strat

Talked to her today.Turns out that she has felt great since the breakup and not depressed at all. She doesn't want to talk to me because she wants me to get over her before we start a friendship. I have no reason to believe she is being dishonest.I am happy that she is doing better, and I think she is right about giving my heart some time to distance itself from her. We'll see how things are in 2014.

"You did not say you are happier because she is feeling better without you." Sorry I wasn't clear. When she told me that she didn't regret breaking up with me a couple days ago, I felt relief, and I felt happy personally. although I felt a little bit jealous when she said she was a swinger. I imagine in enough time I won't feel jealous, like I don't feel jealous about my other ex's as time went on. "No, promiscuity is not unethical, it's only unhealthy in many cases." Thank you, I was wondering if she is being unethical for being a swinger [after much thought I suspected no]. I can also see now how it could be harmful as a rebound, or feeding a potentially harmful nympho condition. The thing about her is that i don't really want to start the relationship back up at this point. I still want to be her friend because she is a really ethical person, and extremely intelligent. But, she still has to work through her problems. I need to learn a lot as well to become more mature. Even if she makes huge progress on her depression, since she could now be a swinger and I am very much monogamous I don't think that relationship would even work.

Teabagger: " In your post you mention nothing about your own happiness." I was pretty sad the first week or two, but the more I thought about it, the more I thought it was for the best. I don't need to date her to be happy. I am already fairly happy now, and when I say 'happy for her' I mean should I be happy that she is feeling better without me. Sort of like if you love someone let them free. " It seems obvious it doesn't. It also seems pretty obvious to me that you are being the "nice guy"." I do get some amount of joy from the fact that she is happier. I have to be as ethical as I can, and by that I mean am I ethically required to agree and support her and say that it is good that she is now without me and happier because of it? She is not demanding my support, in fact she thinks I am perfectly justified to never speak to her again, although she doesn't want that, and nor do I. She has taught me so much, and improved my life in many ways, [quit smoking, stopped eating frozen crap, started eating fresh veggies and balanced diet, tried to offer help more often] in addition to my already constant honesty and other ethical dedications. Wesley: I am sorry I angered you, I'm just trying to be honest. 1. She has very low income but doesn't qualify for government sponsored offerings. 2. By that definition, I can't recall any harm that occurred. I am admittingly an extremely laid back guy that is hard to offend. She admitted to me that I treated her perfectly. The things that were particularly annoying to her, but not obviously unethical is what I mean by 'unintentional harm', which I tried to avoid after she told me about them and convinced they are indeed things that were bad remnants of my upbringing. 3. Perhaps you are right about that, but I don't have any reason to think she is lying. Or maybe she thought it would go away with time, but that's just speculation. 4. You are right, she doesn't want a relationship because she can't feel love. 5. I can see that being the case. Is it unhealthy to be a nymphomaniac? 6. 7. I just know that chocolate makes her feel better, that might not be healthy either, but then again, I know very little about cognitive disabilities. I don't think I would call her 'horribly depressed'. It's not as if she can't get out of bed and is watching TV all day. She reads, works and stays active, but sometimes she feels a little down. Again I'm not an expert, but to me it seems mild. It's something that I wanted to hep her get over, and I wish I would have tried harder to learn about coping methods at the time. 8. Read it again can't determine.

Among the somewhat limited exposure to human beings, she is easily the most rational woman I know, and tries decently hard to be ethical. I am a physics/philosophy student that breezed through undergrad and I feel as though she is much smarter than I am, although I think I take more care and attention to being ethical [just my philosophical nature, in part thanks to Stefan]. 1. Battled depression. Was she in therapy? She has been in therapy, however her current job/healthcare forbids her from seeing a therapist. She does however practice many of the same coping methods when she starts to feel symptoms, good sleep, exercise, good nutrition, gardening, and some written exercises are among the most effective for her. 2. Neither of us INTENTIONALLY caused harm to the other. For example in the beginning of the relationship I didn't know it was rude to be on my laptop, while she was cooking something. She taught me that it's good to help someone until the job is done. In my own family experience it was more of a work share, ie: you cook dinner, I'll do the dishes. Small things like that are about the extent to the conflict we had. 3. Broke up with you because she feels she cannot love. She did not know at the beginning of the relationship that this was the case, and when she did find out, she ended it. 4. She cannot feel love and has instead replaced it with swinging and "being a nympho" which seems like something she should be seeing a therapist for. She was always a Nymphomaniac, but now that she doesn't want a romantic relationship she still has to satisfy her sexual needs. 5. You are asking if you should be happy for her. To me, this looks like someone shooting up heroin to dull the pain of her past. You are saying "who would I be to stop her and try to get her help?" I am saying true love would be someone who would get her help, not who calls destructive behavior the definition of happiness. I don't see it as obviously destructive. She is not hurting anyone or being unethical at all. I guess my question to you is why is polygamy destructive? 6. Polygamy is not unethical. Just like shooting heroin is not unethical. Either action in light of the other points and her likely past do show that they are both personally destructive. This is not the same as unethical. By unethical I also mean unethical to one's self, or self-destructive. I could just be missing something obvious but I don't see how it is self-destructive though. 7. How did you get into a relationship with her and why are you not seeing the cries for help and support? I would examine you own past in light of this. I think she managed much of her depression very well. I do not know more than she does about dealing with it, I did offer her emotional support and give her her favorite chocolate though. You didn't answer the last question: is my jealousy just some remnant of socially constructed "religious" ethics that I need to get over? I'm curious as to what you have to say about that.

Context: Dated an amazing, rational, ethical woman for a year. She is 27 and battles depression some times, I'm 23. Great relationship neither of us intentionally caused harm to the other [lying, theft, verbal/physical abuse, I never even raised my voice]. We both learned a lot about being rationally ethical and she taught me a ton about nutrition. Then she broke up with me partly because I hadn't gotten a job after months of 'passive searching' and mostly because she says she couldn't feel love like I do [i guess she's somewhat jaded about love from previous relationships, and I did not offer enough to overcome that]. I think the second reason is a valid excuse, maybe not the first since I am still in college and a part-time professional musician. Anyway, she has not wanted to talk to me for a while but still thinks I am an amazingly ethical guy and wants to be friends eventually when she gets over the relationship. Nowadays [2 months later] she realized that she is a bit of a nympho and she has turned into a bit of a swinger, but does so perfectly honestly with all parties involved. I feel a little bit jealous sometimes, but I also think I should be happy that she has found something that makes her happy. Now to the ethical questions: Should I be happy for her? [i think yes, if I really love her and want what's best for her and makes her happy] I can't seem to determine a rational way in which her sort of voluntary, honest polygamy is unethical. So, is my jealousy just some remnant of socially constructed "religious" ethics that I need to get over? [i think yes as well]