soundwave86
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Posts
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Joined
Everything posted by soundwave86
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Hey guys. I love the philosophy and science, I always have. I am however working with the feelings and getting my truly rational side to speed up. This thread and this site is superb.
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Cool, I certainly learnt a lot about shame and the type of things you talk about when I was dealing with addictions. But i'll look into it deeper. I guess the psychotic feeling is accurate and kinda related to skizophrenia, the 'delusional' symptom. (for instance, someone may not be able to relate to reality to the extent that they can't drop a delusion that they are Jesus or similar.) I do have delusions, I'd say they are more powerful than OCD, 'cos with OCD you can at least reason with them to the extent that you can cut out the compulsion, then you can learn to be ambigious with the 'obsession's no matter how 'benign' or 'violent'... anyway yeah even though I know how irrational and yeah, 'delusional', definetly, there is no amount of reasoning i can get to, to be able to just ignore them, but I do know how invalid they are, so I can sit with them until I can speed up my 'truly' rational mind. Its separate and my mind is very quick! Thanks, I'll check I out.
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How can I be successful, despite my Low IQ?
soundwave86 replied to mmillerj's topic in Self Knowledge
Let's not move country unless we get a decent trade / career. But sure, there's nothing really stopping me either, and I'd like a change of culture. But that's not what we are talking about here, let's really understand what we want from life. I don't know yet and I'm 32. Given your ability to understand everyone's responses on here, and even the thirst to find this place... that shows me, in my opinion, that your wants and desire outweighs any disadvantages you may get from an average or below average IQ. So f*ck IQ dude, right now we've got bigger things to worry about. And like what someone mentioned, we don't HAVE to understand concepts to be succesful and use them, sure its fulfilling but we don't have to. What do you work as now anyway? I have a high iQ but couldn't care less yet, I've never been able to work or engage in relationships etc. In the future if I choose to understand concepts, I'm sure I will, but that doesn't make me any more successful than you. Maybe not even happier. The goal is happiness right? -
Erm interesting and may be true for some and i'm pleased it was true for you, and those who don't believe they are ill, hey i'm not judging maybe you 'aint. But I was too ill to read. Not unintelligent or abused, but ill for reasons we don't fully understand yet. Now? Sure I'll read poetry. We will see what compels me. But it certainly wasn't all a corrupt system abusing me I needed it or I'd still be like a cripple in my own mind.
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Alright i'm fully aware that psychiatry is full of many, many labels, and still pretty primitive medication. But it 'aint all bad. ; It wouldn't have taken me so long to overcome if it if it wasn't real. Psychiatry isn't perfect, but it did help at one stage. Being hospitalized is a little debilitating but at the time it was better than what I was suffering from. So what was I diagnosed with? After about 10 years of private suffering, I got diagnosed as OCD. general anxiety and depression too. 10 years later, I got diagnosed with a psychosis too. What do I know? I know that, what they called a psychosis I had since the beginning but the obsessive compulsive behaviours became strong and they were at the front when I did get diagnosed. I'm not saying OCD, anxiety, depression 'aint all difficult too overcome, but for me, I blocked out the core that was worse. Now, I will fight it like hell. Gimme a year or so. I'd like to find out about anyone's experiences? with psychiatry or more intense therapy? CBT/ERP/psychotherapy. I'll keep you updated 'cos believe me, I 'aint stopping now.
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Why are intelligent people so stupid?
soundwave86 replied to smarterthanone's topic in Self Knowledge
Surely it's simply just people who love they're subjects of interest and endeavours, but decide to forget about gaining self knowledge, assuming it simple and not worthy. I've met plenty of intelligent people who are confident and socially aware, as well as those who are more like what you describe. True, there is probably more like you describe. My score has been between 140 and 180 when I was young. But like... ill take another test in a few years. I don't really care what it is right now. -
interestingly enough though, my invesitigation with this thread... it was a core issue since a young age. But neeeel is right, at this point in time, it has nothing to do with science or reason. It doesn't feel organic or compelling. My brain started to go bad at a young age. Before it did, I used to read some Descartes and Nietzsche. I reckon in a year or so I'll be a lot closer to where I need to be. The brain can be changed. My therapist is gonna get a hell of a ride.
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Back in therapy
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Making progress. I realised 'why can't reality be the axiom'. Working with the feeling. Adjusting to being off meds also, I never could have made this progress on them.
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I think its the wrath or wateva illness I have got. Its not rational. I know its impossible to comprehend but my rumination doesn't help. The feelings are a bitch. Neeed to do something about it.
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I hope my brain repairs itself well one day. Ive had lots of therapy years ago. still never quite got there. getting there now though. I don't really have any other self esteem issues anymore etc. but living is extremely difficult still.
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Its something that makes my everyday taking care of myself a problem. I know its irrational. its getting slightly easier.
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it's always been there. Well, for a very long time on and off. Meds suppressed it but numbed me. Sure, I have had some pretty intense withdrawal symptoms but they've passed.
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Only nothingness. I've had therapy for OCD in the past. How useful has it been... to a certain extent but I never addressed this problem, thinking about it, it was always in the background. Ill contact my therapist. Now i'm off meds I guess I actually can meditate.
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When I think about nothingness, I immediately feel angst. Something is horribly wrong. Angst is a good word. I battle it. its angst. but its not about the state of the world. I don't know what it's about.
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my brain looks for 'reasoning bias' when I read about it, it's kinda distorted. but I see that now it does help to read and not respond.
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It takes away my attention. constantly. Not like other spontaneous endeavours. it makes me see the world as... I can't pinpoint it's just bad. I've been compulsively smoking the last few days... but meditation should fix that. Maybe meditation vigorously will help destroy all the feelings in time.
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My brain seems to bring up disturbing feelings 'cos... it thinks that because we have a word for 'nothing', there shouldn't be something. this is wrong and dangerous. I need to fight for reality.
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Reading all of this and not responding to any disturbing feelings. I catch my brain trying to... I can't explain. I will read again tomorrow, the next day and the next day.
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So I guess I don't really know that there is anything wrong with 'something' or 'nothing'. A mistook my doubt as a philosophical question. But this will all prove so so helpful. In the context i'm kinda ruminating on, would we have one without the other? No, I don't think so, it wouldn't be observable. Nevertheless i'm sure zero is useful in maths. Sorry I still have an unwanted 'obsession'. But the scientific method should help me change my brain.
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Sorry I don't fully understand yet. I know X is something because I can perceive it. I think therefore I am. But this causes me anxiety. Why does it cause me anxiety? apart from the fact that ive grown up with it unfortunately. But it should dissipate.
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Hello.. is it me you're looking for?
soundwave86 replied to soundwave86's topic in Introduce Yourself!
Almost there... I WILL overcome mental illness -
Why is it such a problem for me? Maybe my reasoning as kid rejecting deitys and such caused a subconsious conflict when no one else understood me. The science is indeed mind blowing I do like it. I think my understanding of 'nothing' has been somewhat wrong. its a description of the absence of something right, but the fact that we are 'something' causes me anxiety I guess. maybe as my attention improves the science will help me.
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Not going away. Please help!
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So its a paradox. But its still bugging me. Help!