Three

I also wanted to say, because this is important, that I don't feel frustration. Frustration at what somebody did to me is to say say they did a bad thing on accident. My parents willed what happened to me and repeatedly even after numerous attempts to get them to stop inflicting harm on me. That's enraging.

nvm. they're sold.

Hey! I'd like to sell about $250 worth of bitcoin ASAP. I recently got two jobs, but my hours have been cutback, so I'm going to need the extra cash to pay rent. Please contact me at [email protected] or through the FDR boards.

Demos, thank you for clarifying. You know usually before I write, it's when thoughts accumulate and come together after thinking about things for a long time. So, I've been mentally journaling this post for at least two weeks. It started with the "Truth about Maleificant" video and the memories of my mother that came to mind while watching it. The morning before writing this I rewatched it and felt an urge to write. Marlon- Right, thank you for sharing your thoughts. Good for you for the progress you've made, man. I wouldn't call it a perversion to want to look at beautiful women who dress in a way which emphasizes the beauty. Not that it's okay to stare, obviously, but the desire for me isn't disgusting and nothing to be ashamed of. I also don't see how your dad can say stop 'oggling' women when he makes videos of his family members legs. And thanks, Patrick. That's a powerful, accurate, and concise way of putting it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3hvEiNpZrGU Hey, man! Welcome to the boards I'm not really sure about AI, however this guy has a good series which sums of the skeptics case against AI.

Hey, demos. I'm feeling aggravated after reading your post. Did I not just list plenty of reasons to get angry? I feel strongly after discovering just how harmed I've been by having my mom talk to me the way she did as well as what's been spoon fed to me by society.And it's not just about me, I'm mad at all of the hypocritical bullying mothers and who treat their sons this way and for fathers who, like my own say, "well, that's you're mother. getting mad i like carrying a ball and chain". I mean if I was a black guy who just talked about how angry he was after having people yell "white power" at him for most of his life, after being told that being black was something to be ashamed of and after being adopted by a white family where people in that white family made fun of my lips and nose would it be that much of a mystery why I'd be angry?Would you then say, "i understand your frustration, but what's causing you to feel so angry?"I mean no disrespect and I could be missing something but what the heck, man?

One of the most exciting and startling areas of growth for me is coming from Stef's more recent material on Men's rights/Gender Issues. It truly has been an unplugging moment which rivals when I was first breaking free from the propaganda of religion and statism, with all the outrage, fear, exhilaration, and energy that come with being liberated.What makes this material more valuable to me is the fact that it isn't merely abstract, it helps me to see the abuse I've been subjected to closer to home more clearly, which helps me to get in touch with my outrage and thus strengthens my immune system. And it's often the case for me that when I look back at disturbing moments in my life, when I've been abused, I don't feel as angry as I should since I've been trained to not to. For example, my mom used to do things like drive me around in the car while she was running errands and complain about how awful my dad was and then conclude that, "that's just how men are." And this hate speech didn't end with my dad, if a man forgot to give her a receipt, it wasn't an honest mistake, it was yet again another example of male incompetence.My mother would also do quasi-incestuous things to me. She would often try to suggest clothes for me and urge me to grow sideburns because it would be "so handsome!" One day, I was wearing skinny jeans, they weren't like tights, but since I have genetically large calf muscles, they would be really emphasized by the pants. When I stood next to my mom, who was on the floor ironing something, she turned and said to me, "ooo, muscle!" and rubbed my leg. It was so gross, so sickening, humiliating and dehumanizing.What helps me go one step further is none other than UPB, which Stef utilizes in various thought exercises wherein he asks the audience to picture the male characters as females and vice versa in a film. Imagine if a man were to say "kill all women" hashtag, like recent feminists have. The degree to which I feel shocked after simply reversing genders like this is the degree to which I'm susceptible to propaganda. So, what I do now is imagine if I had a daughter, how fucked up it would be if I drove her around in the car and proclaimed how women are incompetant. Imagine if I had a daughter and I suggested she wear her makeup a certain way or style in a way that she would be more sexually attractive to me. Imagine if I had a daughter and I had the nerve to put my fucking hands on her body after she shaved and said, "ooo, smooth!"You know those scenes(I saw this in a 90's commercial once) where a young man is between two old aunts and they try to smooch his cheeks. Imagine your daughter in between two 60 your old men doing the same things, how appalled at the indecency of that image you would be.I could make the list longer, but I think you get the point. I'm also feeling really angry while writing this. But, if you're a guy and you've been trained to empathize and to feel more sorry for women or girls than to yourself. Maybe applying this exercise and reversing genders in your own memory twill help to break you free from the propaganda and to get in touch with that healthy outrage. I hope it helps. I'm going to go sit with my anger now.As always, Take care.

As anyone who has chosen the long arduous journey of self-knowledge will know, the first step towards self -actualization involves awareness. For example, in order to make the choice to heal themselves, one must be aware that they have a wound. But, while this might be the first step, it is by no means always easy. Awareness requires conscious effort. One must have the courage to be willing to forgo the immediate comforts of empty-headedness, regardless of how unpleasant the facts are. Another obstacle is the process called normalization wherein a particular belief or behavior, no matter how shocking, over time because of its incessant exposure, is taken for granted. Richard Dawkins uses the phrase, "the anaesthetic of familiarity." which is " an anaesthetic of familiarity, a sedative of ordinariness which dulls the senses and hides the wonder of existence.". I would tack on the words, 'and horror' after the word wonder. Not just for the sake of pessimism, but because it is true and necessary to see the horror if our goal is to free ourselves and the world. I was able to counter the anaesthetic today while watching an old VHS tape on youtube that I really enjoyed when I was a child. [/font] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jrRZ7aMZyfI As I watched this, I began to feel my heart open up. I began to feel the enthusiasm and excitement that was being expressed by these children. I admired and envied their wonderful capacity for self expression, for assertiveness, and for bluntness. I found myself thinking, 'if only adults were more like this, my god that would be fun!' I wanted to play with them. I wanted to act goofy and to sing with them. I was then overwhelmed with sadness and began to weep heavily after the realization that I couldn't go back and do these things. I then thought that what is even more sad is not the fact that I cannot go back, but the fact that I spent my childhood watching the fun rather than having the fun. Everyday that I had spent staring at a television was an opportunity to sing, and laugh, and play with my parents or my sister that will be forever missed. Another observation is that there were no monotone kids! Because I was never listened to as a child, I never got use to modulating the note of my voice, so I'm can sound quite monotone and not even hear it in myself. Stef, thankfully, gently pointed this out to me. "I would really like to hear your voice come alive", he said. Thanks again for your feedback, Stef. I would too. Also, what shocked me was the reactions the children and others had when the elephant character would keep making mistakes. I have become so accustomed to be shamed or humiliated after making an error, that I've developed strong perfectionist standards, which require that I "get it right the first time!". But here, there was no shaming. When the elephant makes a mistake nobody says in a sharp tone, "I told you to be careful, you should have listened!" Everyone reacted with curiosity, compassion, and eagerness to help. And when whatever problem was solved everyone cheered. And when the children explains to the elephant why what she did was a bad idea they bluntly say, "I understand your intention, but the way you fixed it was wrong." After knocking over a fence and telling the train what happened the train just says, "oh, and did you learn anything?" Anyways, the film was an incredible learning experience. I felt like my adult and child self were looking at one another simultaneously with the same amount of astonishment asking each other, "woah, you talk that negatively to yourself, how come?", "woah, you talk that compassionately to yourself, how come?"

rock, thank you for the compliment . I'm glad you enjoyed it. Joao, thank you as well, your feedback is very much appreciated.I absolutely agree with you that the film is gorgeous. Just some fun trivia, this is the 2nd most expensive film of all time! The animators truly did a wonderful job. And the facial expression are hilarious! I found it particularly delightful to pause the film at particular moments just to enjoy the expressions. I too cried during the scene in the boat and I'm not sure why. The moment where the king cried was pretty heartbreaking too and unexpected, so once again props to whoever decided to show a man express sorrow. I want to mention, just to be clear, I'm a novice at film analysis and I'm not even sure this would qualify as a strict review or analysis. This was more of, "hey, this is what popped into my head as I was watching this sequence of beautiful images and I wanted to share." I think that the first step towards healing is awareness and because it's so hard to see this stuff that it might be valuable to others.Also, I'm not quite sure what to say about the rest of the film. If you accept the premise which Stef and another reviewer on the boards uses to interpret fantasy that Magic is a metaphor for madness, then it could be said that the rest of the film is Rapunzel's borderline fantasy to compensate for the pain of being abused, that she never left, and that the bad Gothel/ good Queen is her splitting psychologically. Because as you pointed out, there are some things that make no sense, such as the fantasy of going broken to sane. But, I'm not really sure.On the topic of using tears to manipulate, I think that is very interesting and I wanted to add to it. In Martha Stouts book, "The Sociopath Next Door" she says that the number one way to tell if someone is a sociopath or untrustworthy, is not a facial expression or something subtle in the way they look at you, it is repeatedly doing egregious things followed by an appeal to sympathy. I had the misfortune of working with a person who would skip work or come to work and provoke his boss into bullying me by telling him I was doing a bad job, although he was going in 2 hours late. This was immediately followed by him going home and saying "my mother is in the hospital!"While Gothel doesn't cry she does appeal to sympathy by saying things, literally right after she's screamed at Rapunzel, "oh, look now I'm the bad person." Crying is just another way to execute this tactic. During the song "mommy knows best", there's a moment when Gothel puts the back of her hand on her forehead, gets into the damsel pose and says, "say no more, you'll just upset me"During the extended version of this sequence, there is a deleted scene where she says "go ahead and leave me, I deserve it. let me die alone, be my guest. when it's too late, you'll see. just wait! mother knows best. "[media] [media]And that makes sense about the different psychological requirements of men and women. I think it's worth exploring that concept more in the future.Which text were you referring to by the way? I would certainly consider adding it.Again, thank you for you're response!

oo lookey, Stef talks about this

The Sociopath Next Door is a book that I'd highly recommend by Martha Stout. Here's board post I made talking about some of the things I've learned which you might find interesting!https://board.freedomainradio.com/topic/39611-vengeance-and-out-sun-bathing-the-lizard-sociopathy-is-nothing-to-envy/

Rachel, you're welcome and I wish you the best as you work through your history and heal. And once again, thank you for your feedback and sympathies. They mean a lot. Shem, I can relate to so muhc of what you're saying. The pattern you describe where the abuser just doesn't stop, but might cease fire giving you some time to recover and think that they've decided to leave you alone and then, when your guard is down they strike again. I felt like a battered house wife who was in denial of her husbands abuse at a job I just recently quit. It was a local grocery store company that has 4 stores. After months or receiving subtle passive aggression from the store manager, eventually I became enraged and transferred stores. It was only two weeks later that they transferred the manager who I was trying to get away from to the store I was at! To my regret, I thought to myself, "oh, maybe he'll leave me alone since I complained about him." He left me alone for 2 months and then went back to his usual bullying. Shortly after, I cut my losses and left. And please let me know what you think about Tangled!

I really appreciate everyone's positive feedback, encouragement, and thanks. It really means a lot to me. Corpus, I usually feel fear, anxiety, frustration and quite often rage too. I often hesitate. I have noticed that coming from a place of concern has had the most positive effects and that, while the fear has never been completely absent, the more I do it the less scary it is. The additional resilience, self respect, and joy that I experience afterward usually leaves me thinking why did I ever hesitate?

Incredible! Thank you so much for sharing .

today, i wanted to share a brief child abuse intervention at the mall. A child was crying heavily behind me and i heard the parent say repeatedly "stop crying" in a sharp aggresive tone of voice. I then slowed down and let her catch up with me. With the child still crying, while she was walking next to me and i asked her gently, "is everything okay?" Immediately her tone changed and she said lightheartedly, "oh she's just fussin over not getting something" I then asked, "have you tried simply asking why she's upset?" In response, she gave me a similar narrative except this time stuttering. I've never had a parent not argue with me or attempt to put me in my place. So, when she seemed scared It surprised me. I then said the child although she wasn't look at me, still crying "hey it's okay to be upset" Then her mom got on her level , mimicked me, and said "hey it's okay", picked her up and hugged her and then she took her to the candy shop I then walked away and cried because i thought what had happened to the girl was really sad

haha you're welcome, I don't mind at all. Please let me know what you think of any other posts and to share then with other who might find them valuable.

I want to start off by saying that I am incredibly sorry about the abuse that was inflicted on you. You did not deserve that. A quote by Hitler or Goebells comes to mind, which is "If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it." In between the lines, in the subtext, there is a implicit criticism, a lie that is being told because it is not true, which is that you aren't smart enough or capable or have what it takes to do these simple tasks for yourself, but your mom does. Putting her in a position of superiority and you in a position of inferiority. To be shame bound is to by definition feel less than human and it makes perfect sense why this would create toxic shame within all who have been on the receiving end of this abuse. In these situations we are being treated as if we are less than human, as if we are inferior, and thus that is the message we are getting sent to the unconscious repeatedly. And it damages our self esteem as surely as if we would have explicitly been told then. Whether she tells you with words or sends you a letter, you're still getting told you are inferior. And what is so crazy making about this form of emotional abuse is that it is so hard to see. It's like a subliminal message that affects a film viewer without her being consciously aware of it. And to answer your question about how this information has helped raised my self efficacy, I'm not sure it has. What the information has done is to help provide clarity, so I can process things easier and do the work that will result in raised self efficacy. Imagine the outrage that would result from a company leaving an ingredient in their gummy vitamins that lowered children's self esteem, created problems with their abilities to socially interact with people and increased their likelihood of self mutilating? We would be appalled. The story would get a decent amount of media coverage too. What if it was then discovered that the vitamin company did this deliberately, so that they could sell you a cure for the ills they created? Then it would turn into a horror story. However, this is the reality we had the misfortune of knowing and we deserve the same outrage and empathy towards ourselves that we would have for those children in the hypothetical news story. Again, Shem, I'm incredibly sorry. You're absolutely right in pointing out that this goes with other forms of emotional abuse and can also be a form of parentification at the same time because when we are being infantilazed, it is for the abusers needs. We are being exploited. But, it's under the disguise of "help and concern". In reality they just need to be needed. Here are some other sources on emotional abuse that I've found helpful. Someone it I wrote or posted on the boards . https://board.freedomainradio.com/topic/39739-film-review-tangled/ https://board.freedomainradio.com/topic/39741-great-read-characteristics-of-narcissistic-mothers/ http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/contemplating-divorce/201107/when-parents-make-children-their-friend-or-spouse http://www.patheos.com/blogs/lovejoyfeminism/2012/04/emotional-incest-part-1-definitions.html http://eqi.org/invalid.htm Anyway, I hope that makes sense.

Hi, Rachel! Thank you for the compliment. I'm glad the post was valuable to you.Parts work is a tool for self knowledge that operates on the premise that the personality is not a single monolith, but rather is composed of many sub-personalities. It is this complex ecosystem of sub-personalities, each of which has its own thoughts, beliefs, desires and values, that people are really referring to they are talking about their 'personality.'It sounds a bit freaky, but it's not like multiple personality disorder of anything. Have you ever experienced two opposing desires like you're staying up late because you want to watch a film, but then there's a voice that comes in your head that says, "okay, it's time to go to bed, we've got work in the morning"That would be an example of two sub personalities. One part wants to stay up, while the other wants to get to sleep. In parts work, or Internal Family Systems Therapy, you would learn to approach these conflicting desires with compassion and curiosity by treating those parts of yourself as distinct personalities. So, if I feel shame and think I'm not good enough, I engage that thought as if they were a person right in front of me independent of my mind. And by empathizing and listening to that part of me, I am fundamentally re-parenting myself. I fully understand if you're skeptical. It's a pretty new Idea, but I think there is some great science behind it. I'll post a link to a really valuable resource where you can learn more in addition to my ramblings http://sfhelp.org/gwc/guide1.htm Stef talks about it too in this video. Please let me know what you think!

Behold this man's pipes. In terms of sheer power and range, I've never heard a more impressive combination of the two. Many male vocalists can hit high notes, but their voice tends to get thinner and squeely. Especially if you aren't naturally a tenor. But, what makes this so impressive to me is that, this man is naturally a baritone. This song showcases a effortless 3 octave range. And what adds to my amazement is his versitility. He's by no means a one trick pony. Here's him singing a bluesy almost gospel like style with a choir of his own recorded vocal parts. The part starts at 8:30 And to cap it all off, here's some whitney houston/ dolly parton. This man has amazed me since i was 15. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vgFAq9Q8l8U

While I do accept the similarities shared between the 70's music and the videos I posted, after giving a few of the songs a listen I think the differences put it into a different category. The best analogy I can come up with is that, yes rock has been around since the 70's and 90's rock has a lot in common with it. But the music was so different by that time that it earned a different category. While it's true that john lennon was talking about his mother and father and that makes the song about the family, parents and dysfunction, it doesn't leave the same kind of shocking, overt, striking and disturbing impact as this So, I guess I should have been more specific. It's not just the subject matter, it's the way the subject matter was expessed that changed. They cut out any mention of government and included images of a self mutilated arm. saying "we are dead" is more distant and metaphorical than the overt "i've become so numb" When you listen to john lennon you get the sense that something in his family was not right and that he has suffered. But not in the same way this does Interestingly, another rap metal band that came from the time even makes reference to the trend. in the song click click boom "What the hell is wrong with me? My mom and dad weren't perfect, but still you don't hear no cryin ass bitchin from me, like there seems to be on everybody's CD " In conclusion, by the time this theme got to the late ninties, because of its inclusion of more explicit language, striking imagry and louder sound, it had evolved into something entirely different.

I appreciate your feedback, Aaron. I have considered whether or not I'm mistaking a subsconscious attraction for an objective trend, which would mean I've gravitated towards these songs because I can relate to them and then ex post facto declaring "it's a theme." There are a few thoughts which come to mind. One of which is that I and many other kids were exposed to music via MTV, VH1, CMT, or BET in the form of music videos. These channels still had significant influence over what was considered mainstream. Mainstream and MTV were pretty much synonymous. Eventually, digital cable allowed for numorous sister channels like MTV2, FUSE, VH1, classic ect. The internet was there, but prior to youtube, the internet was just another place to find the songs you were already introduced to through the TV. And many of the songs mentioned I rarely heard on the radio Because these bands were on these channels, because they not only had songs about that subject matter, but were able to spend anywhere from 3000$ to 200k on music videos to show images of that subject matter, means that they were already in fact popular. I might have been attracted to them unconsciously, but the fact they they were on MTV and played incessantly before I discovered the songs, means that objectively, they were getting multiple views. I cant be attracted to something I don't have exposure too. Prior to my existence, there might be a song or two on Twisted Sister's, Motley Crue's, or Duran Duran most popular albums released in the 80's, about dysfunctional families. I would be interested to see a collection of music videos like that from the years 83-87. Now that I think about it, Motley crew had videos like "smoking in the boys room" and Twisted sister had 'We're not gonna take it. But, in my opinion, that's not quite like showing a girl getting beat by her father or a little girl crying into the camera. And, again, that's quite different from multiple bands within the time frame of 4 years all having songs and music videos which played incessantly that showed images of the above mentioned subject matter. That I think can at least be considered a trend in the music videos at that time. Or maybe it's not any more or less prevalent than any other decade, but part of me still thinks it was more concentrated songs around the late 90's/early 2000's. To add to your observation, in the year 1970 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q29YR5-t3gg , the year Mother came out, this was released.

I included videos that lean towards patriotism or anti-war, since they were both a reaction to the current events of that time, in my opinion. Notice how chronic future, incubus, and prodigy, the anti war films, are more subliminal and all use a surrealist paper cut out style(The the exception of BOOM and Where's the Love). Feel free to share more.Lot's of planes, bombs, dictators, ect.

The Offspring has many cool lyrics that my unconscious has been drawn to. For example, from the song have you ever he says When the truth walks away Everybody stays 'Cause the truth about the world is that crime does pay So if you walk away Who is gonna stay 'Cause I'd like to think the world is a better place When the truth walks away Everybody stays 'Cause the truth about the world is that crime does pay So if you walk away Who is gonna stay 'Cause I'd like to make the world be a better place When the truth walks away Everybody stays 'Cause the truth about the world is that crime does pay So if you walk away Who is gonna stay 'Cause I'd like to think the world is a better place I'd like to leave the world as a better place I'd like to think the world This resonated with me at a time when I tried to forget about all that I learned here. I just got out of a bad break up, was being abused at home, I didn't think I had the strength to be a philosopher. So, I took Stef's podcasts off my ipod and listened to the offspring while at the gym. These lyrics too resonated with me at that time. It is also a great song against the concept of collective guilt. From Were Not the Ones: Im not the one who made the world what it is today Im not the one who caused the problems started long ago But now I deal with all the consequence that troubles our times I carry on and never once have even questioned why Im innocent But the weight of the world is on my shoulders Im innocent But the battles started are far from over Were not the ones who leave the homeless in the streets at night Were not the ones whove kept minorities and women down Still we grow and then the problems they become our own We carry on without even realizing why Were innocent But the weight of the world is on our shoulders Were innocent But the battles left us are far from over Were not the ones whose pollution blackened our skies And ruined our streams Were not the ones who made the nuclear bombs That threaten our lives Were not the ones who let the children starve in faraway lands Were not the ones who made the streets unsafe to walk at night And even if we try and not become so overwhelmed And if we make some contribution to the plight we see Still our descendants will inherit our mistakes of today Theyll suffer just the same as we and never wonder why And this is about the cycle of abuse. From Way Down the Line Nothing changes cause it's all the same The world you get's the one you give away It all just happens again Way down the line There is a chain that's never broken You know the story it's sad but true An angry man gets drunk and beats his kids The same old way his drunken father did What comes around well it goes around Nothing changes cause it's all the same The world you get's the one you give away It all just happens again Way down the line At 17 Shannon is pregnant As young as her mom when she had her Her kid is never gonna have a dad The same old way that Shannon never had What comes around well it goes around Nothing changes cause it's all the same The world you get's the one you give away It all just happens again Way down the line And all the things you learn when you're a kid You'll fuck up just like your parents did It all just happens again Way down the line And welfare moms have kids on welfare And fat parents they have fat kids too You know it's never gonna end The same old cycle's gonna start again What comes around well it goes around That's interesting. I'm curious to know why do you think that the topic of broken homes and such became so marketable?

@robofox That's really interesting, man and I appreciate the time and insights you put in your post. That gives me a lot to think about!

pfft...prove it.