Irrational Judgmentalism

[Spenc]

What do you guys think of [usually hypocritical] judgmentalism?  Like a driver who isn't paying attention t the lights when they turn green and you sit behind him and get really upset.....even though you have done the same thing countless times.  Or someone who didn't pick up dog poop in the park, even though you know you've not bothered to scoop the poop several times when it was late and you were tired or it was raining.....

I feel like I have a defense of denying compassion or curiosity to strangers in an effort to shut off my curiosity and compassion towards myself.  I'm not sure that this is the truth of the matter though and wonder if other people here have different theories as to why they fall into these automatic thoughts.

[barn]

Hi @Spenc

My way of thinking about this is centered around awareness and self-honesty (+ courage for {self-}empathy is a must).

As in: Am I looking at the 'mechanism' or the only visible 'moving part', while being completely oblivious to the real effect(s) it has been having on me but I only noticed the final part?

It very well could be that some of these learnt behaviours had developed as part of a successful strategy for coping with something. ('successful' here means 'a possible solution for a frequent past incentive')

 

I think, there's more to the 'why'... aaand the context part too (you mentioned a hypothetical scenario "it was late and you were tired or it was raining.....")

It could be that you were right.

How would you go about disproving your theory? (i.e. - it's verifyability)

Would it be something like(?) :

' When I empathise more with others (deserved), I feel worse than when I deliberately don't do it. '

[Siegfried von Walheim]

Personally I can't relate to any of those examples since I haven't driven yet nor am I a dog owner; I have been hypocritical with older family members (parents, grandparents) but you might not count them due to the... imbalance of the relationship.

So I'll assume you mean "literally everybody else". In that case I can't empathize with your question because I find myself being a hypocrite around people I have a hard, personal relationship with (like my parents) but nobody else--partially because I have very few close relationships and so most of my non-familial relationships are casual or professional. 

I think the key is to live up to your own standards. Don't like assholes who leave their dog's shit in your neighborhood? Then pick up your dog's shit and set an example! Don't be the guy who just doesn't give a crap and lets his dog shit everywhere...

...and if you didn't care to complain about others' who let their dogs shit everywhere, why would you even consider managing your own dog? At least if you're a hypocrite you can be prompted to actually live up to your spoken (or mentally thought out) values while if you had no values in the first place you'd essentially be just another asshole presumably without any kind of standards to push up to.

Therefore: I think it's best to be as judgemental as naturally comes to mind because from there "you" (whoever "you" is in this context) have a standard to live up to--as well as the ability to horizontally enforce standards (which are hopefully good ones--or at least ones that don't make me feel like a bird in a cage).