[What are you listening to right now?]

[What are you listening to right now?]

[is morality subjective?]

Because I accept that since I have a preference, that doesn't mean others must have the same preference? Most would call that humility (the healthy kind). I was giving you the benefit of the doubt since your presence here and the quality of your posts that led to me contacting you in the first place when I was new here gave me the impression that you were somebody that would sooner try to talk to somebody than to just mark them down for asserting themselves in a way you disagreed with. Again, that would be projection, meaning that if it's not an realistic expectation of you, that I would owe you an apology.

 

If you want to insult me then come out and say it directly; Stop hiding behind excessive words.

 

You are not the least bit humble.

[is morality subjective?]

I would agree if he were new or this were a rare occurrence but he has double my post count, which makes him a veteran here. Besides, if I said his behavior was 'unproductive' he'd have me define my terms; With pejoratives I'm off the hook for the verbal sparring.

[is morality subjective?]

No need to sugar coat it, yes. But is there a less confrontational way to express your experience? I think so...

 

I think these boards could use some more directness instead of this under-the-table kicking that often goes on under the guise of rational discourse. I could use more flowery language and project a sense of maturity or civility but that would give a false impression; In truth, his repetition and persistent lack of awareness is beginning to grate on me, and the long-winded denials and deftly-executed logical manuevering is exhausting to read. I would prefer overt aggression to the sublimated hostility in his posts...

[is morality subjective?]

I much prefer this; This discussing things. This attempt at working together. THIS is how people who enjoy philosophy and self-knowledge should be able to interact. My apologies if my projecting this expectation onto you also is irrational or unrealistic.

 

You are 'sorry' if resolving disputes through discussion and working together is not a rational/realistic standard for me as well as you? You just can't help yourself can you? This is exactly the snarky, dickish, passive-aggressive behavior that I downvote you for. (and no, none of those votes are from me this time)

 

Furthermore, I reject the premise that you regard passive-aggressive as an unfavorable standard. "stop the posturing (when I wasn't)," "stop being a dick (when I wasn't)," and "I'm used to [your] crap (when it's not)" may not be passive-aggressive--may not even be aggressive--but it is provocative language meant to incite. Not the behaviors of somebody who holds passive-aggressiveness as unfavorable and lives their values.

 

This verbal shield you call 'logic' is impenetrable. I'm not at all being sarcastic. You mentioned earlier that I made no effort to reconcile my concerns with you; If I had thought you to be at all amenable then I would have. (No, this did not change because you disagreed with Kevin. I do that all the time and I'm still on good terms with myself)

 

As a side note, I want you to know that several times I did consider writing you something out of concern; Each time though, I thought about how the conversation would play out and decided against it. Until you give up this victimhood mentality I don't see how we could have a productive discussion since every criticism levied would be perceived as an attack and vigorously defended against as you've done time and time again in this and other threads.

 

I also think what Robert wrote in that other thread is valid and you did not address it (see below).  Calling you a dick and your statements 'crap', not so much. 

 

His sarcastic statements are crap, and he was being a dick to Kevin. I'm not going to sugarcoat it. 

[is morality subjective?]

I didn't realize that holding somebody accountable for their own attempts at being understood was being a dick. I didn't realize that asking questions in order to understand was not taking the time to understand. I do realize that this lack of rationality is an attempt to erase another person in order to manage your own anxiety as the result of irrationally regarding somebody as if infallible. The good news is that my pointing this out gives you another opportunity to use downvoting as an ideological WEAPON against me

I'm used to reading the passive-aggressive, wide-eyed, "I didn't realize" crap from you dsayers, but you seriously think that I regard Kevin as infallible? Lol. Like the pope you mean? Is he the high priest of philosophy?

 

I'm basing what I said on how I approach trying to understand things that I'm legitimately interested in, which means looking up terms that I'm unfamiliar with before asking how they could possibly be relevant to a conversation. You are a smart guy and the definitions of those terms would easily make clear why Kevin brought them up, so I'm led to the conclusion that whatever the reason for your question, it has nothing to do with that...

 

You can stop with the self-pity, by the way. Downvotes are not always attempts to attack and silence you. Sometimes they are messengers carrying parcels of great value should you choose to stop and give them heed.

[How are piercings, tattoos, dyed hair, and heavy make up a sign of trauma?]

Here's an interesting video on tattoos and tattoo removal as a change of pace.

 

[Forever alone]

It's hard, but condemning yourself to loneliness is not much of an alternative.

[Feeling Overwhelmed]

I'm glad you found my post helpful. The other replies were great and touched on equally important things. I want to add a small bit of encouragement. Even the self-awareness that you are displaying here by talking about these problems and reaching out to other people is far further than many are willing to go. Most people would choose to lie to themselves and be condemned to their fate over facing any portion of the pain within them. I invite you to look at the effort you've made so far to learn about yourself as laying the foundation required to eventually outgrow your history, bit by bit. As long as you keep trying there is the chance to succeed.

[Debt: dun-dun-dunnnnnn! - But I refuse to pay?]

I'm curious about the severity of the debt in question. If it were bad enough then I too might want to convince myself that I shouldn't have to pay it. I know it's fun to hate bankers but technically they didn't create the money either, they just get it at really low interest rates from the fed and are allowed to leverage by law. So if you are going to blame them and say you don't have to pay them back because the monetary system is messed up, then I don't see how the same doesn't apply to personal loans too. It's all the same inflated worthless currency.

 

Depending on interest rates you may actually be getting the better deal, since the money they loan you is going to be worth more than what you pay them back with... 

[Feeling Overwhelmed]

I guess the mods didn't approve of my response...?

 

Yeah I tripped it too, looking forward to my super late response lol. (or lack of)

[Feeling Overwhelmed]

Procrastination happens often when you evaluate your worth as an individual by the quality of the work you perform. When that happens, then any task which can be criticized negatively reflects on your whole character; Every failure becomes an unbearable existential threat rather than a small setback that you overcome by changing your approach. In this environment, it's perfectly natural to not want to do anything, because everything you can do is seen as a gamble on your value as a human being. Why would you want to risk that?

 

At the moment I'd describe my emotional state as "neutral."... Over the weekend I've felt very little. I can't really explain it. Consequently I don't know if the feelings were telling me to take a principled action or anything like that. I remember having frequent extreme negative emotions and crying a lot, but currently I feel very little. I'm not really connected with how I felt a couple days ago and even though I felt awful I wish I felt it again because I want to feel something. And I want to remember how it felt. At the moment it does feel dull. Maybe I am just "neutral" and that's a good thing? I've no idea, really.

 

That's not "neutral", that's numbness, dissociation.

 

Recently I've picked up that habit again and began cutting myself. I don't entirely know why. 

 

Yes you do. In fact you said it in your post: I don't really feel anything and to be honest I don't really like it. I want to feel something.

 

I do remember though, at one point when I was feeling helpless, I considered trying to just suppress my emotions completely so it would go away.

 

That's what you are doing, right now. This is the 'neutrality' that you are describing.

 

 Actually typing that out sounds to me really stupid and ridiculous and I'm slightly embarrassed to admit that.

 

You want your pain to be recognized and acknowledged. There is nothing stupid or ridiculous about that. The only problem I see is that by approaching it this way you are not addressing the underlying reasons and so the formalization, the cutting, and any other outward symptoms will never go away.

 

About the despair/depression and slipping... I think many of us have that from time to time. That's why we need good friends to listen and help, and encourage us. I know that I would be in a bad place if I didn't have people to talk to when I needed it. We just can't do this stuff alone, not in the society that we live in.

[question about TDP (computer components)]

I know this is late but just to clarify a bit:

 

At idle, they will be identical as far as noise and power consumption. At load (gaming), the noise levels of the two cards are within 2db of each other, which is pretty insignificant. The major difference between them is the power consumption at load, where the GTX 750 ti averages 178 watts¹ and the GTX 970 averages 313 watts², a difference of 57%. So unless you desire the increased performance to run new games at high settings, basically required only if you are running multiple monitors or high resolutions or just like to max out quality settings, you are better off with the lower power bill. Given that everyone who owns a computer spends most of their time idle anyway, it's not hugely important though. What makes the 750 ti awesome is how small it is, enabling you to create a great small form factor build that isn't useless for gaming or has heat problems.

 

Sources: [1] http://techreport.com/review/27203/geforce-gtx-970-cards-from-msi-and-asus-reviewed/5

[2] http://techreport.com/review/26050/nvidia-geforce-gtx-750-ti-maxwell-graphics-processor/10

 

Also, TDP is the thermal envelope for regular operation of a component, not max power. It stands for Thermal Design Power. So a higher TDP always correlates to higher heat under load since that is what is being measured. (That's how they determine what cooling is adequate)

[I don't want to see my therapist any more - or do I?]

As the title paraphrases, I am in a very taxing internal feud of on the one hand thinking

1 - My therapist is right and safe. It is just my emotional defences that keep telling me otherwise. Maybe he is blunt but this doesn't make him incorrect. In his professional opinion, I need therapy and quitting at this point would be a bad choice.

 

He's probably right about that, but it doesn't mean you should be in therapy with him.

 

He says I need therapy and that I may remain in some unhappy state of deadness for years to come if I don't continue. I highly doubt this though.

 

You are paraphrasing right? He didn't actually say that if you stopped therapy with him you would remain unhappy and emotionally dead for years... because that is manipulative and horrible, even if he believes it to be true. Sorry but the excuse of 'bluntness' doesn't work here, and to be honest that strikes me as rather neurotic behavior on his part. (and possibly unscrupulous as you mention) Exercising some sensitivity, especially when it comes to emotional/mental matters, is paramount in therapy. I mean damn... even doctors delivering news about cancer are cautious, and they don't need to worry about things like provoking emotional instability and suicidality. 

 

There was a particular friction at the start which always made me want to quit, which was that - and this made me embarrassed and does now - when I asked him how he was on entering his clinic for the first few weeks, which was sort of a reflex of mine, he wouldn't answer. And it made me feel very uncomfortable. But it also made me feel embarrassed, and angry at him. Maybe this was a bad first impression that could have led to my mistrust? I don't know.

 

I don't understand this part. What do you mean by 'how he was on entering his clinic for the first few weeks'?

 

He just doesn't feel right in some ways and hasn't from the start. I'm sure he could be worse but he just doesn't feel right for me...

 

Trust your judgment. I know you are suspicious of yourself, but your feelings are there to help you. If you have been with him for a year and still think that you have emotional defenses that prevent you from going further, then either way you are done. It could certainly be that you are avoiding something necessary, but if you don't trust your therapist enough to be vulnerable (*after a year) then you aren't going to accomplish anything by seeing him anyway. You may have some idea of 'breaking through' resistances or whatever; That is nonsense. If you apply more force to try to make yourself do something that you are uncomfortable with, then those resistances will harden and you will trust yourself less. The opposite approach is the only one that has any chance of succeeding, and both trust and vulnerability are vital components of it.

[How are piercings, tattoos, dyed hair, and heavy make up a sign of trauma?]

If you change your behavior towards someone for exhibiting symptoms of child abuse, and you desire to be consistent in your approach, then you should consistently apply that behavior to everyone on this website as well as a massive variety of other people from sky divers to cigarette smokers to people who debate others online.  They're all exhibiting symptoms of childhood trauma and are going to be statistically at higher risk for a wide variety of problems. 

 

Yes, everyone is traumatized, and yet people who visit websites in order to learn about themselves and how to overcome their unpleasant origins somehow score higher for me than those who ink themselves instead, and who may not even be aware of any trauma to begin with. Those categories aren't mutually exclusive, but certainly some ways of dealing with the after-effects are better than others.

[How are piercings, tattoos, dyed hair, and heavy make up a sign of trauma?]

Also, you don't know anyone with a tattoo who is successful?  I can't help but speculate on how small your world is, frankly.  I mean right now, as I'm typing this I am listening to Joe Rogan, and he is successful and with tattoos.  In my world, some of the most successful people in my life have tattoos

 

Do you have tattoos?

[I support the use of violence]

At least as far as reason and logic is concerned, the suggestion that human on human violence is immoral is absolutely arbitrary. There's nothing factual that supports that it is wrong to initiate violence against another person. 

 

You must be fairly new. I'd implore you to visit http://fdrurl.com/books and check out Universally Preferable Behavior, which is a free book written to address this very issue.

[How are piercings, tattoos, dyed hair, and heavy make up a sign of trauma?]

This is speculative, but here is my honest consideration here: many of us who experience childhood trauma suffer from issues like social anxiety, while others have turned their trauma isn't something cool.  In so far as the childhood trauma of one person might result in feeling excluded and ostracized, for others their behavior gives them more social cache. It reminds me of having a cooler brother or sister, and that feeling that you want to expose them, to turn the tables.  "Ahh I know the REAL them, the deep down insecure abused them and I want to expose them for it."  Thats how it feels to me.  

 

Your theory is that people against tattoos are jealous of how cool and popular people with tattoos are?

 

Here is my question to you guys:  what does someone with tattoos make you feel about yourself?  

 

Extremely lucky, like I dodged a bullet. I think many people in this thread are missing the point. It's not the tattoos themselves that are so horrible, it is what they generally indicate. Most of the people I knew with a lot of tattoos were and hung out with certain types of people: the kind who were underachievers, really into drugs, had very low self-esteem, were promiscuous, impulsive, and had lots of emotional problems. How many very successful people have you seen with sleeve tattoos? I'm sure there is an exception out there but I don't know of any...

[What would you do or say, if anything?]

I didn't intend to paint a traffic stop as a false dichotomy. You risk exposing yourself to consequences if you comply with the police. By saying nothing, you shut the options down to two. If you look squeaky clean, which you probably are, they have to let you go. Otherwise, they have to arrest you and process you with nothing to go on. This will be a nightmare of paperwork for them and you will walk. This is why I said to do nothing unless they draw down on you and command you to exit the vehicle and lay on the ground.

 

In that case what you are saying seems quite reasonable and not different from what I would do. By compliance I meant what is required by law and with a pleasant attitude. (that part isn't required but I like to humor people sometimes ) I'm not going to make their jobs easier at my expense lol. Thanks for explaining it so well.

[When Emotional Abuse is Concealed as Praise]

And another part of me (the persecutor) keeps saying, "but there is no such thing as an emotional rape without compliance."

 

This is interesting. What do you mean by it? I mean I want to say that I know where this comes from, because it reminds me of the guilt that many (including myself) feel about what happened in our families, that we are in some way responsible, but this is self-attack from internalized parents and is not true. (It also brings to mind the victims of physical rape who feel like it's their fault somehow, who are often victims in childhood too) This defense is what we set up because the truth of the nature of our family environment is too horrific to bear, and so the neurotic split in our minds is necessary to continue functioning. (e.g. It's my fault for being a bad kid) Let me know if I'm off, but if not I have a part like this too.

 

And then another part (the victim) says, "there are highly intelligent Sociopaths out there who are master manipulators, therefor i do believe emotional rape can take place without compliance."

 

I agree but I don't like the implication that these intelligent sociopaths are simply masters at the craft and that's why you are affected. I mean yeah they are good at recognizing old wounds, but you are only affected to that degree because those wounds exist; If they didn't, then their attempts to hurt you would only result in bewilderment and a desire to leave the situation. It's really sad, because I used to think as many people/parents do, that understanding this 'language' of overloaded meaning and hidden signals meant that I was better prepared for a messed up world. Now I realize that what I thought of as a tool would be completely unnecessary if I wasn't made susceptible to this crap to begin with...

 

Not to criticize, but if that part of yourself is saying that they are master manipulators in order to avoid blame (e.g. I can't help but be susceptible), then she is correct but for the wrong reasons. I'm guessing that the reason the victim focuses on external persons is that she feels that being hurt in the past isn't a good enough reason, indicating to me that she isn't getting enough sympathy. (and likely is afraid of the persecutor part being hyper-critical and saying 'suck it up' or whatever)

 

Sidenote: I've tried experimenting with taking what people say very literally instead of 'knowing' their implicit meaning, and responding in a very naive and curious way. I would recommend giving this technique a shot; It will completely change how you view things. You will want to laugh sometimes at how frustrated this makes other people who are trying to hurt you; It seems like they immediately try every other tool in the toolbox to get SOMETHING to work against you. (Usually it gets to me being called stupid/retarded and then they stop)

 

Apologies if I'm reading too much into your post, but it really struck me for some reason.

[What would you do or say, if anything?]

You can do what the LEO wants you to do and suffer the consequences. 

 

It's not either-or. I wouldn't consent to a search of my property, that's just too invasive. I think we probably would agree more than it seems here, it's just more context-specific than it seems at first glance. (If pulled over by a cop I'm sure you wouldn't wait for him to pull out his gun before you rolled down your windows, for example )

[What would you do or say, if anything?]

Your guilt or non-guilt is of no importance here, so it's irrelevant what the cop thinks you are hiding. 

 

Sure, but it is relevant that he thinks you are hiding something. That's what I meant by provocation. If you blend into the crowd wouldn't he be more likely to wave you on like the majority of people that he meets? 

 

You are much more likely to get shafted if you do the cop's bidding than sticking up for your rights.

 

Don't do anything you are asked unless ordered to at gun point. 

 

What?!?! Sorry for the incredulity but that sounds like a recipe for certain disaster to me. 

[Sorry]

One lazy call-in show (though to be clear, that doesn't describe the show in question-- just a hypothetical) isn't enough to swing the balance of his massively beneficial contributions to the world.

 

I think this is very insightful. I've noticed that my own projections are recognizable by the fact that they are disproportionate in some way to the reality of the situation. So as an example, if I am criticized by a manager at work (authority figure, has some power) and I feel helplessly frustrated and resentful even though the remark was minor, I know that while the remark may have been unkind to me it must be piggy-backing on my history in order to have that level of impact on my emotional state.

 

There were no responses that specifically cause me frustration; it was more of a lack of responses that I anticipated.  I had expectations about the direction each conversation would take, and when they went a different direction, I was frustrated.  I realized how backwards it was for me to hold the value of the conversation against my expectations.

 

Why were you frustrated? If I can hazard a guess, would it be because you thought that Stefan had not delivered enough wisdom for those people to enact meaningful change in their lives?

 

I'm embarrassed to admit, I think I was projecting a lot of insecurity.  I wish I had more insight, but the realization is still pretty abstract to me.  I have been feeling insecure in my personal and professional life lately.  I don't know what in the conversation triggered it in me, but it was poignant.  Nobody mentioned anything to me, I just woke up in the middle of the night, and found myself thinking about what I had said.

 

I think it's great that you noticed it on your own. I was not sure what to make of your comments in the chat, but I wish I had said something about it. Do you feel that you are not doing enough in your own life? Or that maybe your actions are not as impactful as you'd like? 

[When Emotional Abuse is Concealed as Praise]

You can argue anything, but this thread isn't a battleground so maybe we can save that one for another time.

 

Some people will be more susceptible to this tactic than others. The less secure a person is as result of being emotionally neglected early in life, the better these compliments are going to feel to them and so the more at risk these people will be at being taken advantage of. 

 

This is a great point but it also struck me that there must be more than a strong desire for visibility for this to happen. A person must also be incapable of determining the authenticity of a compliment, otherwise they would not confuse manipulation for visibility in this way. (phony praise is recognizable by a kind of disparity between either the act and reality or the relationship between you and the other person in my opinion)

 

Also, the praise itself is often highly exaggerated. When this ludicrous adulation is repeatedly given in front of others, it creates painful embarrassment. This pain not only gives the sadist his pleasure, but it gives him something to soothe and thus, a justification for his relationship. Much like how a government will break your legs, sell you a wheelchair and assures you that without government you wouldn’t be getting around so well. 

 

The attack is incredibly calculated, and so I'd like to highlight another facet of it. If you try and point out what seems blatantly aggressive to you, the attacker feigns ignorance and uses the literal meaning of his words as a cloak. Only a true coward relies on a device so predictably banal as this to deliver his blows.