Three

You're story in really inspiring and encouraging! I really appreciate you sharing That's a very brave thing to do. I'm not sure, my gut tells me it wouldn't work since most people see this stuff as often as I do when I go out and say nothing. But, I'm not sure. I appreciate your feedback. It's something to think about. i think you're right. Next time I will do more of a hit and run and focus more on the child and less on what the parent says. I agree. Very well said. Thank you for sharing. I agree, It's very sad. Thank you for replying.

Hi, neeel. First off, I want to express my sympathy for what was done onto you as a child. You certainly deserved better. Second, great question. I think the topic of sociopathy is very interesting and would like to hopefully add some value to the discussion by sharing a few facts that I've discovered. First, I think it's important to start with definitions. When trying answer the question "What is sociopathy", I think the first thing to understand is that sociopathy is a condition specifically based on the way a person's brain is wired, not based on character traits. To borrow from the expert Martha Stout, author of "The Sociopath Next Door", which I would highly recommend based on a collection of studies sociopathy "involves an altered processing of emotional stimuli at the level of the cerebral cortex. This neurobiological distinction is at least partially responsible for the still-unfathomed psychological difference between sociopath and all other people, and it implications are startling. Sociopathy is more than just the absence of conscience, which alone would be tragic enough. Sociopathy is the inability to process emotional experience, including love. It is an aberration in the ability to have and appreciate real (noncalculated) emotional experience." Because of this inability to process emotional experience people who are sociopaths report that they are always bored or understimulated. The kind of painful boredom that a child might experience. They constantly crave extra stimulation to compensate. We don't experience this form of agonizing boredom because we have our emotional life. We are stimulated by our meaningful relationships with other people, sociopaths do not have this emotional life to live. In fact, a major study published in 1990 in the journal of the Medial Association estimate that a many a 75 percent of sociopaths are dependent on alcohol and 50 percent abuse other drugs. Besides, being bored and loveless, they also are not very comfortable in their own skin. , "The absolute elf-involvement of sociopathy create an individual consciousness that is aware of every little ache and twitch in the body, every passing sensation in the head and chest, and ears that orient with acute personalized concern to every radio and television report about everything from bedbugs to ricin. Because his concerns and awareness are geared exclusively toward himself, the person without conscience sometime live in a torment of It is true that there are character traits which might be indicative of sociopathy. For example, if someone is a chronic liar or is verbally abusive, these traits might be indicative that the person might have this condition, since a person who has a conscience and who is empathetic is far less capable of being abusive, but it's not conclusive proof since you don't necessarily require the brain of a sociopath to be verbally abusive or lie. Thus, sociopathy is less about character traits, such as being a jerk and more about an inability to process emotion. In the interview posted on this thread between a psychologist and Richard Kuklinski a mafia hitman, who's murdered many people, when asked what it felt like torturing someone Richard Kuklinski said, "nothing. I don't feel anything", which is consistent with Martha Stout's research. Sorry, I don't remember where in the interview it was exactly https://board.freedomainradio.com/topic/42785-hitman-richard-kuklinski-my-father-nasty-son-of-a-gun-and-always-will-be-my-mother-just-a-victim-of-her-own-life/

I appreciate your encouragement! Coming up with things on the spot has always been a challenge for me as well. Thank you for your support. I agree. I wish I had buddy at my side while I was doing this sometimes. I appreciate the compliment! That is very kind. Your encouragement and support is always greatly appreciate. It makes child abuse interventions way easier Thank you bunches! I hope so too. Thank you so much. After processing the situation, I'm really grateful for my anxiety levels. Things could have escalated pretty horribly and since she's a woman, if I were to defend myself had she hit me, I would suffer more punishment than her, I'm sure of it. I also don't want to expose children to such a scenario anyway. Next time I'm not going to try to argue with the parent as much. Instead I'll focus more on the child and make my interaction with the parent a for of a 'hit and run' mission.

Thank you so much for the warm and thoughtful reply. I really like the ice world

The day after I moved into my new cottage, I experienced a good deal of sadness. After stopping to explore the feeling, this journal entry was the result as well as a rich 40 minute sob. From the cheap rent , the greater privacy, to the state of luxurious comfort that results from having a desk and a dresser, which is especially apparent after having typed in the awkward computer-in-the-lap position as well as having tackily stacked unstable towers of clothes on the closet floor for two years, there are many great things to say about my new living situation. However, the change that is most valuable, even emotional, to me is the newfound quiet. So much of my life, has been spent in noise pollution, the kind of abrupt sonic bangs that keeps one is a state of perpetual fight or flight and stress and turns the home, a place ideally for healing and serenity, into a source of emotional dysregulation. Sometimes it was my parents hysterically screaming at one another, sometimes it was my mom nuerotically ejecting derisive laughs like cannonfire throughout the home, always from her own inappropriate compulsive joke telling, or from her even more grating complaining and bitching that was about as easy to ignore as a tornado siren. Even more recently, at my old apartment, it was from moronic neighbors who either are too stupid to understand that bass travels through walls are too inconsiderate and selfish, as was the case with the neighbor below me.” So, now that I’m experiencing such calm pleasure from the peaceful environment, I can’t help but feel agonizing grief see the long stand of memories spent in toxic noise. I desperately wish my 13,-22 year old self could have experienced this level of comfort when he needed a place to relax from all of the life transitions, such as moving out, that are inherently really stressful. That I feel relief when I experience this level of quiet at all, as oppose to not thinking about it due to having grown up in peace is really ragic. Perhaps, the most painful thing about growing up in such a stressful environment is not the noise, but rather what’s underneath the noise, which is the lack of love and the sad reality that I was not important enough for my parents to just be quiet.

Thank you so much! It was super fun to put together.

I do want to say that I've seen this documentary and would also recommend it. It's really fascinating. Besides the scenes in the interview that have been mentioned, one thing that I found fascinating was his response when he was asked how hew felt while he was killing people, to which he replied, "nothing." He also describes blowing a person's head off with a gun as being like bursting a pumpkin. This I think is consistent with what Martha Stout mentions in her book "The Sociopath Next door" when she explains the fascinating fact that sociopathy "involves an altered processing of emotional stimuli at the level of the cerebral cortex. This neurobiological distinction is at least partially responsible for the still-unfathomed psychological difference between sociopath and all other people, and it implications are startling. Sociopathy is more than just the absence of conscience, which alone would be tragic enough. Sociopathy is the inability to process emotional experience, including love. It is an aberration in the ability to have and appreciate real (noncalculated) emotional experience."

I just walked away from one of the most difficult child abuse interventions, yet. As I was walking into wall mart, I see a black woman hit her what looked to be a 3 year old son on the arm and snapped at him to "come here." I walked over to the lady and said to her, "I understand parenting is difficult, but you shouldn't hit children." Things escalated incredibly quickly. First she asked if I had any kids. I said yes(which wasn't true) and then she told me to worry about them. I told her, "I knew you were going to say that." She then started an incredibly racist sentence about how she don''t care how "ya'll white people raise your kids". "These are my kids." "I know you don't care. You shouldn't hit children." I said in return. It was I this point my anxiety was so strong I felt my brain shutting down, I had tunnel vision. I could barely get words out of my mouth. She then went on to say that if I don't leave she'd 'put me down' right then and there because she was from detroit. The wal-mart greeter than walked over, smiling ,a young black male, and shook his hands and head indicating that I drop it. I then walked away, but did say to the child that nobody should hit him. I feel really angry and really depressed, powerless, and helpless about the whole thing now and I'm not sure why. I also feel an intense amount of disgust and hatred for people like her.

That's an incredibly brave thing for you to do, to bring up that topic and speak the truth. Fantastic

I agree, children provide an enormous amount of value and can teach adults priceless lessons about generosity, self expression, spontaneity, authenticity, humor etc. If anything, I feel honored when I am in the presence of children, not exploited as if I have a tapeworm or a leech latched onto my skin or inside my gut. To put children in the same category as predators like tapeworms, leeches or mosquitoes, which cause the deaths of millions is deluded beyond perversion.

I'm not sure which action you are referring to when you say "the action of the mother". My understanding is that there were a number of bad choices that are being talked about. There is the physical abuse (i.e the yanking). There is the verbal abuse (i.e "I've had enough of you!"). And there is the emotional abuse. (i.e The humiliation that is being inflicted on the child when the child sees the mother treat a complete stranger with higher regard by, within seconds of the abuse, sweetly apologizing to Marlon and thus, demonstrating that she's fully capable of treating people well regardless of her stress levels.) That is, of course, only to name 3. Also, from my understanding, it is the damaging effects that this abuse has on the child's emotional well being that is more central(i.e more important) to this dialog than the causes of the mother's abusive behavior. Another more important aspect to this dialogue was to provide Marlon feedback as to how well he intervened, to help him process the situation, and to give advice next time. I'm not sure how pointing out that the mother was stressed is in any way relevant to what's being discussed here. But, I could be mistaken, so we can always ask other people. So, if anyone is reading this and would like to help me understand what is more important in this dialog by answering this question, that would be great. To those who have contributed to this thread, what do you think is the most important aspect of this dialogue?

I do want to point out that by saying the child should be your main concern, based on your desire to acknowledge stress since the child is experiencing far more stress, is not the same as saying you were not at all concerned about the child or indifferent. I'm curious why appealing to empathy with the mother is important to you?

It is a dreadful thing to witness. The awful feeling doesn't linger on, but I do experience anxiety being in public since the odds of encountering child abuse are extremely high, whether it's spanking, yelling, with holding, belittling ect. Also, I think it's great that you attended to the child and got help. What country do you live in? Thank you for your kind words! I have not tried that approach. My approach is usually decided within a few milliseconds, so sometimes if I feel like being gentle is the best way, I'll try that, sometimes I'll opt to be more shaming and assertive towards the parent. I would like to mention that there has been one great time when simply asking "is everything okay?" prompted the parent to behave more gently to the child. I was speaking at a pretty average volume. Unfortunately, nobody around me really paid attention. And I think that's a good point. Because people do nothing, this is allowed. I wish I was not alone during these times though. It would be way easier to have friends backing me up. That would make a great movie scene! I appreciate your feed back and support. I understand that must be a difficult situation to be in. Nicholas, I feel really frustrated right now since I really want to give great advice, but I'm not really sure what the best approach would be. If you want to PM me, I would be curious to know more about your thoughts on what you would think would be a good approach or your feelings in general about the woman. I hope so, thanks for your response and your support, Baylor haha yeah, I really hope that I caused that much discomfort in her. Maybe it's enough to disincentivize her from doing that in public again. Thanks for the reply! I appreciate your kind words! The support makes the next time that much easier, it really does.

If acknowledging an atmosphere of stress is a concern to you, then acknowledging the child's stress from being abused by her primary caregiver, an adult 3 times her size, should be your main concern as well as deserving of more sympathy. Whatever the correct interpretation is, she could have been implying both of our interpretations at once for all I know, that isn't nearly as important to me as the child's well being.

I felt anxious, but I would walk ahead of them and then stop to pretend to check my phone while keeping my attention on them as they walked to the car. I made sure it didn't look creepy, but kind of hoped they'd feel uneasy. That way their focus is on me and not the kid.

The Holiday ambience and decor of Christmas time has really encouraged me to take more walks throughout the cities shopping areas, if not for its beauty than for the associations it has with positive memories of my childhood. Towards the end of my walk I notice from maybe 20 feet away a blond woman in her twenties hit a small child, who was probably no older than 3, on her buttocks. After the blow the child fell down on her rear and started crying. Another woman, presumably the other girls sister, turned to the girl and barked at her to get up. This poor child was being tag teamed. I the sped up by pace in order to confront these women. I walked in front of the blond girl and said firmly "You shouldn't hit children. That's wrong" "Okay, that's just what we do", she responded in the southern valley girl esque accent. The tone was very deadpan, as if I made a really embarrassing joke. She wasn't quite the wittiest woman I've ever met. I then repeated myself, "Just has it would be wrong to get my hand to strike you its wrong for you to do that to her." She replied again with another deadpan "Okay, we'll we're going home." Before she left I knelt down to tell the child that no one should hit her. They walked away and sadly,the child was still in tears. I then followed them for a bit to make sure she wouldn't strike the child again. She didn't.

One of the things that makes the shit test so viciously brilliant is that, as they are asking you the question "do you have kids?", they are simultaneously attempting the own the definition of the word 'parenting'. As it was stated earlier, In that question is the imbedded premise that "if you don't have children then you don't have credibility to criticize my parenting." What makes this totally false is that, cruelly yelling at a child about how sick you are of them is not parenting. It is abuse. They are trying to re-frame their actions as a form of parenting that you have no right to criticize since you aren't a parent. This puts you on the defensive and gives them control of the interaction. Thus, when you tell a parent not to speak cruel words to a child, I have found it useful to take the broken record stance of breaking through such attempts of 'definition ownership' by repeating "that's not parenting, that's abuse."

Thank you! Please share.

That's fantastic, Marlon. The fact that you had the courage to do that at work is also really impressive. My gut says that you handled it as well as you could. I also don't see the problem in lying to the abuser.

Thank you all for the feedback I'm glad it was useful. Please share. If you had a facebook you could post this thing on for more people to see that would be great!

Also, from my experience of intervening in a situation of child abuse perpetrated by a black woman, I was in fact accused of being a racist. "I think this might have something to do with my skin color", she said. So, I think your concern was probably valid, Zelenn.

I think you did the right thing. That was a very honorable thing for you to do and that you should be very proud of yourself. I wouldn't worry about the how you used state in that instance. I realize that's not an argument, but that's just what my get is telling me.

Disclaimer: All credit goes to original authors. I have merely collected and shared data. Very little of this includes my writing. The Truth About Verbal Abuse From Joel Patterson Definition “So much more than name calling. Verbal abuse is the defining of another person’s inner world. It’s like a slam into their consciousness that tells them what they are, what they think, what they feel or what their motives are. It can include threats used to control another human being, to erase their perceptions, and to tell them that they are less than what they are, to define them as objects. It can be defining someone as non-existent in withholding, giving no response, as if they’re not there. ” - Partricia Evans Author of THE VERBALLY ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP Categories of Verbal Abuse “ Name-calling, belittling, swearing, insulting. ("You are stupid." "You're a rotten kid.") Indirect criticism, such as disparaging your child to your spouse, also hurts. Just because you're not berating your child directly doesn't mean he doesn't hear it and feel the sting. Rejecting or threatening with abandonment. ("I wish you'd never been born." "I should put you up for adoption.") This kind of verbal abuse creates a sense that your child isn't wanted in the family. Threatening bodily harm. Studies have linked verbal aggression and physical aggression: A Harvard study found, for example, that "parents who yell frequently are the ones most likely to hit frequently, and vice versa." Even if you don't act on violent threats, they may make your child fear and distrust you. Scapegoating or blaming. ("You're the reason this family is such a mess." "If I didn't have to take care of you, I could have a better life." "If you weren't so clumsy, your sister wouldn't have gotten hurt.") Your child will think he's a bad person who deserves to be unhappy. Using sarcasm. Making a mocking remark, such as "Now that was smart" when he spills juice on the rug, might seem like a way to avoid direct criticism, but your child is perceptive enough to understand that you're demeaning him. Berating your spouse. A study at the University of Maryland, Baltimore County, determined that children who see their parents verbally abusing each other are more likely to be depressed or anxious, and to experience more interpersonal problems of their own. Interestingly, the study also found that verbal aggression between parents was more traumatic to children than physical violence between parents.” [1] Prevalence of Verbal Abuse “One national study from the University of New Hampshire found that 63 percent of American parents reported one or more instances of verbal aggression, such as swearing at and insulting their child. [2] A 2003 survey of nearly 1,000 American parents found that almost 75 percent reported shouting, yelling or screaming at their children during the previous year. On average, they reported doing so at least once a month. But the authors of the study of “psychological aggression” by parents, published in the Journal of Marriage and Family, assumed it happened more often because yelling is “so ordinary and so taken for granted” it does not stand out in one’s memory. “[3] Impact “A new study led by Ming-Te Wang, assistant professor of psychology in education in the University of Pittsburgh’s School of Education and of psychology in Pitt’s Kenneth P. Dietrich School of Arts and Sciences suggests that “use of harsh verbal discipline—defined as shouting, cursing, or using insults—may be just as detrimental to the long-term well-being of adolescents.”(as physical discipline) Rather than minimizing problematic behavior in adolescents, the use of harsh verbal discipline—defined as shouting, cursing, or using insults— may in fact aggravate it. The researchers found that adolescents who had experienced harsh verbal discipline suffered from increased levels of depressive symptoms, and were more likely to demonstrate behavioral problems such as vandalism or antisocial and aggressive behavior. Adolescents who had experienced harsh verbal discipline suffered from increased levels of depressive symptoms, and were more likely to demonstrate behavioral problems such as vandalism or antisocial and aggressive behavior.” [4] As Damaging as Physical Discipline? Wang and Kenny found that the negative effects of verbal discipline within the two-year period of their study were comparable to the effects shown over the same period of time in other studies that focused on physical discipline. “From that we can infer that these results will last the same way that the effects of physical discipline do because the immediate-to-two-year effects of verbal discipline were about the same as for physical discipline,” Wang said. Based on the literature studying the effects of physical discipline, Wang and Kenny anticipate similar long-term results for adolescents subjected to harsh verbal discipline.”[4] The Importance Of Consistent Parenting Significantly, the researchers also found that “parental warmth”—i.e., the degree of love, emotional support, and affection between parents and adolescents—did not lessen the effects of the verbal discipline. The sense that parents are yelling at the child “out of love,” or “for their own good,” Wang said, does not mitigate the damage inflicted. Neither does the strength of the parent-child bond. Even lapsing only occasionally into the use of harsh verbal discipline, said Wang, can still be harmful. “Even if you are supportive of your child, if you fly off the handle it’s still bad,” he said. [4] Key Facts on How Abuse Effects Brain Development Dr. Martin Teicher’s work extends beyond studies regarding the effects that verbal abuse has on brain development. One of the most fascinating findings that Dr. Teicher’s large body of work shows is that, not only is the brain molded by experiences that occur throughout the lifespan, but “there are particular stages of development when experience exerts either a maximal (sensitive period) or essential (critical period) effect” Thus, if stress exposure targets different brain regions based on ages of exposure, then exposure at different ages may lead to different clinical outcomes. Childhood exposure sensitizes the individual to later emergence of depression during adolescence. (This is important to understand when considering the results of studies which document the impact of verbal abuse.) [10] The hippocampus is part of a system that commands many bodily functions: the limbic system, which is located in the brain's medial temporal lobe. The hippocampus is responsible for long-term or "declarative" memory. The corpus callosum consists of about 200 millon axons that interconnect the two hemispheres. The primary function of the corpus callosum is to integrate motor, sensory, and cognitive performances between the cerebral cortex on one side of the brain to the same region on the other side.[11] The Prefrontal Lobes are important for Attention Execution Function Working Memory Motivation Behavior Inhibition Delayed Impact In addition, it appears as though the effects of child abuse are delayed. On average, there is a 9 year gap between exposure to childhood sexual abuse and emergence of depression. “Subjects who developed major depression had the onset occur between 10–20 years of age (mean survival 15.0 years; 95% CI: 13.6–16.4 years). The average time from onset of CSA(childhood sexual abuse) to onset of major depression, in those who developed depression, was 9.2 ± 3.6 years. Mean survival time from onset of CSA to onset of depression for the entire sample was 11.47 years (95% CI: 9.80–13.13 years). Mean survival from offset of CSA (first episode if there were multiple perpetrators) was 9.55 years (95% CI: 7.45–11.65 years). “ [12] The Brain on Verbal Abuse “Verbal assault can alter the way a developing brain is wired," says Martin Teicher, associate professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. Brain scans reveal decreased activity in parts of the brain concerned with emotion and attention. Patients with a history of sexual abuse or intense verbal badgering showed less blood flow in a part of the brain known as the cerebellar vermis. The vermis aids healthy people to maintain an emotional balance, but in those with a history of childhood abuse, that stabilizing function may become impaired. He and his colleagues have already found evidence of anxiety, depression, and brain differences in a study of 554 college students exposed to loud yelling, screaming, and belittling remarks directed at them. The latter include remarks like "You're stupid," "You'll never amount to anything," and "Why can't you be more like your cousin?" From this study, Teicher concludes that "exposure to verbal aggression may have effects as powerful as physical or nonfamilial sexual abuse." Harsh punishment, unwanted sexual advances, belittling, and neglect are thought to release a cascade of such stress hormones, which produces an enduring effect on the signals that brain cells send and receive from each other. As a result the brain becomes molded to overrespond to stress. [5] In 2009, Martin Teicher and collegues published an article entitled ”Preliminary evidence for white matter tract abnormalities in young adults exposed to parental verbal abuse.”, which documents their research on how verbal abuse impacts the brain. Diffusion Tensor Imaging (DTI) was used to ascertain whether PVA was associated with abnormalities in brain white matter (WM) tract integrity. (Facts for understanding the images) *Diffusion tensor imaging (DTI) measures the direction of movement of water molecules within and along axons, which comprise the bundles of nerve fibers in the brain's white matter. *Fractional anisotropy(FA) is the uniformity of water flow throughout the brain. areas with low FA are indicative of axonal injury, and areas with abnormally high FA, as compared to healthy brains. The arcuate fasciculus is a white-matter fiber tract that links lateral temporal cortex with frontal cortex via a dorsal projection that arches around the Sylvain fissure. “Detailed tractography of left arcuate fasciculus fibers in a representative subject color coded by fiber direction. Yellow region marks segment of the pathway delineated by Tract-Based Spatial Statistics as having significantly lower Fractional anisotropy in subjects with Parental verbal abuse versus controls.”[14] The cingulum is a collection of white matter fibers projecting from the cingulate gyrus to the entorhinal cortex in the brain, allowing for communication between components of the limbic system. “Detailed tractography of left cingulum bundle fibers in a representative subject color coded by fiber direction. Yellow region marks segment of the pathway delineated by TBSS as having significantly lower Fractional anisotropy in subjects with Parental Verbal Abuse versus controls.”[14] The Fornix is a C-shaped bundle of fibers, also known as axons, which carry signals from the hippocampus to other parts of the brain. Detailed tractography of left fornix fibers in a representative subject color coded by fiber direction. Yellow region marks segment of the pathway delineated by TBSS as having significantly lower FA in subjects with PVA versus controls.[14] “Overall, results from this study support a hypothesis that the brain is chiseled in precise ways by exposure to adverse early experience. Analysis of neural connectivity patterns provides preliminary but intriguing evidence that the arcuate fasciculus, cingulum bundle and fornix may be vulnerable to the effects of early stress. Diminished fiber integrity, aberrant crossing patterns, alterations in axonal diameter, or extent of myelination along portions of these pathways may underlie some of the psychiatric and neurocognitive consequences of childhood abuse. “[14] “These findings and the present results suggest that the development of auditory association cortex involved in language processing may be affected by exposure to early stress and/or emotionally abusive language.”- Martin Teicher[9] As Damaging As Sexual Abuse? “Because exposure to verbal aggression has received relatively little attention as a specific form of abuse compared to physical and sexual abuse, Martin Teicher and three colleagues of Harvard University— Jacqueline Samson, Ann Polcari, and Cynthia McGreenery — set out to do a study comparing the impact of childhood verbal abuse in both the presence and absence of physical and sexual abuse and exposure to family violence. They recruited 554 young people, aged 18 to 22 years, who responded to advertisements. About half were women and most were white. They all filled out questionnaires about unhappy childhoods and verbal abuse. Verbal abuse, the researchers found, had as great an effect as physical or nondomestic sexual mistreatment. Verbal aggression alone turns out to be a particularly strong risk factor for depression, anger-hostility, and dissociation disorders. The latter involve cutting off a particular mental function from the rest of the mind. In one type of dissociation, the person can’t recall part of his or her personal history. Other types involve hallucinations, feeling unreal or unstable, unconsciously converting painful emotions into physical symptoms, and multiple personalities. “Our findings raise the possibility that exposure to verbal aggression may affect the development of certain vulnerable brain regions in susceptible individuals,” Teicher’s group warns. “Alternatively, such exposure in childhood may put into force a powerful negative model for interpersonal relationships.” Possible consequences could include insecure attachments to others, negative feelings about oneself in relation to others, poor social functioning, and lowered self-esteem and coping strategies. Worse, says, Teicher, “such possibilities are not mutually exclusive.” Teicher shows that, indeed, exposure to verbal abuse does affect certain areas of the brain. These areas are associated with changes in verbal IQ and symptoms of depression, dissociation, and anxiety. The effects of verbal abuse were worse than witnessing serious domestic violence and as serious as sexual abuse outside the home, but not as bad as sexual abuse by a family member. Of 54 people in the study who witnessed domestic violence, 35 saw their mothers being threatened or assaulted. Twenty-three witnessed brothers and sisters being physically mistreated. Thirteen of these attacks involved severe beatings.” [6] [7] “The Limbic System Checklist-33 was created to evaluate the frequency with which subjects experience symptoms often encountered as phenomena of ictal temporal lobe epilepsy, as described by Spiers et al. These items consist of paroxysmal somatic disturbances, brief hallucinatory events, visual phenomena, automatism, and dissociative experiences.” [7] “The Dissociative Experience Scale consists of 28 questions that assess the frequency of various dissociative experiences. Scores on each item range from 0 to 100, and they are averaged to provide an index score. Total scores under 20 capture most healthy subjects and patient groups with no appreciable dissociative symptoms.”[7] [7] Peer Verbal Abuse In 2010 Dr. Martin H. Teicher and colleagues sought to ascertain what the effects of exposure to peer verbal abuse are in young adulthood. They asked “whether childhood exposure to peer verbal abuse in the absence of physical bullying was associated with elevations in psychiatric symptoms, similar to the effects they observed with childhood exposure to parental verbal abuse.” Dr.Teicher and colleagues also “examined diffusion tensor imaging scans from a group of healthy volunteers to ascertain whether the integrity of white matter tracts might be affected by exposure to peer verbal abuse, as they had recently observed in individuals exposed to parental verbal abuse. “Detailed ratings of symptoms and exposure to emotional abuse and trauma were collected and analyzed from our multistudy community database of 1,662 young adults (636 male and 1,026 female) 18–25 years of age who responded to an advertisement entitled “Memories of Childhood.” All participants gave informed consent prior to participation. We focused on a group of 848 participants (363 male and 485 female, with a mean age of 21.8 years [sD=2.1]) who had no exposure to domestic violence, childhood sexual abuse, parental physical abuse, or peer physical bullying and a subset of 707 participants (298 male and 409 female, with a mean age of 21.9 years [sD=2.1]) who in addition had no exposure to either maternal or paternal verbal abuse; exposure to verbal abuse was defined as a maternal or paternal score ≥40 on the Verbal Abuse Questionnaire.”[8] The results are shocking... Questionnaire scores. Peer vs Parental Abuse Incidence and Timing of Exposure to Peer Verbal Abuse “Exposure peaked during the middle school years (grades 6–8, typically ages 11–14). Children exposed to peer verbal abuse during elementary school often had this exposure persist into middle school. However, 9.8% of participants in the community sample were exposed to significant levels of peer verbal abuse during middle school but not elementary school.”[8] Neuroimaging Sample . Regions in the Corpus Callosum (CC) and Posterior Corona Radiata (PCR) in Which Correlations Were Observed Between Degree of Exposure to Peer Verbal Abuse and Mean Diffusivity (MD), Radial Diffusivity (RD), and Fractional Anisotropy (FA)a a Regions were identified with diffusion tensor imaging and the tract-based spatial statistics tool in FSL. Blue coloring indicates a positive correlation with diffusion measurements. Red coloring indicates an inverse correlation with measures of fractional anisotropy. The sample consists of 63 participants who had no exposure to childhood sexual abuse, witnessing of domestic violence, parental or peer physical abuse, or parental verbal abuse and were free of axis I and II disorders. Discussion Section from Martin Teicher’s Peer Abuse Study “Exposure to peer verbal abuse was associated with increased drug use and elevated psychiatric symptom ratings. Substantial exposure was associated with a greater than twofold increase in clinically significant ratings of depression, a threefold to fourfold increase in anxiety and “limbic irritability,” and 10-fold increase in dissociation. This level of peer verbal abuse was reported by 9.2% of participants who had no exposure to childhood sexual abuse, witnessing of domestic violence, or parental physical or verbal abuse and by 17.9% of the entire community sample. Hence, exposure to substantial levels of peer verbal abuse is a relatively common occurrence. Moreover, the effects of childhood exposure to peer verbal abuse on risk of psychopathology in early adulthood mirror results we previously reported for parental verbal abuse (5). Thus, verbal aggression from peers is an important and potent childhood stressor. Middle school was the peak period of exposure to peer verbal abuse, with 9.8% of our community sample newly exposed. This finding fits with previous observations that peer physical aggression declines over the period from ages 8 to 18 while peer verbal abuse increases from ages 8 to 11, plateaus, and then declines from ages 15 to 18).” Timing More importantly, the timing of exposure appears to shape its impact. Path analysis suggests that exposure during the middle school years (ages 11–14) was the most consequential and was associated with symptoms of anxiety, depression, dissociation, “limbic irritability,” and degree of drug use. Overall, there were no significant associations between these symptoms and degree of exposure during elementary or high school when degree of middle school exposure was excluded. However, exposure at early and later ages amplified the association between symptom ratings and middle school exposure, more than doubling the amount of variance explained. This suggests that exposure during elementary and high school may sensitize or reinforce the effects of exposure during middle school. These findings are consistent with previous reports indicating that exposure to peer verbal abuse in secondary school is more serious than peer verbal abuse during primary school . This may be because children in primary school predominantly engage in dyadic relationships, which can attenuate the perceived impact of bullying outside the dyad. Another perspective is also possible. We recently published data indicating that there are sensitive periods when brain regions are most susceptible to the effects of childhood sexual abuse . The hippocampus was most vulnerable to childhood sexual abuse occurring at ages 3–5 years and 11–13 years. It is possible that the hippo-campus is also susceptible to other forms of abuse occurring during these years. Anxiety, depression, dissociation, and temporal lobe epilepsy-like symptoms have all been associated with aspects of hippocampal function . Hippocampal volume was not assessed in this study. Diffusion tensor imaging, however, revealed an association between degree of exposure to peer verbal abuse and measures of mean diffusivity, radial diffusivity, and fractional anisotropy in the splenium of the corpus callosum and the overlying corona radiata. The corpus callosum is a massive fiber tract interconnecting the left and right hemispheres. The corona radiata contains both descending and ascending axons that carry nearly all of the neural traffic to and from the cerebral cortex. Many of these axons pass through the corpus callosum. Studies suggest that alterations in radial diffusivity but not axial diffusivity, as observed, result from effects on myelin rather than axon numbers . Corpus callosum alterations appear to be the most consistent finding in maltreated children, and it is perhaps remarkable that they emerged in a sample of comparison subjects with no axis I or II disorders. The sensitive period for the splenium (the most caudal portion of the corpus callosum) likely occurs during the middle school years, given the rostral-caudal progression of corpus callosum myelination and our finding that the rostral body of the corpus callosum had a sensitive period between ages 9 and 10 . It is interesting to speculate on how white matter alterations in the splenium might be related to elevated risk for depression, dissociation, or substance abuse. Fibers passing through the splenium interconnect the right and left occipital and inferior temporal cortices. Together these regions comprise the ventral visual processing stream, which has reciprocal connections with the hippocampus. The visual cortex is a plastic structure that is extensively modified by early experience. We previously reported that exposure to childhood sexual abuse was associated with a 12%–18% reduction in gray matter volume in the right and left primary and secondary visual cortex. We have also found similar alterations in witnessing domestic violence (unpublished data). While the visual cortex plays a critical role in sensory perception, it may have additional functions. A reproducible finding in major depression is a substantial reduction in occipital cortex g-aminobutyric acid (GABA), which is restored following treatment with antidepressants or ECT. Exposure to early stress may target GABA-ergic interneurons or fiber pathways of the visual cortex and increase risk for the development of mood disorders. We and others have also speculated that alterations in the corpus callosum may set the stage for dissociative phenomena by diminishing intrahemispheric integration. It is also possible that lack of integration between right and left hemispheric processing of visual cues may lead to greater cue-induced craving in substance users and enhanced risk for abuse and dependence. This study is unique for a number of reasons. First, it assessed and controlled for exposure to other forms of mal-treatment, such as childhood sexual abuse and parental verbal abuse. Second, it focused entirely on peer verbal abuse as a specific form of childhood trauma distinct from peer abuse involving physical assaults. Third, effects of exposure during different developmental stages were assessed based on our finding of “sensitive periods” when brain regions are particularly susceptible to abuse.”[8] Further Reading http://consumer.healthday.com/encyclopedia/children-s-health-10/child-development-news-124/yelling-at-children-verbal-abuse-648565.html [1] http://pubpages.unh.edu/~mas2/VB35C1.pdf [2] http://bostonparentspaper.com/article/why-yelling-at-your-kids-never-works.htm l[3] http://www.news.pitt.edu/news/yelling-doesn-t-help-may-harm-adolescents-pitt-led-study-finds [4] http://news.harvard.edu/gazette/2003/05.22/01-brain.html [5] http://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2007/04/verbal-beatings-hurt-as-much-as-sexual-abuse/ [6] http://ajp.psychiatryonline.org/doi/pdf/10.1176/ajp.2006.163.6.993 [7] http://ajp.psychiatryonline.org/doi/full/10.1176/appi.ajp.2010.10010030 [8] http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20483374 [9] http://www.thebalancedmind.org/sites/default/files/Teicher.pdf [10] http://cnsvp.stanford.edu/atlas/corpus_callosum.html [11] http://drteicher.wordpress.com/2009/06/15/delayed-onset-of-depression/ [12] http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18692174 [13] http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2652864/[14] Post Script I sincerely hope that this has been of value to this community. If so, please share. Thank you so much for taking the time to read. As always, take care. -Joel Patterson

Blame is often a trigger word, most likely because it is used by bad people to off load 100% of the responsibility to another person in order to avoid 100% responsibility. I would ask, "what role do did the victim play in the outcome of the situation?" True victims are often children as they play no role, nor do they share any of the responsibility for the abuse they suffer. The less responsibility one has over the outcome of a situation, the more the usage of the word victim is warranted, in my opinion. So,that is not to say that adults cannot be true victims. It is for this reason, that I have been minimizing the use of the word "victim" and have been opting the use the word "target" for adults. Responsibility entails choice and where there's choice, there's power, which is certainly something we want to give to target. PGP, The idea of naivete turning in nihilism is interesting and something I'd definitely have to get more thought. As always, thanks for reading and responding!

Thank you, Sacha! I think that's an interesting point you made about not feeling guilty. Amid all the confusion that the abuser creates in our heads, our gut still allows us to achieve certainty. If we feel bad around someone then that's usually the best answer. Also, here are some brain scans I found related to emotional abuse. https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/issue_briefs/brain_development/effects.cfm Hey, Kevin. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment. That really means a lot . I certainly agree that when manipulative people profess "love", it serves the same purpose as offering a favor or gift in the sense that it is a set up. The underlying motive is to get something out of you and it is designed to constrict your sense of movement towards the word "no". When a manipulative person uses the words "I love you, Kevin", they are setting up the words "no" with being synonymous with "breaking someones heart" Perhaps the most tragic thing about being psychologically tortured for many years is that the abuser(or abusers) becomes internalized. Internalization is the process by which the attitudes, values, standards and opinions of others is integrated into one's own sense of identity. It happens automatically and undoing this can take many years. Thus, the guilt tripping can influence our behavior even without the abuser being present long after the abusive episode has taken place. Sometimes without us being aware of it. It is for this reason why I think you've made a crucial point, which is to always ask yourself "what are MY values?" "Who's running my life" "Me or someone else?" I'm really sorry you grew up in a guilt ridden family. That's really awful. Also, I agree, large governments and religious institutions uses this mechanism of control at large.