Erik_T

They should question the hooded figure (a man or woman?), and get a sense of his/her character. Why can't the hooded one go over specifics? Is there a place they can go to further discuss the job, for the sake of privacy? Ultimately, they shouldn't enter into a partnership with this character until they know what it entails. If he/she refuses, off to kobolds (or something else, for that matter)!

Thanks for the info. This guy is one of my "friends" on facebook.

Thanks for your insight, guys. Very helpful, indeed. To answer some of your questions, yes, FAFSA does dole out loans, but they also provide grants. When I had first enrolled in UC Berkeley, I was awarded such grants that I was going to go nearly for free, and not have to pay anything back. The situation, I would imagine, should be similar this next go around, but I won't know until I've been readmitted.

Hello all! So I've come to a crossroads, and I would very much appreciate some wisdom from you erudite fellows. I'm wanting to go back to college to finish my bachelor's in English because I want to teach the subject in private schools. However, to do so, I would need to accept financial aid through FAFSA. My family does not have enough money, and neither do I. So here's the obvious dilemma: by accepting financial aid, I would be using the gun of the state to force money from people to pay for my degree. I would not be applying the non-aggression principle consistently, which makes me feel like a hypocrite. The only way I can justify it is knowing I am merely reclaiming the money that was taken from me through the many years I have worked. What are your thoughts, guys? Thanks

Don't tell me how to poop! It's my body, my right--I'll poop however I damn well please, you bowel nazi!

Yes, please. Thank you!

Are there any FDR ladies in the Bay Area who would like to meet? I'm a guy looking to form a deep, connected, committed relationship founded on virtue. PM me if interested!' Thank you

Agreed. I can't entertain that fantasy. As I've come to realize, it would probably never work anyway. It's time to move forward and better myself. Well guys, I think that's a wrap. Time to look to the future. I truly appreciate the support and kind words. If you ever need anything, please don't hesitate to ask. Thanks

Thank you for the encouraging words, Steve. I'm feeling much better today, actually. Yesterday, I drove to her parent's place, where she still lives, and dropped off flowers and a letter expressing my love and remorse and yearning. All that soul spilling stuff. I wanted to be sure I had done everything in my power to show how much I care. She has not responded to any of it. It's over. Now, because I have accepted this, and my anguish has subsided (in large part to your guys' help), I remembered a very important detail about our relationship. When I had broken up with her before, it was always after a long sequence of days together, like a week. It's interesting how remorse blinds you to everything but the good times, but I had forgotten the details that always seemed to doom our longevity: if we were given an extended amount of time together, I would find it difficult to remain interested in her conversation. In fact, I remember being annoyed quite a lot. Perhaps this was an aspect of my selfishness, but we would never stay up late, talking about what moved us, what our dreams were, how we felt about the world, or anything too engrossing or deep for that matter. If I tried to bring up such subjects, she might give a cursory answer, but she never seemed too interested or capable. Looking back, it seems like our conversations tended to consist of something cute her dog did, or something mean her sister had said (they were twins and always bickering), or a how a Forensics Files she had watched scared her, or how she had rearranged her room. She is a wonderful person, but to be frank, not a very engaging one. I found it difficult to remain patient with her--perhaps a fault of mine--but regardless, I realize that it never could have lasted. Her endearing qualities would bring me back, but in the end, our inability to communicate on the same level always kept things somewhat distant. I know now, with resignation, that a marriage with her would never have worked. Sorry I did not answer all of your questions, Steve. I am living on my own, with only marginal debt from a loan I took out years ago. No kids. I am financially autonomous, so I do have that to be proud of. This whole experience has been very enlightening. I suppose I should be grateful for it in some way.

I agree. I'm currently looking for a therapist again. I believe what she found appealing about some of the men on okcupid (and trust me, she was put off by a vast majority on there) was that they were already established in their careers, and therefore had much better paying jobs. She enjoys going out, traveling, and generally having fun--all of which require money, typically. After gaining an associates in English (a poor decision), I was accepted to UC Berkeley, but decided not to enroll because of my newly established voluntarist beliefs. I no longer found it permissible to force others to pay for my schooling (through financial aid), especially when it was for something as nearly valueless as learning how to analyze fiction through a Marxist lens. It's not like I would have been raking in the dough with a bachelor's in English anyway. I decided to instead start over and become an electrician. At the moment, I'm a twenty-seven year old who still works at a cafe. It seems that my snail's pace in establishing myself wore her patience, and that men with cars, flats in San Francisco, and tons of disposable income were just too tempting to pass up. Not only that, but I tend to enjoy deep discussion as opposed to just going out and "having fun". Perhaps this was inevitable. You are very perceptive, xelent. Yes, I certainly did allow the relationship to fall apart. Even though I was making strides, I still didn't pursue therapy as voraciously as I should have--as voraciously as I am now. My sense of urgency had increased, but no where near to the degree it has now. It just somehow didn't seem like a possibility until it was too late, that she would actually cut me out. My complacency was still at work. I had almost always approached the relationship in a laid back, nonchalant manner. I was still too comfortable. Deep down, I think I knew it was inevitable. Actually, that's bullshit--downfalls in relationships are only inevitable if you let them happen. I know I wanted this in some way--that is, until it actually happened. I'm greatly conflicted, as you can see. This is why I'm in desperate need of a therapist. Thank you for your insight. It further hits home how much I need to gain greater self knowledge. One important thing that I forgot to mention: She was pretty deprecatory towards Stefan and the voluntarist, anarcho-capitalist movement. This might have been in part because I initially became very defensive and argumentative about her objections, but I know that her disapproval further distanced myself from her. Still, I should have approached it more tactfully. I believe she's sensible enough to have come around, but she associated it with (incorrectly) my breaking up with her. What would you guys have done?

Hi guys, I'm in need of some major morale support right now. I feel absolutely devastated, lost, confused. I've been able to turn to my family and friends for some comfort, but I would hugely appreciate some advice from a community as virtuous and thoughtful as FDR. Here are the details, in as condensed a form as possible: I broke up with my girlfriend of about eight years last September. I was not involved with FDR or any other philosophical discussion at the time, so it was for rather superficial reasons. "You don't have the same interests as me; you're a bio major and I'm an english major; we're too different." While these are true, she has characteristics that I should have given more importance. She is very honest, genuine, affectionate (extremely so), and hard working. She is a great cook and decorator, and loves to make people feel comfortable and at home. She is, above all else, a nurturer. She would have made an excellent wife. I, however, took these outstanding characteristics for granted. I did not live by virtue then, but by rhetoric, sarcasm, and worship of sardonic wit (I was an English major then, after all). I was a statist, and still confused about my upbringing and how it affected me negatively. I broke up with her, and even though it destroyed her, we remained friends (and were still sleeping together on occassion). Flash forward to early 2014 (we're still just friends). I got into FDR and was reading Ayn Rand and things like that. I knew that my exgirlfriend had been molested when she was fifteen, and that, because she repressed it all through highschool and told almost no one, harbored much anger over it. This anger would especially flash when she felt she was being criticized, ganged up on, or not listened to. Because I had been watching Stef, I knew how critical it was that she resolve this, so I attempted to talk to her in more depth about it. It did not go well. I ended up not showing as much empathy as I should have. I believe I was somewhat cold and analytical throughout. She of course was getting frantic, which tends to (especially then. I'm working on this now) make me close up and become distant. She ended up losing complete control because of my detachment and grabbed me violently. I thought she might have hit me a bit while trying to hold me in place, but I'm not sure. I became indignant at this behavior and told her that if she didn't unhand me, I would call the cops (pretty low move, I must say). After that, because she wouldn't give me any space for nearly a week, I became very annoyed. I thought she was trying to force herself on me and be controlling. I should have been more understanding and sympathetic, which I would have been now, but at that time, I was still dealing with issues myself. Whenever I felt like someone was trying to control me, I would often detach myself emotionally. It was a defense mechanism I had adopted from dealing with my mother. We got on better terms eventually. Prompted by our heated discussion, she began seeing a therapist. The therapist wanted me to come in at some point, and when she asked me if I'd like to, I said I would think about it. She then asked if we could hang out that week, and I said no because I was busy. I could have made time for her, but I was still annoyed by her persistence with everything. She got defensive, and asked me why I couldn't do anything, and why I seemed to always have time for my other friends. I said didn't want to continue the conversation any longer, and we hung up. For the next three weeks, we only texted briefly. I ended up watching a video by Stef where he talks about empathy, and I realized I hadn't been reciprocating with my ex-girlfriend as much as I should have been. It was no wonder that we hadn't remained very close. If we watched a movie, it was usually one I wanted to see. If we listened to music, it was usually something I wanted to listen to (our tastes did not coincide that much, especially in music). Instead of showing interest in what she liked, if I had no interest in it, or found it annoying, I would reject or belittle it in some way. I similarly began to realize, also through some of Stef's video's, how she was a woman I couldn't afford to lose. She was working on her anger issues, and as I said, had many agreeable qualities. I began to focus more on her, instead of myself, and it actually endeared her more to me. I began to fall in love with her again. But it was too late by then. In those three weeks of non-communication, she had dabbled on okcupid and found some suitors. They didn't work out at first, so there was a period where I had a chance to win her back. She expressed to me how she could only trust me again if I received therapy for my own issues (I had broken up with once before the occasion spoken of above, actually, and for reasons that were equally superficial). This ended up being a sort of ultimatum. While at first I looked into therapy, I got wrapped up in finishing a short story when my first option for therapy didn't get back with. My exgirlfriend became aware that I was utilizing my time for writing instead of finding a therapist, and of course took it that she was not my top priority. Over the course of a week, her texts became infrequent, and we spoke only sparingly on the phone. I then invited her to pizza on Monday, and she responded with, "I'm sorry, I'm in a relationship with someone now. I have to respect my new boyfriend and not talk to you anymore." Even though it was my fault, even though my complacency destroyed every chance I had to get back with her, it hit me harder than I ever could have imagined. Knowing that I could no longer speak with or see the woman I had spent nearly a third of my life with revealed to me just how much I loved her. I think it was the finality of it, and the fact that I was making strides to becoming a more cooperative and empathetic friend. I was finally appreciating her virtues, and no longer focusing on the fact she wasn't interested in history or books. I just wanted to make her happy. I now know how she felt those times I broke up with her, and it's excruciating. It's been four days, and still she won't respond to any form of correspondence. I went to her place today and dropped off a bouquet of flowers and a letter pouring my soul out. Still she ignores me. I'm in shambles. I can barely think, eat, or sleep. I've wept more than I think I ever have as an adult. I just don't know what to do. It feels like a piece of me has been ripped out, leaving a raw abscess that I just can't seem to fill. I've lost the woman I love. I apologize for the lengthy post, but it was therapeutic to get it out. Any advice would be hugely appreciated. Thank you

Excellent, Steve. Looking forward to reading it. I will be sure to make you aware of any publishing routes I take. Thanks

Thank you, Steve. I have corrected a few already. I had not considered the options available to me through Kindle. Thank you for the information, and the links, and of course your time in reading my work. I'm going to assume you are a writer yourself. Perhaps you could direct me towards some of your own work? I'd love to read it. Thanks, man

I understand there is a fine line. When I said "purposefully aids in facilitating an act done against him or herself", I should have been more specific in defining this as contractual agreements between consenting adults. I understand my first example did not seem to indicate this, but let's look at some examples from this new perspective : A man or woman who participates in pornography cannot turn around the next day and accuse the studio of rape (as long as the sex acts performed were mutually agreed upon in advance). Consent was shown, and there was no attempt for avoidance. What would make this situation unethical, obviously, would be if the man or woman performing in this porn attempted avoidance, or wanted to avoid, but was forced to engage regardless. A woman who willingly works at Hooters cannot sue her employer for sexual harassment for making her wear skin-tight shirts. A man who agrees, by contract, to make millions of dollars by battering his helmeted skull into another man's skull, cannot then turn around and sue his employers for brain damage. Oh wait, this actually happens...

Ryan, thank you. I really appreciate you devoting some of your your time to reading my work. I know how much of a commitment (and a rather monotonous one) it can be. Thanks again, my friend.