Mental illness

[soundwave86]

Alright i'm fully aware that psychiatry is full of many, many labels, and still pretty primitive medication.  But it 'aint all bad.
; 

It wouldn't have taken me so long to overcome if it if it wasn't real.

Psychiatry isn't perfect, but it did help at one stage.  Being hospitalized is a little debilitating but at the time it was better than what I was suffering from.

So what was I diagnosed with?

After about 10 years of private suffering, I got diagnosed as OCD.  general anxiety and depression too.

10 years later, I got diagnosed with a psychosis too.  

What do I know?

I know that, what they called a psychosis I had since the beginning but the obsessive compulsive behaviours became strong and they were at the front when I did get diagnosed.

 

I'm not saying OCD, anxiety, depression 'aint all difficult too overcome, but for me, I blocked out the core that was worse.

Now, I will fight it like hell.

Gimme a year or so.

I'd like to find out about anyone's experiences?  with psychiatry or more intense therapy?  CBT/ERP/psychotherapy.

 

I'll keep you updated 'cos believe me, I 'aint stopping now.

 

 

 

 

 

[PillPuppetPoet]

Check out my book 'Madness: a form of love'. https://www.amazon.com/Madness-Mr-Max-J-Lewy/dp/1986974324/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1530742341&sr=8-2&keywords=max+j.+lewy

[Spladam]

Just now, PillPuppetPoet said:

Check out my book 'Madness: a form of love'. https://www.amazon.com/Madness-Mr-Max-J-Lewy/dp/1986974324/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1530742341&sr=8-2&keywords=max+j.+lewy

How is it relevant?

[PillPuppetPoet]

11 hours ago, Spladam said:

How is it relevant?

Its about my experiences with psychiatry.

[PillPuppetPoet]

P.N.P. (POETRY NOT PILLS) Madness has always fascinated and terrified the mind of man, in equal measure. In today's medicalized, 'normalized' world, it has come to be seen simply as a 'disease', an ugly blight on the smooth, cog-like operation of the social organism. Our very language has become impoverished by the steady stream of scientistic neologisms which have rushed to take its stead, leaving us with only the cold apparatus of an all-too suspect, bullying and anti-septic 'reason'. Once the most intimate bedfellow not only of depthless despair, but also of high ecstasy and genius, we seem to have all but forgotten the myriad enchantments with which this fateful 'daimon' – to quote Socrates - once tempted us. This book is both a chronicling of the author's own personal voyage through such altered states of conscious, through to the far greater, far more intimidating battle with the very system that was allegedly put in place to try to 'heal' him. Here is his invitation to all sufferers and practitioners alike to glimpse beyond the borders of the straight-jacketed, dysfunctional status quo, and just maybe rekindle that sense of mystery and magic, the sense of possibility, once associated with this most uncanny and uncompromising of guests. At times an exuberant Jubilee to pure lunacy, at others a scathing, disabused presentation of the current 'Mental Health' establishment, and at still others as melancholy, cathartic a song as the trail of Dionysus's adoring attendants: 'Madness: a form of love' is a gambit not to anesthetize and sedate our 'dangerous gifts', but to joyfully embrace them - and with them our own secret innermost selves - to live authentically in light of the absurd, inconvenient, M.A.D. (short for 'Miracles A Dozen') truths of our existence.(Caution: This book contains POETRY, side-effects include ecstatic, trance-like states, life-changing epiphanies, rebellious outrage, vomiting up society's propaganda, foaming at the mouth, increased working vocabulary, uncontrollable weeping or laughter, mild shortness of breath and slight dizziness!)

[PillPuppetPoet]

Community Nurse

 

She is a bit eccentric, and a nice-natured lady,
Dreaming of space or time ships,
And goblins with seventyeight different toes. 
But, when all is finally done and snipped,
The party line she tows.

At predetermined intervals she visits me, like a woman's monthly woes.
Making sure that the child inside of me, often bleeds and never grows.
"You've had your chance, to burst buds in freedom", so her teacher says. 
"This is for your own prudent protection, for the rest of all your days."
It seems to her a wise precaution, to nip the peaks and tuck the lows.
Because its at an expert's inspection, somebody who much better knows -
Officious guardians of convention, who society's primitive fear allays.
It is for us a most difficult sentence, because ours are not their ways.

Each time she arrives, how I try and I scheme to prove myself pristinely sane.
Yet all she probably sees is that chequered history, the hideous, unrelenting stain.
Her lukewarm purpose melts the ice that I hold to the swollen wound in my head.
It always seems to me that too little and yet at the same time, too much, was said.
That harsh, baseless and unyielding verdict, that blemish against my name -
When she leaves, I am always disappointed: same picture in the same frame.
I do my best to affirm my resolution, how many important things I've read.
Yet afterwards I feel it was pointless, I may aswell have just stayed in bed.


 

She says its a past of misdirection, for whom a caring judgement bell tolls.
She says its just a matter of chemistry, there's no such things as souls. 
She thinks that its a better destiny, the one in which our spirit, drooling, lulls. 
She thinks winds can quickly change, there's no telling which way our mind blows.

She is a bit eccentric, and a nice-natured lady,
Dreaming of space or time ships,
And vampires with seventyeight different souls. 
But, when all is finally done and snipped,
The party line she's sold.

 

https://madnessaformoflove.blogspot.com/

[ofd]

Quote

life-changing epiphanies

Can you give us some examples of those?

[PillPuppetPoet]

15 hours ago, ofd said:

Can you give us some examples of those?

Too many to choose from! Plus what is life-changing for someone won't necessarily be for someone else,  and I think they would lose something in the telling if conveyed prosaically. The main one would be about the terrifying nature of the Mental Health System itself though, and the need for perpetual vigilance and self-responsibility just to stay in one piece. 

[ofd]

Fair enough.

[soundwave86]

Erm interesting and may be true for some and i'm pleased it was true for you, and those who don't believe they are ill, hey i'm not judging maybe you 'aint.   But I was too ill to read.  Not unintelligent or abused, but ill for reasons we don't fully understand yet.

Now? Sure I'll read poetry.  We will see what compels me.

But it certainly wasn't all a corrupt system abusing me I needed it or I'd still be like a cripple in my own mind.



 

[Bob Jones]

I've been reading "Healing the Shame That Binds You" by John Bradshaw.  It is powerful stuff.  These are some theories that have helped some people get out of this.

"Mental illness" which I will refer to as ego defenses can show up to varying degrees in every person.  There are several layers of ego defense (our true uncontaminated self) which will distract us from the excruciating pain we experienced as children.  Each layer is progressively more deep into your childhood (all the way back to the infancy stage), harder to undo, and closer to your fragile ego.  The good news is that they can be peeled back one at a time.

Bradshaw goes into detail how shame can progressively "bind" our emotions until they are completely unusable.  Unfortunately, you cannot stop them from escaping in different ways (as opposed to openly expressing or feeling them - which was completely dangerous as a child for some of us to do).  They can come out as OCD, porn/drug/alcohol addictions, perfectionism, anxiety, depression, dysfunctional relationships, etc.  I, for example, used porn with my inability to express anger and alcohol to reduce my anxiety.  There are more complex defenses that I will not get into, but this book might be able to help you help yourself!

[soundwave86]

On ‎7‎/‎18‎/‎2018 at 4:51 AM, Bob Jones said:

I've been reading "Healing the Shame That Binds You" by John Bradshaw.  It is powerful stuff.  These are some theories that have helped some people get out of this.

"Mental illness" which I will refer to as ego defenses can show up to varying degrees in every person.  There are several layers of ego defense (our true uncontaminated self) which will distract us from the excruciating pain we experienced as children.  Each layer is progressively more deep into your childhood (all the way back to the infancy stage), harder to undo, and closer to your fragile ego.  The good news is that they can be peeled back one at a time.

Bradshaw goes into detail how shame can progressively "bind" our emotions until they are completely unusable.  Unfortunately, you cannot stop them from escaping in different ways (as opposed to openly expressing or feeling them - which was completely dangerous as a child for some of us to do).  They can come out as OCD, porn/drug/alcohol addictions, perfectionism, anxiety, depression, dysfunctional relationships, etc.  I, for example, used porn with my inability to express anger and alcohol to reduce my anxiety.  There are more complex defenses that I will not get into, but this book might be able to help you help yourself!

Cool, I certainly learnt a lot about shame and the type of things you talk about when I was dealing with addictions.  But i'll look into it deeper.

I guess the psychotic feeling is accurate and kinda related to skizophrenia, the 'delusional' symptom.  (for instance, someone may not be able to relate to reality to the extent that they can't drop a delusion that they are Jesus or similar.)  I do have delusions, I'd say they are more powerful than OCD, 'cos with OCD you can at least reason with them to the extent that you can cut out the compulsion, then you can learn to be ambigious with the 'obsession's no matter how 'benign' or 'violent'... anyway yeah even though I know how irrational and yeah, 'delusional', definetly, there is no amount of reasoning i can get to, to be able to just ignore them, but I do know how invalid they are, so I can sit with them until I can speed up my 'truly' rational mind.  Its separate and my mind is very quick!  Thanks, I'll check I out.