JakeWaters

Yep. That's why I plan to discuss religion, basic philosophy, etc, before we try the parenting discussion again.

Annabelle: That's another assumption I made--that I would always have the higher income. I also didn't realize that she placed so much importance on her career. I mean, her favorite things to talk about are family, kids, weddings, marriage, homemaking, etc. I assumed she would be happier staying at home than working. I assume that I assume too much. And yeah, it's good that we have some time before we are ready to have kids. I also would agree that not every single school is bad for every single person. I think there are certain personalities out there that benefit from: being around a large group of people for long periods of time, receiving verbal explanations and personal interactions with certain subjects, perhaps the competition that comes with being around a large group of peers, etc. But I also think that school, especially public school, can be a horrible experience for many, many people (like me). There were a few things that I enjoyed, but for the most part it felt like a prison filled with hollow, two-dimensional people with no character or substance. I completely see your point about the importance of home-life for children. Like if I was forced to put my kids in a horrible public school for some reason, it would not negatively affect them as much if they had a wonderful home to come home to. xelent: Yeah, I do need to learn more about what options are available. Perhaps she would be more open to homeschooling if she saw the groups and communities that are available. I think I see your point about flexibility--like, for instance, if we lived out in the country but near a hospital, she would still make a hefty salary but our cost of living would be very low. She went to a private school and she had an amazing experience. Everyone knew everyone else and she literally has no bad memories from that time. She never felt forced to be there, she always wanted to be there. She did as many extracurricular activities as she could, and she remains friends with several of her old teachers and classmates. This was nothing like my experience, although i do have some friends that remain.

REPOST--formatting error... VforVoluntary49: We're both 26. And yes, we don't plan on having children until we're around 30 or so. Yes, we both want to introduce our children to as much as possible, including sports, and I would love for them to do anything that they truly enjoy. Yeah, I would never insist that they do some particular activity just because I want them to. I actually played baseball for 10 years when I was a kid, but I was never asked if I wanted to play. I didn't enjoy it for the most part. I'm atheist. She says she's not religious because she "doesn't know what she believes". She's the type of person that doesn't think about religion or politics or philosophy. But I see your point about the nessecity of talking about religion. Even though she is not interested in religion or philosophy, and has never had much conversation about those things, it has to be discussed. Annabelle: You make a very good point. My whole vision of my future would be turned upside down if I were the one that needed to be at home. I guess I was surprised at her reaction because she loves kids and can't wait to be a mother. She's very gentle and motherly, and I just assumed she would jump at the chance to stay at home with the kids. And I think you are right again that things didn't go so well because I did have the mindset of "how do I convince her to see things my way". I'm planning on having another discussion with her tomorrow night. We've never really had much serious discussion about religion, philosophy, parenting, etc. I guess it's inevitable, and it's probably healthy to do it regularly.

VforVoluntary49: We're both 26. And yes, we don't plan on having children until we're around 30 or so. Yes, we both want to introduce our children to as much as possible, including sports, and I would love for them to do anything that they truly enjoy. Yeah, I would never insist that they do some particular activity just because I want them to. I actually played baseball for 10 years when I was a kid, but I was never asked if I wanted to play. I didn't enjoy it for the most part. I'm atheist. She says she's not religious because she "doesn't know what she believes". She's the type of person that doesn't think about religion or politics or philosophy. But I see your point about the nessecity of talking about religion. Even though she is not interested in religion or philosophy, and has never had much conversation about those things, it has to be discussed. Annabelle: You make a very good point. My whole vision of my future would be turned upside down if I were the one that needed to be at home. I guess I was surprised at her reaction because she loves kids and can't wait to be a mother. She's very gentle and motherly, and I just assumed she would jump at the chance to stay at home with the kids. And I think you are right again that things didn't go so well because I did have the mindset of "how do I convince her to see things my way". I'm planning on having another discussion with her tomorrow night. We've never really had much serious discussion about religion, philosophy, parenting, etc. I guess it's inevitable, and it's probably healthy to do it regularly.

I just discussed parenting with my girlfriend for the first time and it turns out that we have some disagreements. (We are not currently parents. These are out hypothetical future children we are talking about). We both agree that we shouldn't hit or yell or be impatient with our children, but we disagree about school and even Santa Claus. She wants our kids to do the traditional K-12 program, and I want them to be at home. She's studying to be a nurse and she made a point that if she takes too much time off she will lose certifications and it will generally be bad for her career. Of course, I would offer to be the one that stays at home, but I'm an engineer and it would make more sense economically for me to work. I was willing to compromise by saying that we could find a nice school once our kids are say, 10 years old, but I don't want to hand my five year old over to some stranger for half the day. She still didn't like that idea. Are any of you stay-at-home parents? Could you describe an average day as a stay-at-home dad through the various stages of your child? I'm asking because it almost seemed like she was trying to make me feel guilty by saying that I'm the one that "gets" to go to work. She said that being the parent that stays at home is the hardest job in the work, especially if you have multiple children, because they will require non-stop attention, she will have no time for herself, the children will "push her buttons", and she will have no interaction with adults. I assume that the children she is describing is the product of bad parenting--i.e. mean-spirited, retaliatory, etc. And I assume that the life she is describing when not parenting is what she has observed from stay-at-home parents that do not get any help from their spouse or friends or family. And of course I would be there for the kids as much as her when I'm not at work. Also, she is deeply worried that if homeschooled, our children will not develop social skills. She is very concerned that our children will be missing out on the bonds and friendships that are sometimes created with people that go through years of school together. She says that that was a joyous part of her childhood and it is very disturbing for her to imagine her children without that opportunity. I argued that social skills can be learned anytime anywhere, but she is deeply concerned about that specific social environment, because it was so good for her. And as far as the Santa issue--no matter how many different ways I explain that telling children about Santa is lying, she doesn't see it. She says that it is a wonderful part of childhood. She says she's not religious but she gets somewhat emotional whenever I talk about religion. Thoughts?