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Thank you for that perspective. I was very anxious this morning and afternoon, thinking about this subject and worrying that there may be some unbridgeable gulf of values suddenly uncovered. I'll be patient. I haven't mentioned it at all today; we've been having a very pleasant evening video chatting (she's in another state at the moment). And just tonight I've found out more to make me want to keep moving forward with this person. I'll give us more time.

Hi Barn, Your first paragraph makes sense to me. I'll have to think more about whether it applies to my situation. I can recall circumstances in which I was the one in the relationship who was more concerned about thinking hard before destabilizing relationships; if she is doing this in this case, it must be very subtle. I had a very difficult conversation with her last night, so I'm very hesitant about revisiting this before she's read more and some time has passed. It was difficult because the hour was very late, we had to talk very quietly, and I wasn't really ready to talk about it before she'd read more. Kind of a mess, and now I'm worried she's going to feel like I'm always testing her and will leave her if she says the wrong thing. Relationships are so hard.

Hi All, Lately I've encouraged my girlfriend to read up on the circumcision debate. I wanted to know whether she would circumcise any sons she might have, and whether she was in favor of involuntary circumcision. So far she's fine with not circumcising any sons she may have, but I'm still not clear on whether she finds involuntary circumcision immoral. She said she wants to read more about it. She likened involuntary circumcision to the fact that parents make many medical decisions for their kids. I'm not sure what to make of this. I want to wait and see how her opinion changes as she reads more, but I can't help but wonder what it means that based on what she already has read, she appears to harbor zero outrage that involuntary circumcision was done to me and remains a widespread practice. She is now aware that a huge number of men remain intact without ill effects, and that circumcision carries risks and long-term adverse consequences. Should I be worried about this woman? There's so much I love about her, but I want our values to line up and for her to be a great wife and mother.

I think you should take stock of any conceivable strengths that may have shown up in your life thus far and then think of ways to capitalize on them, and substitute hard work for any perceived or actual intelligence deficit, because grit really could make all the difference. If you don't try, you'll never know, and if you think it is hard to live with yourself now, imagine how hard it will be in 10, 20, 30 years if you haven't tried daringly. Don't be so afraid to fail that you don't try. I wish someone had given me that advice 20 years ago (or I wish I had listened -- perhaps I've forgotten someone did). Don't be afraid to fail over and over and over, because it's the process of striving greatly that may give your life meaning and dignity and serve as an inspiration to others. Don't lose heart. So many people don't even try. Maybe try volunteering and cultivating kindness and interest in helping others -- that can be an immense asset also and serve as an chance to network and find new strengths and opportunities.

Why do y'all think that so many marriages fail after children come into the picture? What is lacking in relationships that fail in response to stessors related to child-rearing? I find myself wanting to pose this question here, to see if there are any insights this community has that I haven't encountered before. I'm wondering whether I should seek parenthood. I'm in a relationship that's shaky at the moment -- well, it's been shaky for at least a year -- and although I'm open to having kids with this person if things improve, I'm worried that if we married and had kids, our relationship would deteriorate again. Just trying to move forward with open eyes. I'm in therapy, but I think I'd encounter perspectives here that my therapist would not be able to provide.

Not exactly sure why it matters; it was just something I felt I wanted to do. Perhaps it's because I don't have any redpilled people in my life to talk to about this. Yes, I had a very good idea of what might be said. I think I reached out partially because I don't entirely trust my own mind at the moment, and part of me wants to be told what to do, to have a clear, correct answer no part of me can deny or doubt -- I acknowledge this possibility as I resist it. Relationships are so hard Many thanks to all replying! Very good points and it's nice to have other minds to help. Very cognizant of the biological clock, and it's very worrisome. She doesn't seem to be taking any measures on this, which part of me wishes he would if having a child was important to her, which it doesn't seem to be; never figured hugely into her life plans and it's non-essential for her. The mother has refused therapy, and she self medicates. Her psychological and ethical problems appear to persist o a degree. This is a person I don't want in our lives, nor does my gf...Just not sure to what extent it's possible to exclude her. Very cognizant of the biological clock, and it's very worrisome. She doesn't seem to be taking any measures on this, which part of me wishes he would if having a child was important to her, which it doesn't seem to be; never figured hugely into her life plans and it's non-essential for her. The mother has refused therapy, and she self medicates. Her psychological and ethical problems appear to persist o a degree. This is a person I don't want in our lives, nor does my gf...Just not sure to what extent it's possible to exclude her. Very cognizant of the biological clock, and it's very worrisome. She doesn't seem to be taking any measures on this, which part of me wishes he would if having a child was important to her, which it doesn't seem to be; never figured hugely into her life plans and it's non-essential for her. The mother has refused therapy, and she self medicates. Her psychological and ethical problems appear to persist o a degree. This is a person I don't want in our lives, nor does my gf...Just not sure to what extent it's possible to exclude her. I think I should leave the relationship, and at least one family member (whose relationship acumen seems solid) agrees. I'm open to more therapy though... Very tough. I have a very hard time saying goodbye. I think I should leave the relationship, and at least one family member (whose relationship acumen seems solid) agrees. I'm open to more therapy though... Very tough. I have a very hard time saying goodbye. Thanks to all for your thoughts! I'll reply to individual questions later, as my initial replies were somehow lost. Operator error or something.

She doesn't seem to believe her process of selecting men was flawed. She has indicated that relationships have about an equal chance of success or failure. She does seem to regret divorcing her husband -- lots of guilt and pain there. She's been to about three years of talk therapy since the divorce.

I've been with a woman for about a year and am trying to figure out where this relationship could lead. I'm wondering how seriously I should take some things I think I've learned about this person. I'd like to list these things, and I'd like to know what y'all think, especially under what conditions, if any, you would consider dating someone like this: -raised in two-parent household that included emotionally abusive, almost criminally negligent, emotionally unbalanced, depressive mother -is 38 years old -has been in 11 relationships with men over the course of her life -left a 10-year marriage due to marital dissatisfaction. The man was not physically or emotionally abusive. He's a socialist, but otherwise decent guy with a good job. -She leans left but is largely apolitical, and has been willing to forgo having opinions on issues she doesn't know about. She's disengaged from political issues. -Is willing to homeschool and has the financial situation to easily do this. -seems willing to let her mother be alone with, take care of, any future child we may have, although she could change her mind about this; I haven't pressed the matter -she's said she's come to believe that all romantic relationships she could ever enter into would have an equal chance of success or failure. -It seems she has a low opinion of men in general. High opinion of me, perhaps, and at least one of her exes, but low opinion of men. Thanks for reading!

Present thought processes creating the sense of cheating -- insightful! If this is still a problem, I suggest that the next time you have these thoughts, to stop whatever you are doing and sit with the thoughts for a while, taste them, notice how your body feels -- any tension, etc. Then notice any reactions, mental or physical, that seem to arise in response to *the fact that the thoughts are there*. So there's the initial sensations and feelings accompanying the thoughts, and there's how you might be reacting to yourself thinking the thoughts -- any judgments, for example ("I shouldn't be having these thoughts," "I don't like having these thoughts," "There must be something wrong with me," etc). Ask yourself whether you think she'd cheat on you. If you find you don't think she would, then whenever the thoughts arise, stop again, and with genuine curiosity, sit with them, focus on your breathing, notice any reactions to the thoughts and see if they dissipate on their own, like ripples on a pond. I'm not sure this will help, but it probably wouldn't hurt!

I sympathize strongly with this; dating can be very discouraging. I started dating way too late -- 30s -- and without high sexual market value. I've been with an atheist, fairly apolitical woman for almost a year and am considering settling down and having a kid, being a stay-at-home homeschooling father, since she makes enough (my liberal arts degree -- bad bad move, I regret it -- and work experience pulls in fairly little by comparison). if I was in my twenties or early thirties, I would be perhaps more picky, but I'm happy overall with her and can't afford to put off starting a family with my SMV as it stands. So moral of the story is don't waste time! My pleasure, hope the book is helpful. I want to read it too. I think she's the one, but we're gonna attend therapy to make sure we're right for one another. We're both almost forty, so time is very short -- maybe even too late for a kid, in which case that will be a very difficult fork in the road. Ideally everyone should have the self knowledge and philosophical sophistication to pair up in their early or mid twenties, but alas. I'm looking forward to teaching my future child everything I wish I had learned sooner. Hope all is well with you ​Yeah it sucks out there. I think if my current relationship doesn't work out, I might seek ladies abroad rather than try to use my few virile years left to snag a worthy American gal.

Would her relationship with her parents improve if they just decided to agree to disagree and didn't talk politics? In my experience, that can work in terms of preserving an acceptable level of familial harmony.

Haven't read every reply, so I'm not sure if the issue was resolved, but thought I'd add my two cents by saying that you shouldn't choose either if you see a high likelihood of future conflict around issues that are very important to you. If you are younger than 30, you have plenty of time to play the field and find someone suitable for you -- but I think you should go on as many dates as you can. It's a numbers game. If you are 30-40, same deal, but step up the dating game even more and filter more (e.g. stricter dating app settings) because time is running out if you want to start a family. My girlfriend says you should read The Righteous Mind, which she says may help you better understand both gals. The author uses Moral Foundations Theory (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moral_foundations_theory#The_six_foundations).