Chrismus

You're right. Just a bit more to add - I would find all sorts of reasons to end relatonships in order to avoid going through the pain of working through my own issues. I've since learned (but sometimes still forget) that amazing progress can be made in sticking with some really uncomfortable feelings and noticing that the world does not end. Incidentally, I also began to notice the pattern showing up elsewhere, especially in work, when I would always find a reason to leave in a quest for the 'perfect' job, rather than when they came to a natural conclusion. Good luck with this - I'd be really interested in learing how things go

For me, it was a pining for some fundamental bonding that was lacking in my childhood. I did a lot of talking around the subject in therapy, but that wasn't enough to overcome it. I seemed to need to make the same mistakes over and over before I could stop it happening. Even then, I had lapses and I ocassionally still do when I lose awareness of myself.

I totally get where you are. My old therapist called it 'merging'. I used to get this a lot when in my late teens/early twenties. It did take a lot of self-work to begin to overcome it and I managed to push away a lot of people in the process. Thinking back, I was often totally unaware that I was beginning to 'merge' until I was no longer the sole object of that person's attention. Then, it felt like there was a gaping chasm inside me - I was an open wound. In that state, I was incapable of functioning as a separate human being. The good news is, you've identified it and you can work through it. Some would recommend talking this through with J, but be careful - it can lead to all sorts of complications, including the delusion that you are getting exactly what you need from that person after all (they can't give it to you). I would absolutely recommend you try therapy as the safest way of dealing with this. Hope that helps.