods from her and still deliberating as to whether or not she's worth it. That would be like a girl who has full access to your bank account and uses it to pay for all her needs, but still doesn't know whether or not she wants to be with you. You've gotten everything wrong from the very beginning. Do whatever you think, of course, but my advice is to be a gentleman, and cut it off quickly and clearly. No reason to prolong the heartache for either or you. Then go be a 25 year old guy and learn more about women in general and the world, and then, when you want to get married, analyse the crap a=out of your game plan. Make a "Marriage Game Plan." Not joking. Systematically go through ALLL the details - personality, life skills necessary, shared dreams, parenting styles, hobbies, methods of argument resolution, sense of humor, daily task division - that a successful marriage would require, and then make yourself into the right guy for it, and then after that, systematically search for the right girl. That is how good marriages are built. And don't enter into these little half-marriages before you are committed. That means you shouldn't be her provider without her undying commitment, and she shouldn't have sex with you without your eternal love and fidelity. You can things things differently, of course, but other ways have lots of heartache, instability, and dysfunction involved. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meetjoeblack Posted June 26, 2018 Share Posted June 26, 2018 On 6/17/2018 at 11:23 PM, Omarcrysis said: Babies? She does ecstasy lol TThebecstwctAnyone have any insight? should I break up with her and find another woman who is more developed? should I stay with her and see how I feel at the 1 year mark? should I avoid babies at all cost with her? is she a good candidate? am I a good candidate? help. If anyone would like some more relevant info, please feel free to ask. Thanks in advance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Omarcrysis Posted June 28, 2018 Author Share Posted June 28, 2018 @Elizbaeth Thank you very much for the input. What you said made total sense. She will come see me in a day, and I will evaluate all my feelings over the next couple weeks. She has been being very responsible lately, but I will end it if I continue to feel uncomfortable with her and having these thoughts. Again, thank you so much, and thank you everyone on this forum for the effort. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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