Death

[Elizbaeth]

I've had a fascination/obsession with death for many years now. Didn't eat meat for a long time (funny now, because I have been doing the carnivore diet for a few months and love it) because it reminded me too much of my own flesh and potential for decay and "meatment," and in my late teens and early 20's I would always undress people down to their different muscle layers and ligaments and try to imagine the person as their meaty self, then tease apart whatever it was that made them unique, human, or anything better/more special than just a walking bag of worm food and rot. 

 

I grew up in a very strict Church of Christ environment, and it was a given that there was Heaven and Hell after death, so death was not THE END, but more like a transition. I'll never forget the day that the idea occurred to me that this may not be true, and that non-existence might actually be what happens once biological life ceases. At first it terrified me. At the time I would rather have chosen Hell than non-existence. Now, though, the fact that this life is just an effervescent burst of consciousness makes me see things as much more precious. The world is more precious, as are the lives, experiences, and beings of the world, and it is now more urgent to do well and live happily where possible, because this is it - after your time is up, there is no more time to feel love, or feel happy, or to be that person you always dreamt you could have been. . . And I have to think that the idea of Heaven/an afterlife is a cruel drug, meant to lull people into inertia and make them complacent. I really am disgusted by how far removed we are from reality. We're anesthetized from everything real - death and birth being among some of the biggest, most substantial ones, I believe, and it's crazy to expect us as a collective society to live greatly when we are continually saved from the things that give our whole existence meaning (I think birth control, abortion, and government also keep us from knowing reality and from realizing our full selves). If we want to be scientist and empiricists, our thoughts should line up with reality, right? Death is reality. So should we spend more time, as a culture, examining death and seeking to correctly prepare our minds and lives for it? Death happens, of course, just like births do, but I think that we are shielded from the full force of them by many conventions, and I believe that it is not to our advantage. I was shocked at the bloody, primal, beast-like ordeal giving birth was - I saw pictures of Princess Kate hours after delivering her son with her hair done and a cute sundress on, and all the women I knew had this unspoken competition as to who could look the best in FB photos while in the maternity ward. It's insane. And I've had few relatives die, but only saw them in the casket, embalmed, with makeup on and nicely dressed and it's all so civil and clean. Not that I wish to see my grandmother in a gruesome, macabre death, but I really had a difficult time accessing my own grief and feelings when her death and the events afterwards were so nicely, so cleanly, so artificially handled. I feel like incredibly important emotions and moments are being stolen away at both modern births and deaths. To some degree, I think we need to see the truth about what happens. 

 

I'm reading Doctor Zhivago in my spare time, and stumbled on this passage:

 

" So what will happen to your consciousness? Your consciousness, yours, not anyone else's. Well, what are you? There's the point. Let's try to find out. What is it about you that you have always known as yourself? What are you conscious of in yourself? Your kidneys? Your liver? Your blood vessels? No. However far back you go in your memory, it is always in some external, active manifestation of yourself that you come across your identity — in the work of your hands, in your family, in other people. And now listen carefully. You in others — this is your soul. This is what you are. This is what your consciousness has breathed and lived on and enjoyed throughout your life — your soul, your immortality, your life in others. And what now? You have always been in others and you will remain in others. And what does it matter to you if later on that is called your memory? This will be you — the you that enters the future and becomes a part of it. "

 

 

It really struck a chord with me and appreciated it. I have been perplexed at why the fear of death is such a strong force. When I think about it, it seems like the fear ought to be fear of an untimely death, or fear of a wasted life. It seems like it should be proper, mature, and informed to be dispassionate and at ease with death once a person has had children and guided those children (and perhaps grandchildren) through the more harrowing ordeals of life. I doubt other creatures contemplate their own mortality, and it seems like some accept it without notice. I think it is incredible that humans can reflect on death. It seems unbelievably useful and informative, but only if we bow to the limits of our existence and accept the final measures, instead of making up endless extensions like Heaven or any other type of afterlife. When I think of things like this, and have to grapple with my own burst of personality and consciousness becoming no more, I feel greatly consoled to think that if I live correctly, my unique imprint will have served its purpose, that my reason for being born will have been achieved, and that my body and soul can rest and that the World will be enriched for my having been alive. I will not need my own unique consciousness then, and so I will die. I will have kissed the World with my being. I sould have no fear about this. It should just be.

 

I'm not totally there yet in my thinking, and of course, I really only think this stoic, dispassionate view should be for old people. It would be awful if I died now. I have a family and there is so much more for me to do learn and accomplish and be, but I do want to get to a place where death is just death. 

 

Anyone else think about death?

 

Edit: I am not talking about anything suicidal or murderous. 

 

 

[S1988]

I think about death every now and then. It's kind of intimidating to me because I don't know what it's like to not exist anymore. There are even times when I wonder if one day someone would invent a way to be immortal. (I think it'd be interesting to see what the year 3000 would be like, and I'm disappointed that I won't because I'd be long dead by then.)

But, when that day comes, I hope that it's a peaceful, painless death from old age and not something horrid like an illness or accident. 

[Boss]

I think more of natural selection which I find beautiful as this process created life as we know it  including myself.

As far as my potential death,  I just think its the price to pay to live in this life. Its well worth it which helps in the understanding of it. However, obviously if living forever was an option, sign me up. 

[Elizbaeth]

Y'all, just wanted to say that I finished Dr. Zhivago and it was the dumbest book ever. In case you were wondering.