I've been a member of this forum for a long time. I've been listening to stef for years. I just want to release some thoughts of mine. I don't care about people. I have a bad case of schedenfeude everytime I see something bad happen. but I do feel for my kids...my wife, too. I cheat when possible. I feel entitled. I'm only saying this because it gives me some comfort. I don't really care about help. There is no help. I laughed during 9/11. I like it when I hear about cops being killed. I hate them. I only think about my ambitions in life...I work 70hours a week to support my family but I study for clep/dsst tests when I'm not and I'm building credits for a degree. I will love it when I achieve my bachelor's. Then I will achieve my Masters and Phd. I can't stop thinking about my ambitions. I want so much. but my family constantly gets in my way. but I'm not like one of those procrastinating social phobes, I actually do study, and I actually am taking my examinations, but I feel that I could be moving faster if not for them. but I regress... I really appreciate my wife because she keeps me happy at home. She puts food on the table..takes care of the kids..and home. I should be more appreciative. but we all know that mothers day stuff is just because we feel compelled to...more often than not... it only provides an opportunity to...perhaps an expectation of something...
I am an atheist and anarchist. I just am stuck in my ways, I guess. The only thing I think about are...women...sex...like when I'm driving my bus, I chat with pretty women and once in awhile I get them to stay with me. Because my wife is too smart. I can't use my phone anymore... I can't just disappear... so we must improvise. that is key. I kind of give myself a new identity. not literally. but to talk with women and stuff. I bolster my own ego and I'm like....mmm i look good... im cruising around all day..why not just be as extroverted as humanely possible? because your own insecure feelings are but an illusion. they are not true. its all about perception.
I'm not trying to troll. I'm just wanting to unleash some demons. I really just hate change.... the possibility of having to start my own life up...pay child support...etc. its scary. I don't want to. I went from living a cushy existence with my family to having a wife with kids. there was never anything else. and now that I've seen my true potential...well...call me what you will. I see women as sex. if theyre ugly...or just not tickling my fancy, then I see them as either neutral...or old hags. That's about it, really
women...sex...money...ambition...family... I suppose I suffer from a lot of moral decay
