Several Dreams That Give me the Creeps

[Bob Jones]

Hi,

I had quite a few dreams on two occasions of sleep within two days and was wondering if anyone had any input on what they could mean.  Pick any dream that you find interesting.  I think they are important because I don't dream that often and they were bizarre, interesting, and pretty damn creepy to me.  They also occurred after some deep emotional experiences listening to Stefan's podcast and reading a book.  Thank you in advance.

The following three dreams occurred in one night after listening to some podcasts.  One was about fully experiencing your emotions and following them to their depths instead of running away from them.  I skipped going to the gym that night to experience the anxiety of being alone on the weekend.  I found myself back in lonely middle school in those emotions.  The other podcast was about abandonment and I experienced quite a bit of sadness (podcast #852 and #888 caller at about 1h:10m).

Dream 1 - School

I was in a building which had the same layout as the department where I work, but darker, emptier, and a sort of dirty, worn-down look to it. I walked into the back room where I usually work and found my coworkers arguing over something. I didn't know what it was they were arguing over or if it was important for me to know.

After the arguing they migrated out of my room into the department foyer. Shortly after, I heard a commotion outside of the room. I went into the foyer and through our very large entryway where I found myself in a school lobby. Part of the walls in this lobby were brick like a few schools I went to, but the rest was different in layout and decor. There were several glass windows and doors leading to administrative offices on one wall near a hallway that was at an angle unfavorable to my view. Kids, middle or high school age, were scattered throughout the room talking quickly and nervously.

I suddenly heard screaming and people were running out of the hallway, but they didn't leave the school. Instead they watched the hallway entrance. My coworkers were in the entryway looking around, trying to figure out what was going on. I knew this was a shooter situation either from the gunshots or looks of fear on the kids.

I ran from the lobby to the back room and fetched my pistol case, which was stored exactly as it was before I went to bed. It was almost as if I reached my hands into my room from work and grabbed my case, but I cannot be sure. I took the gun from the case and quickly checked that it was loaded. I ran back cautiously, hiding behind cover on the way and stopped short of the lobby, staying behind my department wall for cover.

Shortly after the shooter emerged from the school hallway. He looked like someone from a different department at work who I have never spoken to. At this point I recognized him as a threat, but he didn’t seem to be shooting anyone and I didn’t see any bodies.

I stayed behind cover and started shooting at him. He fearfully shot back, mostly staying behind cover. Some time early in the shootout or from the very beginning I did not have a gun. I was squeezing my hand as if I had a gun, but I was still shooting and doing damage to the environment. The shooter ran into some administrative offices behind him and out of my view. I ran into the lobby to get a better angle. I noticed him in the administrative hallway through a reinforced window and opened fire. He ducked as he ran away.

It looked like he was taking a roundabout way to get to the nearest exit. I cut through several offices to head him off and exited the building. I found myself in a large and unkempt yard. I ran left around the corner towards the road and was surprised that he was so quick. I didn’t see him. I ran towards the road and saw a tree line with bushes perpendicular to the road. I entered the bushes in a spot that looked like he might have been in, but I heard him talking in a hushed voice to my right. I doubled back and found a large bush with a cave as if the bush grew to make this cave within itself. I crawled in and passed a few separate tunnels on my right, going all the way through. I heard his voice again. I think he laughed. I went back into the tunnel taking a different path and the dream ended.  I suspect I was about to find him in that tunnel.

Notes that could be related: I'm pretty bored of my job.  One of my coworkers was picking on another and I felt disgust for his actions.  I didn't really do anything.  In middle school I had a period of extreme depression and had no friends to speak of.  I would sometimes imagine stopping a school shooting in school for some sort of attention or feeling of importance.  I had the strangest thought that this shooter was me even though he was a different race.  I know I have habits that are slowing my recovery from abuse.  

 

Dream 2 - Driving

I saw a truck, like one we have at work.  It was driving on the freeway with moderate traffic. It was tricked out with tires on the sides of the bed like armor and higher sides. It looked like it could have been featured as a mercenary truck in a video game. Suddenly, I’m behind it driving a newer version of this truck. It is much sleeker, newer, and better armored. It is rainy or icy as we drive on the freeway and I remember being concerned about spinning out on the curve up ahead. I pass the older truck and head toward the curve.

 

Dream 3 - Metropolis

I am in a city. It is a mix of developed and 3^rd world architecture. There is a wide apartment built onto the side of a large concrete courtyard’s ledge. It’s foundation is halfway off of the ledge and it looks like an older building.

I get a view of a man in his room in this building. I was not present. He has dark hair and hispanic/arab complexion. He is talking to Stef on the phone or computer. After the conversation is over – which they enjoyed – the building toppled over the ledge and was destroyed.

…

The same building is now standing as if untouched (unsure if this is out of order). A woman and her partner and I are standing on a taller building across the large street.  We are holding para-gliders and they glide to the building that just toppled. I follow and we land on the roof unscathed. They enter the building through a door on the roof.

I can only wonder if this is my mother and her boyfriend in the dream.  I am really unsure what to think otherwise.

 

 

These three dreams were during a nap. I had just finished reading 50 pages of Healing the Shame That Binds You.  I basically just learned that I have a heck of a lot of layers of defenses to heal from if I am to recover.

Dream 4 - The Battle

Much like a video game, I start off viewing a battleground map that shows troop movements. It looks like there is an aerial assault on ground forces/cities with plenty of aircraft to defend. I appeared in a bomber that was floating in the ocean near the shore with two wings like a B-2. I think it was an island.

The waves were relatively tame and the woman flying the plane took off from the ocean. We headed to a developed city area where there were enemy positions. I was concerned about how low we were flying because the tallest buildings were just beneath us. We took enemy AA fire and I hopped in the gunner’s seat to take them out.  We took some hits and retreated.

confession: this is a mix of a couple games I have played, but I decided to stop playing a week ago.  I have had trouble with my mood for along time swinging from happy to down over and over again.  Often weekly.  I also was starting to seriously consider cutting ties with my mother.  I don't think she is truly understanding my pain or helping me in any significant way fix my problems or deal with the past and often brings me her own problems instead.  Is this her flying the plane and wasting my time, pretending to take out the AA which are my "false self" defenses?

 

Dream 5 - The Gym

I was in a very large room that resembled a gymnasium. It was about 3 stories up to the ceiling. I was standing on a gym mat about 6’x8’. The mat was also levitating about 2/3 of the way up the wall. It was rigid enough to stand on and had multiple colors like it was intended for younger kids to use, possibly from an old school of mine. There was a platform in the corner of the gym at our height a few feet away, but out of jumping distance.

There were three other people standing on the mat with me. One was an older man, sort of resembling Gandalf in Lord of the Rings standing near the controls for the mat. I hoped he would move the mat over to the platform.

One of the other men was a very large black man that looked like a body builder. He had the kind of aggressive and motivated look on his face that one might have before they try to crush a bench press PR. He was wearing black shorts and a black tank top/undershirt which is typically what I wear to the gym. The third man was black but otherwise nondescript.

The two black men body slammed my back against the padded gym wall and held me to it. One guy pressed against me and the bodybuilder was pressed against the back of his friend to add weight. His arms were outstretched and resting on the padded wall on either side of me. I was smaller than them and had no chance of getting out. At this point I completely peed my pants as I saw the terrifying depths of the gym below and was terrified of the mat falling.

The old man grabbed the controls and we dropped.

I am afraid of heights no doubt.  I used to wet my bed at night as a kid.  I workout quite a bit, and after reading I was pretty scared of finding what may rest in the depths of my repressed memories.

 

Dream 6 - Space

I was in a space ship. There were people walking about or sitting at their controls. They were all wearing space suits similar to those in the movie The Martian with their faces completely covered. There were windows showing the vast starry space to my right. I was wearing my good dust mask from work and I think I had the same space suit as everyone else.

My father was sitting at a station and he was blocking the entrance to a tunnel that went down and into an asteroid. There were three very large steps, about four feet high, going down into the ground. After the steps it was a dark dirt and rock tunnel.

As I walked to the entrance my father yelled at/to me with a muffled voice saying, “Speak up!” in an irritated way like he often used to. I might have said something beforehand, but I don’t think so. I tried with some enthusiasm to respond louder but I let my voice fade away halfway through. I think I felt restrained by my asthma and/or didn't see the point in finishing.

It suddenly became clear that there was a problem. An emergency alert came onto a fairly large screen. It was clear that the space ship was going to eject itself into a nearby star or asteroid to self destruct. My guess is that it was going to happen in less than 30 minutes but as soon as 3.

I walked towards my father with the intention of passing him and going into the tunnel.

I stopped talking to my father about 16 months ago.  I had a dream about 10 years ago about getting ejected out of a space ship and falling backwards through space by a king on his throne.  I don't know if it is related.  I have feared open and empty spaces in dreams/video games before as well and they popped up a few times.

 

[Boss]

4 hours ago, Bob Jones said:

Hi,

I had quite a few dreams on two occasions of sleep within two days and was wondering if anyone had any input on what they could mean.  Pick any dream that you find interesting.  I think they are important because I don't dream that often and they were bizarre, interesting, and pretty damn creepy to me.  They also occurred after some deep emotional experiences listening to Stefan's podcast and reading a book.  Thank you in advance.

The following three dreams occurred in one night after listening to some podcasts.  One was about fully experiencing your emotions and following them to their depths instead of running away from them.  I skipped going to the gym that night to experience the anxiety of being alone on the weekend.  I found myself back in lonely middle school in those emotions.  The other podcast was about abandonment and I experienced quite a bit of sadness (podcast #852 and #888 caller at about 1h:10m).

Dream 1 - School

I was in a building which had the same layout as the department where I work, but darker, emptier, and a sort of dirty, worn-down look to it. I walked into the back room where I usually work and found my coworkers arguing over something. I didn't know what it was they were arguing over or if it was important for me to know.

After the arguing they migrated out of my room into the department foyer. Shortly after, I heard a commotion outside of the room. I went into the foyer and through our very large entryway where I found myself in a school lobby. Part of the walls in this lobby were brick like a few schools I went to, but the rest was different in layout and decor. There were several glass windows and doors leading to administrative offices on one wall near a hallway that was at an angle unfavorable to my view. Kids, middle or high school age, were scattered throughout the room talking quickly and nervously.

 I suddenly heard screaming and people were running out of the hallway, but they didn't leave the school. Instead they watched the hallway entrance. My coworkers were in the entryway looking around, trying to figure out what was going on. I knew this was a shooter situation either from the gunshots or looks of fear on the kids.

I ran from the lobby to the back room and fetched my pistol case, which was stored exactly as it was before I went to bed. It was almost as if I reached my hands into my room from work and grabbed my case, but I cannot be sure. I took the gun from the case and quickly checked that it was loaded. I ran back cautiously, hiding behind cover on the way and stopped short of the lobby, staying behind my department wall for cover.

 Shortly after the shooter emerged from the school hallway. He looked like someone from a different department at work who I have never spoken to. At this point I recognized him as a threat, but he didn’t seem to be shooting anyone and I didn’t see any bodies.

I stayed behind cover and started shooting at him. He fearfully shot back, mostly staying behind cover. Some time early in the shootout or from the very beginning I did not have a gun. I was squeezing my hand as if I had a gun, but I was still shooting and doing damage to the environment. The shooter ran into some administrative offices behind him and out of my view. I ran into the lobby to get a better angle. I noticed him in the administrative hallway through a reinforced window and opened fire. He ducked as he ran away.

 It looked like he was taking a roundabout way to get to the nearest exit. I cut through several offices to head him off and exited the building. I found myself in a large and unkempt yard. I ran left around the corner towards the road and was surprised that he was so quick. I didn’t see him. I ran towards the road and saw a tree line with bushes perpendicular to the road. I entered the bushes in a spot that looked like he might have been in, but I heard him talking in a hushed voice to my right. I doubled back and found a large bush with a cave as if the bush grew to make this cave within itself. I crawled in and passed a few separate tunnels on my right, going all the way through. I heard his voice again. I think he laughed. I went back into the tunnel taking a different path and the dream ended.  I suspect I was about to find him in that tunnel.

 Notes that could be related: I'm pretty bored of my job.  One of my coworkers was picking on another and I felt disgust for his actions.  I didn't really do anything.  In middle school I had a period of extreme depression and had no friends to speak of.  I would sometimes imagine stopping a school shooting in school for some sort of attention or feeling of importance.  I had the strangest thought that this shooter was me even though he was a different race.  I know I have habits that are slowing my recovery from abuse.  



5

Do you have a dream journal? I think that may help as important dreams can be recurring until resolved. I have had life-changing realizations through dream analysis and I highly recommend it. I personally think dreams are there to get important subconscious thoughts(that are now conflicting) conscious again so you can reexamine them with new reasoning to change for the better. I am not an expert or anything. And curious on your age? but I can give you my thoughts on "Dream 1 - School"

I will start off with the first sentence of the dream "I was in a building which had the same layout as the department where I work" and first sentence of your notes "I'm pretty bored of my job."

Even tho you titled this dream "School" and you say "I found myself in a school lobby. Part of the walls in this lobby were brick like a few schools I went to, but the rest was different in layout and decor" its important to recognize the connection and pattern between school and work. With the School experience being terrible as you mentioned "In middle school I had a period of extreme depression and had no friends to speak of.  I would sometimes imagine stopping a school shooting in school for some sort of attention or feeling of importance." & the dream through the shooting showed how even more terrible it was. With "the gunshots or looks of fear on the kids". Btw, I am sorry to hear about the extreme depression and no friends you faced in middle school. School, for the most part, has become an indoctrination camp and you and everyone deserve better. Anyways, to continue with the dream, after the violent immoral school shooting took place the unknown shooter ran away and you followed him. "I crawled in and passed a few separate tunnels on my right, going all the way through. I heard his voice again. I think he laughed. I went back into the tunnel taking a different path and the dream ended.  I suspect I was about to find him in that tunnel." It's interesting you followed the path this criminal took and he laughed. I think he laughed because you are following him. The connection/pattern I see is you are following the path of what you experienced in school but now with your job. "I'm pretty bored of my job.  One of my coworkers was picking on another and I felt disgust for his actions.  I didn't really do anything." 

With the power of reason, you can not see your job as boring or if it really is you can look if there are better paths(jobs available on the market). Where co-workers picking on another are not tolerated. And with reason, you can also not tolerate it from now on.

Be great

[barn]

I like the recommendation of a journal by @Boss because it'll make the absorption and deciphering a lot more tangible (even by its symbolical sense, words and meanings created with the conscious effort of you on a paper...)

My addition is slightly different though.

Try this.

Write down in your journal a relatively short ask/question about what you are having lately on your mind. In bed, formulate the ask/question by approximating its imaginary representation complete with sensory details for sounds, smells, touch...

Then trust your mind to have heard you and fall asleep as usual. Repeat for a few days in a row, hoping but allowing for deviance, be patient.

[Bob Jones]

12 hours ago, Boss said:

Do you have a dream journal? I think that may help as important dreams can be recurring until resolved. I have had life-changing realizations through dream analysis and I highly recommend it. I personally think dreams are there to get important subconscious thoughts(that are now conflicting) conscious again so you can reexamine them with new reasoning to change for the better. I am not an expert or anything. And curious on your age? but I can give you my thoughts on "Dream 1 - School"

I will start off with the first sentence of the dream "I was in a building which had the same layout as the department where I work" and first sentence of your notes "I'm pretty bored of my job."

Even tho you titled this dream "School" and you say "I found myself in a school lobby. Part of the walls in this lobby were brick like a few schools I went to, but the rest was different in layout and decor" its important to recognize the connection and pattern between school and work. With the School experience being terrible as you mentioned "In middle school I had a period of extreme depression and had no friends to speak of.  I would sometimes imagine stopping a school shooting in school for some sort of attention or feeling of importance." & the dream through the shooting showed how even more terrible it was. With "the gunshots or looks of fear on the kids". Btw, I am sorry to hear about the extreme depression and no friends you faced in middle school. School, for the most part, has become an indoctrination camp and you and everyone deserve better. Anyways, to continue with the dream, after the violent immoral school shooting took place the unknown shooter ran away and you followed him. "I crawled in and passed a few separate tunnels on my right, going all the way through. I heard his voice again. I think he laughed. I went back into the tunnel taking a different path and the dream ended.  I suspect I was about to find him in that tunnel." It's interesting you followed the path this criminal took and he laughed. I think he laughed because you are following him. The connection/pattern I see is you are following the path of what you experienced in school but now with your job. "I'm pretty bored of my job.  One of my coworkers was picking on another and I felt disgust for his actions.  I didn't really do anything." 

With the power of reason, you can not see your job as boring or if it really is you can look if there are better paths(jobs available on the market). Where co-workers picking on another are not tolerated. And with reason, you can also not tolerate it from now on.

Be great

Thanks for the reply and the sympathy.  I'm 23.  I do feel like this job is beneath me because of my IQ and the amount I make, but my own attitude affects why I call it boring.  I have definitely been challenged because I jumped into the job without knowing how to do about 85% of the job responsibilities.  I had to learn on the fly.  I think what is holding me back is all of the horrible childhood experiences and my lack of ability or initiative to combat the negatives that stem from them.

The laughing shooter is an interesting connection and I had similar thoughts about how this job is boring and lonely similar to school.  It is a mega corp with diversity initiatives and all that and I don't enjoy supporting that.  I am trying to get my head back into this job and focus on being good at it instead of being a victim of my own choice to work here and hopefully I will make some headway with that.

As far as a dream journal goes, I usually just put it into my regular journal and haven't been as consistent as I'd like with it.  I will be thinking about these dreams and probably more as I dig into my emotions.  I'll find a way to be more assertive.  I am getting sick of not being that way.  I have been very assertive before so I know I'm capable.

9 hours ago, barn said:

I like the recommendation of a journal by @Boss because it'll make the absorption and deciphering a lot more tangible (even by its symbolical sense, words and meanings created with the conscious effort of you on a paper...)

My addition is slightly different though.

Try this.

Write down in your journal a relatively short ask/question about what you are having lately on your mind. In bed, formulate the ask/question by approximating its imaginary representation complete with sensory details for sounds, smells, touch...

Then trust your mind to have heard you and fall asleep as usual. Repeat for a few days in a row, hoping but allowing for deviance, be patient.

I will try this out.